Pam was silent when they went back inside to the warehouse. He was kind of wondering if she had lost her voice somewhere in between the parking lot and there. Or maybe he’d taken it. The rain had seeped into his clothes so maybe that was where her voice had gone; deep into the fibers of cotton on his shirt. He felt like if he slept with those clothes on he’d hear her in his dreams.
He followed her down those damned stairs again and looked around the room. It looked a bit trashed thanks to his graceful steps on the ladder. The sharpies and pens were blanketing the floor and the folders and boxes were skewed about near the ladder.
Jim laid his hand gently on her shoulder when she started picking up the pens. “Pam, are you alright?”
It was then he realized she was shaking and he looked around for his jacket. “Are you cold?”
She nodded and watched him look for his jacket a moment. “Here.”
He placed it over her shoulders and she pushed her arms through the sleeves. It was way too big for her and the shoulders of it were broad. She wrapped herself in it and took a deep breath and the smells of Jim enveloped her nostrils. It felt so warm even though she kept shivering. It was then when she realized it wasn’t his jacket, it was him. Jim always made her feel shaky and warm; he always did this to her. And now that she had kissed him, he was in her system now and she felt like she would overdose. That is if you could overdose on warm fuzzies and butterflies in your stomach that made you shake.
“Jim…what. What was that out there?” She knew the answer but she needed him to say it. She didn’t have enough courage to admit what had happened, what she had done.
“I think you know what it was.” He said reaching for her arms. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms trying to create friction, trying to create heat. Because in the end that’s all they were; two cold bodies that if brought together, would create warmth.
She shook her head and pulled herself away from him. She didn’t need warmth. She needed to feel what was real. And what was real was cold and distant. “Ok one more time Jim, what the hell was that out there?”
She was angry with herself that she had let that happen and it was spilling over into her voice. It wasn’t Jim’s fault that she couldn’t deal and she could tell he knew that. “Like you don’t know, Pam. As I remember you jumped me out there.”
Pam sighed angrily. “Don’t say it like that.”
“Don’t say it like that because it’s true?” he asked. He needed to add the word truth in there as much as possible, because in the end he knew that was what Pam was really afraid of. Letting herself know what was true and right in front of her.
“I did not jump you.” Pam said now throwing his jacket at him.
He brought his hand up to block it from hitting his face and threw it on the ground. “Jumped, flied, leaped, hopped. However you want to put it, you still kissed me.”
He was walking closer and closer to her and she was backing up that many times to get away. He wasn’t letting this one disappear under the rug with all the other secrets they had created and ignored.
She eventually backed herself into a shelf and stood there looking at him. “Jim I’m not sure what happened but I—”
“Don’t do that.” He said suddenly. “You know exactly how you feel.” He should know, he felt the same way too.
“The truth is Pam; you can hide behind Roy all you want. But ya know what?” He shrugged and looked away from her. “It won’t change the fact of how you felt when you kissed me. Or when I kissed you.”
He wanted a reaction from her but he wasn’t going to get one. She felt like his words were shackles, permanently keeping her there in that moment where she couldn’t decide what to say or do.
Jim shook his head and handed her the piles of manila folders on the floor.
“Just thought you ought to know that.”
~*~*~*~
Pam remembered last night as a blur. She remembered the rain, and the taste of M&M’s and Jim. She remembered Jim, but then again how could she forget him?
“Babe! Its ten are you getting up?”
She placed the pillow over her head. “It’s Saturday Roy.”
“I know, I wanted some breakfast.” He called back and it made her grit her teeth.
“I’m not feeling well.” She groaned trying to block out the pervious day.
“Alright but when you get up I want some food alright?” he then yelled at the television and she could hear a football score.
She sat up in bed and threw her legs over the side and let them dangle. Was this what her life was really going to be like? She kept forgetting what it felt like to wake up with butterflies when you remembered who was in bed next to you. She couldn’t recall in a long time when Roy hadn’t given her butterflies that didn’t make her stomach recoil.
Pam stood slowly and walked over to grab her robe. When she pulled it from her chair, the sweater she’d been wearing last night fell to the floor. She picked it up and for some reason brought it to her nose. Last night’s memories filled her senses and she smelled Jim all around her.
“You know exactly how you feel.”
~*~*~*~
Jim rolled around in his sheets.
“Don’t say it like that.”
It’s when he heard her he opened his eyes. Like maybe she was sitting next to him or lying in the same bed that made him jolt awake. But as he woke up he realized he’d been recapping the previous night; and it made him suddenly sick to his stomach.
He sat up and realized that he’d fallen asleep in the clothes he had been wearing last night and pulled off his button down and t-shirt in one single motion. Before throwing it on the floor he brought the shirt to his nose. But nothing came to him and he rolled his eyes for thinking it would. All he smelled was a faint whiff of his cologne and damp fabric softener.
He stood and went into the bathroom to turn the shower and suddenly felt a tingling sensation on his forearms. Her imprints were still there, he could feel them. He needed the water to be scalding hot to get rid of them. To be rid of her.
~*~*~*~
Monday came too quickly along with the aching headache of not enough sleep and not strong enough coffee. Pam felt extremely sluggish walking from the elevator to her desk. And when she got there she realized Jim wasn’t at his desk. It was funny that the next thing she did was make sure his coat was on the rack; to make sure he was there at all. Because if he wasn’t the day would suck a whole lot more, even though she wouldn’t like to admit it.
“Pam, can I see you in here please?” Michael called from his office.
Pam nodded even though Michael couldn’t see her and headed into his office. When she turned the corner to sit down she almost turned right back out. In fact, she figured she would have if Michael hadn’t closed the door. She sat next to Jim and his scent immediately assaulted her; like it had been waiting. She couldn’t help but glance over at him and only managed to see his muscles involuntarily flexing under his white button down shirt. She kept wondering what made him smell so good, what made him smell like Jim. But her thoughts were interrupted by her name being called.
Finally Jim had to elbow her arm to get her to turn her attention to Michael. She fought the urge to have her cheeks fill with embarrassment. “Yeah Michael?”
“As I was saying, you two did so well with the inventory the other night it was decided you’d be put in charge of putting client lists together.”
“Client lists?” Jim asked.
It’d been the first words she’d heard him say since that night. Michael nodded. “Yes client lists.” He said it slower like they had a problem learning. “Clients put in alphabetical order and then seeing what they’ve ordered and checked off on a sheet.”
“So basically inventories of what paper people are ordering.” Pam simplified.
“If I knew you would have needed it more simplified Pam I would have made a diagram.” When Michael added air quotes around simplified she felt like vomiting.
“Good for everyone?” Jim nodded in Michael’s general direction but wasn’t looking at him. After all if Pam wasn’t looking at him he could glance at her right?
When Michael said both of them could leave, Pam went straight back at her desk while Jim headed to the break room. She hoped he stayed there until five, until they had to be in a room alone again. Pam shook her head. Life was too much like rooms; a series of rooms. And who she got stuck with in those rooms; added up to whatever her life would be.
Fate had a funny way of sticking her in rooms with Jim all the time.
~*~*~*~
Jim glanced at the clock and wondered if it had stopped. He swore it had been 4:55 PM for ten minutes now. He kept wondering why Michael kept having those unexpected inventory spurs all of a sudden. As he carried more files into the conference room for him and Pam to sort a bit later, he took a glance at what she was doing.
Dwight and Oscar were leaving and passing her desk and Pam was on the phone. But by the tone of her voice it was anything but pleasant. He guessed it was Roy. He heard her slam the phone down and saw her put her head in her hands and he just stood there. It was the first time in a long time he didn’t feel the need to come to her rescue.
~*~*~*~
When Pam walked into the conference room and shut the door, Jim had to bite his tongue to prevent in asking her if she was ok or not. Which she clearly wasn’t, but knowing Pam, it was just a fight with Roy. And Jim forced himself not to care, he was tired of caring and it not get him anywhere.
“Alphabetical?” she asked, her voice was tear streaked.
Jim nodded and his tongue got away from the clenching of his teeth. “Suddenly forget the alphabet Beesly?” He realized then he was just trying to get her to forgive him. But he didn’t understand why; he hadn’t done anything wrong.
He watched her for a moment as anger poured from her and she shifted quickly through the papers. She let them fly and fall from her hands as she went through them and Jim went against his better judgment and clasped her hands tightly.
“Hey whoa…” He said trying to get her to stop.
She did and looked at him for a moment, and then her glance traveled down to their hands.
He smiled suddenly. “Haven’t you worked at a paper company for a while now? You’ll get a paper cut.”
It was so simple and sweet that Pam’s angry glare faded and she smiled along with him. “I missed that in taking that college class, Paper Cuts 101.”
He shrugged. They were still holding hands. “Well I’m sure you missed a few days. I think you weren’t there that day when we got the colorful band aids.”
She shook her head and suddenly realized her pinky was stinging. He must have noticed it too because he let go of one hand to take her other hand with both of his. Pam felt like her hands were so small compared to his. His were so soft and gentle. Nothing like Roy’s; not rough and callused.
He picked up her hand and brought it close to his face. “Told you. You have a paper cut.”
She shrugged and felt his breath close around her cut and enter her bloodstream; she wondered what her body would do when it realized she had Jim’s oxygen in her.
“Luckily, I saw Dwight bring in Star Wars bandages.” He smiled letting go of her hands for a moment to go and retrieve them. He kept trying to remember how many bandages it took to wrap around his heart after he kept letting her back in.
She smiled and sat in one of the chairs against the wall. “Right, lucky me.”
Jim sat next to her and lifted her hand again; it had been cold without his touch. He gently wrapped it in a Jar Jar Binx band aid and smiled, seeing her little pinky bandaged up with such a thing.
“Will I be alright Dr. Jim?” she pouted like a five year old would at the doctor. But all he did was look at her.
“Do I get a lollypop or sticker?” she mocked and it got his attention perfectly.
He raised his eyebrows slowly. “Oh, mocking the Doctor that healed your wound?”
She shook her head and her smile faded. “It still hurts though doctor.”
Jim smiled widely and took her hand once more. But this time he brought it to his lips and left a lingering kiss on it.
“Better?”
She only nodded. It was only a paper cut, but God, did it hurt.
~*~*~*~
opinions are appricated not ignored HEARTSSSSS thanks for reading =]
Sitemap | Terms of Service | Submission Rules | FAQs | Disclaimer | Donate | Contact Us |
© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali
© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali