March 1, 2006, 12:37 pm

Sometimes Jim didn’t even really like ham and cheese sandwiches. And who could blame him? Eating the same thing five days a week for nearly six years can wear on a person.

Consistency can be exhausting.

He wasn’t really sure when it began. One day it just hit him that he had been eating the same thing at lunch every weekday as long as he had been working at Dunder- Mifflin. A ham and cheese sandwich, carrots or Doritos and whatever drink he bought out of the vending machine.

There is comfort in consistency.

Every once in awhile he would try something different. He brought a tuna sandwich a few times but Dwight had some kind of weird aversion to the smell and kept throwing it away. So Jim went back to ham and cheese.

Sometimes it’s just easier to avoid change.

There were days though when he hated ham and cheese. Just looking at the thing made him sick. Today was one of those days. He pulled his brown paper bag out of the fridge and grimaced.

Maybe he would just have some chips.

As he walked into the break room he saw that Pam was sitting alone eating her lunch. She had her head bent over the table as she sketched something. He was glad to see it. It had been awhile since he had seen her draw anything. Wedding plans had pretty much taken up all of her time lately.

Jim stood in the doorway and watched her. Noticing the way she still bit her lip when she was trying to concentrate and paused only to sweep that piece of hair back behind her ear.

“Lurking much?” She didn’t look up but he could see her smile. He walked into the room.

“I didn’t know if you wanted to be alone.”

Pam looked up then and shrugged, “Yeah I did.” She kicked out the chair opposite her, “Sit down.”

He grinned and took the seat, emptying his lunch out onto the table.

“Glad to see you’re trying something different.” She eyed his lunch and smirked.

“You too.” Jim nodded toward her mixed berries yogurt.

She swallowed and pointed her spoon at him, “You and I are creatures of habit.”

“Yes we are.” He shook his head and took a bite of the sandwich. It really didn’t taste all that bad after all.

“So what’s up with Dwight? He’s being especially obnoxious today.”

Jim shook his head and rolled his eyes, “You give the guy one award and suddenly he’s the Schwarzenegger of paper.”

“Schwarzenegger?”

“Yeah. It was the first name that came to my mind. Didn’t really work out for me did it?”

“Not really.”

“Wow. The characters on my TV can always come up with such witty stuff on command. Why can’t I?”

“Television isn’t always real Jim.”

His mouth fell open in mock shock, “How can you say something like that? Don’t trash my beliefs.”

Pam giggled, “Well you know, Dwight just might be a robot sent here to destroy human kind.”

“Maybe. Just as long as he doesn’t run for governor. Because that… well, that would be unthinkable.”

“Can you imagine him in government office?”

“Oh Pam no. I would definitely have to leave the state. And possibly even the country.”

“Well, then you would finally have that excuse to travel that you’ve been looking for.”

“True.” He looked up at her and licked his lips, “Actually, I am thinking about taking a vacation.”

She looked up from her sketch, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I need to get out of here. See the world beyond the trip from my house to work.”

“So where are you going to go?”

“Don’t really know. Anywhere that’s not here.”

“God. I would love to go somewhere. Even if it was just to California or something. I’ve never even seen the Pacific.”

Jim looked up at the ceiling, “You’ve got a honeymoon coming up though right? Where are you going?”

“Oh.” Pam looked down and scraped the bottom of the yogurt container, “Roy and I decided to save up our money a little bit more. We’re thinking maybe next year.”

“That’s cool.”

She nodded and he could see that she was trying to figure out whether or not to say something the way her eyebrows were creased in worry.

“Um, speaking of. I just wanted you to know that you’re um… You’re invited to the wedding.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sending out save the date cards and everything but I just wanted to… you know… invite you in person.”

Jim nodded, “Thanks.”

“Sure.”

“June 10th right?”

“Yup.”

“Cool.”

Pam checked her watched and groaned, “Why it is that the hour I get for lunch is the fastest hour of the day?”

“God’s joke on us all I guess.”

She rolled her eyes and gathered her stuff, “See you back out there.”

Jim waved her off and took another bite of his sandwich. Threw it down on the table. No. Definitely not a ham and cheese day.

He ran his hand through his hair and leaned back in the chair. Not that he was really hungry anyway.

Lately he hadn’t really had much of an appetite for anything except moping around and feeling sorry for himself. Which, he hated. He hated to be that person who sat and cried about everything they had lost. He was sick of being the one sending looks in her direction. Sick and tired of caring so much.

After the disaster in the warehouse during the Women in the Workplace seminar he realized that Pam had pretty much made up her mind. Not that she hadn’t before. Any idea that she was conflicted was pretty much all in his head anyway.

So now it was time for him to make a decision too. He could either be that guy he hated or he could attempt to move on. Make the best of an excruciating situation and just be happy that his friend was finally getting everything she thought she wanted.

And God knew he was trying. On Valentines Day he had seen that Pam was upset. All he wanted to do was swoop in and be the good guy. Give her the card he kept tucked in his pocket the entire day and eventually threw away in the parking lot trash can. Instead, he immersed himself in the debacle that was Kelly and Ryan.

It was all he could do to at least convince himself that he was moving on.

But the simple truth remained that he couldn’t move on. He couldn’t shake her and it was slowly wrecking him.

He needed to get out.

Throwing away his half eaten sandwich he made his way back to the kitchen and watched the office through the slats in the window. Roy was standing at reception talking with Pam. Something he said made her laugh.

It was at that moment that he knew. With a kicking, sinking feeling in his gut, he knew. On June 10th Pam was going to marry Roy. She was going to walk down the aisle. And Roy would be waiting for her at the end.

There would be no theatrics. No last minute indecision. He wouldn’t open his door to find Pam standing there in her wedding dress saying she couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t show up at the wedding and stand in the rafters screaming her name.

This was reality.

It was time to move on.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and quickly dialed a number.

It rang twice. And then… “Hello?”

“Sarah? Hey, it’s Jim, Mark’s roommate. Yeah. Sorry to call you in the middle of the day.” He laughed, took one last look over at Pam’s desk and turned in the other direction.