I wish I could say that coming back to Scranton instantly enlightened me about what was really going on between me and Pam or rather what could have been going on. But it didn't. I don't really have a good excuse for it, and believe me, I wish there was some way I could erase everything that happened that year, but I can't. According to Pam we're better people for having gone through all that. I don't know if I really believe that, but there's no point in arguing about it now. The fact is, it happened, and while it was happening everything in our lives just seemed...off, including my taste in soda.

By the middle of the morning, Jim wasn't really sure what he was doing. He knew there was no way he was going to let it all snap back to normal just like that. But he was surprised because it was clear that Pam was willing to do exactly that. He wondered if she even remembered what had happened. Because ever since he had first come in that morning he hadn't been able to stop seeing it. The second he stepped into the elevator all he could think about was the last time he'd been in it and that long ride down and the tears that had stung his eyes for the second time that night and how he had still been able to feel the softness of her lips on his. In Stamford, he had thought it had gone away, had thought he was over it. But this first day back, it felt like that night, their last one together, was haunting him. Even as she had hugged him this morning, all he could hear was her saying, "I can't. I won't. You're not enough. Just stop doing this. I can't. I can't."

"Hey," she said, coming up behind him suddenly.

"Hey!" he responded instantly, already kicking himself for sounding so enthusiastic.

"What happened to grape soda?" He couldn't believe she'd bring it up. Didn't she get it? They couldn't do that anymore. He couldn't do it. It hurt too much.

"Oh yeah. I'm trying to move away from that. Getting into more of a bottled water phase." He hoped she'd take his hint and just leave it. He couldn't get into this. Not now. Not here.

"Oh. You've changed so much." Good, she was playing along. Better to just make it into a joke. Joking they could do. They were old pros at laughing things off.

"Well, I'm evolving, Pam." All the things he wanted to say were in there somewhere, and he prayed she'd hear them and just leave him alone. He wasn't sure how much more of her he could take today.

"So when do I get to hear everything? Are you still getting unpacked or... you want to grab a coffee or something after work?" She wasn't serious, right? There was no way that could happen. Coffee after work was something you did with your friends, and as much as he would have loved to go back to being friends, it just wasn't possible anymore. She'd made that very clear.

"Oh! Um... tonight, actually? No. I'm uh just still getting settled." Getting settled. That was a good way to put it. He was settling down his brain, his nerves, his heart. Once he got everything back to normal then maybe, maybe they'd be able to go back to the way things used to be if that was even what he wanted anymore. Frankly he was surprised she wasn't having more trouble with this. Obviously she hadn't been as affected by that night as he had been. Just one more thing that would continue to taint his memories of her.

"Oh, yeah, no! You know. Whenever." she seemed nervous then and he wondered momentarily if she was finally starting to get it.

"Okay," he said quickly, eager to get out of this situation. Just then they heard another voice.

"Oh-kay. Sorry to interrupt. I..." two years ago he would never have imagined himself as being happy to have Michael interrupt a single minute he got to spend alone with Pam, but there were a lot of things he could never have imagined two years ago.

"Nope. You're not interrupting anything. Nope. I'm..." he trailed off, not sure how to explain himself.

"All right," Michael said.

"Don't..." He wasn't even sure what he was saying at this point. Don't tell Pam what I said in your hotel room? Don't take this as something it's not? Please, whatever you do, don't mention this to Karen? It could have been any of those things or all of them, but since he had no way to really say them he said nothing.

"Okay." Michael responded.

"All right." He wanted to just walk out, but he knew Pam would feel it, and even after everything she'd done to him, he couldn't hurt her like that, it just wasn't physically possible for him. So instead he turned his gaze back to her. "I should probably get back to work. Get back to work." What was wrong with him? He sounded like a complete idiot.

Luckily Pam didn't seem to notice. "Yeah. I know, me too," she replied.

"All right!" he hoped she couldn't hear the relief in his voice, but at this point it was all he could do to keep from bolting to the door.

Five minutes later he happened to glance up as Pam walked past him on her way back to her desk. In her hands was an open can of grape soda.

Like I said, I don't know what was wrong with me. I should've just known. She was giving me all kinds of clues. Practically hitting me over the head with them. Especially that first day. A few months later everything had started to settle down, and it wasn't totally impossible for me to have a normal conversation with her. But I never saw her drink grape soda after that first day. I guess she's like me that way. Neither of us wanted to dwell on the past when the future looked so bleak. Thankfully for us, I eventually got my act together.