Chapter 4: Eye contact.
Jim walked in and hung up his coat near the reception desk. He did his best just to glance at Pam but he couldn’t help but stare at her when they made eye contact. He knew she couldn’t help do the same thing; it’s just something they’ve always done.
As he walked by she gave him a small smile, which he returned. After the car yesterday they seemed to have come to an understanding of where they stood. But God help him, he couldn’t let it go. He knew deep down he didn’t like where they stood. It was like they were on a cliff and if they took one more step they’d fall off the edge.
Jim saw Karen walk in and approach his desk and Pam looked down, breaking their eye contact.
“I had fun last night. Maybe we could do the same thing tonight…but skipping the dinner part.” She had her hands on Jim’s tie and was slightly pulling at it.
He felt like she was choking him. “Yeah, sure.”
He was surprised when she just walked away after his short answer. She couldn’t tell something was off about him? But maybe its better that way. If she can’t tell something’s wrong with them, he doesn’t have to fix it.
Before turning to get to work, he made one more look at Pam. She’s looking down now but he knew she wasn’t really working. As if reading his mind she looks up and they connect eyes again and he notices something different. The color of her eyes seems to have dulled and he wonders if she can see in black and white because of it. He can see she’s hurt too, probably is that way every time he looks at her. But he can’t stop.
~*~*~
Pam can tell Jim’s reading her expressions through her eyes and she looks down before he can get too far. She knows her eyes are like mirrors. Look into them long enough and you can see a true reflection of what she’s feeling.
She didn’t want him to know how she truly felt. It would just mess things up for him and Karen. She just wanted him to be happy and she could tell he was with her. And she wouldn’t destroy that for him. He deserved to be happy, even if it meant she wouldn’t be.
~*~*~
Jim gets up and heads into the break room to get coffee, feeling someone on his heels. He holds the door open for them and realizes that it’s Karen. Of course it is; she’s always two steps behind him.
“Did you say something to Pam yet?” she asks.
Jim looks at her and for a moment. “I made up with her yesterday.”
“Made up? When?”
She’s genuinely confused and that’s when Jim remembers he didn’t tell her he gave Pam a ride home. He wonders why he didn’t, seeing as how you’re supposed to tell the one you love everything. It was strange, he could tell Pam everything.
“It was pouring down rain. I gave Pam a ride home.” It wasn’t a big deal was it? He can’t understand why he didn’t tell her. She had asked him when he got to the restaurant last night why he was late.
Karen puts a hand on his forearm and he can’t help but wonder if thats some speical way to get his attention. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know.” He shakes his head. He honestly doesn’t know why he didn’t tell her. The answer that kept repeating in his head was that he didn’t want to. He wanted to keep the real answer to himself. After all if he didn’t need to tell Karen, he wouldn’t have to feel bad about it later.
~*~*~
Pam’s head jerked up when Karen slammed the break room door closed. She hoped to God that it had nothing to do with her. But her hope died when Karen glared at her on her way out of the office.
She shook her head and headed back to the break room to find Jim leaning on the sink, his head was so low that it was basically in his cup of coffee.
“What happened?” she asked him. They could talk about stuff like that now right?
He just shook his head and never looked up at her. Maybe they couldn’t talk about this. They could talk about anything else but this. She was about to turn and leave when he finally said they had a fight.
She wasn’t surprised. Jim and Karen were always fighting about something. It reminded Pam of the way Roy and her had been. But she wouldn’t dare mention that to Jim. “What were you fighting about?”
He stood up and turned to look at her. Was he that tall before? “I didn’t tell Karen that I took you home last night. And I don’t know why.”
She nodded and couldn’t help but think that he was damn sure of what the answer was. And Pam was almost furious at him for it. He was always telling her that she was the one that had to take chances on things when he couldn’t even tell Karen the truth of why he was late for their date.
“You sure about that?” she asked and when she saw his expression she wished she hadn’t.
“I’m not lying. I really don’t know why I didn’t tell her.”
She could tell she was upsetting him and she decided she’d leave before she screwed up the damage control that happened yesterday. “Well you should go after her, try and talk it out.”
He shook his head. “She’s pretty pissed at me.”
Pam shrugged her shoulders. “You love her don’t you?” She didn’t know if she was asking more for herself or to actually help Jim.
He barely nodded at first but then became more confident in passing seconds.
“You don’t throw things like that away Jim. Might be hard to find later.”
She turned and left before he made eye contact with her. She knew if he would have, he’d be able to see right through her.
~*~*~
“You love her don’t you?” He heard her ask.
Jim found himself really asking himself that. Did he really love Karen? He thought he did. At times he felt like he loved her more than Pam. Or was that just something he tried to convince himself was happening.
But regardless of what the hell he felt, he found himself nodding slowly. Using words would just tip off the fact that he was lying.
“You don’t throw things like that away Jim. Might be hard to find later.” Was she accusing him of something?
He almost laughed when he’d heard that. Where the hell was she coming from? She couldn’t have been referring to Karen; she was talking about herself. She had to be, because it was too much of a coincidence if she wasn’t. Jim was angry when Pam said that because it made him feel like he had just thrown her to the side. Did she really think he could do that? Just pick someone else up and forget about her?
He was about to ask her those same questions when he realized that that’s what he basically had done. But he had just moved on, which is something you’re not supposed to feel guilty about.
Jim tried looking into her eyes before she left but she turned just in time to avoid him. He was kind of relived that she turned when she did because if he saw one suspicion that she was talking about herself, he would have called her out on it.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This chapter is short =/ sorry! next will be longer, happy holidays!!!!!
Chapter End Notes:
thanks for reading! feel free to comment!
