INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION

It is first thing in the morning. Jim walks in through the main door and over to reception.

PAM
There you are.

JIM
Hey.

PAM
(lower)
You know… you really need to keep more
clothes at my place.

JIM
(quietly as well)
So you can tear those off of me, too?
I need SOME undamaged garments.

Both laugh and then notice how close the camera is.

JIM
(shaking head)
So nosy.

Pam laughs and Jim heads over to his desk. The camera follows.

INT. THE OFFICE-JIM’S DESK

Jim puts his bag down and takes off his coat all the while looking at a package on his desk.

JIM
what’s this?

PAM
Oh, that was sitting in front of the door
this morning.

Jim looks over at Pam who shrugs with a “Not me” look. He takes a look at the label.

JIM
To Jim Halpert, but no return address.

DWIGHT
Maybe you should open that in the parking
lot, then. And not near my car.

JIM
Nope, gonna open it right on your desk,
Dwight.
 
He moves the box over to Dwight’s area and tears at the packaging.

DWIGHT
Hey, HEY!
 (jumps up)
See, the Unabomber relied on just this
sort of ignorance!
 (Takes his waste basket and dumps
what little contents there are inside
on the floor.)
Fill this with water and submerge the
package for 15 minutes. Then, use a plas-
tic knife and fork to peel away the card-
board and ascertain the boxes exact contents,
MICHAEL! Jim is going to blow us all up!!

MICHAEL(offscreen)
Can’t hear you from underneath my desk!

By now Jim has the box open. He reaches in with a puzzled expression and pulls out a basketball.

JIM
Ok…

He pulls out a note inside.

JIM
Wait. This is from David Wallace.

PAM
Ooooh. Nice.

That gets everyone’s attention. Michael comes out to look.

JIM
(reading)
Hello, Jim. Surprise! Hope you like the new
ball. I rather enjoyed partaking in the game
of one-on-one with you in my backyard when
you came up last February. Remember?

Jim shoots a look at Pam, who frowns back.

JIM(continued, reading)
I was hoping you would drive up this Saturday
and join me and my influential friends, Dr.
Simon Van Gelder and the famous scientist,
Gaius Baltar, as they are basketball fans.

As Jim reads, Dwight’s lips are moving along with him.

JIM(continued, reading)
Perhaps we can shoot the hoops and you can
elevate your social station. Fun! See you at
ten a.m. on the nose! Signed, David Wallace.

Again Jim looks at Pam who shakes her head and covers her face. Dwight looks at the note and then Jim.

DWIGHT
(monotone)
Wow. You are really lucky, Jim.
Is that… all there is?

JIM
(staring at Dwight)
No.
(reads)
P.S. Please do not call to thank me or
to confirm, just arrive promptly and in
the appropriate sports clothing. Thanks!
(shakes his head)
Wow. That’s… that’s something else.

MICHAEL
(annoyed)
Jeez, I play basketball too, you know.

As Michael dejectedly heads back to his office we see Dwight get a small sly smile on his face.

DWIGHT(VOICEOVER)
Normally, I abhor pranks.

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

DWIGHT
They are done by the Jim Halperts of
the world: Childish. Bored. Ungrateful
of higher management positions. But I
have made an exception today. Today, I
have decided to exact my revenge after
years of company condoned abuse! Today,
the victim shall become… the(beat) non-
victim. (beat) No, no, the victim shall
become the victor! (beat) Can you edit
out the non-victim line, the last part
was much better.
 (Nods)

JIM AND PAM TALKING HEAD

Pam is shaking her head at the camera while Jim looks at the note.

PAM
Oh my God, this is SO sad! He’s trying
to prank YOU now! Oh, Jim, this Angela
thing is killing him.

JIM
Yeah. I mean, his fingerprints are all OVER
this gag. Doctor Simon Van Gelder and Gaius
Baltar? Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica.

Pam stares at the camera and then at Jim.

PAM
Wow, do you hear… that ticking?

JIM
(listening)
No. Ticking?

PAM
(smiling)
Yeah, I think my dork-meter just got
set off.

JIM
Aw, come on. Those are some of the few
names I remember.

PAM
Yeah, ok. So what are you gonna do?

JIM
Do? I’m gonna ignore it.

PAM
No, you can’t do that! You have to play
along… let him believe he got you.(beat)
I suggest a new strategy, Jim. Let the
Wookie win.

Jim gives the camera a Jim-face and then looks at Pam.

JIM
Do you hear… a ticking sound?

PAM
(smiling)
KNEW I’d regret saying that…