.
“Why would you say that to me?” Kelly’s voice broke the silence of the night.
Pam’s body jumped as she was awoken. She opened her eyes and rolled over expecting to see Kelly on her phone, but the room was completely dark.
“You okay Kel?”
“You hate me, don’t you?”
Pam reached over and pulled the cord on her lamp. The room was dimly lit, but she could now see that Kelly was sleeping. She looked peaceful minus her previous outbursts. She pulled the cord on the lamp again and the light went out. She glanced at the red numbers on her clock. 2:45. Only 4 more hours of sleep. She closed her eyes hoping that Kelly would cool it with the sleep talking long enough for her to go back to sleep. She laid there thinking about yesterday. She thought about Angela and wondered who she was dating. She thought about how she forgot to call her mom back after class. Eventually she was thinking about all the things that tomorrow held. She hoped that she would be able to find Jim in the sea of people tomorrow. Then she remembered Roy. The guilt began to rise in her. She knew she shouldn’t be excited about running into Jim. It was the highlight of her day when she did, and it was eating her up inside. Coming back to her room and seeing that picture of Roy should have been the highlight of her day. She finally fell asleep with all of these thoughts in her head.
In the morning she woke up to Kelly’s alarm. Kelly reached above her head searching for the off switch on the clock.
“Did you know that you talk in your sleep?”
“Um, I don’t think I do.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you do.”
“Oh my God. What did I say?” Kelly looked truly upset.
“Something about someone hating you. You scared the crap out of me.”
“Did I say who?”
“Nope, I didn’t catch a name.”
“Don’t tell anyone about this.”
Pam got out of bed and grabbed her shower caddy. “Didn’t plan on it.”
“Pam, do you know what this means?” Kelly was still sitting in her bed.
“It means that you talk in your sleep?”
“In my family there is this old wise tale that says if you talk in your sleep it’s because you’ve done something bad and you’ve lost pieces of your soul. So your soul still left in your body is trying to communicate with the other pieces so they can keep in touch. If anyone finds out about this I’ll never get a husband. No one wants to marry someone that has only like half a soul.”
“I think your soul will be just fine. And it’s wives, just so you know.”
Pam grabbed her towel and was out the door before Kelly could object. After her shower when she walked back in the room Kelly was standing in front of her bed trying to decide what to wear. Pam walked over to the closet and grabbed a shirt and a pair of jeans.
“You’re going to wear that?”
“What’s wrong with this?” Pam picked up the shirt and examined it.
“Don’t you have class with Jim today?”
She put the shirt back and looked at Kelly, “Yeah, what’s your point.”
“Just thought you would want to wear something more revealing.”
“It’s a history class.”
“Not for the class, for JIM!”
Pam ignored this comment and grabbed the clothes off her dresser and got dressed. She looked in the mirror. For a moment she thought Kelly was right and thought about grabbing a different shirt. It was only for a moment though and it quickly passed.
Her class with Jim finally rolled around. The room was packed. She scanned the rows as she walked down the aisle. There he was sitting with his legs on top of the chair in front of him. He was reading the newspaper and he had placed his bag on the chair next to him to save the seat. She stopped at the bag and picked it up. He looked up from the newspaper and smiled. He brought his legs back down and grabbed the bag from her and placed it under his chair.
“Hey.” His voiced cracked and she stifled her laugh with a smile.
“First class today?” She sat down.
“Yeah, I don’t sign up for anything before 11. I’d end up sleeping through half of them.”
“I hate you. I’ve already had two classes today.”
She reached down to her bag and pulled out a notebook. Her hair brushed across his leg and he wished he could run his fingers through it. That picture of her and her boyfriend popped into his head again and any desire he had was gone. He was a good guy; he could never be that guy that made somebody’s girlfriend cheat. He was going to be her friend. He was good at being just the friend.
“So this is weird, but do you know who Angela is dating?”
“I’m sorry what?”
“Angela Martin. Have you seen her with anyone?” The look on his face meant that he obviously had no idea what she was talking about. She shouldn’t have brought it up. She wasn’t a gossiper and she didn’t want to start now. “Never mind. Forget that I asked.”
“Oh, no. You can’t drop a bombshell like that and say never mind. Spill it Beesly.”
“OK, but you can’t tell anyone. I mean no one.”
He nodded his head. “I promise.”
“Angela was asking me for relationship advice yesterday. She wanted to know how far it was okay to go.”
“What?” His mouth dropped open and his eyes got wide. He was shocked and sort of excited at the same time. “You’ve got to be lying.”
“Trust me, I wish I was.”
“What did you say to her?”
“You know, just the standard no sex until the third date.”
“I knew there was a reason we hang out.”
He sat there soaking in what she had just said. Every few seconds he would turn to her and mouth ‘wow’ to her. Class started and they silently took notes. She had her arm on the arm rest and half way through the class he placed his arm on the arm rest too. She thought it was odd how comfortable it felt for his skin to be touching her skin. She figured that he didn’t even notice it, but she was glad that he didn’t move his arm. She was looking at a slide when she noticed his arm was stretched across her notebook drawing something. When his hand moved she saw the little stick figure Jim with his hands at his mouth. There was a little bubble above his head that said ‘WOW.’
She looked over at him and whispered. “I know.”
When the class ended they walked out she walked with him to his next class. It was in the general direction of home and he was good company, or so she kept telling herself.
“I’m definitely going to keep an eye out for Angela from now on.”
“We’ll have this mystery solved by Halloween.”
“Pam, have a little faith in yourself. I say next week. They reached his building and then stopped in front of it.
“Guess I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, have fun in class.” She turned around and began walking away.
“Dinner at 5?” He called from behind her.
She spun around and gave him a nod. If she hadn’t turned back around so fast she would have seen that he was happier about this small insignificant dinner than she was.
They had planned to meet for dinner and it was all she could think about on the walk home. She felt bad that he was the only thing she could think about. The guilt rose again for a second time. She took her phone out of her bag and dialed a number.
It rang twice before he picked. “Hi.” She said softly.
“Hey. How is the big university treating you?”
“It’s okay. It’s a lot easier then I thought it was going to be.”
“Do you want to talk to mom?”
“Is she there?”
“Yeah, she’s standing right here. She’s been waiting for you to call.”
Pam had been walking without any real direction and found a bench and sat down. The older woman’s voice came over the phone. She sounded happier than she had heard her in months.
“Pam, how are you?”
“I’m good. Just finished my second day and I thought of you guys.”
“Are you making friends?”
“A few. Mostly just the people I work with.”
“Tell me about them. It’s been a while since we had any happy stories to hear.”
“Well, there’s Kelly. She’s my roommate. She’s the girliest girl I’ve ever met.”
“Dad says he hopes she rubs off on you.”
She laughed. It was good to hear them laugh.
“Lets see, then there’s Ryan. He works in the office with me. He’s the little brother that I’ve never wanted. And there’s Jim. He’s an RA in my building. He’s really nice. He showed me around last weekend. Helped me find all of my classes. Sometimes we eat together.”
She wanted to go on. She wanted to say that he made her feel whole inside. That he could make her laugh like no one could, but she stopped herself. She had only known him for two and a half weeks and even she thought it was weird that she felt this connected to him. They definitely would think this is weird. She just wanted them to know that she was finally doing better, but she didn’t want to hurt them.
The lady spoke again, but this time her voice caught in her throat and Pam knew she was crying. “You know that he would be so proud of you, right?”
Pam eyes began to water and it took all of the self control she had to keep from crying in front of the crowd of strangers walking by. “I know. I miss Roy a lot. I miss you and dad too.”
In the background she heard the man yell, “Tell Pam to call her mom.”
“Tell him I will. I love you guys. I’ll call again soon.”
“Love you Pam,” They both yelled in unison.
She hung up and kept the phone tightly clenched in her hand. She inhaled deeply because for a moment she was sure that she had forgotten how to breathe. She let out a long sigh and finally stood. She began walking towards Dunder Hall. She thought maybe she would do some reading or maybe she would just watch TV, anything really as long as she got her mind off of this. She would call her mom after dinner.
.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Pam feels bad for not missing Roy more.
Chapter End Notes:
We'll find out what happened Roy soon.
