Pam couldn’t describe what was happening to her as she was kissing Jim, but she couldn’t stop. She’d never felt anything like this before and it was an intense affair. And she knew she’d never felt anything like it because she’d remember something that made her entire body smolder. He was like an infection, he made her body burn and there was nothing she could do to cool herself down. Not until he left her system completely.
“Jim…” she stopped. “Can um…I have some water?”
He looked at her for a moment; trying to decide if she was serious. “Yeah, sure.”
She followed him into the kitchen and waited until he handed her the water. She downed the entire glass the second she got it, but the fire didn’t cease. It was if the water added to its rage as it burned through her body.
“Are you okay?” he asked her placing the glass in the sink.
She didn’t know, she’d never felt this way before. After being with Roy she trained herself to stop feeling. “I should get home.”
Maybe he was pushing his luck. “Roy doesn’t get back till Monday.” Was he really going to be that guy? The one who inferred he’d be the back up? The one that if she needed him would be there and take advantage of it?
He could tell after he’d said it that he’d never be that guy, she wouldn’t let him. “I can walk or you can drive me.” The nagging feeling was back now and she’d thought she’d lost it.
He wanted her to walk home. “Let me get my keys and make sure you have yours this time. Don’t try to hide them in the couch or anything.” He said that somewhat harshly and for once he didn’t look back to see her reaction because he could feel her eyes reaching him like daggers.
Pam knew she’d reverted back to form and she wasn’t sure how to get herself back because she thought she fixed it, fixed herself. At that moment she realized she hadn’t fixed anything, she’d just swept it under the rug and hoped it wouldn’t find her. “What are trying to say?”
He turned and slipped a sweatshirt over his head. He wondered if she really didn’t understand or was just playing stupid. “I’ve memorized this conversation Pam. I think I have the transcript.” It was the same thing with her all the time and he was sick of it.
She knew she’d changed; she was hurt more easily and felt hyper sensitive to everything he said. She looked at him till he looked at her and she longed his touch. “All right then since you know so much, what am I trying to say?” She crossed her arms over her chest, like it would somehow block him from reading her.
She was scared; a coward and he could think of so many other words to describe her with. “You’re trying to say that last night never happened, and that even though you didn’t mean to…” he shrugged. “, didn’t want to, you kissed me.”
Little things she thought had lost their sparks; they didn’t. They were just waiting till it was dark enough to shine the brightest. “Your right I had meant to kiss you. Was that in your transcript? Am I following my lines?”
She wasn’t and it was odd to him. He had the feeling like she was playing with him, saying things so out of character for her that he’d feel messed up inside. “Are you going to tell Roy?” He answered her with another question, one he was pretty sure he knew the answer of.
She smirked and rolled her eyes, it was very unlike her and Jim felt like he hadn’t woken up to the same person he knew last night. “Are you?”
He wondered what her reaction would be if he told her yes because he had every intention of doing so. “I might.”
She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding because she hadn’t expected him to say that. “You’ll ruin my marriage.”
Jim’s eyes grew wide and he let out a short laugh. “I’ll mess it up? Look around Pam, open your eyes. If anything ruins your marriage it’s the person you’re getting married to.”
She was shocked and she felt her hands turn into fists at her side. “What?”
“Let’s just put it this way, if your marriage was going to be so great would Roy be up at the lake right now? Would you be here?” He was trying to make her see things she was too clouded to realize, things too scared to admit.
Pam bit the inside of her cheek trying to keep the tears inside her eyes. She wouldn’t let him see how upset he’d made her but as she thought about it, it wasn’t Jim’s fault. He was just telling her things she’d tried to ignore.
“Please just take me home.” She whimpered and Jim felt it shock his entire system. She looked to the floor and he raised her chin trying to get her to look at him.
He nodded, running his thumb over where the tears were on her face. “I’ll take you home.”
He pulled her into his chest and she cried loudly into his sweatshirt, hoping to muffle the sounds. She liked to pretend that he didn’t know the real reason she was crying, that it was something he hadn’t made her do. That her secrets were in her tears and they were embedded into his sweatshirt forever and that he’d never know to look.
~*~*~*~
The drive to her apartment seemed longer than it should have been. Maybe because Jim was driving slower or the silence in the car seemed like forever. Neither of them could pinpoint it and just sat there waiting for the other to say something. It wasn’t until they had reached her home that she finally opened her mouth.
“Thanks.” Was all she said and pulled her keys from her purse. She tried to make him see that she had her keys, like last night wasn’t a big mistake like she was letting on.
He nodded and watched her walk inside. It wasn’t until he had realized he had a response and parked his car and ran inside it catch her. He ran up the stairs and knocked on her door and saw the elevator door open, she hadn’t reached her room yet.
“Did you run all the way up here?” she asked unlocking the door.
He nodded and tried catching his breath, but maybe the lack of oxygen wasn’t from the stairs.
Pam waited at the doorway and wouldn’t let him pass. He would have laughed if his sides hadn’t hurt so much. “Is there suddenly an anti-Jim barrier?” he quirked.
She didn’t smile and turned to close the door. He put his hand on the door, stopping her. He might have not been allowed in, but he could still tell her what he wanted to say. But then again maybe it had nothing to do with talking. He reached his arm out around her waist and pulled her to him. And before she could complain he crushed her mouth with his trying to block out the words he knew she was going to say. He did love her and even though she denied it, she loved him. Their lips intertwined and meshed until they couldn’t breathe. It was still not close enough, because no matter what they did, they were never close enough.
Pam pulled away and shook off the fire blazing through her body. She backed up into her apartment and shut the door on him. It was exactly what she had expected him to do and she realized that’s why she hadn’t let him in. Because even though he didn’t know it, she had memorized the transcript too, and she had loved where it was going and where they could go.
~*~*~*~
ok, chapter 10 is coming up :D i have a question i would like some feedback from. would you like jim to tell roy? yes or no? as always thanks for reading!
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© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali