Author's Chapter Notes:
Off to Disney Studios with you! (Formerly Disney-MGM Studios; Judy will explain) This contains what, as I've been told at least, is my most disturb(ingly funny) line...
Andy was in the bathroom of the hotel room he was sharing with Dwight, attempting to style hair that was too short to style. Dwight sat on his bed, analyzing the directions for a Lego kit of the Millennium Falcon he bought the previous evening. “So what challenges do you think Michael has up his sleeve for today?” Andy called as he studied his reflection critically. Dwight said nothing. “Are you shunning me again?” Andy finally asked, his tone a mix of confusion and annoyance.
“No.”
Andy set down his brush and emerged from the bathroom. “What do you think Michael will have us do today?” he tried again.
“It isn’t our place to speculate on what Michael will do. All we need to do is step up when we are called upon.”
Andy looked as if he wasn’t sure what to say in response to this, so he said nothing. Instead he came to stand near Dwight’s bed. He smirked at the pieces strewn across Dwight’s bed.
“Dwight, from one bro to another, I gotta tell you – you’ll never bag a babe playing with toys,” he advised.
Dwight snuck a smirk to the camera.
----
Dwight: (outside the room) Yes, Andy Bernard and I are sharing a room. And I’m fine with that. I welcome any opportunity to learn more about my enemy. (He smiles diabolically. ) It makes me better prepared to defeat him in battle. (A pause. ) And for the record, there are plenty of women that have no issue with toys. (The left corner of his lips quirks upward disturbingly. ) Of any kind.
----
At the end of breakfast Judy stood and smiled. “So, gang, today we’ll be heading to Disney’s Hollywood Studios. It used to be known as Disney-MGM Studios, but in January of this year it underwent a name change-”
“Bo-ring,” Michael ruled, letting out a loud yawn. Dwight snickered and held up his hand for a high-five. After a hesitation – and noticing his heckling had garnered no other support – he obliged. Judy smiled grimly.
“Thank you, Michael.”
“You’re not welcome.”
“Burned,” Dwight added.
“Anyway, as the name suggests, this park’s theme is Hollywood and the movies – obviously there’s a heavy dose of Disney influence, with shows based on The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast, but we also have attractions based on popular franchises like Indiana Jones and Star Wars.”
Dwight’s eyes narrowed. “We’ll be riding the Star Wars ride today?” he confirmed. Judy nodded.
“That’s right.”
Dwight nodded. “Excellent.”
Judy waited for some sort of harassment, as it had come to be second nature when Dwight spoke to her, about her, or even near her, but she got nothing of the kind. With a surprised smile she continued her explanation. Michael, however, looked shocked and leaned Dwight’s way. “What?” he whispered, his tone accusatory.
Dwight frowned. “What?”
“’Excellent’? What are you saying?”
“I love Star Wars, Michael, you know that.”
“More than—” Michael swallowed his next word, sat back in his seat again and took a quick look at the camera. “Never mind. I see where your loyalties lie.”
“Well of course with Dunder Mifflin,” Dwight said quickly. “But also the Rebellion. And then the New Republic.”
----
Michael: (near the buffet; looking irritated) Well, Judy managed to suck Dwight in with nerd bait, which is just fantastic. I guess I should have seen it coming: Judy’s a dork, and so is Dwight. You can’t trust dorks. Cool guys like me and Jim have known that for years. I’ve gotta be a lone wolf today. It’ll give me time to learn more about the wheelchair people takeover. And who knows? Maybe I’ll get discovered...(his brows furrow) Didn’t Judy say this was Hollywood? Gah…she talks so much, but says so little. Talk about someone who needs to be a more effective speaker.
----
As Judy went over a few final details with the groups as they stood at the gates of Disney’s Hollywood Studios, Jim and Pam looked at their map.
“So how long do you plan on pretending like you’re not at all interested in the Star Wars ride and…oh look, an adjoining store called ‘Tatoon Traders,’” Pam wondered, looking at Jim innocently. He didn’t remove his eyes from the map.
“That’s Ta-too-ine Traders, and I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said casually.
“I see. We’re playing that game.”
“Because I’m sure you haven’t plotted a course to MuppetVision 3D and…hey, check that out, the Stage 1 Company Store.” Jim flashed a raised-eyebrow look back at Pam.
“Oh, they have that here? Didn’t notice,” Pam replied airily. Jim shook his head.
“Probably for the best. It’s all the way over there. Too far of a walk.”
Pam nodded. “Much too far. Only slightly further than the Star Wars thing. Best to just skip both.”
“I agree.”
“Should we just head for what’s closest…say, the Beauty and the Beast stage show?”
“Oh definitely.”
“Oh, awesome!” Kelly appeared in a blur of rhinestones and squeals. “Darryl and I were totally going to check that out first – Judy said there’s a show starting in, like, twenty minutes, and she’d get us spots in front!”
Pam and Jim looked caught, and Jim’s face fell further when Phyllis joined them. “I love that movie. Mind if I join you?” she asked, smiling.
“Omigod, no, of course not!” Kelly snatched Phyllis’s hand and dragged her off. Darryl stared at Jim and Pam.
“Y’all couldn’t have said somethin’?” he asked, shaking his head.
----
Darryl: (outside the amphitheater where Beauty and the Beast is performed; cocking an eyebrow) Do I look like the kind of cat that would dig this?
(A scene plays in which Jim glances at Darryl while “Be Our Guest” is performed onstage. Without a word Jim passes him his second earbud and a tiny handy-wipe package. Darryl sighs visibly as he opens the handy wipe and swabs the earbud. His next words are as a voiceover) I’d take Jim’s indie rock (expletive bleeped) any day of the week.
----
Judy was leading the group toward the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror when she saw Dwight emerging from the exit. “Hey, Dwight!” she called out in greeting.
“Hello,” he answered shortly.
“Did you already ride the Tower of Terror?” she asked, nodding toward the tall, seemingly decrepit building from which screams were ringing out. Dwight nodded.
“Four times, to be exact. I was not about to sit through that show that the rest of you were at.”
Jim and Darryl exchanged matching looks, the embarrassment at being jealous of Dwight evident on both their faces.
“Well, if you’d like to ride it again you’re welcome to join us,” Judy offered, smiling. Dwight pursed his lips. “After this we were going to check out Aerosmith’s Rock ‘n Roller Coaster, then maybe head to the Backlot Express for some lunch. It’s right next to Star Tours.”
He looked torn for a moment, then finally nodded. “This seems like an acceptable plan,” he ruled. Judy nodded happily and continued walking, but Dwight was frozen in place upon spotting Michael - who had apparently witnessed this whole interaction - quickly walking away. “Hey! Michael!” he cried out. Michael sped his pace. “Michael!” Dwight tried again, running after him.
“Forget it, Dwight,” he called over his shoulder.
“Michael please!” Michael stopped short and Dwight ran into him at full speed. Both tumbled to the ground, but Dwight was on his feet again in an instant and offering Michael a hand. Pointedly ignoring the proffered hand, Michael clambered up on his own.
“What do you want, Dwight? To stab me in the back again?”
Dwight looked as if he had been slapped. “I didn’t stab you—”
“Yes you did, Dwight, yes you did! It’s just like what happened with Captain Jack – someone throws you a scrap of attention and you leave me all alone.”
There was a pause. “That sounds a little gay,” Dwight finally muttered, glancing at the camera. Michael’s face quickly turned crimson.
“How dare you,” he breathed. He stared at Dwight for a moment, then brushed off his shirt and started away again. Dwight opened his mouth but then slowly let it fall shut. His head was jerked in the opposite direction by the sound of chuckling.
There stood Andy, a glib smile plastered on his face.
“That affects nothing,” Dwight told him, somewhat weakly.
----
Andy: (in front of the Tower of Terror; still grinning, singing) I am the champions, my frie-eeeends…
----
Dwight: (in front of the same ride, worry doing battle with the dismissive look he is attempting to wear) Andy Bernard hardly has one up on me. Well, he does, but he most certainly doesn’t have two up. That wasn’t a challenge. I’ll determine the next challenge. (A long pause. ) At some point.
----
Angela: (sitting on a bench) Of course one should remain loyal to his boss. Andy is very good at that. (She grimaces, then arches an eyebrow. ) However, any wom-…anyone worth her…or his, weight knows that the pull of science fiction is one no man-…no one can resist for long. It’s only natural. I’m sure Michael will understand eventually. I did. (Her eyes widen just slightly. ) I mean…
(Looking flustered, Angela smoothes an invisible hair back into her ponytail. )
----
As Judy herded the group toward the Tower of Terror, she paused as she noticed Stanley wandering off. “Stanley? You don’t want to ride-”
“No.”
“Oh…uh, well what about the Aerosmi-”
“I’ll meet you afterward,” he answered, heading instead toward a kiosk with a sign reading Toluca Legs Turkey Co. Judy watched him for a moment, then shrugged into the camera and jogged after her charges.
----
Stanley: (on a bench near Aerosmith’s Rock ‘n Roller Coaster; accentuating each point he makes with a giant turkey leg he’s holding) I don’t do drops, I don’t do loops, I don’t do thrills. And I eat when I want. (Stanley smiles at his turkey leg and takes a large bite. )
----
Michael stood in line to ride the Tower of Terror, having waited until he saw the rest of his group had emerged from the exit before getting in the queue. “I loved The Twilight Zone as a kid. It never scared me; I appreciated it for the art of the film, plus Vincent Price was a great host,” he was explaining to the camera.
A man in a Detroit Tigers cap turned around, looking at Michael strangely. “Vincent Price didn’t host that show,” he said, glancing at the camera, then Michael. Michael gave his own dubious look to the camera.
“Oh really? Then who was it?”
“It was Rod Serling.”
Michael’s eyebrows shot up and he laughed. “The guy that yelled ‘Come on down!’ on The Price Is Right? No, pal, I think you’re the one that’s mistaken."
The young man looked baffled. “That’s Rod-”
But Michael waved him off, distracted and edging up further in line to see what was happening in front of him. A Disney cast member was holding the handlebars of a manual wheelchair while an older man, with some difficulty and assistance from a middle-aged woman, stood and stepped into the small ride car. Michael turned back to the camera, fuming.
“Faker!” he hissed. “That old fart fakes a handicap and gets on…” He shook his head, too offended to go on. He took a deep breath and shook his head. “Egregious. I’m making a note of that, believe me.”
----
The group was in a good mood as they crossed the park to grab a bite to eat at the restaurant Judy had suggested, brought on by the adrenaline rush a good roller coaster provides. Jim and Pam followed as they looked at their map.
“Did you see this?” Jim asked, pointing at an area toward a building in the far left section of the park.
“’The Magic of Disney Animation,’” Pam read, then nodded. “I remember that. I took a class there last time I was here. I was sixteen.”
“Really?”
She nodded again. “It wasn’t a big deal; we learned about the history of animation and at the end we got to paint a cell.”
“An activity you no doubt aced,” Jim replied, smiling. Pam put on a cocky look.
“I don’t want to brag, but the instructor told me I was a natural. I stay inside the lines exceptionally well.”
“I’m honored to know you,” Jim told her, taking her hand.
“You should be,” she said, grinning, then looked to Judy, who was now walking next to her. “Do they still have that class?”
“Not the exact one you’re talking about, but they offer mini-classes on drawing characters all day,” Judy said. Pam looked at Jim in excitement.
“Now you can be a master art-eest too!” she said happily. Jim raised his eyebrows.
“In just one class? I don’t think there’s enough Disney magic available to make that happen.”
Before they could continue Kevin had sidled up to the trio. “Whatcha talking about?” he asked Judy.
“Oh, a drawing class we’ll be checking out later,” Judy informed him. Kevin nodded.
“Cool. That reminds me…do you have any tattoos?” he asked, sneaking a smirk at the camera.
“How did a drawing class remind you of tattoos?” Jim questioned, staring at Kevin.
“Because tattoos are…drawings…on your body,” Kevin supplied slowly.
“Um…well, I shouldn’t really tell you, but I do have this,” Judy confided, pulling up the right leg of her capris slightly and revealing a small, stylized Mickey Mouse silhouette between her shin and ankle. “It was my congratulations gift to myself when I got hired here,” she added as she stood back up, grinning sheepishly.
“It’s really cute,” Pam told her. Jim, however, was still watching Kevin. He was still nodding, pleased. Jim leaned toward Judy.
“There’s no chance you can see without your glasses, is there?” he asked her quietly.
----
Kevin: (in front of the Backlot Express café; smiling lasciviously) H. O. T. T. (A pause. ) T. (Another pause. ) The last ‘T’ is for tattoo. The middle ‘T’ is for…you know. (Kevin gives his high-pitched snigger. )
----
After standing in line for what seemed to be an hour, the Dunder Mifflin crew had trays full of food, and moved to the outdoor patio tables that Phyllis and Kelly had been holding for them. As they took their seats Andy moved closer to the low fence that separated the patio from the walkway. “Hey Michael! Over here!” he called, waving. Michael looked up from his aimless wandering and eyed his employees warily. “Come get your eat on with us, Boss!”
Michael hesitated a moment longer, then headed their way. Andy looked at Dwight smugly; Dwight answered with a sneer. “You guys get anything for me?” Michael asked.
“Why would we do that? You weren’t here,” Stanley answered evenly. Michael stared at him for a moment, but stopped when Andy clapped him on the back.
“I’ll go in and wait with you while you stand in line,” Andy offered. Michael shrugged and the two headed inside. Dwight looked even more upset as he took a ferocious bite of his hamburger.
“So after we eat, you said there’s a Star Wars ride nearby?” Jim asked casually as he popped a fry in his mouth. Pam smirked at the camera.
“You mean the giant AT-AT walker didn’t clue you in?” Judy teased, pointing at the looming four-legged monster machine that stood a hundred or so feet away. Jim shrugged.
“I hadn’t noticed that at all,” he said into his drink, unable to hide a smile.
“Attention padawans! Are you ready to test your Jedi skills?” came an announcement over the loudspeaker.
Dwight sat up as if a string attached to the top of his head had been yanked violently.
“What’s going on?” he barked, looking around frantically.
“Oh, that’s the Jedi Training Academy. They host it every few hours on the stage right across the way,” Judy told him.
“A…Jedi training academy? Here?” Dwight asked in disbelief. Judy nodded.
“Gather round quickly, young ones! The time has come!”
“Do they use lightsabers?” Dwight asked hopefully.
“Mmhmm,” Judy answered cheerily as she sipped her lemonade. His eyes went saucer-wide and he jumped up so quickly that his chair knocked into Phyllis, who was behind him.
“Alert Andy Bernard that the time for our next challenge is here,” Dwight announced resolutely, looking meaningfully at Angela, then sprinting for the stage where a small crowd was gathering. Without a word Angela, flushed, hurried into the café.
Judy looked around in confusion. “What just happened here?”
“Hard telling,” Jim answered.
“What challenge?” Phyllis asked, attempting to right Dwight’s chair.
Angela exited, pulling Andy by the arm. “I was just with Michael, honey, he didn’t say a thing about a challenge,” he was telling her irritably.
“You know the rules,” she spat back.
“But I don’t want to be a Jedi! I’d rather be, like, a ninja or something.”
“That hardly matters. Go,” Angela instructed curtly. With a groan Andy climbed over the railing and headed for the stage.
“Who will I choose first to train at the Academy?” the voice boomed; they could see now that it came from a man in his mid-thirties, dressed in a Jedi robe and pacing the stage to which Judy had referred. She looked at Jim and Pam.
“They get that that’s just a little show for kids, right? Like, small children?” Judy quizzed the couple nervously. Both shook their heads.
“Plus I doubt that that would make any difference, anyway,” Pam added. Judy stood and headed for the railing to get a closer view of what was happening. Several others in the group joined her.
As it turned out, that wasn’t necessary.
“No, Master, you’ve got to let me onstage,” all the Scranton employees heard through the speaker. The camera shifted and zoomed in on Dwight struggling to get on the platform, much to the chagrin of the Jedi-robed employee.
“I’m sorry, Jedi, but you’re too- oof! You’re too old to start your training!”
“That’s exactly what Yoda said to Luke, and he was wrong!” Dwight argued. He was half onstage, half off, gripping the cast member desperately. Andy looked unsure of whether he too was supposed to try and get on the stage or remain in the crowd. Dwight pulled his other leg up and grabbed the employee’s shoulders.
“Oh God,” Judy moaned, deftly leaping the railing and running to the stage. Pam looked to Jim but he was already climbing to his feet.
“I’m on it,” he sighed as he followed their guide.
“Let…go…I’m sorry, a valiant try-”
“Do..or...do not…” Dwight panted, finally managing to get to his feet and throwing his arms in the air. “There is no try!” The view of this scene shook as the cameraman ran to catch up with the action. Dwight stabbed a finger in Andy’s direction. “I challenge you to a duel!” he crowed. “Where is my honored Jedi weapon?” Andy glowered at him and took a step forward, but Jim put two heavy hands on his shoulders.
“C’mon, Tuna, I’ve gotta do this,” he argued. Jim shook his head.
“No, no you don’t.” Andy struggled against Jim’s grip for a moment, but when it was clear his efforts were useless he stopped.
Judy shot an apologetic look at the event’s host and looked at Dwight. “Come on, Dwight. Michael…needs you,” she called up to him.
Dwight tore his eyes from Andy and looked to Judy. “Michael needs me?” he asked doubtfully.
Judy looked to the side and saw two plainclothes security members watching the scene with interest. “Yes. He…he changed the challenge,” she said hastily.
Dwight opened his mouth to argue, but upon glancing at Andy again appeared to think better of it. “Fine,” he muttered at long last, climbing off the stage slowly. Judy’s sigh of relief was quite audible as she sent another smile to the host and the security guards.
“I’ll be right back,” she told Jim as they started for the patio again, pulling off her nametag. He nodded. “And Jim?” He turned back. “Thank you,” she mouthed, widening her eyes. Jim smiled.
“It’s my job. Literally.” The jim he gave the camera was half amused, half resigned.
----
Judy: (in a wooded smoking area; looking stressed) Do I know anything about the “challenge?” (She shakes her head as she takes a quick drag off her cigarette. ) But I put two and two together and hoped for the best. (Judy sighs.) I really want to keep this job.
----
Michael exited the café, carrying a tray. He looked around the mostly empty tables in confusion. “Where’d everyone go?”
Chapter End Notes:
Check out a video of the Jedi Academy Dwight tried to join. It makes that concept all the funnier...to me, at least. (And excuse the quality; it was the best I could find!) Also, I realize I write Jim much dorkier than most, but I think it fits...and it only gets worse. ;)
This'll probably be the last chapter til Monday (we have an out-of-town wedding Mr. Comment is standing up in...ugh, the expense!). Leave me a note, even if only to say hello, and we'll see you then!
This'll probably be the last chapter til Monday (we have an out-of-town wedding Mr. Comment is standing up in...ugh, the expense!). Leave me a note, even if only to say hello, and we'll see you then!
