JHalpert: Yeah I’m fine. I just wish I could cut out my tongue right now.

PBeesly: Dwight should know how to help you.

JHalpert: Does he keep a tongue scraper in his top drawer?

PBeesly: Who knows what he has. I found a snake skin in there one time.

JHalpert: Ugh. Snake skin probably wouldn’t work. I need water… or more jellybeans.

PBeesly: Why did you eat it if you hate it?

JHalpert: Pam it’s one shade darker than the purple jellybeans and they’re delicious! Stop enjoying this so much.

PBeesly: Your face is so funny!

JHalpert: I’m trying to find a spot in my mouth where I can’t taste it. I think I need to spit it out.

PBeesly: Just swallow! And then gulp down 5 cups of water.

JHalpert: Oh my God! This is disgusting! I’ve got to run to the water cooler. Why does it have to be so far away??

PBeesly: You have no idea how stupid that looked.

JHalpert: Aww I love you too Pam.

PBeesly: It looked so funny! It was like your face was too fast for your legs Jim!

JHalpert: That makes sense. It was like my tongue was pulling me.

PBeesly: Okay this is one of the weirdest conversations we’ve had.

JHalpert: Well it’s not everyday your tongue has a gravitational pull towards the water.

PBeesly: Is there anything else your tongue has a gravitational pull towards?

JHalpert: …No Pam, there isn’t.

PBeesly: Oh come on! That was a perfect set up for ‘that’s what she said’!

JHalpert: Too perfect. That’s the problem.

PBeesly: You are such a fun ruiner.

JHalpert: Fun ruiner? Is that even a word?

PBeesly: No. I just checked on spell check. It’s got a little red squiggly line.

JHalpert: Oh too bad.

PBeesly: But I guess your newly found super-tongue powers would come in handy if you’re ever stuck in the desert.

JHalpert: Ah you see its phrases like ‘super tongue powers’ that make me sure that this is a mature adult relationship.

PBeesly: Shut up.

JHalpert: Definitely. I think I need more jellybeans.

JHalpert: I think I just cheated on you.

PBeesly: You think? That’s not usually what people say.

JHalpert: Well I’m not entirely sure.

PBeesly: Ok… I’m not sure whether that line is part of the ‘cheater’s handbook’ either.

JHalpert: It all happened so fast.

PBeesly: Now we’re getting back on track. I’m pretty sure that’s on page 34, chapter 7: What to Say When Your Partner Inevitably Sees through Your Dirty Cheating Lies

JHalpert: I promise I’ll never do it again.

PBeesly: Same page.

JHalpert: Do I need to worry about the fact that you know of such a book?

PBeesly: Hey I thought I’ll just help you out a little bit. But do you care to tell me what’s happened?

JHalpert: Meredith just asked me to sign her caste.

PBeesly: How is that cheating?

JHalpert: She has a broken hip Pam. Where do you think her caste is?

PBeesly: OH MY GOD!

JHalpert: No Pam! This is NOT funny!

PBeesly: Says you!

JHalpert: Pam!

JHalpert: Get a grip!

JHalpert: Seriously!

PBeesly: I’ve got to tell someone!

JHalpert: Please tell me you were Pamoppositising.

JHalpert: This is not the average response to an affair Pam.

PBeesly: Well Jim it wasn’t exactly an average affair was it?

JHalpert: No! Stop it! You’re getting stares!

PBeesly: Oh Jim I love you.

JHalpert: I just cheated on you! What the hell Pam?

JHalpert: Oh look. Now the phones ringing and you’re crying. That’s great for the customers isn’t it?

PBeesly: Maybe I should have told them why I was crying.

JHalpert: You’re not going to forget about this anytime soon are you?

PBeesly: That’s what she said. And ‘she’ was in fact, me. And my response is: no Jim. Never ever.