INT. THE BREAKROOM

We see Andy and Angela at one table. Phyllis sits at another, apparently having just finished her lunch. She is opening a bottle of water. Angela looks at her and the camera. She looks a little uneasy. Andy is excitedly thumbing through a stack of wedding magazines and catalogues.

ANDY
(finding a particular page)
So, I think you would look absolutely
Princess Di in this wedding dress, my
dear. When she... got married, not...
now. What do you think?

ANGELA
(annoyed)
It's certainly not as whorish as the
last three.

ANDY
(looking at camera)
A rave review from my lovely fiance.
(laughs)
Now, let me show you some tux ideas
I had...

As Andy turns pages Angela looks at the camera and then back at Phyllis. Phyllis gives her a long even look and Angela looks away.

ANDY TALKING HEAD

ANDY
Yep, I am doing all of the wedding
planning Solo Bernardo.
(laughs)
I'm leaving the blushing bride to be
free to... um (beat) NOT do the...
wedding planning.
(looks sort of glumly at camera)

INT. THE BREAKROOM
Dwight walks in and gives a sneer towards Andy, who returns the look. Angela becomes visibly nervous. Phyllis looks at the camera and hunkers down, like she's watching a great show. Dwight goes over to the soda vending machine and slips change in for a drink. As he retrieves it, Andy watches him distastefully.

ANDY
Well... if it isn't the LESS than
honorable Dwight Schrute. Come to steal
something else of mine, maybe?

Phyllis clears her throat slightly. Angela stares at her and then back to Andy and Dwight.

DWIGHT
Still going on about that car? What I did
was business, pure and simple. Get over it.

ANDY
(rising)
Just like that, huh? Just let you take
something of mine and profit from it.

DWIGHT
Andy... anything that I...
(beat, then with air quotes)
"took" from you... was offered to me
freely... and passionately.

ANDY
(confused)
What?

ANGELA
(rising)
Dwight. (beat) ...uh, and Andy. It's... unseemly
to do this at work.

Phyllis clears her throat again and this time both Angela and Dwight stare at her. Phyllis peeks at the camera and looks away, taking a swig of her water.

ANGELA
Andy... Just let it go. It's over.

DWIGHT
Listen to Angela, Andy. Listen to what
she's... trying to to tell you.

ANGELA
(staring hard at Dwight)
Dwight.

ANDY
Fine. I'll be the bigger man here.

Phyllis does a small snort and Angela, Dwight and Andy all look at her. Phyllis looks wide-eyed at the three.

PHYLLIS
Sorry.

ANDY
But... listen to me. Maybe you can
bamboozle me once, Schrute. But a
Cornell grad...

Angela rolls her eyes.

ANDY(continued)
... can't be had again.
(slightly threatening)
Because if it happens again(beat)
it would be...

DWIGHT
Twice?

ANDY
Well(beat)yes... mathematically, that is...
correct. But that's not what I meant.

DWIGHT
Are you... threatening me, Andy? Are
you going to get angry? Anger manage-
ment is very... important in the workplace.
(smiles humorlessly at Andy)

Andy takes a long look at Dwight and then shakes his head. Angela tries to steer Andy back to his seat.

DWIGHT
Now, if you'll excuse me... I have to go
plan my next vacation. I suddenly have all
of this disposable income.

ANDY
I can't believe you. You have no remorse,
nothing! You don’t even care that you
screwed Angela!

Phyllis spits out a mouthful of water and starts coughing loudly. Angela’s eyes widen comically. She looks absolutely panicked. She looks hard at Phyllis, who is still coughing and then Dwight.

ANGELA
Andy, I… I didn’t…

ANDY
Oh, I’m sorry, my dear! That was crudely
phrased, I know. I’m sure we’ll… discuss
that later. At length. (beat) All I meant
was that Dwight took money away that I
could’ve put towards a dream wedding for you.
(says the last part cloyingly sweet, holding Angela’s hand)

Angela looks relieved as Andy turns to the still coughing Phyllis.

ANDY
Hey, you ok, Phyl?

PHYLLIS
Yes, I…(coughs) I’m sorry.
(clears throat)
You said Dwight screwing
Angela and…
(coughs again)
wrong pipe.

ANGELA
(panicked again)
Phyllis!

PHYLLIS
(realizing)
No… I meant the water! I didn’t
mean… I meant… didn’t go down
right.
(eyes wide)
I mean…

Phyllis looks back and forth at everyone then suddenly stands and bolts from the room. Angela looks at Dwight and Andy and does likewise.

ANDY
I REALLY wish I knew what the hell was
going on around here.

DWIGHT
(evilly)
Do you?

Andy looks puzzled at Dwight and shakes his head. He storms out. Dwight watches him go. A few seconds later Andy re-enters, picks up his wedding magazines, gives Dwight a dirty look and leaves again. Dwight looks at the camera, a small smile creeping onto his face.

DWIGHT(voiceover)
Do I feel guilty about Angela and I renewing
our relationship behind Andys’ back? And
about Phyllis knowing about it? No.

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

DWIGHT
Although Angela is nervous – and… occasionally
hysterical about it - I am not. This was, as
it was known by my ancestors, a land grab. But
this land was mine before this… naïve farm boy
came along. I merely… re-staked my territory.
And when I did… when I thrust that stake deep
into the warm, wet soil…
(gets really far-off look on his face as his voice lowers)
…that fertile, heavenly ground… hearing it moan and
gasp… it’s nails raking across my back… it said
my name… MY name… bringing me closer… and
closer… until…

 Dwight catches himself and calms. He looks at the camera evenly.

DWIGHT
I’m… I’m sorry. I get very… aroused… by
land grabs.

Dwight gives the camera a VERY nasty, self-satisfied look.