“I think we're drunk.”
He's not, but he may as well be. Why else would he be doing something so impulsive, so stupid, so beautiful? So he nods. Pam hesitates, bites her lips, and nods back. She tentatively raises her hands back to Jim's chest and then they are suddenly together, all lips and teeth and tongue.
They stop short of (screwing)(fucking) actually making love, but only because he comes before they get the chance. His fingers are buried deep inside of her, her panties pushed to the side. Her hand is wrapped around his cock, stroking him as she muffles her moans against the side of his neck. His hair gets in both of their eyes. Pam bites down on his shoulder and he can feel her muscles clenching around his fingers. He opens his eyes, unable to resist looking down at her, finding out exactly what she looks like at this moment. The sight of her writhing on his desk is too much, he's waited for this too long, and then he's coming so hard it's embarrassing.
They stay close for a few minutes, catching their breaths while they avoid each other's eyes. Pam reaches for the box of tissues on Dwight's desk and wordlessly offers them to Jim. They clean themselves up and straighten their clothes in silence.
Jim takes a deep breath and tries to sort out his thoughts. He looks at Pam, wanting to catch her eye and maybe smile at her, try to make all of this less confusing, but the guilt on her face is so naked that he stops, suddenly ashamed.
She pushes him away with a hand on his chest, hopping down from his desk and tugging her dress back down to her knees. There is an ink stain on her hip, a smudge like a fingerprint. Her shoulders tremble and he knows she is fighting tears. “Pam-”
“No.” The single word stops him dead. “We shouldn't have. I can't.”
He is angry, so angry. “Yes, you can. And you want to. You don't want to go back to him.”
“You have no idea what I want.”
He scoffs. “I think you just gave me a pretty good idea.” Jim regrets it instantly. Her shoulders stiffen and she takes and holds in a deep breath. If she were anybody else she would slap him, but she's not that kind of girl.
“I'm leaving now,” Pam says, looking up at him for the first time. “Going home, going to bed.” Going to Roy. She starts to walk to the door.
“How?” Jim asks, his tone just slightly mocking. “Aren't you too drunk to drive?” His voice is harsh and the words taste bitter in his mouth. He can still feel her, taste her, smell her. He realizes now that she was just looking for an excuse to kiss him again, something she could use to explain it all away in the morning. He hates that she needed justification.
She makes a sound like he hit her and turns toward him. He can see the tears on her cheeks and he almost takes it back, but then remembers how she moaned when she came and he is furious with her.
She looks him in the eye. “No,” she chokes out, “I'm not drunk.” It sounds like an apology. They look at each other for a long moment before she turns and bolts. He hears the door to the stairs slam open and hit the wall, and then her footsteps are disappearing. When the door shuts again a few seconds later he suddenly reaches down and sweeps all of the papers and knick-knacks off of his desk with one arm.
----
A month later he is at his computer in Stamford, reading the company newsletter. A short paragraph on the third page offers congratulations to the happy couple who got married in Scranton last week. She's in Reception and he is in Shipping and Receiving, and the company wishes them all the best.
Jim deletes the newsletter and stares down at his desk blotter, thinking, feeling, tasting, remembering, regretting.
----
Story Notes:
We find out in "Gay Witch Hunt" what happened after The Kiss. Pam tries to blame their behavior on alcohol, and Jim denies being drunk. What if he hadn't? Angst ahoy.
Disclaimer: The show would be a whole lot less awesome if I were in any way responsible for it.
Disclaimer: The show would be a whole lot less awesome if I were in any way responsible for it.
Chapter End Notes:
I don't know if I like how this ends, and I definitely don't like the title. Any suggestions, comments, criticisms, and beta-offers are greatly appreciated.
Corking is the author of 4 other stories.
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