JHalpert: Has anyone ever taught you how to spell “good morning”?

DKSchrute: That is both stupid and irrelevant.

JHalpert: I know I was testing you.

DKSchrute: Are you or are you not online?

JHalpert: You tell me Dwight.

DKSchrute: You most definitely are.

JHalpert: Isn’t it ‘am’?

DKSchrute: Jim, what are you doing online when you should be on a sales call?

JHalpert: What makes you think it’s Jim?

DKSchrute: That’s ridiculous why would your name say ‘JHalpert’ if it isn’t ‘JHalpert’?

JHalpert: You’re right, completely ridiculous… the things I say!

DKSchrute: What are you doing Jim?

JHalpert: Not much. Thanks for asking buddy!

DKSchrute: Stop joking around. I know you’re not on you’re sales call!

JHalpert: Ok if you have to know I’m at an internet café having coffee with Pam.

DKSchrute: No you are not! Pam is sitting 5 feet in front of me!

JHalpert: Oh that might be true. But how do you know that is actually Pam and not a decoy?

DKSchrute: That’s ridiculous. I’ll prove it.

PBeesly has been added to the conversation.

PBeesly: Hi you two!

JHalpert: Hey!

DKSchrute: Pam, tell Jim you’re sitting at your desk and NOT having coffee with him.

PBeesly: Good morning? Hello?

JHalpert: He wasn’t taught how to spell it.

PBeesly: Oh. Why is that not surprising?

DKSchrute: Pam, say you’re not having coffee with Jim.

PBeesly: No!

PBeesly: Sorry I can’t say that.

DKSchrute: Why??

PBeesly: Because I’m having coffee with him.

PBeesly: How nice is the cake?

JHalpert: So good. We’ll bring you back a piece buddy. You really can’t miss it.

DKSchrute: This is so ridiculous! You are not having coffee and cake in an internet café Pam! I’m staring at you right now!

JHalpert: Is she moving much?

DKSchrute: Well no. She’s just staring at the computer screen.

JHalpert: Ah see new technology. We haven’t really got them talking properly.

PBeesly: Yeah. But we can make them giggle and type gibberish so it looks like the real me.

JHalpert: They’re very life-like.

DKSchrute: I don’t believe you.

JHalpert: Fine. I can’t make you believe me.

DKSchrute: Then again… it is doing a lot of giggling and typing now.

PBeesly: ‘It’?

JHalpert: Great that means its working. I just hope the phone doesn’t ring.

DKSchrute: Why?

JHalpert: Well let’s just say we haven’t programmed them for that properly yet.

DKSchrute: What do you mean?

JHalpert: It’s nothing. They just say ‘Dunder Mifflin this is Pam’ over and over again. It’s the only thing we’ve programmed them for.

JHalpert: I’ll show you. I’ll ring now.

PBeesly: I’m pretty sure Dwight has the idea Jim.

JHalpert: No I’m pretty sure he wants a demonstration.

PBeesly: No. The concept is enough.

JHalpert: I think he’d really like a demonstration Pam.

DKSchrute: Yes I would. I want empirical evidence. The real Pam would be far too humiliated to do it.

PBeesly: Yeah I think you’re right Dwight.

JHalpert: So I’ll just have to ring to prove to you that Pam is in fact sitting on the computer next to me, sharing a piece of mud cake.

DKSchrute: Do it.

PBeesly: Oh my god.

JHalpert: It’s ringing.

DKSchrute: It’s working. It’s saying it, over and over again.

DKSchrute: I never thought I’d see the day when Jim Halpert beat Dwight K Schrute in creating the world’s first android.

JHalpert: Me neither Dwight. Believe me, me neither.

DKSchrute: It’s still saying it.

JHalpert: I know! Isn’t it great?!

DKSchrute: It looks pretty stupid.

JHalpert: No. It’s so awesome.

DKSchrute: Ok I believe you Jim. You can hang up.

JHalpert: Just a little longer.

DKSchrute: Jim it’s starting to draw eyes! Hang up!

JHalpert: I just wanna hear it one more time.

PBeesly: hang

PBeesly: up

JHalpert: Fine.

DKSchrute: In light of this new discovery of yours Jim, I am willing to wave the fact that you are not on your sales call and I won’t tell Michael.

PBeesly: You know what? Creating the world’s most advanced android isn’t that difficult. I think the sales call is more important. Maybe you should tell Michael, Dwight. You are Assistant Regional Manager

JHalpert: Would you like to be caught too Pam?

PBeesly: What you did was very wrong! I think you should be punished Jim!

DKSchrute: No Pam its okay. I think I can let it go this once.

JHalpert: Thanks man. It means a lot. But the thing is… I’ve already finished my sales call. That’s why I’m at the Internet café.

DKSchrute: You have not.

JHalpert: Yeah man I finished half an hour ago. It was one of the biggest sales of the year.

DKSchrute: Jim! You could not have sealed such a huge deal so quickly!

JHalpert: I know the guy Dwight. He agreed ten minutes in.

DKSchrute: You’re such a liar!!!

DKSchrute has left the conversation.

JHalpert: Ok. I’m just going to be straight out here: that was awesome.

PBeesly: I hate you.

JHalpert: That was commitment Pam!

PBeesly: Yeah?

JHalpert: Hell yeah! I’m so impressed, you can say anything you want about me and I’d probably just say I love you!

PBeesly: You have a big nose.

JHalpert: Ouch.

PBeesly: You’re tall.

JHalpert: Oh! That hurts.

PBeesly: And I think we’re going to have to make a decoy for you now.

JHalpert: Absolutely we do. That’s why I love you.

PBeesly has left the conversation.