Part II: Scream

"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone when you're uncool." - Almost Famous 

November 7, 2005, 8:35 am

“Just tell Michael that I’m sick.”

“Pam.”

“Tell him I have the flu. No. Tell him I lost my leg. No. I got it. Tell him I moved to Switzerland. I’m never coming back to work again.”

“Pam.”

“Please.”

“You've already used all your sick days. What’s wrong with you anyway?”

“It’s Monday.”

“Yeah, and you don’t normally act like this. You’ve been weird all weekend. Did something happen at work?”

Pam looked up at Roy as he leaned against the doorframe, “No.” She avoided his eyes.

“Good. Then let’s go.” He began to walk down the hallway. “I’ll be in the car. You have five minutes.”

She sighed and looked down at her half dressed state, her shirt unbuttoned, her hair still in disarray around her face. Reluctantly, she got her feet and started moving around the room to finish getting ready, trying to tell herself that it was just another case of the Monday blues.

It seemed to go deeper than that this morning though. Something was pulling on her. A heaviness. The thought of going to work made her want to scream.

The fact that she had left things so uncomfortable with Jim just made it worse. But that wasn’t even the half of it. She should have known that Michael was going to leave his work until the last minute. Should of know that he would find any excuse not to do work. But as she walked out of there at seven o’clock on Friday night she had had the distinct urge to smash in the windows of his car.

And he didn’t deserve that. Well, not totally.

Pam sat on the edge of her bed to tie her tennis shoes. The sound of Roy honking reverberated in her ears but she couldn’t seem to find the energy to hurry up. He could wait.

One last look in the mirror. She scowled at herself, pulling at a piece of her hair. For the millionth time she contemplated doing something different. Maybe straightening it.

But what was the point? She sighed heavily and grabbed her purse.

Roy listened to the sports highlights on the way to work so Pam leaned her head on the window and stared at the passing scenery.

It never changed either.

“Have a good day babe.” Roy kissed her quickly on the forehead and headed toward the warehouse. She stared up at the building and let her shoulders sag as she walked through the door, rode the elevator up and stopped at the second floor. The doors opened and she attempted to plaster a fake smile on her face.

Michael wasn’t there yet so she headed toward the kitchen. She needed something with caffeine.

Jim was there already pouring himself a cup of coffee when she walked in. He looked up and gave her a half smile, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

She edged around him and reached up into the cabinet to grab a tea bag. Watched him out of the corner of her eye. He took a tentative sip and turned to her.

“You have a good weekend?”

“Yup.”

He nodded, “Great.”

Pam watched as he moved to leave the room and then looked behind her to make sure the cameras weren’t there.

“Jim, wait.”

He looked up her expectantly.

“Are we?” She pursed her lips, unable to get the rest of the words out. Looked up at him with an apologetic face.

He grinned and shrugged, “Yeah. Whatever.”

They smiled at each other.

“Jim. Pam. JimPam. Jam. Heh.”

They looked up at Michael with identically stoic faces as he walked in through the door, “What?”

“Jam. Bennifer. Get it?” He looked at them, expecting some kind of laugh.

Jim nodded and looked at Pam, “Jam, huh? That’s, hilarious Michael.” He looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

“Ha! I know. Came up with that one all on my own.” He coughed, “Pam, I need you to call that guy over at the Lackawanna County Offices.”

“His secretary already called on Friday to confirm your meeting for Thursday at the Radisson.”

“Well, I need you to change it. We’re going to meet at Chili’s instead.”

“Chili’s?”

“It’s the new country club. A place of serious business. This is an important client. We get this we may not have to downsize. You guys could work here forever.”

“That’s. Great.” Pam turned to look at the status of the water she was heating so Michael couldn’t see the look of horror that crossed her face.

“Why don’t you meet at Hooters?” Jim gave a quick look to the camera that had followed Michael in.

“That would be…” Michael looked at the camera, “Ridiculous Jim. Can’t believe you would suggest such a thing. His eyes darted from Pam to the camera and then he turned and headed back to his office.

Pam shook her head and turned back to make her tea. “This branch is going to be shut down isn’t it?”

“Oh yeah. God. But then where would I work?”

She laughed. Jim gave her a shrug and walked back out to his desk. She bit her lip and leaned against the counter relieved that they could just go back to normal. Looking up she realized that the camera was focused on her face. Smiling softly she turned and headed into the bathroom where they couldn’t follow her.

So she wasn’t really sure why she got so upset in the first place. She and Jim had been flirting all day, doing palm readings and heckling Dwight. But at the dojo something had a gone a step over that fine little line that they tried never to cross. And it wasn’t entirely his fault.

In fact, that was pretty much the reason she had gotten so upset. She was mad at herself. Mad that she had let it go that far, mad that Meredith had seen and that the cameras had been on them.

As usual though she and Jim managed to bounce back from that awkward moment, falling back into their pattern of shared misery and laughter. It was something to be thankful for even though she still felt that heaviness. She headed back to her desk feeling like she had no idea how she was going to get through the day.

At ten o’clock Jim walked over to her desk, grabbed a jelly bean and leaned over the counter.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She looked back down at the spreadsheet in front of her and highlighted something. Avoided his eyes.

“Come on.”

“What? Nothing. Why would you think something’s wrong?”

“You’ve been weird all day. I can just tell.”

Pam looked back up at him and sighed, “I just really don’t want to be here right now. If Michael comes out here and says one more word to me there is a chance that I gonna beat him to death with my phone.”

Jim stared at her for a moment and then leaned down to grab a post-it off her desk. He scribbled something on it and dropped it in front of her then headed out the main door with his hands in his pockets. She stared after him in confusion and looked down at the note. In his neat block writing it said, “Meet me on the roof in five.”

Pam smiled and bit her lip. Five minutes later she grabbed her keys and walked out the door under the pretense of having to go to her car.

When she got to the roof Jim was sitting in a lounge chair, his feet propped up on the ledge. He was hugging his sides for warmth.

“You should have brought your coat with you.”

“It’s not that cold.”

“You’re gonna get sick again. You’re just getting over that cold.”

“I’m fine.”

Pam perched herself on the ledge by his feet and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her jacket.

They sat in silence for a moment until Jim cleared his throat, “Some times I just come up here to breathe.”

She nodded, “Yeah, it’s kinda suffocating in there sometimes.”

He watched her, “I get it Pam.”

“Yeah. I know you do.” She shook her head and looked off into the horizon, “I think that’s why you’re the only person I would want to be up here with right now.”

She said the words so naturally and so innocently. Jim found himself clenching his jaw and forcing down the words that begged to be said. Instead he just watched her in silence as the breeze rustled the hair around her face.

“I just always figured that things would get better some day, you know? Like there was some point to all this.”

He laughed dryly, “At least you’re engaged. You’ve got some kind of plan.”

“The World’s Longest Engagement doesn’t exactly constitute a plan.”

“Eventually though…”

She looked up and caught his gaze, swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

“Pam. If you’re that unhappy with your life…”

“No. I’m happy. I am. I am.”

“You have options.”

“So do you.”

He looked toward the sky, the words rolling around in his head, “Sure.” There was something like defeat in the word and the complete desperation of the moment suddenly struck Pam as being incredibly funny. Jim moved his head to her see laughing behind her hand, her shoulders shaking.

“My patheticness amuses you huh?”

She shook her head, her face growing red as she gasped to get the words out, “This… is… just… so sad.” She dissolved into giggles and Jim watched her with an amused smile.

“You been sucking down second drinks again Beesley?”

“No. We’re sitting up on a roof in the middle of a work day talking about how pathetic we’ve made our lives. If that’s not funny I don’t know what is.”

Jim just continued to shake his head, listening to the way her laughter rolled through the air. It was nice to see her laugh like this. To see her whole face just… alive.

“You’re incredible Pam Beesley.” He froze and looked up, blushing at the fact that the words had slipped out. Afraid of ruining the moment. But she just smiled widely at him and continued to laugh. He rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes never leaving her face.

She finally stopped and took a deep breath. Enjoying the comfortable silence for a moment.

“That felt good.”

He smiled, “I guess sometimes you just have to laugh.”

“Yeah.”

Jim leaned forward in his chair, “Pam, you know that… You know that you’ve got a choice right?”

She looked at him and shrugged.

“Your whole life isn’t written out for you. Not yet.”

“I thought you said that the fact that I had a plan made you jealous.”

“Yeah, it makes me jealous. But it doesn’t mean it’s right.”

Pam thought about it for a moment, “It does get better though. It has to right?”

“I don’t know. I mean, life is never going to be perfect but…” He looked at her and cocked his head, “I don’t know.”

She shivered and looked down at him, “You’ve got to be freezing.”

“I’m fine.”

“I should get back to work anyway.”

Jim stood with her, “Yeah.”

She smiled and then in an impulse threw her arms around him, pulling him in for a quick hug. It was brief and she pulled away quickly, smiling up at him, her nose red from the cold and her eyes bright from laughing, “Thanks Jim.”

He nodded and watched as she climbed down the stairs, “You too Beesley.”