PBeesly: Hey Jim, guess what!

JHalpert: What?

PBeesly: WE’RE ENGAGED!!

JHalpert: I didn’t know that!! Thanks for telling me Beesly!

PBeesly: But Jim!

JHalpert: What?

PBeesly: WE’RE engaged! I am engaged to you!!

JHalpert: I know how unbelievable is that??

PBeesly: You know how long it’s been?? It’s been 32 hours since you proposed.

JHalpert: Wow I could have sworn it was 34.

PBeesly: So I have an idea.

JHalpert: Ok hit me.

PBeesly: Now that we’re… ENGAGED!! I think we should just, tell the truth. Get all our last secrets out.

JHalpert: That’s a good idea. You’re my fiancé now… lets do all that serious relationshippy stuff – get it out of the way.

PBeesly: Oh I’ve got one!

JHalpert: Ok… Scare me Beesly

PBeesly: Jim I’d appreciate you being serious right now.

JHalpert: Oh, right, sorry. :serious Halpert:

PBeesly: Ok, you ready?

JHalpert: Ready.

PBeesly: Jim I have a feeling Michael’s in love with me.

JHalpert: No way!

PBeesly: I’m so sorry, all this time he’s been my boss and then I left and I never realised he wanted to be more than that.

JHalpert: What made you realise?

PBeesly: All those subtle hints you know?

JHalpert: Yes, the subtle hints. You hardly know they’re there right?

PBeesly: It finally clicked yesterday when I came home to visit you and he asked me to look at his futon.

JHalpert: He didn’t!

PBeesly: That’s when I realised Jim; he doesn’t want me to check that the springs are still working!

JHalpert: Yeah he does, that’s what guys mean when they ask you to check out their night arrangements. I’ve asked you that heaps of times. “Do you think the bed springs are a bit too squeaky?”

PBeesly: No Jim! Don’t you see? He likes me!

JHalpert: No!

PBeesly: Yes! And all this time I thought he just wanted to be my boss!

JHalpert: Oh my God! It all makes sense now!

PBeesly: So… I guess this is it.

JHalpert: Yeah I guess so… unless…

PBeesly: Unless what?

JHalpert: You could be with Michael and me at the same time.

PBeesly: Jim you know I’m not into that sort of stuff.

JHalpert: Pam that isn’t funny.

PBeesly: It kind of is.

JHalpert: No I mean you could stay with Michael and just hook up with me on the side! I was only in it for the sex anyway.

PBeesly: Oh great! Thanks for telling me.

JHalpert: Anytime.

JHalpert: While we’re clearing the air, I just want to confess something too.

PBeesly: Go ahead, let it all out Jim.

JHalpert: Ok just… let me compose myself.

PBeesly: You really need to compose yourself on IM?

JHalpert: Yes! It’s that serious Pam!

PBeesly: I’m sorry. Take your time.

JHalpert: My… this is going to sound horrible.

PBeesly: Let it out Jim, its ok.

JHalpert: My… my favourite colour isn’t red.

PBeesly: It’s not?

JHalpert: No I just said that to… this is so horrible… to sound awesome.

PBeesly: Oh my God! Well what is it?

JHalpert: It’s purple Pam. My favourite colour is purple.

PBeesly: So… you lied to me?

JHalpert: I’m so sorry Pam! I just… I didn’t think it was that big a deal!

PBeesly: Not that big a deal?? So birthday, Christmas, Valentines Day presents… they were all wrong??

JHalpert: Red is a good colour Pam… it’s just not great.

PBeesly: So… You mean… when I gave you that birthday card I drew for you with all those red themed objects that I thought would make you happy…

JHalpert: It was fine you know? After you left I just got out a blue pencil and coloured them all in. It worked you know! It’s purple now!

PBeesly: I can’t believe this!

JHalpert: I know. I’m so sorry.

PBeesly: But your favourite colour was one of the first things I asked you when we met!

JHalpert: … you have a good memory.

PBeesly: The foundation of our relationship is built on a lie!

JHalpert: And while we’re telling the truth… there’s one more thing. About my favourite drink…

PBeesly: I’m having an affair.

JHalpert: Let me guess who with.

PBeesly: It’s Dwight. I’m sorry Jim.

JHalpert: Seriously, you don’t think this gets old? Not a little bit?

PBeesly: You think it gets old, which means no Jim.

JHalpert: Of course.

PBeesly: One night… when I was working late and you had gone home… Dwight gave me some of his beet wine and… he’d just cut his own hair and cleaned his bobble head… I couldn’t resist.

JHalpert: Ok - ew.

PBeesly: I’m sorry but I love him. I owe it to him to give us a shot.

JHalpert: I hope you produce very thirsty babies together.

PBeesly: …ok seriously Jim I’m supposed to be grossing you out!

JHalpert: Pam? … This is… this is pretty bad.

PBeesly: Ok just, let me compose myself.

JHalpert: Ok… you ready?

PBeesly: Composing…

PBeesly: Composing…

PBeesly: Composing…

JHalpert: Come on!

PBeesly: Composing…!

PBeesly: Composed.

JHalpert: Oh great now I’ve forgotten what I was going to say.

PBeesly: Awesome! My turn!

JHalpert: That’s not fair!

PBeesly: Well you’ll think that when I tell you – I slipped into a coma!

JHalpert: When??

PBeesly: You know that day we didn’t talk?

JHalpert: Oh yeah…

PBeesly: It was because Ruby, my Swedish cousin took me horse riding and Anna Lucia threw me off!

JHalpert: Anna Lucia the horse??

PBeesly: Ruby likes Lost.

JHalpert: Got it.

PBeesly: The point is, I have no idea why I’m talking to you because – I have amnesia!!

JHalpert: Cue dramatic music!

PBeesly: I don’t know where I am, why I’m here, who I’m talking to…

JHalpert: Just Anna Lucia the horse and your Swedish cousin Ruby.

PBeesly: Who are you by the way? I’ve been trying to work out who would name a baby Jhalpert… is it pronounced ‘Jalpert’?

JHalpert: ‘Halpert’…

PBeesly: oh the J is silent, nice.

JHalpert: You’re weird.

PBeesly: That’s not a nice thing to say about your fiancé who has amnesia!

JHalpert: Oh but you remember I’m your fiancé…

PBeesly: Yeah… :blushes: I can’t forget that.

JHalpert: You’re weak, that’s what you are.

JHalpert: Ok is it my turn yet?

PBeesly: :sigh: I guess so…

JHalpert: I’m in love with my best friend!

PBeesly: No!

JHalpert: Yes!

PBeesly: That must be horrible!

JHalpert: It’s totally awesome!

PBeesly: But she lives in New York that must be horrible.

JHalpert: It doesn’t matter because she’s following her dreams and finally doing what she loves (that’s what she said) and I’m marrying her and she’s going to make the best wife EVER!

PBeesly: Jim I’m going to turn into goo soon.

JHalpert: Who said I was talking about you Beesly??

PBeesly: Oh ok. Not turning into goo then.

JHalpert: Ok here’s another confession.

PBeesly: Oh I don’t know if I could take much more…

JHalpert: That’s what she said.

PBeesly: …I think I prefer the confessions.

JHalpert: Ok are you ready??

PBeesly: Yes I’m ready!

JHalpert: I was actually talking about you Beesly.

PBeesly: Aww! Turning back into goo.

JHalpert: And another confession…

PBeesly: What?

JHalpert: Purple’s my favourite colour because it was the colour of the dress you wore when we had our first kiss.

PBeesly: Awwwwwwwww! I’m too gooey to say anything!

JHalpert: How about I love you?

PBeesly: I LOVE YOU FIANCE JIM!!