.
On her first day back her mom had sent her to the store to pick up milk. When she first walked in she looked for Roy bagging groceries, but that was just an old habit that she had yet to break. She spent most of this last year away from all of the things and places that reminded her of Roy. It wasn’t that old feelings came with seeing these places, they didn’t. She just couldn’t help to think about how he was doing though. She just wanted him to be doing okay. She realized she was a little harsh with him, but it was the only way she knew how to get through to him at the time.
She walked to the back of the store and grabbed a gallon of milk. She turned and there he was. It wasn’t her imagination playing tricks on her. Roy was really standing next to a shopping cart with his mom. His mom saw Pam first.
“Pam!”
Roy had just noticed her now.
“Hey.” She wasn’t sure if she should still call her mom. She felt like that should be saved for Roy’s future wife, not some girl that he dated for a few years.
Roy smiled weakly at her.
“When did you get back?”
“Just a few hours ago. My mom was making me a cake, but she didn’t have any milk.” Just a few hours before that Jim was pressing her against her car kissing her goodbye. Now was probably not the best time to think about that.
“I bet they’re glad to have you home.”
She nodded. The three of them stood there awkwardly waiting for someone to speak first.
“I, um—I really have to get back to with this milk.”
“Oh yeah.” Roy’s mom motioned her head towards Pam while looking at Roy.
“Pam?” Roy finally spoke. “I was wondering if we could get some coffee. Just talk.”
“Yeah, sure. Just call me.” She figured she owed him that much.
She was a little surprised when Roy called an hour later. She thought that he would give it a day or two, but she agreed to meet him the next day anyways. They were going to get coffee. Nothing fancy.
She arrived first. She sat at a small table by the window so she could people watch until he got there. He was running late. He was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago. She checked her watch. Maybe she heard him wrong yesterday. Did he say 3 and not 2? She grabbed her phone and called him. No answer.
“Hey Roy, Its Pam. I’m here and you’re not. I was just checking to make sure everything is okay. I’ll be here for another 30 minutes. Give me a call back. Bye.”
She closed her phone and sipped her coffee. Her phone rang.
“Hello.”
“Hey. What are you doing?”
“Thinking about you.” She smiled.
“That’s so weird, I thought you were. What are you really doing?” As much as Jim would like her to think about him all day he knew that she actually had a life.
“Don’t be mad, but I’m meeting Roy for coffee.”
“Oh.” He did not expect her to say that.
“Just to talk, as friends.”
“That's cool.”
“I should have told you, but it was really last minute. And I didn’t want to make it a big deal.”
“You don’t have to explain. I trust you.”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you.”
“Pam, don’t apologize. You’re allowed to have friends; even if those friends are ex boyfriends.” Sometimes Jim would get a glimpse of this frail version of Pam. The one that apologized profusely after pulling away from him, the one that didn’t think she could be an artist.
“Are you sure?” She said meekly.
“Yes. I promise.”
She fiddled with her napkin.
He needed to change the subject. “I was actually calling to see what you were doing this weekend.”
“I’ll probably just be sitting at home.”
“Does driving up to Philly sound tempting at all? Before you say no let me just remind you that I’m here.”
“You’re right, that is very tempting. What’s in it for me?”
“In two weeks I’ll return the favor and come to Scranton.”
“Deal!”
“That was easier than I thought.”
She glanced up from her napkin that was now in twenty pieces in front of her and saw Roy walking up to the door.
“Roy’s here, can I call you back after.”
“Yep.”
“Talk to you later.”
“Hey Pam?”
“Yeah?”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
Roy was standing in front of her as she said the last part. He looked sad. She put her phone back in her purse and motioned for him to sit.
“Did you get my message?”
“Yeah. I was running errands and they took longer than I thought they would.”
“So how have you been?”
“Not great, but not bad. You look really good.”
“Thanks.”
She remembered when conversations with Roy weren’t so hard. Not that they were ever easy, but this was almost painful.
“I’m sorry about that night. The way I told you that I didn’t love you anymore.” She felt bad saying it again.
“Did you mean it?”
She nodded her head.
“What happened to us Pam?”
She wasn’t sure if he wanted the truth or some flowery version of it.
“You left and it devastated me.”
“I told you I would come back for you.”
It was true, but it still didn’t change things.
“What if I hadn’t called to end things? Would we still be together?”
She shrugged her shoulders. She hated to think about it. Would she have stayed in Scranton if he never broke up with her? Would they be planning a small wedding right now? Part of her said no, but there was a huge part of her that knew that she didn’t have the courage to try anything new and she would have stayed.
“Who was that on the phone before? Was it your boyfriend?”
They hadn’t really sat down and decided that they were going out yet, but what else would you call him? My best friend that I make out with. My best friend that helped me move on from you. The guy who gives me butterflies every time his hand grazes mine.
“Yeah.”
“Is it serious?”
“He’s my best friend.”
Roy shifted in his chair. He was definitely more confident than when he first walked in the place. It was like he sucked up all of Pam’s confidence for himself. He knew exactly what to ask to make her feel small and uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure why she let him do this to her or if she even had any control over it.
“This isn’t easy for me, Pam. I came back and nothing was the same.”
“You did this though!” She felt a little bit of rage boiling inside of her. She hated that he was playing the victim. “You can’t go back. We can’t change anything.”
He thought she would pity him for his last comment, but now she was yelling at him. He didn’t understand how she didn’t feel the same way he did.
She got up from her chair. “We shouldn’t have done this. This was a bad idea.” She didn’t wait for him to answer; she just walked out to her car. She wanted to tell him that he couldn’t use emotional blackmail to get her back. He was so thickheaded.
When she got home she called Jim back. She told him everything, except for the part where she called Jim her boyfriend. She felt like that should be a different conversation, not a conversation that she would associate with Roy. Jim just listened. He didn’t say anything bad about Roy, he just let Pam talk. He wanted to call him an idiot, but who would that help?
She couldn’t wait for the weekend. Just a few more days. She tried avoiding the places that the Andersons frequented. She was successful until Friday. Her mom had made her go to the fabric store with her. Roy’s mom didn’t sew so she never expected to run into her there. Her mom was getting some fabric cut when Pam saw Roy’s mom walking towards them.
Pam smiled at her. She hoped that would be enough of a greeting for her, but she kept coming towards them.
“I didn’t expect to you see you two here.”
‘What a load of crap,’ Pam thought. Her mom was at this store every other day.
“Just picking up some material to reupholster my dining room chairs.”
“Pam, I forgot to ask Roy how your date went the other day.”
Pam’s mom turned to look at her daughter. She forgot to mention to her mom that she had met Roy for some coffee.
“Actually it wasn’t a date and it didn’t go so well. I’m sorry Mrs. Anderson.”
The last part was what stung the most for Roy's mom. She didn’t call her mom this time. “It’s okay. You gave him a chance at least and that’s all we could really hope for.”
She placed a hand on Pam’s shoulder as she walked past them. She and her husband pushed Roy to let her go and now she was really gone. She wasn’t their’s to love anymore.
“What was that about?”
“Roy asked to me to get coffee with him, nothing else.” Her mom looked still looked suspicious.
“Did you tell him about Jim?”
“Yep. He didn’t seem to really care though.”
“Pam.” Her mother sighed.
“I know. I shouldn’t have gone. But I felt bad for hurting him before.”
“You can’t be friends with everyone, you’re just going to have to let this one go. Focus on Jim. You still like Jim, right?”
“I really like Jim.” She wasn’t sure how she could emphasize that any more. “Is it still okay to go to Philadelphia tomorrow?”
“You’re an adult now. You can go anywhere you want just as long as you don’t do anything stupid.”
“Note to self, don’t elope tomorrow.” Her mom hit her in the arm.
She nervous on the drive to Philly and the heat wasn’t helping. She kept checking her directions. She had never driven to Philadelphia by herself. When she got in Jim’s neighborhood she called him when she couldn’t find the street.
“I’m lost!”
He laughed. “How can you be lost? The directions were perfect.”
“That’s not helping.”
“Where are you at?”
“By a park.”
“Yeah, you went way too far.”
“Really?” She asked nervously.
“No, just take the next left after the park and then the following left and you’ll be on my street. I’ll go stand outside in case you get lost again.”
“Thanks.”
She could see him standing in the driveway. She wished he had waited inside. She wanted to fix her hair before he saw her. She smashed down some of her curls to reduce the frizz she got from having her window rolled down. She got out of the car and he jogged up to her and picked her up and kissed her hard.
She really liked him.
.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Roy comes back...
Chapter End Notes:
Next chapter we spend some time with Jim and Pam... and his parents.
