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Jim was sitting in his room waiting for Pam to get back. He was sitting on his computer waiting for her instant messenger to come back from being idle. Tonight he was going to lay it all on the line. He needed to know what they were doing. He needed to know if they were even on the same page, because honestly he questioned whether or not she liked him back. When he saw her come back from being idle on her instant messenger he was out of the door and standing in front of her door knocking in under a minute. At first he thought that maybe she wasn’t really there. Then he heard rustling in her room so he knocked harder. He was going to do this, no backing down. Pam swung the door open and chuckled as she smiled. She was drunk. He couldn’t do it anymore.
She was searching for words that weren’t there. She wanted to say something smart and witty. Something that would make him regret choosing Katy and not her, but that wasn’t fair. She didn’t really know Katy. Maybe she’s a nice girl. Maybe she’s Jim’s type and she wasn’t. You can’t force a person be attracted to you. You can’t fight biology.
She realized that she still hadn’t said anything to him. “Hi.”
‘Very eloquent,’ she thought.
“Hey.” He wasn’t sure what to do. It would be weird to walk away now. But she didn’t give him the option of walking away. She grabbed a corner of his shirt and pulled him into the room. She’s not sure what came over her. She just wanted him in the room and he was just standing there.
He’s not sure what came over him either, as he grabbed the door handle and pulled the door shut behind him. Was he hoping that she would pull him to the bed and kiss him? Then, as if she could read his thoughts, she didn’t let go of his shirt and she tugged at his shirt on the way to her bed. Her knees hit the back of her bed and she sat down on the bed. Her hand was still on his shirt.
He looked down at her and he’s thinking that he can’t do this. ‘She’s drunk. What if she doesn’t remember? It’s probably just the liquor.’ But he can’t help to think that she still looks gorgeous even when she’s this drunk. It took all of his strength not to give in.
She was giggling again and that’s when he knew he couldn’t do it, but she still hadn’t let go of his shirt.
“Lay down with me.”
He can do that. He slept in the same bed as her last night and nothing happened. He keeps telling himself that he can do it. She scooted over and he plopped himself down next to her. He looked up at the ceiling trying to think about other things. Cars, class, puppies, anything as long as he can keep himself from turning his head to kiss her. He can feel her looking at him. He couldn’t take it anymore and he looked back. Their faces were inches away from each other.
She was telling herself, ‘Just do it.’
He was silently telling her to, ‘just do it’ too.
He knew that if she made the first move it would be over. She broke the tension by trying to shove him, but he was solid, he didn’t budge at all. She did manage to push herself closer to the edge though. She did it again and he put his arm behind her to move her away from the edge. She attempted it again, but this time he put a little extra force behind pulling her back and they were right where they started again, inches away from that impending kiss. This time however, he broke the stare first, not on purpose. He just glanced down to look at her hand that is was still laying flat against his chest. She swore she could feel his heart racing, but it was probably just wishful thinking.
She knew that nothing was going to happen now, but she figured that she had him here so she could at least get a little cuddling out of this. Friends cuddle, right? She rolled over on her stomach and nudged him until he was flat on his back. She put her head on his chest and draped an arm over him. When he wrapped his arms around her she told herself that friends DO cuddle. She tilted her head up so she could look at his face. He looked back down at her and held her a little bit tighter and she closed her eyes.
They laid there for what seemed like hours. He thought that she had fallen asleep. He was studying her face, every line, every eyelash. The way her eyelids moved when he ran his hand up her spine.
“Tell me a story.”
“Oh, okay, I’ve got one. Once upon a time... there was an evil farmer named Dwight Schrute... the first.”
“No, a real one about you.” She loved feeling the vibration on his chest when he spoke, it was soothing. She closed her eyes as he ran his hand up her back again. “Just talk.” He was making her feel less drunk, and that’s what she wanted.
“You first. Tell me what you did tonight?”
“Well I drank.”
“Really? Couldn’t tell.”
“I drank with Michael, Meredith, Toby, Karen and Kevin. And then Angela picked us up.”
He could tell that she was a little sleepy. He was also sure that she had just made up one of the most outrageous stories he had ever heard, not including any story that Dwight had told him about his cousin Mose though.
“Your turn.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Tell me why you want to be an architect.”
“I don’t know. I always thought of it as art that you didn’t have to go to a museum to see. It’s free to anyone that walks by. It’s art that people inhabit.”
“I like that,” she whispered. She moved her head against his chest. “Can you stay here with me tonight?”
This was the first time she had ever asked him for something like that. He was always the one initiating things. “Yep.” He looked down at his jeans. “Can I go change first?”
She moved his head off his chest and nodded. “I need to change too.”
He got off the bed slowly and walked towards the door. “I’ll be right back.” He didn’t want to seem too eager so he took his time walking up the stairs and getting changed. He was thinking a million different things on the walk back down. This is good right? Two nights in a row. She’s the one that asked.
Pam had changed and was sitting on her bed thinking. She thought about Katy. Was she making Jim cheat on her? Were they even that serious if he was spending the night in her room? Was he just being a good friend to her? She really wished she wasn’t drunk right now. She forgot all of these things when Jim knocked lightly on the door that was cracked open.
He gave her a lopsided grin. ‘It’s all fair in love and war, right?’ she thought. She knew in the morning that she would feel bad for thinking that, but right now drunk Pam didn’t care.
He turned off the lights. The lights from outside were casting shadows on the walls. He climbed into bed and they resumed their earlier position. “Thanks for staying with me.”
“Anytime.”
Did he mean that?
“Is Kelly going to come back and be weirded out that I’m here?”
“No, because I’m sleep-xiling her.”
“You just made that word up right now.”
She laughed. “I’m allowed to make up words.”
The room went quiet for a bit.
“Jim?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without you. Don’t leave me.” Secretly this wasn’t about Katy. It was a Roy issue. She couldn’t take it if someone else left her.
“I pinky swear.” He grabbed her hand in the dark and linked his pinky with hers. He could feel her smiling against his chest. “You’re never going to be able to get ri—“
She pushed herself up on her elbows and she kissed him mid sentence. He felt like he had the wind sucked out of his lungs. It took him a moment to register what was happening, but it was like a reflex and his brain didn’t need to understand because his body did and he was kissing her back. He was trying to pull her closer, but she physically couldn’t be any closer.
Then just as quickly as she kissed him she had stopped. She had already put her head back on Jim’s chest. She was really going to feel bad about that one in the morning. Thank God it wasn’t morning yet. For now she was just going to hold onto the fact that he kissed her back.
It was funny that Pam didn’t want to think of the morning, but all Jim could think about was all of the things tomorrow held for them. Because she kissed him and not the other way around.
He woke up first. His arm was asleep and he needed to move it, but he didn’t want to wake her up. When she began to stir he shook his arm out to the side.
Her eyes slowly opened. She looked up and saw Jim looking back at her. It wasn’t a dream he was there. He bent his head down to kiss her. For a second she kissed him back. One for the road. Then it was like her conscious had suddenly overcome the drunkenness of last night and told her to stop because Pam Beesly was no hussy. She didn’t do these things with guys that had girlfriends already.
He watched as her face hardened and she wasn’t smiling this time. Her face became a little sad. “I’m sorry I can’t do this. I don’t know why I did that last night.”
“Come on Pam. Don’t do this now.”
She moved out of the bed and sat on the edge with her back towards him. She shook her head. She couldn’t tell him to leave if she had to say it to his face.
“I was drunk and stupid. And I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry.”
“Pam.” She didn’t look back at him.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.”
But he was mad. Why was it okay for her to kiss him while she was drunk, but as soon as he did it was wrong? “You know what Pam let me know when you figure out what you want.” He got up and was shoving his feet into his shoes. “I can’t do this anymore.”
She watched his back as he left and closed the door a little harder than he normally would. She kept telling herself that she did the right thing. She was so mad at herself right now. Sober Pam wouldn’t have let things get that far. Sober Pam would have told him that she was tired last night and he would have gone back up to his room. There would have been no cuddling and no kiss. But she didn’t want to take those things back even now. She just wished they had happened under different circumstances.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Jim stops by to see Pam after the party.
Chapter End Notes:
Next chapter Pam confronts Jim about Katy.
