INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE
We see Michael ushering Jim and Pam into his office and then closing the door. Jim and Pam look at each other. Then Michael motions to the visitors chairs and the couple sits. Michael then circles his desk and sits. They stare at each other.
MICHAEL
So, uh... appreciate you guys coming over the other night.
JIM
Um. Yeah...
PAM
That's ok...
MICHAEL
Had a good time?
Jim and Pam look at each other and then the camera.
PAM
Michael. Did YOU have a good time?
MICHAEL
Um.... kinda.
PAM
MICHAEL.
MICHAEL
I know, I know, I know... it's... (shakes head) Um... I wanted
to ask you two...
JIM
Not coming back over.
MICHAEL
No, no... um... my neighbor gave me this card. A lawyer...
guess he thought I'd need it. (looks at camera) For some
reason.
PAM
A lawyer.
MICHAEL
Yeah. (looks at card) Huh. This guy's name is Akiva.
Japanese, I guess.
Jim takes the card and he and Pam look at it.
JIM
Akiva Rothstein? Probably not.
MICHAEL
Oh. (beat) Half Japanese, maybe.
Jim shoots a Jim-Face to the camera.
PAM
Michael, this guy is a divorce attorney.
You and Jan aren't married.
MICHAEL
I know. I was thinking though... maybe I have grounds
for a palimony suit?
JIM
You've been living together for what, less than a year?
How would you have a palimony suit?
MICHAEL
Well... Jan's candle business. Started it in my condo.
I deserve a cut.
PAM
Has there... been a lot of revenue from that?
"Cause it didn't seem...
MICHAEL
Profitable?
PAM
Existent.
MICHAEL
Well, it... is. Sold a bunch of 'em to her
sister. At least a dozen.
PAM
(shaking head)
I don't see how a lawyer....
MICHAEL
I know, my case is weak. But I thought I'd call the
guy up....buddy up to him. Talk about Godzilla or...
Voltron or something. Big Robots.
JIM
Again. Akiva Rothstein. Not Japanese.
MICHAEL
What, Jews and Japanese people can't marry and
have kids? That's very narrow-minded, Jim.
(To Pam)
So, uh... what do you call that? Jew-panese?
JIM
You're right, Michael. I'm being incredibly narrow
minded.
PAM
(holding card)
Michael. This guy can't help you. You need to work
this out yourself. Just....
MICHAEL
(annoyed)
Ok, alright, fine! Thank you.
Michael gets up, goes to the door and opens it.
MICHAEL
Trying to get some good advice from FRIENDS...
Michael starts doing a sweeping motion out the door. Jim and Pam stand, look at each other and then the camera.
MICHAEL(continued)
And I'll I get is second-guessing and criticism.
Painful, terrible criticism. I can stay home for that.
Jim and Pam head out the door. Pam looks back at Michael.
PAM
Michael...
MICHAEL
I expected more from you, Pam. Really.
Pam expression changes from sad to annoyed.
PAM
Yeah, me being an ex and all.
Michael's eyes widen and then he closes the door. He looks sheepishly at the camera and then goes back to his desk. After a pause he looks at the card and then starts dialing his phone. We hear it ring through the speakerphone and then it gets picked up.
VOICE ON PHONE
Avika Rothstein.
MICHAEL
Akiva! Domo arigato, Mr. Rothstein!
Michael smiles to the camera and gives a thumbs up.
AKIVA
What?
Author's Chapter Notes:
Haven't written in awhile. Needed some inspiration... and I got it the form of "Dinner Party"! I normally don't link my Cold Openings directly to a particular episode but " Dinner Party" was such a classic cringefest that I had to latch on to it. Hope you like!
