Saturday morning

"What? What did you see?" Dwight has refocused. Angela looks annoyed. Jim thinks it may be related.

He shrugs. "I'm not sure."

"Describe it. In detail. And keep your voice down."

Jim leans over, voice low. "Well, it was in the water -"

"So, a fish. Or mammal. Or, wait... reptile... amphibian.... Question: did it have fur or scales?"

"I don't know, it was dark."

Exasperation. "Go on. What else?"

"It moved around a lot. It'd pop up in one place, then in another a few seconds later. Sometimes, it'd stay under for a while, then glide along the surface. Oh, wait, I think it had fur. And fins." Pam's knees are bouncing under the table. "And maybe antennae."

"Impossible."

Jim shrugs. "That's what I saw."

"Obviously, you have no observation skills. I'll just have to go investigate, myself. Damn! I told Michael I'd set up the obstacle course."

"Well, I checked this morning and it wasn't there."

"You probably scared it off. Or it's hiding from you. That's probably it. You couldn't sneak up on a deaf-blind mute -"

Mute? Pam mouths.

"What time did you last see it?"

"About two a.m."

"Two a.m.? Did you have permission to leave camp? Because that's a violation."

"Of...?"

"Of the... it's not important. I'll have to make an exception tonight anyway. For science."

As they finish their breakfast, Dwight's determining his equipment needs.

They laugh when they realize he probably has most of it in his car.

x x x x x

Saturday night

"All set?" He calls softly, averting his eyes.

"Just about."

"Okay. I'm gonna go back to the dock. He'll be here soon."

"Okay. Oh! Jim! Remember: you said you'd frisk him for weapons."

"No, I did not. I'll be doing a visual inspection."

She giggles. "Okay, Michael."

"Ooo, low, Beesly. I'll get you for that."

As he walks away, he thinks he hears her say, "Promise?"

He doesn't have time to think about it. Dwight has arrived in full creature-investigating regalia.

"Wow. Shortie wetsuit, snorkel, fins. Camera, good idea. Are those night vision goggles?" Dwight's already using them. "Nice legs, Dwight. Whoa, wait, what's that for?" Dwight follows Jim's finger as he points to the ball-peen hammer strapped to his calf.

"I may need to stun it."

"Oh. No, no."

"What?"

"Well, I mean, what if you just make it angry? Or damage it? This may be your only chance to report something like this. Wouldn't wanna have to explain to the authorities why its skull is cracked."

"Hm. You may be right." Dwight removes the hammer. "I'll just have to use my hands."

"Good luck."

"A real man -"

"I know, I know. Billy Zane."

"Yeah, well, you should - what was that?"

Jim turns to see the aftermath of a splash. "That must be it. This is the spot."

Dwight raises his goggles and waves at Jim, whispering, "Okay! Sh! Shut up. I don't need you scaring it off again. Just stay out of my way."

"Right." As Dwight creeps out onto the dock, Jim hides the hammer, just in case. Then he follows Dwight. When he reaches him, he looks over Dwight's shoulder, and whispers loudly, "What's it doing?"

"Shh!"

Jim backs off and grins to himself. Pam's doing a great job. She's using the twig again, only this time, she must have one in each hand because they're swirling opposite one another.

Dwight's riveted. "Whoa."

He wishes he could see her, but it's much darker tonight. He strains to watch, wishing he had a pair of goggles, too. He's pretty sure he sees her elbow and her knee, then her hair (without the extra bonus this time). At one point, four small stones fly out of the water in quick succession, landing in four wildly different spots.

"Fascinating. I wonder if that's how it lays eggs."

Jim's smirking when Pam executes a beautiful water spout, the stream arcing majestically before splashing back down.

Dwight gasps.

"Oh, yeah. Did I forget to mention it has a blowhole?"

"Amazing."

Then something else skims the surface. Jim stares. Was that -?

Dwight jerks his head back from the goggles. "A breast?" He looks at Jim, who's speechless. "It has breasts?"

"Um, well, I don't know. It has one, I guess."

"That's it, I need to get closer." Dwight brushes past Jim, who suddenly realizes why Dwight's wearing a wetsuit.

"Dwight! Wait!"

"No! Serendipity waits for no man!"

What? Jim crashes through the trees after Dwight, who's actually being really quiet. I'd be impressed if I weren't freaking out.

When he reaches him, Jim speaks loudly, hoping to alert Pam. "What are you going to do?"

Dwight wheels on him. "Would you keep it down? I'm getting in, of course." He hands the camera to Jim. "Can I trust you to take decent photos?"

Jim stares at him blankly, then looks at the log. Pam's peeking at them over the top. "Uhhh..."

Dwight sighs. "I'll have to trust you. Dammit. I should have brought Ange-"

Jim looks back quickly. "What?"

Dwight's caught. "Uh, no one. I mean, nothing. Here, take the goggles, too. Don't break them. I traded a pristine Kirk with Tribbles for those. Original packaging."

Jim's glad that he has no idea whether that was a good trade or not. He looks at the log. Pam's gone.

"Jim?"

"Huh?"

"Photos?"

"Right."

Dwight mutters as he edges toward the water. "Can't wait till I can replicate myself. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourselves."

A splash about twenty yards out draws their attention.

Dwight chuckles. "Gotcha." He pops a glowstick - who carries glowsticks? - and attaches it to his mask. Jim hopes it'll serve Pam better than Dwight. Jim snaps a few photos of Dwight stepping awkwardly into the water in his fins - gonna use those later - then abandons the camera in favor of night vision.

A bright green glow surrounds Dwight, which Jim finds wonderful and appropriate. Pam seems to be moving farther from shore. She's splashing more now. Covering for the need to surface? Dwight kicks toward each disturbance, only to be outrun and circled. He gets several spouts of water in the face. Pretty soon he's being pelted with stones.

Jim can't help but laugh. "I think you're pissing it off, Dwight!"

In the goggles' twin circles of green, Dwight turns to glare at him, drawing a finger across his throat. He reaches into his wetsuit and pulls out a diving knife.

"Dwight, no!"

But Dwight isn't listening. He's following what must be a tiring Pam. Jim drops the goggles - fuck the Tribbles - and stumbles toward the water, kicking off his shoes. He dives in and swims for Dwight, still yelling. The water in front of him is starting to look like a feeding frenzy. He aims for the glowstick. When he reaches it, he hooks an elbow around Dwight's neck, jerking him backward.

Dwight comes up sputtering. "Dammit, Jim! I almost had it! I lost my knife..."

"Oh, god, you didn't stab her, did you?!" He's pulling Dwight backward, searching the surface for a sign of Pam.

"No, I dropped it. Let go of me! Wait... her?" Then, as Dwight's looking back at him, Pam pops up long enough to give him an OK sign, then slips under again.

Jim's heart settles back into place. "Uh, yeah, well, it had a breast, right? Shit, you're heavy, even in water. Kick your feet, for chrissake."

"Let me go, I can swim for myself."

"No way. You're a danger to the wildlife. Kick!"

When they reach the log, Jim hangs on it, panting, while Dwight scans the lake.

"It's gone."

"Can you blame it?"

Dwight's genuinely disappointed. "So close." He looks at his hands. "I had it by the antennae."

"Told you so. Maybe next time." He tries to stretch the stitch in his side.

"Yeah." Dwight tosses his fins ashore, then pulls himself out. "Did you get any photos?"

"What do you think?"

Dwight sighs. "Guess I'll stay late tomorrow and try again."

"You do that."

Dwight stands. "Aren't you coming back?"

"No. I mean, it'll look suspicious if we show up at the same time, right? I'll wait a while."

"Alright. See you in camp."

"Yeah." Just leave so I can find her.

He holds onto the log, watches Dwight until he disappears into the trees uphill from the dock.

Just before he turns to swim out again, something surfaces behind him.

And giggles.