JIM
I’m praying it takes Pam an extra minute to get to the door, because I’m having a hell of a time shuffling the two gifts I’ve brought her behind my back again after freeing up a hand to knock. “Coming!” I hear faintly. Shooting a quick thank you Upstairs, I manage just as I see the knob start to turn.
When the door opens and I see her, it takes all I have not to drop them altogether.
I know it’s corny, but I always think she’s gorgeous. Tonight, though, she’s…wow.
Amazing.
“Hey,” she says shyly, beaming as she tucks one foot behind the other.
“Hi,” I manage, fully aware that I must look like the biggest idiot as I stand on her doorstep just staring at her. I gotta say, though, I feel slightly better as I see her cheeks turning pinker and pinker. “You look-” I stop as my voice cracks. What am I, fourteen? After clearing my throat I try again. “You look great.” She looks down for just a second, her smile widening.
“Thank you. You do too.” She steps back. “Do you want to come in?”
“I’d love to,” I answer, and do just that. As she moves to shut the door behind us I turn around, keeping my front to her. She gives me a funny look.
“You all right?”
“I am. Pick a hand.”
“Um…right?” Shit. I got so caught off guard seeing her I forget which hand holds what. Tightening my grip on each, I shake my head at her.
“Pick again.”
“Who is whatever’s in your right hand for?” she teases as she points at my left side. I roll my eyes and grin.
“Both hands have something for you. Poor planning on my part. Humor me, Beesly.” I hand her the bag.
“Sorry. Ooo, Abby’s Candy!” she reads, peeking inside. Her eyes widen as she pulls out the second bag. “That’s a lot of jellybeans!”
“To be exact, two pounds of Jelly Bellies. Half are my favorite-”
“Peach-”
“Exactly, and half are yours-”
“Green Apple-“
“Yes, with a few Very Cherry thrown in for fun, because we both like those.”
Pam laughs. “Awesome!"
"I figure if I’m going to be hanging around Reception…y’know, more, I could at least provide you with the candy.”
She nods. “Very thoughtful of you.”
“However, if tonight is a disaster I’d like a verbal agreement that I get to take back the jelly beans. You know, as a consolation prize.”
“That seems fair. You have my word.”
“Excellent. These you can keep either way.” I give her the other present. She giggles as she takes them.
“I love gerber daisies. You didn’t have to get me flowers too.”
I shrug. “They were backup. Just in case the Jelly Belly idea flopped.”
“I thought it was very clever. Thank you.” We stand there awkwardly, just smiling at each other. With my hands empty I’m at a loss for what I’m supposed to be doing. I want to touch her somehow – kiss her cheek, hug her, give her a damn pat on the shoulder – but I just don’t know how to go about it. Pam shakes her head slightly, and whatever moment was there is lost for now. “I’m going to put these in some water. You can have a seat, if you want.”
As she heads for the kitchen, I sit on the sofa and look around. Her apartment is small, but very cozy and very…Pam. I can just feel the love she’s put into it. The whole place – or what I can see, at least – is painted a light blueish-green; it reminds me of the teapot I bought her for Christmas. Off to my right a giant window is letting in what’s left of the setting sun’s light. The sofa I’m on is tan (and may I add, really comfy), as is her armchair, and both have a fair share of throw pillows, all of them covered either in stripes or a flowery pattern of blues, greens and browns. In front of me is a worn coffee table with a few sketchbooks, some watercolor pencils and a giant Yankee candle on it. She has a huge bookshelf in the corner next to her little entertainment center, literally stuffed full of books, DVDs and a few knick-knacks. Framed on the walls are some prints – I recognize one as Monet – and pictures of her family. She’s got quite a few plants, too, but I can tell at least one is fake. It makes me smile, and somehow makes her more adorable. I don’t know, knowing she doesn’t have a green thumb? It’s cute. The kitchen’s only separated by a breakfast bar so I can see Pam carefully arranging her flowers in a vase. She’s wearing a soft smile while she does it, which only makes me grin more. I feel so cheesy, but I can’t help it – that’s what she’s always done to me. A minute later she brings the vase back out, setting it on the coffee table. I stand up.
“Are you ready to go?” I ask. She nods.
“Absolutely I am,” she replies, cocking an eyebrow mischievously and grabbing her purse. I just laugh as I follow her out.
----
“Oh! I’ve always wanted to go here,” Pam says as we pull into the parking lot.
“You’ve never been to The Banshee?” I’m kinda surprised – it’s a pretty popular place. For Scranton, anyway.
“No. Roy always thought it seemed too ‘trendy’-” She stops for just a split second- “-and I haven’t gotten out much lately,” she finishes quickly, picking at the hem of her skirt.
Well, there it is. I know she feels bad – I’m not sure if it’s just because she mentioned Roy or because she talked about one of “them” first. I’m really not upset (selfishly I'm a little relieved, because I know we'll be talking about my ex much more at some point). She was with the guy for years; it’d be impossible for her to never mention him. Besides, it’s not two years ago. It’s not last spring. It’s right now, and right now she’s here with me. “Well, then, I’m glad I get to be here when you finally get a chance to check it out,” I tell her, smiling once I catch her eye. She returns the gesture, and I can tell she’s relieved.
I jog around to the passenger side and open her door. “Thanks,” she says, and we start around the side of the pub. Suddenly she spins and heads back toward my car. “Forgot my purse,” she calls over her shoulder. I slowly follow her. She opens the door again and bends over to grab her purse from under the seat, but as she’s standing back up she stops suddenly.
“You okay?” I ask as I approach. She slowly emerges from the car, a smile creeping across her face. When I see what’s in her hand I know why.
“Really?” she asks, holding up a Deadpool comic book. Oh my God. How, how could I have missed that when I cleaned out my car this afternoon? I rub the back of my neck.
“Huh…tell me: what are the odds of you putting that back and pretending you never saw it?”
“Um…staggeringly high.” My eyes widen hopefully. “Against it happening.”
“I thought as much.” But she does put it back under the seat and shuts the door, so that’s something. My face feels like it’s on fire.
“Deadpool…I’ve never heard of him,” she says as we walk toward the entrance. I sigh.
“Yeah, well, he’s a lesser known character.” I shove my hands deep in my pockets and keep my eyes on the sidewalk. I’m just gonna ride this out. Hopefully it ends quicker that way.
“Is he some sort of ninja?”
“Uh, no, he’s a mercenary killer.”
“Does he have powers?”
“Kind of.”
“What are they?” she asks as I open the door for her, still refusing to look her way. I gotta say, though, this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
“Well, he’s like an unbeatable Green Beret that has the ability to regenerate really quickly.”
“That sounds cool.”
“He is actually really cool,” I reply cautiously. She can’t possibly be interested…can she?
“Is he friends with Superman?”
“Not Superman, no,” I answer with a little more enthusiasm as we wait in the lobby to be seated. “Superman’s actually a DC character and Deadpool’s part of the Marvel uni-” But I stop short when I finally look down at Pam and realize she’s trying so hard not laugh that her hand is clamped over her mouth and tears are sparkling in her eyes. I shake my head and sigh. “Oh man. You are so proud of yourself, aren’t you?”
“I can’t believe…I had…you going!” she splutters, wiping away tears. I run a hand through my hair.
“I honestly can’t either.”
“It was so easy!” She takes a few deep breaths, still giggling.
“You almost finished?”
“Almost. Wait.” She holds up a hand and takes an exaggerated deep breath. “Okay. I’m done.”
I laugh in spite of myself. “Good. Thank you, really.” We share another look and, despite having been mercilessly teased the last two minutes, there’s nothing I want to do right now more than kiss her. I know, it’s more or less a recurrent theme in my life over the past four years. Before I can get up the nerve – also a recurrent theme – a hostess approaches and takes us to a booth in a quiet corner. Once we’re tucked in, I smile at Pam. “What do you think?”
She grins. “I love it,” she says as she takes a good look around. I’m glad, but honestly, The Banshee’s hard not to like. It’s an Irish pub, complete with an amazing bar, lots of dark wood, low lighting from cool brass fixtures and a huge fireplace, and exposed brickwork. There are homey touches too, like old ads and family photos and shelves full of books. It’s certainly not the fanciest place I could have brought Pam, but fancy wasn’t really what I was looking for. I’ve really given it a lot of thought – okay, I should say I’ve thought about it a lot since deciding to do this a few hours ago. Believe it or not Scranton does have a few high-end restaurants, and I guess they’d be great choices when you’re on one of those first dates where you’re shooting to impress a girl. Tonight’s not really about that, though. More than anything I just want us both to feel really comfortable being together again. I’ve been here quite a few times and I’ve always thought it has an ambiance that puts you at ease right away.
Our waitress steps up and smiles. “Hey, I’m Susan. I’ll be your server tonight. Can I get you two a drink first?” she asks. Pam and I exchange hesitant looks.
“Is it okay with you if I-”
“I wouldn’t mind a beer-” she starts at the same time. We laugh, I’m pretty sure with relief. I don’t have to have a drink, but I definitely wouldn’t mind one. I nod at Pam.
“You first.”
“Um, what beers do you serve?” she asks, glancing at the menu. Susan smiles kindly.
“First time at The Banshee?” Pam nods. “We’ve got over 20 beers on tap and 150 different bottled beers. Just ask, sweetie, we’ve probably got it.”
Pam’s eyes widen. “Wow…um, just a draft Killian’s?”
“Excellent. And you?”
“I’ll take a black and tan,” I tell her. With another smile she leaves. Pam gives me a questioning look.
“Black and tan?”
“It’s half Guinness, half Harp.”
She raises her eyebrows. “My my.”
I chuckle. “Hey, this is one of the only places around here you can get one.”
“Good to know…Beer Snob.”
“Guilty,” I admit, holding my hands up. “I earned it – I drank more than my fair share of crappy beer in college.”
“Like PBR?” she guesses knowingly.
“Of course.”
“Milwaukee’s Best?”
“Oh God, the Beast…”
“Schlitz?”
I shake my head firmly. “Nope. I drew the line there. Seriously, good beer is one of my few indulgences.” Pam’s eyes twinkle and she bites her lip. “If you mention the book again, Beesly, I will go sit at the bar and watch the Sixers or something.”
“I didn’t say anything!” she protests, laughing. “Besides, that’s an empty threat. The Sixers are done.”
Whoa, hold on. ‘The Sixers are done’…? They actually are; it’s the playoffs and they didn’t make it. Since when does Pam know anything about sports? I study her. “What’d you say?” I ask, leaning in a little. Her eyes widen just a little, then dart back down to her menu.
“I said the Sixers aren’t on,” she says airily, refusing to look up. I grin.
“No, I think you said the Sixers are done.”
“What? No I didn’t. What does that even mean?”
But before I can press this further Susan returns. Pam looks relieved. Susan puts down coasters, then sets down our glasses. “I’ll be back to take your order in just a minute,” she tells us. I pick up my drink and read my coaster. It makes me chuckle.
“What?” Pam asks.
“The coasters here all have Irish sayings on them.” I hold it up to show her, sure I’m starting to blush. Again.
An áit a bhuil do chroí is ann a thabharfas do chosa thú.
Your feet will bring you to where your heart is.
She laughs softly, then picks up her glass and glances at her coaster. “What does yours say?” I ask. Her grin widens some and she shrugs.
“It’s a toast - the one that starts with ‘May the road always rise to meet you.’”
I’m not sure I believe her but I just raise my glass. “Ah. Well, I propose a toast of my own.”
She raises her glass. “Okay.”
“To…” I can’t bring myself to say anything I’m thinking. It still feels too early. “To good beer.” She clinks her glass against mine.
“To good beer,” she repeats with a nod. We each take a sip.
“Speaking of good beer, did you know Dwight and Angela were together?”
Pam nods excitedly, waving her hands. “Oh my God, yes! Wait,” she says, her brow furrowing, “what does that have to do with good beer?”
“Absolutely nothing, but I’ve wanted to talk to you about it for weeks.”
“Weeks? I’ve been holding that in for…forever, really.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Um, no. I’m completely serious. I was suspicious for a long time – you knew that – but I’ve known for sure since…God, Valentine’s Day…of last year?”
“Wow. Your self-control is remarkable, Beesly.”
“Thank you. How did you find out?” she asks. I tell her the story, pausing only to order some Irish cheddar fondue when Susan comes back. I try to skate around the fact that I had learned this little tidbit not long after the whole Roy encounter. Pam shakes her head when I finish.
“And you never told anyone until now?” she asks, reaching up to play with her necklace. With the nervous gesture I know what she’s really asking.
“Not a single person. I figure I owed it to Dwight and besides, I only knew one person who would really appreciate it.” I smile at her. She cocks her head a little, still fiddling with her necklace.
“Yeah.” It’s quiet a minute. “You would’ve loved it today – they were like the Juan and Eva Peron of the office. Maybe more like Juan, Eva and Eva Peron. Andy was the other Eva.”
I start laughing. “That’s right! How was Dwight’s one day in the sun?”
She laughs too. “It was more like his four hours, but it was…” She shakes her head solemnly, folding her hands in front of her. “It was truly magical, Jim.”
The prospect of what I know is going to be an awesome story, paired with seeing her at ease again, makes me happy. “I would love nothing more than a detailed play-by-play. Leave nothing out.”
So for the next half hour, over apples, pretzel nuggets and a bread bowl full of hot cheese, Pam regales me with the story of Dwight’s reign. I lose food more than once off my dipping fork from laughing so hard, especially at the way her voice rises as she says ‘Schrute Buck,’ and I almost perform a spit-take when she recaps Dwight’s seminar. We both crack up while she explains her role as secret assistant to the regional manager, but for some reason hearing about it also makes me feel a little…sad, I guess. We were such a team, for so long. I mean, I don’t have any delusions that she can’t have fun without me, nor do I want that to be the case. Since I’ve known her, though, I can’t make myself enjoy life as much when she’s not around. Does that sound pathetic?
Almost as if she’s reading my mind, she smiles up at me. “It was a hilarious day. The only thing that would have made it better is having you there to laugh about it with.” She looks surprised by her own honesty – I know I am – and she reaches for the necklace again. I know how she feels. As close as we were, there was always so much we couldn’t say. When our talks got too close to dangerous territory we made a joke, or found something that suddenly had to get done. I want to reach across the table and take her hand, hold it in mine.
But because I’m not as brave as her, I resort to our old M.O. “Oh come on, Pam, had I been there you know there’s no way Dwight would have trusted you with such a high-ranking post.”
She heaves a dramatic sigh. “You’re right. Never mind. Thank goodness you weren’t there.” She seems more comfortable again.
“Right, because if I had been in the office, how would I be able to dazzle you with the story of the madness that went on at corporate today?”
“I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. Michael has been in a weird mood since he got back. What exactly happened?”
Before I can start Susan arrives with our dinner order (a corned beef sandwich for me, a bowl of potato soup for Pam and another drink each for both of us). With a warning that it won’t be as great of a story as hers, I return the favor and tell her all about Jan’s total meltdown this morning. I try to make it funny, because parts of it are, but I can see in Pam’s eyes that she feels the same way I did: it really was kind of sad, too. It makes me think of Karen’s reaction; that Jan deserved what she got and the whole thing was laughable. It could just be that Pam and I are too immersed in the wackiness of Scranton, but I doubt it. After I’ve finished Pam suddenly shakes her head.
“Oh my gosh, Jim. I’m sorry; I’m such a jerk.”
My brows furrow. “Why do you say that?”
“We’ve been talking for so long and I haven’t even asked you how your interview went yet!”
“Oh…don’t worry about it.” I’d actually forgotten I’d had an interview today.
“So…? How’d it go?” I search her eyes. She’s completely genuine, but I know she’s worried about the answer – her soup spoon is circling the bowl at a rapid clip.
“Uh, it went okay. It went really well, actually.”
“Oh!” She looks down, but so quickly if I hadn’t been watching her I would have missed it. “That’s great. Do you think you got the job?”
“No.”
Pam looks confused. “Why?”
“Because…” Now it’s my turn to look down, poking at a few leftover French fries. For some reason I can’t meet her eyes. “Because I asked David Wallace to withdraw my name from consideration.”
It’s quiet. I manage to glance at her. Her lips are pursed, but her eyes are shining. “Are you sure that was a good idea? I mean, if your interview went that well – and I’m sure it did – it seems like that was a really great opportunity to move up…and getting to move to the city…?” she finally says.
“Pam.” It's almost a whisper. I make myself meet her eyes. Neither one of us says another word. I don’t think we have to. Slowly a brilliant smile lights up Pam’s face; I can’t help but mirror her reaction. For the first time in a year I get a taste of that complete joy again, that feeling I’ve wanted to experience again for so long, and it’s so overwhelming I literally can’t do anything but sit here and smile at her. Pam’s the first to break the gaze, looking down and tucking her hair behind her ear. I glance at my watch, my heart racing.
“Well, it’s only nine. I was thinking since it’s only a mile or two from here we could head to the park, maybe go for a walk?”
“That sounds good,” she says, and I can’t help but notice she sounds a little breathless. She puts her purse on the table, then picks it up as she stands. “I’m just going to visit the bathroom before we go.”
“Okay. I’ll get the check.” She nods and hurries off towards the restroom. I pull my wallet from my pocket and fish out some cash. Before I put it back I tuck my coaster inside. Hey, I’ve saved a lot lamer Pam-related souvenirs, and you’ve got to admit it’s fitting. I look for hers, too, but Susan must have cleared it at some point. Oh well. Susan stops by and I hand her the billfold, assuring her we’re all set. With a grin she wishes me a good night. Just as I’m standing I see Pam leaving the ladies’ room. My heart thumps a little harder. “All set?”
She nods. “Thank you for dinner - it was excellent,” she says as we head for the door.
“Thank you for the company - it was excellent too.” She graces me with another smile. Okay, I can do this. I take a deep breath and reach out to put my hand on the small of her back…and completely panic just before I touch her, balling my hand into a fist and shoving it in my pocket instead. I’ve got to get a grip; what the hell is wrong with me? I’m so frustrated I inadvertently shake my head. Pam catches it.
“You okay?”
“Yep,” I reply, having to force a smile for the first time all night.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Yes, friends...the date actually starts. Who would've thunk?
Chapter End Notes:
The Banshee is a real place. I've never been but it looks pretty great, yeah?
Also, Deadpool is a real character (and, from what Mr. Comment likes to say, a total badass). He'll be played by Ryan Reynolds in the new X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie, so...yep. There you go. :)
Also, Deadpool is a real character (and, from what Mr. Comment likes to say, a total badass). He'll be played by Ryan Reynolds in the new X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie, so...yep. There you go. :)
