INT. THE OFFICE - JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESKS.
We see Dwight busy at work and Jim speaking on the phone to Pam. We are able to hear Pam's end of the conversation.
PAM
Vest.
JIM
(smiling)
No vest.
PAM
Vest.
JIM
No vest.
PAM
Ugh. Jim, a vest is an integral part of the
grooms attire. It is, I dare say, mandatory.
JIM
I dare say not. I will not look like Richard
Dawson at my own wedding.
PAM
(laughing)
Survey says no, Jim. You will look
smashingly dapper.
JIM
Not convinced.
PAM
(sighing)
Who can I get to settle this?
JIM
Well, Dwight IS sitting right here.
PAM
What?
JIM
Hey, Dwight...
PAM
Don't you dare.
JIM
(continued)
...Pam and I disagree on whether a
groom should wear a vest or not.
What say you?
DWIGHT
A groom should never wear a vest. Unless
it is a life vest. Are you getting married
at sea?
JIM
Uh... no.
DWIGHT
Too bad. Oh, my uncle wore a vest.
PAM
See?
DWIGHT
It had been dipped in a combination of peanut
butter, apples and fox urine. He was going
hunting right after the ceremony.
JIM and PAM(in unison)
Wow.
DWIGHT
So, unless you're going hunting...
JIM
Thanks Dwight. That pretty much
settled it.
PAM
Why do you do these things... when you
know you will regret it?
JIM
I know. I have a problem.
Pam laughs and then abruptly stops.
PAM
Whoa. I'm gonna have a problem soon.
I have fifteen minutes to grab lunch
and get to my next class.
JIM
Sorry!
PAM
Not your fault. You're eating too?
JIM
(glancing at watch)
Yeah, I guess it is lunchtime.
Ok. Call me later tonight?
PAM
Yup. Bye. And Jim?
JIM
Yeah?
PAM
Vest.
(hangs up)
Jim laughs and replaces the receiver. Dwight watches him the entire time.
DWIGHT
Jim… are you SURE about this?
JIM
Lunch? Yeah, I’m fairly certain
I’m hungry.
DWIGHT
Idiot. I’m talking about you and Pam
getting married.
JIM
Dwight... never been more sure about
anything in my life.
DWIGHT
(shaking head)
Jim. Are you aware of the divorce rate
in this country? Seven out of every ten
marriages end in divorce… and two of the
three remaining ones end in murder.
JIM
(squinting at camera)
Not sure about your numbers there…
DWIGHT
I just… don’t want to see you and Pam
fail at this.
JIM
(looking at camera, shocked)
Wow. Dwight… that’s very…
DWIGHT
Because Lord knows I’ll have to sit here
and listen to you cry everyday like a little
girl.
(strikes a very girly, high-pitched voice)
“Oh, Boohoo! Pam divorced me! Look at
me, I’m divorced!”
JIM
(continued)
…sweet of you.
DWIGHT
So, I’d advise against it. The numbers
do not support it.
JIM
Ok. Let me ask you something. How many
times have you seen “The Dark Knight”?
DWIGHT
Don’t… see how that is relevant.
JIM
Humor me. How many times?
DWIGHT
(glancing at camera)
Twenty-two times.
JIM
Twenty... so you've seen it THREE MORE
TIMES since I discussed this with you...
YESTERDAY.
DWIGHT
(defiantly)
Yes. Yes, I have.
JIM
Alarming. Ok. Um… now.
WHY have you seen it twenty-two times?
DWIGHT
Because… ‘The Dark Knight” deserves to be
the highest grossing movie in history.
Not that sappy, weepy cry-fest “Titanic.”
(throws his hands up and strikes “girly voice” again)
Jack! Rose! Jack!
(regular voice)
Oh, just die already.
JIM
(smiling at camera)
Alrighty. Do you think “The Dark Knight”
will catch it?
DWIGHT
(sighs)
No. Probably not. Too many squealing
fourteen-year old girls in this country.
Damn you, DiCaprio!
JIM
And yet… you keep trying. In spite of the
numbers, in spite of the uphill climb…
you won’t give up. You will see this through
because you believe in it. Right?
DWIGHT
(absolutely stunned)
Right.
JIM
(rising)
Well, there ya go. Ok, be back.
Jim leaves and Dwight stares at the camera, mouth open. Then he turns to his computer and types frantically. The camera swings around behind him and we see Dwight is on Monster.com.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
(still looking stunned)
When Jim Halpert starts making sense to me…
it’s time to move on.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey, everybody! Been awhile. Had to recharge a bit. But I finally have a new one and I hope you guys like! One thing: Not sure about this title. I wanted to do a Batman or Joker type pun or something but I couldn't come up with anything better. If anybody has a better, funnier title , I'll change this one. So fire 'em my way. I'd appreciate it!
Chapter End Notes:
By the way. I wore a vest at my wedding. And I thought it looked pretty nice!
