Five

Pam scooted out of the way, dodging a group of kids rushing past her in search of dessert.   She plunged her hand into the cooler, wincing slightly when the icy water hit her skin.  It felt good to cool off a little.  It had been a somewhat steamy Fourth of July.

"This is more like it."  Jim smiled up at her as she waved a cold bottle in front of his face.   He took it from her gratefully and brought it to his lips.  "Thanks."

"You're welcome."  She sank down onto the lawn chair beside his taking a sip of her own beer before she asked.  "When does the show start?"

"In a few minutes I'm sure.  Uncle Jerry should be done setting it up soon."  Jim yawned and stretched resting his arm along the back of Pam's chair.  "Don't get too excited.  It'll pale in comparison to what they have going on in the city."

Pam shrugged back at him, trying to suppress a smirk.  "I'm fine with that.  I think fire works in general are overrated anyway."

Fully understanding the hidden meaning in that statement, Jim looked out onto the yard and grinned, pulling her closer, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder when he felt her settle against him.  His fingers toyed with the ends of her hair.

There had been a change of plans this weekend.  All along Jim had intended to spend the holiday in New York with Pam but she surprised him by insisting she come back to Scranton instead.  When she first suggested it he had been worried that if she came home she'd be reluctant to return to school but that didn't seem to be much of a problem anymore.  As a matter of fact, he wasn't sure he'd ever seen her this happy.

He remembered last year, they'd come to a barbecue similar to this just a few weeks after they'd started dating.  She'd been a bundle of nerves then, even more timid and quiet that usual.  She seemed significantly more relaxed this time around.  Today she seemed much more at ease, trading recipes with his aunt, laughing with his sister-in-law, beating his dad at a game of horseshoes.  Maybe it had something to do with them being engaged now.  Jim wasn't quite sure.

But just as he'd always hoped and suspected, one thing was certain.  Pam looked like she belonged here.

As the sky before them erupted in color he felt her slide a hand along his knee.  He glanced at the diamond glinting on her finger and turned to press a kiss to the top of her head. 

"I'm getting déjà vu." 

Jim chuckled and took another sip of his beer.  "Yeah." 

"Except..."  Pam shifted to look up at him with a sly smile. "...if there's anything you want to say to me tonight - I don't think Andy is going to come out of nowhere and steal your thunder."

He smiled back at her.  "I hope not.  Otherwise I'll need to amend that restraining order."

"You haven't given me an update in weeks.  What's going on with them anyway?  I still can't believe she said yes..."

"I don't know.  You can never tell with Angela."

"Sure you can.  What's her mood like lately?  I find she's much more chipper when she's with Dwight."

"Angela?  Chipper?  Pretty sure I've never seen that." Jim gave her a lopsided grin.  "To me Angela only has three faces.  Disgusted, perturbed and royally pissed off."

"Yeah but she's also got this...I don't know...glow about her when she's with him.  When she was with him she definitely was different.  It was weird.  She kinda started confiding in me."

"How did I not notice all this?"

Jim watched as Pam inhaled sharply.   She tilted her head to the side as she asked.  "Do you really want me to tell you?"

He tore his eyes from hers and took another swig of his beer. "No.  That's okay."

They watched the fireworks in silence for a few moments, the pops and sparks almost drowning out the oos and ahs of the kids scattered around the lawn in front of them.

Wanting to make it better Pam reached over and linked her fingers with his.   "It seems like such a long time ago doesn't it?" 

He bit his lip as he replied.  "Sort of.  It's more like a long time and yesterday all at once actually."

"But we're here now."  She tugged on his hand until he turned to face her. 

He ran his thumb over her ring as he stared into her eyes and smiled.  "Yeah.  We sure are."

xoxoxo

Six

Jim couldn't get comfortable.  Though the both the bed and the chair beckoned him it seemed there was no place in this room to sit or even stand.  He felt like the walls were closing in on him.

He'd spent the last forty-five minutes beating himself up and rightfully so.  He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid.  It wasn't a big deal and he shouldn't have made it into one.  He wasn't quite sure what had come over him in the first place.

It had been a particularly grueling ride to New York.  The air was heavy and almost unbearably humid.  The oppressive heat did nothing to improve his mood as he sat in an extra three hours of weekend traffic. 

Still he'd cheered considerably as he got to Pam's apartment.  He'd been lucky to find a spot right outside her building and the look on her face when she'd opened the door made it all worth it. 

That is until she went to grab a quick shower and he decided to turn into a jackass.

Her cell phone had buzzed on the coffee table.  Without thinking he reached over to pick it up, a jolt shooting through him as he caught the name on the display.

Roy

He'd dropped the phone as if it'd burned him, rising slowly moving to stand near the window.  Pam found him staring out at the lovely view of the air shaft when she'd come back into the room.

"Did you want pizza or something more fancy?"  She murmured as she slid her arms around his waist pressing a soft kiss between his shoulder blades.

"Huh?"

She ran her hands up his chest and snuggled closer.  "For dinner?  I thought we might try that place two blocks over."

"I don't care.  Whatever you want Pam."

He winced as she took a tentative step away from him.   He could hear the twinge of hurt in her voice when she spoke again.  "Are you okay?"

She watched him nod, his back still to her.  "Never better."

Undeterred Pam tugged on his sleeve until he turned to face her.  "Hey.  Did something happen in the fifteen minutes I went to change?  I don't understand..."

His own voice sounded foreign to him.  It was clipped and strained.  "Did anything happen?  Well let's see.  You got a phone call."

She stared at him and then at the table.  "Okay..."  She flipped the phone open and pressed the button to retrieve her voice mail.  As she listened to the message the smile across her face grew.

Watching her, Jim lost hold of his very precarious restraint.  "Why is he calling you?"

Pam's eyes widened in shock at the sound of his voice.  "I'm sorry?"

"What do you even have to say to him anymore?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and titled her chin at him.  "Actually not much.  As a matter of fact that's the first time he's called me in over a year."

"Really."

"Yes.  Really."   Pam's back stiffened as anger and worse, disappointment flashed in her eyes.  "I can't believe you're even asking me that."

"I can't believe you haven't deleted his number."

"I can't believe you'd think I'd have to."

"Well - c'mon.  You were engaged to the guy..."

"And now I'm engaged to you.  Or did you forget that?"

They simply stood there silently for what seemed like a lifetime, the looks on their faces equally defiant. 

Pam moved first, sliding her feet into an old pair of flip flops, grabbing her keys from the bowl on her nightstand.

Jim swallowed audibly as he watched her sling her purse over her shoulder.  "Where are you going?'

"I don't know.  Someplace else."

She stood still for a second and waited for him to say something in response.  When he didn't she turned on her heel and slammed the door behind her. 

It was now close to an hour since she'd left.  Jim paced the floor - trying to figure out what to say when she came back.   He assumed she was coming back, even though right now it didn't seem too likely.

He checked his watch again, suddenly feeling as if he couldn't stay here another second.  He didn't know where to look for her, but at least he'd be doing something.  He walked to the door and was just about to turn the knob when he heard the sound of her keys jingling in the lock. 

Jim shoved his hands in his pockets and ducked his head as she brushed past him.  Licking his lips nervously he followed behind. 

"Hi."

Pam dropped her purse on the floor with a soft thud.   Her voice was dangerously quiet as she held the phone out to him. 

"Do you want to hear the message?"

"No.  That's not..."  He shook his head.  "...I'm sorry I said anything."

She threw the phone at him.   As he fumbled to catch it she spoke again, her voice shaking a bit. 

"Because be my guest.  Press one and then hit send.  The password's four-three-seven-five.  I'm sorry to disappoint you.  It's probably not at all what you were expecting."

He placed the phone down on the table carefully as he tried again.  "I know.  Pam..."

"His sister had a baby.  That's what he was calling to tell me.  She'd been trying for almost eight years and it's kind of a miracle it happened at all.  She'd spent thousands of dollars trying and now it's happened and they're all so happy.  I feel bad this was the first I'd even heard of it.  I didn't even know she was pregnant."

Appropriately chagrinned he mumbled.  "That's great."

"Yeah it is great."

Jim hung his head and shuffled his feet a bit before he looked up at her again.  "I'm sorry."

"You should be."

"I am.  Look.  I know I overreacted."

"You can say that again."

"Okay."   He nodded.  "I know I overreacted."

Pam tried her best to keep her expression stoic.  "I didn't mean that literally."

"I know.  But I did."  Jim gave her a small grin.

He could see at once that he misjudged the situation.  Pam clearly wasn't having it.  "This isn't a joke, Jim.  You can't laugh your way out of this..."

"I know."

"I don't know what you were even thinking - like because he called I was somehow going back to Roy?"  She twisted her hands and hunched her shoulders as she stared at him. 

"I don't know what I was thinking either.  I'm sorry.  It won't happen again."

"Jim.  Don't say things you don't mean."

He looked at her in disbelief.  "I'm not."

Her eyes widened, questioning him.  "Really?"

"No. I'm not.   I'm not even sure what happened."  He scratched the back of his neck as he stared back at her.  "I saw his name and I snapped.  You know what it is?  It's sort of like what we were talking about last weekend - how all of that seems so long ago and just yesterday at the same time."

"Well maybe you need to realize that it was a long time ago.  It's over and done with so I really don't understand how it could bother you so much."

"I don't know.  I just...maybe it's you being here and me being back home.  It reminds me of when I was in Stamford - and I don't know - why I was in Stamford.   And then I guess I was thinking how when I got back you somehow wound up with him again."

"Right.  And can I remind you that I wound up with him again because you weren't exactly available?"

Her words effectively found their mark.  Jim rubbed a hand across his chest to soothe the ache that had suddenly formed there.  "I know that."

"It was a mistake.  Actually - you know what?  It wasn't that big a mistake now that I think about it.  I realized once and for all that I wasn't supposed to be with him - I was supposed to be with you.  And by the way I broke it off again without even knowing if you and me would ever even happen."

"So..."  Jim took a deep breath and moved a step closer.  "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want to tell you what to say.  I just want you to trust me."

"C'mon...I do trust you Pam." He reached for her hand, thankful when she didn't pull away.  Encouraged he decided to press his luck and drew her into his arms.  "That's not what this is."

"Yeah?"  She murmured against his shoulder as she relaxed against him. "You have a weird way of showing it."

"I'll try harder. I promise."

Pam leaned back and stared up at him.  "While I was gone, after I calmed down a little I was trying to imagine how I would have felt if it was your phone and I saw Karen's name come up."

"Oh."  He wasn't sure why he was surprised, but he now found himself anxiously awaiting her answer.  "And?"

"I wouldn't have liked it much either."

He almost smiled.  "Well now I don't feel so bad."

"You don't get off that easy.  Jim, I'm serious.  Look at me."  She waited until he met her gaze.  "I thought you of all people would understand.  Me being here? This is about as far away from Roy as I've ever been. I couldn't go back now.  I would never want to."

She made an excellent point, one he should have realized himself before he opened his mouth.  Sometimes he still had trouble believing that this was all really happening.  One of these days he guessed he'd stop needing to be reminded.  He was betting the second after hearing her say 'I do' would be about the right time. 

Blowing out the breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding.  Jim gazed around the room and then down at Pam who was now resting comfortably in his arms. 

As he bent his head to brush his lips over hers he whispered, "You better not."

xoxoxo

Seven

"Michael.  I'm sorry.  I really can't talk right now."

"Fine Pam.  Fine.  But just remember you abandoned me.  Abandoned me in my time of need..."

Pam walked over to the lounge area next to the cafeteria and sank onto a rather uncomfortable vinyl sofa.  "I didn't abandon you.  I'm just away for the summer.  I'll be back in September."

"Well September is too late.  I need you to help me now."

"Alright."  She relented, figuring it was easier.  "What is it?"

"Advice.  With the lady types.  I need you to tell me how you learned how to juggle."

"I don't know how to juggle.  Why don't you check the bookcase in your office?  I put all your Idiot's Guides on the bottom shelf before I left.  They're in alphabetical order."  She waited a beat.  "That means check the one after Exotic Dancing and before Jump Rope."

"C'mon.  You're not paying attention.  I don't mean that kind of juggling.  I need to know how you handled it."

Pam pressed her fingertips to her temple; trying to stave off the headache she could already feel forming.  "Handled what?"

"Being the other woman."

"Excuse me?"

"When you were engaged and were dating Jim at the same time."

"I don't understand what you're saying Michael.  I'm engaged now."

"Wait a second.  I thought you broke up with Roy when he tried to kill Jim?"

"He didn't try to kill him exactly but yes - you're right.  I did.  I broke up with him."

"And now you're engaged to him again!?"

"No.  Michael.  Now I'm engaged to Jim."

"Wow.  You need to branch out Pam.  Get a life outside the office."

Pam rolled her eyes.  Hello Pot?  The Kettle's calling.  "I think I'm doing fine but thanks."

"So you're not going to give me advice on how to date Holly and be the father to Jan's baby?"

"Wait.  I thought you told Jim that Jan specifically said you were not the father."  Thank God.  She thought her head spinning trying to keep up with him. 

"She says no - but I don't think she's remembering that time I put the stupid condom on backwards.  Man.  It was so much easier when I practiced on that banana..."

Pam shut her eyes tightly trying desperately to not put a picture to his words.  She glanced at the clock, thankful her break was almost over.   "Here's some advice Michael.  Whatever you're thinking you should do?  Don't do it."

She could hear him pouting even over the phone.  "You don't even know what I was going to say yet."

"You're right.  I don't.   But I think that you'd be in a much better place if you'd just do the opposite of everything you think you should do."

"Like that bald guy on Seinfeld?"

Pam sighed.  If a sit-com reference is what it took for Michael to get the point she was fine with it.

"Exactly."

"So I shouldn't keep asking Holly out?"

"No you shouldn't ask Holly out.  You should never date anyone you work with ever again."

"You can't tell me that.  Not when you keep dating people you work with."

She wasn't about to argue with him.  "Michael.  I really have to go."

"No wait.  Wait.  I have another question."

"Yes?"

"Is it the two percent or the skim milk that I like in my coffee?"

Pam thought for a moment before she asked.  "Which one did you use today?"

"Ummm.  The two percent I think."

She shook her head.  Unbelievable.  Pam usually gave him half and half but she didn't want to have to get into that.  What type of person couldn't remember things like this?

Michael.  That's who. 

"That's the one."

"OK.  Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Oh!  Pam.  Another thing.  We're showing 'The Miracle of Life' in honor of Jan for Movie Monday next week.  I wanted to show Look Who's Talking but Jan made me switch, said it was much more realistic.  Can you make it or should we wait and show it when you get back from vacation?"

"I'm not on vaca..."  Pam stopped herself.  She reminded herself to relay that tidbit of information to Jim when she spoke to him later.  Nothing more appropriate than showing a graphic film on conception and birth to your employees on a Monday afternoon.  "No I can't make it.  You can go ahead.  But thanks for thinking of me."

"No problem.  Hey Pam?"

"Yes Michael?"

"Come back soon okay?  That half-man the temp agency sent is nowhere near as hot as you."

That poor girl is all Pam could think.  "I'm sure that's not true."

"Is so true.  She has a horse face and she doesn't buy me the good Skittles. She bought those tropical ones. Gross."

"I'll be back soon."  Pam smiled softly at the sound of his voice.  He seemed so earnest.  She had to admit it was kind of sweet to be missed.  "I promise." 

She was surprised by how much she was actually looking forward to it. 

xoxoxo

Eight

There were times when it was all so simple and easy.  It was one of the things Pam loved most about being with Jim, the fact that she never had to try too hard.

She didn't have to fuss with her hair or dress a certain way.  She found, in the time that she'd been with him, that she wanted to but it was mostly something she did for herself, not him.  It seemed he couldn't care less.

He was equally attentive, not to mention affectionate with her whether her hair was mussed and flattened from sleep, or tamed into submission, whether she wore a ratty tee shirt or her fanciest dress.  There was no change in the look in his eyes when he'd gaze over at her, no difference in his touch as he undressed her.  The expression on his face was always a mixture of delighted and bewildered with a more than healthy dash of old fashioned lust.

Tonight, when he got to her apartment he'd looked exhausted.  He put up a good front but she could see that he was fighting a losing battle.  Once she suggested he lie down he kissed her half heartedly and then practically collapsed.

She was now curled up at the foot of the bed looking at him.  It wasn't often she got a chance to watch him without him watching her. 

Pam thought back to that first week she'd spent here - feeling lonely and isolated and scared out of her mind.  She remembered how Jim knocked on her door that Friday night and then proceeded to knock her off right off her feet.

She pressed her fingers to her lips, remembering the way his mouth had moved hungrily over hers, as if it had been a hundred years and not a hundred hours since he'd seen her last.  She wasn't sure how he'd known but thinking back now she realized it had been exactly what she needed, to have him overwhelm her, for his hands and his lips and the simple sound of his voice saying her name to drown out all the unfamiliar noises surrounding them.   It made her feel like she was home, even in this strange place where nothing else seemed right.  She realized upon reflection exactly what it was.  It was Jim.  As long as she had him nothing seemed too scary or too impossible.  It was really quite amazing.

She gazed at him now, sprawled across the bed looking incredibly boyish and then again...not boyish at all.  Her fingers itched to touch him but he looked so peaceful lying there she didn't want to disturb him.   The trip from Scranton week after week wasn't easy, and it seemed to be taking its toll.

She owed him so, so much.  From the moment she decided to apply, to the moment she was accepted, to the torturous few hours she'd decided not to go because she'd been sure he'd propose and hadn't - through all of that he never once let her down.  He always managed to say the right thing - to do the right thing to calm her down.  Pam wasn't sure how she could ever go about repaying him.  She shut her eyes for a moment promising herself she'd figure out a way.

The sound of Jim's voice, rough with sleep, brought her from her reverie. 

"Do you do this a lot?"

She rested her chin on her knees and gave him a grin. "Do what?" 

"Sit around staring at me?"

She shrugged.  "Now and again." 

"Really?"  He squinted at her.  "I'm not sure I like knowing that."

She bit back a laugh.  "Why not?"

"I don't know.  Kind of creepy."

"Sorry.  You need to get used to it.  I'm going to sit around staring at you a lot in the next fifty or so years."

"I guess I should hire some sort of protection then."

"Go ahead.  It won't stop me."

"No?"

"No like tonight - I'll just wait till you fall asleep. I'm crafty like that."

He reached for her hand, running his thumb over her palm.  "Okay.  I'll consider myself warned then."

"Please do."

"What are you doing all the way over there?  C'mere..."  Jim tugged at her hand, making room so that she could lie next to him. 

She crawled closer and stretched out alongside him.  "You were tired.  I didn't want to bother you."

"You never bother me."  He lifted their joined hands to his lips.  "Except when you do the creepy staring thing of course."

"Of course."

There seemed to be no rush or hurry or need to soothe tonight.  Tentatively his hands streaked up and under the shirt she wore his eyes widening when he discovered nothing but her underneath. He turned with her in his arms, bringing Pam to rest on top of him.

She stared down at him a smile tugging at her lips as she read his mind.  Pam tore her mouth away from his and sat up, straddling him as she raised her arms high above her head. Her back arched as his hands skimmed over her body, stripping her bare in one swift motion, tossing the shirt she wore carelessly to the floor. Her eyes were closed, her hair tousled and curling down her back as she settled against him.

Pam had been so sure of herself that she was thoroughly surprised when she felt Jim's hand on the back of her neck, pulling her towards him, a bit roughly. In a split second he rolled over her, so she was now pinned beneath him. Before she could get a word out, Jim's mouth and body took total possession of hers.

"I thought you were tired."  She fought to catch her breath as he paused for a moment, giving her a chance to adjust to the sudden change.

"Second wind."  He smiled against her lips as he began to move - taking her with him, a satisfied gleam in his eye as he gazed down at her.

Her head was still spinning, her skin tingling when he turned to his side.  Pam pressed herself against him and watched his expression change as his eyes searched her face. 

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah."  She struggled to try and untangle the thoughts that were filling her head.  "I was just thinking..."

"About what?"

"Lots of things."  She smiled back at him; her fingers reaching up to delicately trace the lines of his face, her thumb brushing over his lips before she tilted her chin to kiss him.  "I can't believe I only have a month left."

"I know.  It went so fast."

She loved how sincere he sounded.  "Did not.  Such a liar."

"After that first month - piece of cake."

"Uh huh."  Pam laughed back at him, but her gaze turned serious.  "You know - I could never have done this without you."

He rolled his eyes in response.  "Sure you could have."

"No. Seriously.  I really couldn't have.  You know that right?  My life would be so much different without you."

"I know."  He reached up and cradled Pam's face in his hands before touching his mouth to hers. "Same here."