“Karen hey...” Jim tried to approach her with caution. Luckily she was sitting on one of the steps in the staircase so she couldn’t throw anything at him. She looked up at him and had tear tracks down her face, which he instantly felt like an ass for. What was it with him and making women cry? First Pam and now her; he swore he had a hidden talent or something.
“Hi.” She said. Great one syllable, he was making progress.
He sat next to her. “Look, I’m sorry. You were right; I should have told you about dropping Pam off.”
She nodded and wiped under her eyes with her fingertips. “So why didn’t you?”
Damnit, they were going to get into this all over again weren’t they? “I just, I didn’t want to fight with you.” He surprised himself with how quickly he could come up with a lie.
“Ok, but you see telling me now just got us into this fight? Just tell me the truth next time.” And how quickly she could buy into it.
Jim nodded but said nothing. He was confused with her wording, or maybe he just wanted to muddle with the facts. Her rules had been simple: just tell the truth next time. So did that mean tell the truth, or were some white lies considered to be more honest? After all, aren’t white lies better to hear if the truth is more painful?
“I will.” He said to reassure her, although he had no idea what he meant by promising that.
Karen turned and put her arms around him and he pulled her closer. Her hair covered some of his face and he drew in her scent with a small smile. She smelled like some type of berries, which made him feel very secure and serene. She smelled like something he knew, but he couldn’t grasp what it was.
~*~*~
Jim sat down in the break room and opened his brown bag. He was taking his lunch break now, no matter what anybody else said. It was only; he looked at his watch, a half an hour ahead of schedule. Would anyone really care that much? Besides, while everyone was still working he could have some time to himself.
He glanced through the windows at Karen and thought back to their previous conversation. He was still trying to work through what she had said, although he was pretty sure what the bottom line was. Maybe he could talk with Pam about it; she seemed to have pretty good advice on what his problems were. But maybe talking with Pam about his problems was the problem.
Jim wonders what would have happened if he would have told Karen it took Pam to knock some sense into him to come and talk with her. He’s glad he didn’t, it’d be another fight he’d have to fix.
When he looked up he saw Pam sitting across from him. He’d been so deep in his thoughts he didn’t even see her come in. Seeing the expectant look on her face he guessed she had asked him something.
“What?” he asked.
She put another chip into her mouth and swallowed. “I said did you make up with Karen?”
“Oh, yeah I did.” Whatever the hell that meant. He was so damned confused anymore on what he intended when he spoke. “You’re taking your lunch early?”
She shrugged. “You look sad and lonely.”
He smiled and took a chip from her. “Wow thanks Beesely.”
“What did she say?”
He kept feeling like Pam had a teleprompter feeding her these constant questions to ask. “She told me to tell the truth and we hugged. We’re alright now…I guess.”
She smiled picking up his grape soda can. “You guess?”
He watched as she took a sip from it and put it back in front of him. He wondered how in the hell she did it so calmly when he felt like he was going to implode. “Yeah, I guess. You know that thing you do when you’re not really sure of something? That’s called guessing.”
She made an “O” shape with her mouth and lightly kicked at his shin under the table. “Wow, thanks Dwight.”
He smiled again and was about to ask her about the other part of the whole truth thing, but then decided against it. It wouldn’t be hard to figure out what to do. He already knew that there were two types of lies.
There was a white lie, which he found to be very easy to use. Maybe too easy, since it becomes a habit after so many uses. He used a white lie when he had arrived late for dinner with Karen and he had told her it was traffic instead of Pam.
But then there was another type of lie, the red ones. The red ones are more serious and hurt all the more. The red ones were the kind you only kept to yourself; the ones you hide away in cages far deep inside you because you don’t know how to deal with them. Everyone had their red lies. But the problem with Jim was he was having trouble deciphering what was red, white, or the truth anymore.
“Did you want to say something?”
“What?” He had to remember to stay focused when he was talking to someone. Otherwise his other thoughts made him form questions and Pam always knew when he wanted to say something.
She shrugged. “You looked like you wanted to say something.”
Jim smiled and picked up his soda can, which was in front of Pam again, and took a sip out of it. “Other than keep you’re hands off my grape soda, I’ve got nothing.”
One small lie at a time.
~*~*~
Jim followed Pam into the conference room for one of Michael’s deranged meetings. He didn’t understand why they really needed to go in the conference room for these things anyway, it’s not like anyone was really paying attention except for Dwight.
He was about to sit down next to Pam when he saw Karen walk in and sit on the opposite side of the room. When she made eye contact with him he knew he was screwed.
He turned to Pam. “Hey, I better go sit next to Karen. I don’t want to get into another fight with her.”
She nodded like she understood. “Yeah of course, go ahead.”
Even though she was smiling he could sense she was hurt. No, he wasn’t going to do this. He wasn’t just going to hurt Pam just so he wouldn’t piss off Karen. “You know what? Why don’t you sit on the other side of me?”
As soon as the words left his mouth he knew he should have smacked himself in the forehead. When they sat down he could practically feel the angry waves off of Karen and when he glanced at Pam he could tell she felt awkward. It was like a twisted game of monkey-in-the-middle, but no one was happy to be playing games. Although after the meeting started, he decided he really didn’t care. He was tired of keeping the two people he cared about most in separate categories.
As the presentation droned on, Jim suddenly felt a weight on his arm. He looked to his right and Pam was leaning her forearm against it. It reminded him of the time that she once fell asleep on his shoulder during that diversity presentation. Butterflies filled his stomach at the memory and he wished his feelings were as simple as they were then.
The only thing that was ever on his mind then was Pam. It was simple and easy and he missed that. He missed knowing who he woke up in the morning for or knowing why in the hell he came to work. He was tired of being confused and having his feelings shift every time he saw Karen or Pam.
He looked at Karen and saw she was staring at Pam leaning against his arm. In all honesty, his arm was starting to fall asleep and the pins and needles poking at him wanted her to get off. But feeling those butterflies in stomach, with their powerful aphrodisiacs, made sure he’d never tell her to move.
Jim would never tell Karen this and he made sure to think of a good explanation later, but he’d rather have his arm fall off then have Pam move to a different position.
Author's Chapter Notes:
i hope everyone had a great holiday! heres a new chapter :D enjoy!!!
