About a month later we found a way to put all that leftover soda from Pam's fridge to good use.

"I don't know." Jim said, looking up at Pam. She was half-sitting on his desk in a way she hadn't done nearly enough since he'd come back from Stamford, but it surprised him that their positions still felt familiar after so much time had passed. "I mean, I felt fine yesterday, but this morning when I woke up everything was like purple for a second, and then it went away."

"Weird."

"Yeah. I mean, I guess I could talk to a doctor or something, but...I don't..." Jim trailed off, checking out of the corner of his eye to make sure Dwight was getting all this.

"Yeah, that's pretty weird. I'm not sure you should say anything. They might try to turn you into some government experiment," Pam replied. He tried not to smile over at her, but it was so hard not to when she was so good at this.

"I know," he responded, managing to keep a straight face, but just barely.

"Well, let me know if you need anything, okay?" Pam said, standing up to walk back to her own desk.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks Pam."

He reached down to retrieve the can of grape soda he'd grabbed from her fridge that morning. He took his time popping the thing open and then took a sip and set it down on the corner of his desk, facing Dwight. He didn't dare look up, but he knew exactly the face he would have seen if he had. Dwight's suspicious look was almost as familiar as the after taste of the soda that still lingered in his mouth, and as he picked up his phone to call his first customer of the day, Jim thought about how great it was to finally be back where he belonged.

-----

By the middle of the morning everything was proceeding as planned. Pam met up with him in the break room and reported that she had seen Dwight examining the soda can while Jim was meeting with Michael in his office.

"Do you think he got the phone number?" he asked.

"Uh-huh."

"You don't think he noticed that the label was just stuck on over the other one?

"Nope. I actually saw him program it into his cell phone," said Pam.

"What? Why?"

"Why? Because he's Dwight," she replied, with an implied "duh!" in her tone. "He puts all kinds of phone numbers in there. It's actually kind of creepy. Anyway now that he's got the phone number I say its time to move on to phase two."

"Yes. Awesome," Jim responded. "So you know the plan right?"

"Know it? I came up with it!" Pam exclaimed.

"What? This was totally my idea," he protested.

"Some of it, not all of it. Not this part."

"Oh yeah? I seem to recall a joint brainstorming session that never would've happened in the first place if I hadn't come up with the original idea."

"Whatever, Halpert." Pam scoffed. "You know you've always stolen your best pranks from me."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," she challenged.

Just then Toby walked into the break room and they both awkwardly tried to come up with something else to say. Finally Pam just excused herself and went back to her desk. A few minutes later Jim did the same.

-----

Phase two began when Kelly walked up to the receptionist desk.

"Hey, Pam. You said you had a message for me."

"Oh, yeah," Pam said, pretending to hunt around on her desk. Jim could tell she was scrambling to come up with some kind of message and he was a little surprised that she hadn't been prepared for this already. But then he remembered that he had sort of been trying to distract her from her part in this plan by sneaking faces in her direction for the last half an hour or so. All things considered he could understand if she wasn't completely ready when Kelly made her appearance. Finally Pam grabbed a scribbled-on post-it and handed it to Kelly. Jim figured that would work fine since he knew that unless the message had RYAN written across it in big bold letters, Kelly wouldn't bother reading it anyway.

"Hey Kelly, that shirt looks really good on you," Pam said, right on cue.

"Thanks, I got it on sale. Isn't it awesome? I totally love the little sparkly part right up next to the collar. So cute! I just wish I had somewhere to wear it that wasn't in the office. You know, like in New York or something..." she trailed off.

"I really like it, too, Kelly." Jim chimed in. "Did you just change into it or something?"

"Um, no." Kelly said, turning to give him a weird look. "This is the same shirt I was wearing this morning."

"Really? But I thought you were wearing a red shirt earlier," Jim returned. Once again he was tempted to check that Dwight was paying attention.

"This is red," Kelly answered giving Jim another confused look.

"Seriously? It looks purple to me. Are you sure?"

"Jim," Dwight interjected.

"Dwight?" Jim responded, keeping his face straight.

"What color is this pen?" Dwight asked seriously.

"Purple," he answered casually.

"What about this piece of paper?"

"Purple."

"Phyllis's hair."

"Purple. Whoa, weird. When did that happen?" Phyllis turned slightly to give them a questioning look, but didn't say anything since she was on the phone.

"Okay. What color is this plant?" Dwight asked, speaking slowly and deliberately.

"Uh...purple?"

"Okay." Dwight said, suddenly sounding cautious. "I think I need to make a phone call."

"Okay." Jim shrugged as Dwight walked out into the main hallway of their floor to call on his cell. As he turned back to his monitor Pam winked at him and he smiled.

-----

"Did you bring them?" Jim was staring at himself in the mirror of the men's bathroom. Well, he was staring at his eyes in particular.

"I can't believe you made me sneak into the men's bathroom for this. Why couldn't you have snuck into the women's bathroom?" Pam asked, coming over to the mirror. He glanced in her direction and caught a look on her face that he knew meant she wasn't thinking about him-she was thinking about scent of candle she should get to put in here tomorrow.

"The sooner we get them in the sooner you can leave," he reminded her.

"Okay, here."

"What, you're not gonna do it?"

"Stick something in your eye? No. I'm not gonna do it. That's gross."

"Well, I don't want to do it."

"Oh, suck it up, Halpert. They're just contacts."

"What if it hurts?" He wasn't really that concerned about the pain, but it would be have been nice to get some sympathy from Pam.

"Are you serious?" she scoffed.

"Fine."

It actually didn't hurt much after all. But it was still a little weird for him to think about the fact that there was something stuck to his eyeball. He was glad he didn't have to do this on a regular basis or anything. It was all worth it, though, the next time he looked up to see Dwight's face go from shocked to slightly panicked when he looked into Jim's newly-purple eyes.

-----

Half an hour later he finally had to check for himself. He trusted Larissa to do her job, but he just wanted to see what exactly she'd said.

He picked up his phone and dialed the number. After three rings her machine picked up. "Hi, you've reached the customer service hotline for grape soda products, inc. All of our representatives are currently unavailable. Please leave your name and a detailed message at the beep and we will get back to you as soon as possible. In the mean time, please use caution with anyone you suspect may have been harmed by any of our products. We have occasionally recorded cases of extreme, and sometimes dangerous side effects, so please take any necessary measures to protect yourself and those around you. Also, please refrain from informing the authorities until you have spoken with a representative as we will usually be better equipped to deal with the situation. Thank you and have a wonderful day!"

He hung up as the electronic beep sounded and then smiled with satisfaction. At first he hadn't been convinced that they needed to get Larissa in on this, but as Pam had pointed out, Dwight had a freakishly weird memory for things like phone numbers, so using either his or Pam's would've been a dead give-away. Besides, neither of them was all that good at disguising their voices. And though he hadn't mentioned it to Pam, he knew this would be a good ice-breaker for tonight.

-----

By four thirty that afternoon, phase four was in full swing.

"Jim what happened to you?" Pam asked, coming up behind him on her way back from the kitchen.

"What? Oh, that. I don't know. I got a paper cut earlier, but I didn't think it was bleeding."

"Jim, your blood is purple," Pam said. Dwight instantly looked up.

"Really? I can't really tell anymore. Everything looks purple, you know?"

"Jim, this is serious. I think we should get you to the hospital," said Pam, bending down to get a closer look at the dark purple pen that was artfully decorating his hand.

"No Pam. Don't. I promise you I have the situation under control," Dwight interjected.

"What?" Pam said, acting confused.

"Just don't make any sudden movements," Dwight said. Then Jim's eyebrows rose as Dwight attempted to shove his way between Jim and Pam.

"Dwight, what are you talking about?" asked Pam.

"Pam, I need you to back slowly toward your desk. Also, try not to talk to Jim for the rest of the day."

"Why not?" Pam was half-way back to her desk at this point, but Jim could see she was having a hard time keeping the smile off her face.

"Don't ask questions, okay? This is serious. I am handling this."

"Um. Okay, Dwight, if you're sure."

"I am. Now let me just make one more call."

"Jim, you just stay where you are."

"Uh...okay, Dwight."

-----

The afternoon passed more slowly after that, what with Pam trying to obey Dwight's orders and not talk to him. But Jim kept busy thinking about that evening. He was taking Pam out to dinner with his parents, his brother, Jonathan, and his sister, Larissa. Everyone was meeting up at Larissa's place first, and even though he was sure everything would go fine, it was still a little nerve-wracking.

After work he and Pam drove home in separate cars. They were trying to keep their relationship from being public knowledge at the office, and so far it was working fairly well, but he still wished he didn't have to see her get in her own car without him every day. He stopped at his apartment to change into some jeans and a sweater, and then drove over to Pam's apartment to pick her up.

"What if she doesn't like me?" Pam asked when they were half-way there.

"Yeah right!" Jim laughed.

"Jim! I'm serious!"

"I'm sorry, but there is absolutely no way she won't like you. The one you should really be worried about is my mom."

"Really?"

"No," he answered seriously, which prompted her to nudge him playfully with her elbow. "Pam, relax, they're all going to love you. Probably more than they love me by the end of the night."

"I seriously doubt that," she said. He could tell she was still trying to calm down the butterflies in her stomach as they waited for a stoplight a few blocks from Larissa's house.

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you. Oh, and speaking of warnings: they're a pretty huggy bunch. Just thought you might want to know that."

"Hugs I can take. As long as they aren't like Michael's."

"I'm sorry; did you just compare my family to Michael? Get out of the car." he said, braking to pull up to the nearest curb.

"No! I'm kidding!" Pam laughed. "Keep driving, dork. I don't want to be late." he laughed too, but he kept the car idling there as their laughter died down. Then he reached out to grab her hand and gave her what he hoped was a kind but serious look.

"Hey, we don't have to do this if you don't want to. I mean we're not there yet. I can call them right now and we can just cancel or reschedule. It won't be a big deal."

"No, I want to. Really. I want to do this," she said seriously. He smiled, knowing that this was a big step for them. They both knew that their relationship was unusual. Normally, Jim wouldn't have been introducing his girlfriend of less than a month to the family like this. But this was Pam, and though he was careful not to mention it to her, he knew that if he had his way, this would be the last time he'd ever introduce a girlfriend to his family.

Five minutes later, they arrived at the door to Larissa's townhouse. Pam reached out to ring the doorbell, and Jim could tell by the way her other hand was clasping his a little more tightly than usual that she was still a little nervous. When the door opened she immediately relaxed. Everyone always said that he and Larissa looked exactly alike, except for the fact that he was a guy and she was a girl, of course. And even he had to admit that the resemblance was remarkable. Their mouths were the same shape, and they had all the same facial expressions.

"Jim!" she cried, immediately launching herself on him. "And you must be Pam," she continued, pulling Pam in for a similar hug. "Oh, I'm so glad you guys are here! You have got to hear these messages! They're hilarious! I've been cracking up ever since I got home."

"So it worked?"

"Totally! You really outdid yourself this time."

"Well, it was mostly Pam's idea."

"Awesome." Larissa turned to face Pam again. "It's so good to finally meet you," she said, pulling Pam in for another quick hug. "I've heard so much about you. And can I just say right now how glad I am that Jim has finally found someone who can pull a decent prank? Seriously. You should hear Dwight's third call. It's priceless."

She ushered them both inside and they followed her down a short hallway to the kitchen where all three of them crowded around the answering machine.

"Hello. This is Dwight K. Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager for Dunder-Mifflin Paper's Northeast Regional Office. I am calling about my co-worker, Jim Halpert. He's been drinking inordinate amounts of your soda lately, and I'm beginning to suspect that something is going wrong. I appreciate the information in your automated message, but I think I should speak to you as soon as possible. This is a delicate situation, but if your product is harmful it should be reported to the proper authorities."

The next message was even better.

"Hello. This is Dwight K. Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager for Dunder-Mifflin. I called earlier about my co-worker, Jim? Something is definitely wrong with him, and I suspect that this time it is due to your product and not his own stupidity. I have confiscated Jim's supply of soda, but his condition seems to be worsening. Please advise."

Jim couldn't help but laugh, but he was quickly shushed by Pam and Larissa as the next message began.

"Hello. Dwight Schrute here. I sincerely hope you are prepared for legal action. Jim's condition is now threatening harm to others in the office. As far as I can tell there is some sort of toxin in his bloodstream. I have placed myself in charge of him for the remainder of the afternoon, and am attempting to keep the situation stable, but as I said, I have no idea if these symptoms are contagious. If you cannot reach me at this number, please feel free to call me at home later this evening. If Jim's condition gets worse it might impair his ability to perform his job as a salesman here, which would cause further harm to this company. I am personally appalled that my calls have not been returned. Prompt customer service is a hallmark of good business. If other companies followed your examp-"

The message cut off, and all three of them immediately went from hushed giggles to out and out laughter. Right then Jim knew for sure that he had been right earlier. Pam would fit in perfectly with his family.

Okay, I just have to say, that's probably one of my all-time favorite pranks we've pulled on Dwight. Not that it was particularly well done or anything, but I love that Pam and I had so much fun with it. It had been way too long since we'd done something so elaborate.

Of course when I came in the next morning I acted like I was totally fine and pretended I had no idea what Dwight was talking about when he asked me about my 'symptoms.' But I think to this day he gets suspicious when I drink grape soda. It's awesome. And I couldn't have done it without Pam. That's what I love about her. She just totally gets me. In fact, it didn't take me very long to figure out that I never, ever wanted to lose her again. And she knew that too, but Pam's a little more cautious than I am, so at first we decided to compromise...