Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster were hard up for work. They hadn’t been given a single case in weeks. Well, Gus’ pharmaceutical sales record was at an all-time high and he suspected it was because of Psych’s lack of business. Shawn, however, was almost to the point of having to sell his motorcycle for rent money. The need for work in the Psych office was dire. Shawn was generally not a negative person, but under the circumstances he was a little crabby. He’d eaten Chef Boyardee again for dinner the night before. He was a fan of the Chef when he was younger, but, being in his early thirties, his palette had matured past ravioli and lasagna from a can. He would not lower himself to eating Ramen noodles. He was resolved that he would starve first.
“This is pathetic. We are the best looking private detectives in the city. Why are we not getting work?”
Gus looked up from his desk and started to say something but Shawn cut him off.
“Listen—just because you are not in financial straits does not mean that you have to act so flippant about my... lamentable situation.”
“Why don’t you get a job?”
“I hav...”
“A real job, Shawn,” Gus interrupted.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, Gus, this is my real job.”
“Well, why don’t you ask your Dad for some help until some work manages to magically fall into your lap?”
“Ok. Think about the question you just asked.”
“Look—just don’t come to me looking for money. You are not my responsibility.”
“Oh, come on Gus. Have I ever asked you for help with money?”
Once again Gus started to speak but Shawn beat him to it.
“Ok—don’t answer that.”
“That’s what I thought, Shawn.”
Gus could be such a killjoy. Shawn was scanning the paper looking for anything—anything at all—that could possibly get them some private work. He read through the classifieds determining how much lost and found posts could possibly pay.
A missing dog might be worth fifty bucks.
A missing cat may be worth forty-five bucks.
A lost wombat? Pass.
Maybe he could start coaxing dogs and cats away from their homes to get more potential work....
The bell on the front door jingled signaling someone’s entrance.
“Thanks be to... something— we might have some work.” Shawn sighed as he straightened up and wiped the flotsam off his desk. Gus rolled his eyes. He was packing up to go on another route and did not want to get distracted.
Shawn watched a tall figure walk into the office and his heart didn’t know what to do—sink or jump for joy. It was Lassiter. With his patented Lassiter-look. No smile, but there was the air of a nice scowl on his face.
“Gentlemen,” Lassiter began, “I see that you are hard at...work...or... you think you are.” Before he could go on, Juliet walked in behind him.
“Hey guys!” She said. Shawn immediately hated himself for not predicting a visit from Juliet—he hadn’t showered since the day before (saving on the water bill) and had been wearing the same jeans for two weeks (no laundry money).
Damn his financial instability.
“So guys, we may have some work for you. But... the only thing is that it will require just a little travel,” Juliet intimated nervously.
Shawn stood up immediately and started champing at the bit. “Absolutely we will take the case. I assume, however,” he walked towards Juliet “that you will be traveling with us? I can see it now—beaches, intrigue and romance. Where are we going? Hawaii? Fiji? Perhaps the island of Bali?”
Gus shot Shawn a warning look that said something to the effect of ‘Gee, Shawn, desperate much?’
“Alright, Spencer. Down, boy,” Lassiter interjected with a roll of his eyes.
Juliet was used to Shawn’s come-ons but since the day she experienced ‘very close talking’ with Shawn, she eyed him in a different way. In a way that was almost too much for her. She couldn’t—absolutely could not—allow anything to get in the way of her job.
“Um, actually yes. Lassiter and I will both be traveling with you. But we won’t be joining you in Scranton until a few days after you’ve arrived.”
Shawn was sure he’d misheard Juliet. It seemed like she referenced some place called Scranton. Shaking his head he said, “I’m sorry—did you say Scranton? Where on God’s green earth is that?”
“Scranton is a small town in Pennsylvania. I believe it is called, “The Electric City.” Gus looked rather pleased with himself for knowing this bit of trivia.
Shawn was floored. Would he really have to travel to “The Electric City” to find work? If he had more room to be picky he may have turned the SBPD down this time. However, he had just Googled ‘Chapter 13’ after Gus mentioned something about it. Bankruptcy wasn’t his style.
“No, yeah. That sounds wonderful. We were longing to get away from the dull, beach-lined vistas of boring, warm and beautiful Santa Barbara. Scranton sounds fantastic,” Shawn mumbled as he flopped back down in the chair behind his desk.
“So, is that a yes? You’ll go?” Juliet asked nervously.
“Wait—what exactly would be looking for in Scranton—if we agreed to go?” asked Gus forcefully. If he was going to be away from his recently very-well paying job, it had better be for a damn good reason.
“Here’s the situation,” Lassiter commanded. “There’s been a high-profile murder recently. The mayor and the Chief are doing everything they can to keep it under-the-radar.” Lassiter stopped for a second and then added, “but since they want to bring you in, Spencer, I guess they’ve amended that decision.”
“Wait,” Gus interrupted, “is this about the city councilman—Delman—that was just found dead in his office with a phone cord tied around his neck? I thought that was an open and shut case. Wasn’t it some disgruntled administrative assistant?”
Juliet explained: “No the case is still open. There have been some interesting disclosures regarding the questionable business practices of the victim since we started the investigation. The victim had more than several business connections to a paper supplier in Scranton. We know the connection’s pretty important but we’re having trouble putting the pieces together. That’s why we need you guys. We can’t figure out why Scranton.”
“Paper supplier. So we’re talking Staples, Office Depot, Office Max?” Gus asked thoughtfully. He had to admit- he was curious as to how a murder involved a paper company.
Juliet chuckled. “You wish. It’s called Dunder Mifflin—midsized paper company. Corporate headquarters is in New York with a few branches around the Northeast,” she finished.
“Wait wait wait. How is a paper company, of all things, involved in this? It sounds like...” started Shawn.
Lassiter quickly shot him a look full of daggers so he changed his tune.
“Ok, did the victim happen to expire due to an excess of paper cuts? Was he perhaps fatally stapled to something? Of course, there have been a rash of murders involving Bic pens,” Shawn quipped as he leaned back in his desk chair.
Gus jumped in to temper the irritation he saw on Lassiter’s face. “What does a paper company have to do with anything? And why do we have to go to Scranton? Surely the Chief wants to contact the headquarters in New York.” He thought for a second. “I would be a lot more interested in going to New York than Scranton.”
“Hmm.” Shawn was deep in thought. “Scranton. That name just sounds like something dirty. Like ‘scum’ or ‘smarmy’ or even—dare I say—‘smurf’? Smurfton. I can see it now...’”
“Alright Spencer, my patience has officially run out. We didn’t need you in the first place.” Lassiter said as he turned to walk out of the building.
“Oh alright, Lassie. No need to be...well... you about this. We’ll go.” Shawn said with resignation. He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled loudly. He was pleased to have some work but he wasn’t sure if it was worth traveling to Nowheresville, PA.
Lassiter turned around as Shawn suddenly stood up, walked around his desk and leaned against the front of it. “When do we leave and how long do you want us in,” and with a look of disgust he said, “Scranton?”
“Tomorrow. And you’ll be glad to know that the Department has arranged your flight and accommodations while you stay in Scranton.” Juliet smiled and handed Shawn and Gus plane tickets and a couple of sheets of paper.
Gus looked at the paper he was handed. His brow furrowed and he said with great irritation, “You’re putting us up in the Rodeway Inn? It’s in Moosic, Pennsylvania?” Gus looked up in total disbelief. “How far away from Scranton is this place?” He walked over to his computer to Google the extremely questionable-sounding establishment.
“Ah yes, scenic Moosic,” said Lassie with a rare grin. “That is my gift to you. It really sounded like Spencer’s type of place.”
“It’s about six or seven miles away from Scranton—not that far away,” Juliet interjected.
“When will you be joining us, Jules?” Shawn asked with interest, but without looking up from his plane ticket.
“Lassiter and I will be flying up in about a week. Until then we need you guys to get to know the staff at Dunder Mifflin-Scranton. We suspect that someone in that office was an integral part of this murder.”
“Can we look over the case file—so we’ll know what we need to be looking for?” Gus asked from behind his computer.
“You have access to limited amounts of the case files. Only what I think is appropriate for the two of you to see,” Lassiter replied.
“Now that’s not how I work and you know it, Lassie. I need access to everything you’ve got if you expect me to go to,” Shawn visibly gulped, “Scranton.”
Lassiter just rolled his eyes and walked out. Juliet thanked Shawn and Gus for taking the project on while she discreetly handing Shawn duplicates of affidavits and crime scene photos. She knew how Shawn worked. She hated to admit it, but she did. Juliet leaned down to tell Shawn one more thing.
“There is one more aspect of the case that Lassiter didn’t tell you guys.” Both men looked up at her. She stood back up and looked from Shawn to Gus and back again. “The victim—Councilman Delman—well, when his body was found there was something...unusual about it.”
“Yeah, the telephone cord. Wouldn’t call that totally creative, though,” Shawn commented and looked back down at his ticket without a whole lot of interest.
“There was that, but there was something else.” Juliet swallowed, squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. This part still disturbed her more than she cared to express. “There was paper found shoved into all of his...orifices. Paper from reams traced back to the Dunder Mifflin-Scranton warehouse.” And with that, she walked out.
“Well Gus, this case might turn out to be more interesting than I thought,” Shawn said with wide eyes.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
This chapter sort of sets up the crossover. I hope those who aren't familiar with the show Psych will be able to keep up!
This chapter sort of sets up the crossover. I hope those who aren't familiar with the show Psych will be able to keep up!
Chapter End Notes:
Up next: a look into what's going on with our favorite dysfunctional office!
