MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

          MICHAEL
     I was up late last night… the missus can
     be so demanding…
          (shakes head)
     and I saw one of those commercials with
     the starving, sickly Ethiopian kids.
     Terrible. Just terrible…
            (lower)
     How… do they stand those flies?(beat)
     ANYWAY… I started thinking. If I could
     have a super-power, any super power, it
     would be the power… to HEAL.
       (nods sincerely)

        DWIGHT(offscreen)
     Mine would be invisibility.

The camera zooms back and pans to the left to show
Dwight leaning against the wall behind Michael.

        MICHAEL
     Uh oh! What did I do? I said super-powers…
     in front of a GEEK! Nerd Alert! Nerd Alert!
        (laughs)

        DWIGHT
     Actually, mine would be flight!
     No, super strength!

        MICHAEL
     Come on. Only one, dork.

       DWIGHT
     This is very important! I have to
     utilize this very specific power to
     avenge the death of my parents.

        MICHAEL
     Your parents aren’t dead!

        DWIGHT
     No, but every good hero has dead
     parents… usually murdered.

        MICHAEL
     Oh, you mean like the Joker killing
     Batman’s parents?

        DWIGHT
       (annoyed)
     The Joker did not kill Batman’s parents.
     That was an unfortunate plot device that
     was shoe-horned into that movie. Joe Chill
     killed Batman’s parents.

          MICHAEL
     What? Joe Chill? Isn’t that Snoopy’s nick-
     name?
        (stares hard at Dwight)
     You’re telling me that Snoopy killed Batman’s
     parents? That’s ridiculous.

          DWIGHT
     How… would Snoopy kill…? No…
         (shakes head)
     It was Joe Chill. The Joker did NOT kill
     Batman’s parents.

          MICHAEL
     Well, the Sandman killed Spiderman’s parents.

          DWIGHT
        (really aggravated)
     First of all, It wasn’t his parents, it was
     his Uncle Ben! And… AGAIN… another idiotic
     plot contrivance. The Sandman didn’t shoot
     him.

          MICHAEL
     Oh, ok, so who was it this time? Peppermint
     Patty?
        (laughs)
     And I suppose Woodstock killed Superman’s
     parents, huh?

          DWIGHT
     (beyond aggravated)
     An EXPLODING PLANET killed Superman’s parents!

          MICHAEL
     What? An exploding planet SHOT Superman’s
     parents?!? How… How did they even DRAW that?

Dwight throws his head into his hands.
         

          MICHAEL
      Boy, those guys must’ve been doing LSD when
      they created this stuff. Hey…
         (turns to Dwight)
      did they even have LSD back in the fifties?

Dwight just groans and buries his face even deeper.