INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE

Michael is seated at his desk dialing a number from a sheet of paper.

MICHAEL(to camera)
VERY important phone call here.

Michael taps impatiently as the phone rings through the speaker. After two rings it’s answered.

VOICE ON SPEAKER PHONE:
(happy)
Hi! I was JUST thinking
of you! Which is not really
all that surprising…

MICHAEL
Pam! Pamster! Live from New
York, it’s Pamela Beesly! Hey,
been to the Pam Am building yet?
(laughs to camera)
So what were you thinking about
with me? Be careful now, I’m a…
kinda… involved (beat) um… daddy to
be. Sorta.

PAM
Michael? What… How… did you get
my cell number?

MICHAEL
Took it off Jim’s phone when he
went to the bathroom. He should be
more careful. Never know who could
get your number and call you.

PAM
Uh huh. Um, Michael, I have a class
in, um… five minutes so we… I can’t
really talk…

MICHAEL
(Looking at watch)
You have a class that starts at 11:18?
That can’t be right. It’s probably 11:30,
right?

PAM
Um… uh… well, yeah, I guess 11:30…

MICHAEL
So that’s, like, 17 minutes from now.
Plenty of time to talk.

PAM
(sighing)
Yeah. So, um… is there something you
wanted to talk about, Michael?

MICHAEL
Well, yeah… I don’t know if Jimbo has
kept you up to speed with all my
bidness but… Jan is preggers. Yup,
pregnant. But it’s not mine.(beat) I
can't… well, I'm not sure. I think…
I can. Do you happen to remember if
I'm shooting blanks or not?

PAM
Michael...

MICHAEL
Well, anywho, she has some… other guys
sperm in her.(beat) That she got in a
bank. You know, a sperm bank. She didn’t
have… sex with this guy (beat) as I
understand it…

PAM
Michael… I was there for that.

MICHAEL
Oh… you were? Oh. Wow, um… OH, but did you
know that Jan and I were doing the Lamaze
thing together? Which I am still
confused about. Is this Lamaze guy the same
guy who started that racing deal in France?
Cause I don’t see the connection.

PAM
(after a long pause)
Michael. I… think you mean LeMans. That’s…

MICHAEL
Crazy, right? How does one guy have two
completely different interests? I don’t
get it.

PAM
No. It’s not… (beat) Never mind. Yeah, I was
there for that too. That was right before I
left.

MICHAEL
Wow, really? Jeez, you know everything
then.

PAM
Um… yeah.

MICHAEL
All caught up.

PAM
Uh huh.

There is a long pause as Michael drums a bit on his desk and looks around his office. Pam clears her throat.

PAM
Um… I’M doing pretty good.

MICHAEL
Oh, really. That's good.

PAM
Yeah, the classes that I'm taking are
really great. I'm learning so...

MICHAEL
Wow, that's… that's really great, Pam,
but I gotta go… Lot going on here.

PAM
(dryly)
Yeah. I know how busy you are, Michael.

MICHAEL
Yep. Busy, busy, busy.
(types on keyboard for no reason)
So… take care, Pam Apple. Thanks
for calling.

PAM
I didn't… OH, Michael, could you
tell Jim to…

Michael disconnects the call and leans back in his chair.

MICHAEL
(to camera)
Cool catching up with Pam. But boy,
is she dullsville. Pam is the only
person I know that can live in New
York and make it seem like the most
boring place on earth.

Michael shakes head and then stares at the phone. Then he smiles widely.

MICHAEL
Oh, this will be good!

Laughing, Michael dials a number from the same sheet of paper from before and waits excitedly as it rings. After two rings it’s picked up.

VOICE(confused)
Hello?

MICHAEL(in high pitched voice)
Jim? It’s Pam! I’m having so much
fun here in New York! You suck!

There’s a pause as Michael covers his mouth trying mightily not to laugh.

JIM(through speaker phone)
Michael. Do I… even WANT to
know how you got my number?