Pam always woke up early on Sunday. She liked to be able to work in peace before Roy got up and real life began. Everything was quieter in the morning; she could clean, make phone calls, even run some errands while the rest of the world was still asleep. 

            But her first stop was always her computer. Her week was didn’t officially start until she visited PostSecret. She would make tea while the computer started and would read the secrets in private.  Roy caught her once and laughed. He couldn’t understand it, but Pam did. These were people’s secrets; it wasn’t just a postcard. Everyone one of them had a story behind it.

            Pam secretly envied them. Those who could express such deep emotions in such a small space, then let them go, move on. Every week she found another secret she didn’t know she had. Sometimes it helped, make her feel not as alone. But sometimes it made it worse, yet another thing holding her back.

This Sunday, however, Pam barely wanted to get out of bed. Jim was gone. This past week had been like hell, and sleeping seemed the only way to avoid the pain.

She skipped work the Friday after it happened. Michael said Jim was out also. He had joked about them playing hooky together. The mention of Jim made her feel sick.

            She had spent the weekend in bed. Her mom drove down for a quick visit, but even that wasn’t enough to cheer her up.

            On Monday, she forced herself to go into work. When she arrived, she looked at Jim. They glanced at each other nervously. Pam realized it would never be the same between them. The rest of the day, she caught herself looking at him. He never looked in her direction.

            At the end of the day, when he stood up, she could feel her heart drop. He announced he was leaving, transferring to Stamford. As everyone else reacted, she just sat there, shocked. 

            It took her until Thursday to go in again. She told Roy she was still sick. She just couldn’t bear to see Jim’s empty desk. It had too many memories. The pranks, the games, the conversations. The kiss.

            Thursday she braced herself before opening the door. It was just an empty desk of an old friend. She took a deep breath, and walked into the office. But his desk wasn’t empty. Instead of the tall salesman she expected to see; there was a shorter man with darker hair who didn’t seem to fill the space in quite the same way. She had to resist the urge to cry. This wasn’t right. Jim was gone, and now Ryan was there.

            That day was unbearable. She would glance up, expecting to see Jim. She didn’t think she could ever get used to it.

            The next day was just as bad. She considered quitting, getting a new job with less memories. Anything to escape the pain.

            Saturday was filled with wedding preparations. Three weeks and counting. But now, every decision was filled with dread. She couldn’t help but wonder if she made the right choice. She kept repeating to herself “I love Roy, he loves me. I love Roy, he loves me.” The more she said it though, the less it seemed true.

Sunday, she wanted to stay in bed. She lay there, thinking about everything that happened, that was still to happen. And that is when she remembered PostSecret. She hadn’t visited last week, too distracted by everything else going on.

            She practically ran over to the computer, and impatiently waited for it to start. She typed in the address, wanting to feel the happiness, the love and sadness, the escape she felt when viewing the secrets. Remind herself that there were others like her.

            She stopped scrolling halfway down the page.