They sat close together on the sofa, holding hands, where they'd ended up after Jim picked up his keys and closed the door. It was all happening so fast, and her head was spinning; Jim was suddenly back in her life, sitting here in her apartment and holding her hand and looking at her like she was the best present he'd ever gotten.
A strange warmth was spreading through her, like sitting by a fire, only it was from the inside out. Like her body was waking up, coming alive, just by being near him. Just touching his hand. It had never happened before, even when they used to wrestle around at work. Never like this. Maybe never, to her, at all. It wasn't just that he was so close, either--it was that he was here, and neither of them had any entanglements or obligations. Nowhere to be, no one to disapprove, just a whole big, scary, thrilling world of possibilities.
It was just after seven, and Pam realized they'd both glanced at the clock on the wall at the same time.
Pam said, "You still do it too, huh?"
"What's that?"
"Clockwatching. You know, you sit at work all day, and you can't wait for the day to end, so you look at the clock every few minutes? But then when you get home you keep doing it there too?"
"Yeah. I guess I never thought about it, but you're right. And then if you don't have your watch on, and you're in a room with no clock--"
"It drives you crazy," Pam finished.
"Yeah." He was holding one of her hands in both of his own, playing with her fingers. "Hey, I want to ask you something," he said.
She smiled at him. "Go ahead."
"You--you said, earlier? That you turned your life upside down. For me. But, you know, when I found out you weren't married, and you hadn't told me--well, I spent most of the drive here wondering if maybe you really did just want to be alone. And I meant what I said before, about not wanting to screw this up for you. So was it really for me?"
She grinned wider. "Let's say it was...mostly for you."
He nodded, grinned back. "I can live with that."
"You're still a jerk for not saying goodbye."
"I know. But just think how long you'll be able to hold it over my head."
"Oh, I'm going to milk it for all it's worth."
"Of course." He leaned in and kissed her softly. More like their first kiss, this time. Then he looked at her. "You're going to let me try and make up for it, right?"
"We can negotiate."
He got both arms around her and pulled her closer, and any thoughts she'd had of having a calm, quiet conversation about everything that'd happened went out the window.
It was 7:08pm.
***
By 7:33, Jim was kissing her neck. She hissed in air through her teeth, and clutched his arm harder. "Maybe we really should--mmm--talk about things some more," she said, breathlessly.
Jim pulled away, looked at her. He smiled, and his eyes were large and luminous. One arm around her, he rested the other hand on her leg. "Okay," he said, "talk."
She took a deep breath. He looked so good. "Well...just for example, you live so far away now. How are we going to work that out?"
But he just kept smiling at her, with his perfect teeth and his sincere eyes, and before he could answer, she found herself leaning in to kiss him again.
A minute later, she murmured, "I guess we can...talk later," and Jim went back to kissing her neck.
*
At 7:58, Pam got up to change out of her work clothes into jeans and a t-shirt and unclip her hair. When she came back through the kitchen she called out, "Want something to drink?"
But suddenly Jim appeared in the kitchen next to her. He'd taken his jacket off. He looked her up and down appreciatively. "Wow..." he said.
She laughed. "Come on, it's just a pair of old jeans..." But she grinned up at him at him in way that she knew wasn't exactly subtle.
Which was how they ended up making out up against the refrigerator.
*
At 8:11, Pam looked down at all the refrigerator magnets that had gotten knocked onto the floor. One caught her eye. "Hey," she said to Jim, "Are you hungry? I just realized I'm starving."
*
At 8:58, they had to scramble up off the couch to answer the door when the pizza delivery guy got there. He gave them a weird look.
"Do you think he knew?" Pam asked, worriedly, after he left.
"I don't know," Jim whispered. "Maybe we should have him killed, just in case?"
She grinned, but whispered back, "You shouldn't underestimate the pizza-guy information superhighway, Jim."
"Oh?"
"Dwight eats a lot of pizza. Think about it."
"My God, you're right." He put the cardboard box down and pulled Pam towards him.
*
By 9:30pm, the untouched pizza had gone cold on the kitchen counter.
*
At 10:05, Pam was sitting half in Jim's lap, her legs slung over him on the sofa. He held her, wrapped in both arms, against his chest. They'd been sitting like that a little while, soaking up the hazy warmth of the close contact. Pam looked up at Jim and smiled. She unwound her fingers from his and touched his face.
"Hey," she said suddenly, frowning, "isn't Stamford like, three hours away?"
"About, yeah."
"And you said you didn't see the Scranton footage until today?"
"Yep."
"How did you get to the office by the time I was leaving?"
"I left work early. Okay, really early. Like, 1:30ish."
"You just left? Out of nowhere?"
"Yeah. I told them I wasn't feeling well. No one really cares there as long as you pull in your sales quotas."
"Oh. What time did the film crew show you the footage?"
"Hmm...don't remember?" he mumbled.
She eyed him suspiciously.
"Maybe around, say...1:29ish?"
She laughed and kissed him.
*
At 10:44, Jim levered himself up on one elbow, as they half-lay on the sofa together. Which was getting pretty uncomfortable and awkward, and one of Pam's legs was falling asleep, but she didn't want to say anything because she was so happy.
Jim looked at her and said, "Did I mention that that was the worst four months of my life and I never want to go through anything like it again?"
Pam said, "About five times now." And reached up to run her fingers through his hair.
"Okay. Just checking."
*
At 11:04, she showed him the bedroom. Just so he could see her new bed. Because it was so cool.
He agreed that it was, indeed, cool.
Suddenly, Pam started giggling.
"What? What are you laughing at?" Jim asked, smiling.
But it just made her laugh harder.
"Oh my God," she said. "I just remembered--I can't believe you fell for that 'it's all just a blur now' line. Sucker."
He looked shocked for just a second, then reached for her, trying to tickle her.
"Oh yeah? Oh yeah? I can't believe you fell for the whole 'let me leave with my dignity' routine. I thought you were going to tackle me to the ground for a minute there..."
They kept tickling each other, and Pam squealed, then realized it was getting late and she had neighbors.
*
At 11:06, the tickle fight somehow ended up on the bed.
After that, it was easier to just stay there.
*
At 11:24, they got back up and microwaved the pizza. Afterwards, by unspoken mutual agreement, they went back to the bedroom. But they just sat next to each other on Pam's bed and talked for a while. She told him the whole Oscar story. He told her about his new psychotic co-workers.
She told him about the five-hour breakup fight with Roy, and Jim looked concerned and slipped his hand over hers. He told her about discovering Australian beer and spending most of his trip in the hotel bar, and Pam leaned her head against his shoulder, and said, "I'm sorry."
*
At 12:02, Pam yawned and stretched, and Jim gave her a smoldering look. And that was the end of the talking for the time being.
*
At 12:15, Pam whispered, "Hey...would you mind turning off the light? It's the switch by the door."
Jim reached up and flicked the switch off without getting up.
But the little beaded lamp on the dresser was still on, casting a low golden glow over everything, and she thought about asking him to turn that one off, too. But she liked being able to see him when they talked, and when they kissed, and to her amazement it was overriding her self-consciousness. So she didn't say anything.
And he didn't turn it off.
*
At 12:37, they were under the blankets together, Jim's shirt was somewhere on the floor, and he was doing things to her neck again that were making her melt. Their legs were entwined as they lay facing each other, and Pam could feel how hard Jim was, the strange solidness pressing against the face of her upper thigh. She swallowed nervously. And reached a hand downwards, just as Jim was sliding his hand up underneath her t-shirt.
*
At 1:05, Pam murmured, breathless, "Um, it's getting really late."
Jim stopped what he was doing, caught his breath, "I can go, if you want."
"I don't," she said. "But I understand if you need to go...it's a long drive, and you have to work in the morning..."
But she couldn't stop herself from continuing to move against him. They were both shirtless now, and up against each other so tightly that she could feel his ribcage expand every time he took a breath. Their legs were still tangled together, and one of Jim's thighs was pinioned way, way up between both of hers. Which was making her a little crazy, making it hard to really think clearly. It also meant that if she shifted her hips, just a little, like this...
He inhaled sharply. "Yeah, I'll get back to you about that whole leaving thing. Later."
"Okay," she whispered, as Jim reached down between them and somehow unbuttoned her jeans with one hand.
*
At 1:28, Pam came, shuddering, against Jim's fingers. She tried to be quiet, because she just wasn't the screamer type, but she cried out anyway, her face slick against his sweaty neck. She held onto him, trembling, for a long time.
"Jesus," he whispered, out of breath.
"Sorry," she said shakily, when she could talk again. "It's been--a long time. A really long time. I mean, you know. Since..."
"With another person in the room?"
"Yeah," she said.
"It's okay. Don't apologize. I was just...I wasn't expecting...it was just--really nice."
She laughed. "Yeah."
As he shifted position to hold her with both arms, she felt his hardness again and thought that it was really kind of cruel to just leave him like that. But things were going so fast...were they going too fast?
Even when it felt like they'd already known each other forever?
What if this was the best possible time? What if they'd never have a night exactly like this one, ever again?
*
At 1:55, Jim said, "I just, uh, need to get something out of my wallet."
"No...look in the nightstand. Bottom drawer, um, under the magazines."
He made a joke about how the box had never been opened--"Hmm, somebody's not getting much action lately..."--and she bit him.
*
At 1:57, Jim murmured, "Are you sure this is okay?", and when Pam bit her lower lip and nodded, he settled in between her thighs. But he hesitated again. "You realize," he said, in a low, hoarse voice, "that we've been, um, building up to this for hours. There's no way it's going to last very long."
"It doesn't matter," she whispered. "God, Jim, it doesn't matter..."
Maybe it was the desperate tone of her voice that convinced him.
The first thrust sent a thrill all the way up her her spine.
When he was inside her, all in, he sighed through clenched teeth, and lowered himself down closer to her, resting his forehead against her neck. Her fingers gripped his shoulder blades, holding on. He started in with a very slow rhythm, but picked up the pace before long; waves of pleasure went up and down her body. She had to work at not making too much noise. It wasn't a size thing, she didn't know what it was, but it had never felt quite like this before, where every stroke felt so good it made her want to cry, where it seemed like her eyes would never focus again and her hips were moving by reflex alone.
He tried to slow down, and she knew why he was trying to slow down, trying to hold back. And in a way she did want it to go on all night, or maybe forever; she remembered some joke about how the only sure thing in life was that good sex didn't last long enough. But she couldn't help herself, or stop herself; she just grabbed onto him with both arms and angled up, against him, wrapping her legs around the backs of his, anything she could do to make it go harder, faster, deeper. Until--
He was better at being quiet about it, but his whole body gave it away, every muscle tensing, tensing more...and then--a low, animal sound through gritted teeth. A few violent shudders.
"Sorry," he said, a few moments later, his voice muffled in the curve of her neck.
She squeezed him tight. "Shut up."
"But you didn't--"
"Um, I got mine earlier."
"I know, but--"
"Oh my God, shut up."
She laughed, and he finally did. And as he was walking away down the hall a few moments later, she called, "Just let me know when you're ready for round two, okay?"
She was just teasing, though.
*
At 2:14, Jim propped his head up on his hand, looked down at her. "What if it was all just fate?"
"Which part?"
"The misunderstandings. The not talking to each other for so long. What if it was better this way?"
"Better this way? How do you figure?"
"Think about it: it would have been much messier with Roy if we'd hooked up right away. And this way, we both got some time to cool off. You got your space. We didn't have to figure everything out all at once."
"We were also both miserable for four months."
"Yeah," he said. "But that meant we got to have tonight."
She thought about it. "Maybe you're right. Maybe it was fate."
*
At 2:33, Pam said, "What are you going to do about work tomorrow?" Her voice was a little hoarse from the lateness and the talking. And other things. She was sprawled across Jim with her head on his chest, which made his voice sound deep and echoey when he spoke.
Jim replied, "Call in sick. You?"
"Yeah. Calling in sick sounds good."
"Pam?"
"Mmm?"
"I really want to say it. It's really hard not to say it. But I don't want to freak you out."
She smiled up at him innocently. "Don't want to say what?"
He gave her a look. "Very funny."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Fine, I'm not saying it now, if you're gonna be that way about it..."
"Hey, that's not fair."
*
At 2:36, Jim said, "I love you. I have for a long time."
Pam touched the side of his face and smiled at him. "I can't, not yet. It's there, I can feel the words in my chest, I'm just...scared, okay? This was all so sudden..." She was afraid that he would be hurt or offended, but it was the best she could do.
Instead he smiled, and put his hand over hers, brought her fingers to his mouth and kissed them. I know," he said. "But I already know anyway. It doesn't matter if you can't say it yet."
She felt like she was going to cry, but in a good way, and then Jim said:
"Besides, I figured out a while back that if a guy wants to be with you, he has to be really freakin' patient..."
She sniffed back tears that hadn't really started. "Oh, you just think you're so hysterical, don't you?"
He grinned in that self-satisfied Jim way. "Pretty much, yeah."
*
At 2:45 they decided to have more pizza.
*
At 3:38, all the lights were out, and Pam was drifting in the dark, mostly asleep. The hazy, warm glow she'd felt all night had just gotten stronger.
Jim was wrapped around her from behind, one hand at her stomach, palming circles against the fabric of her nightshirt. His face was nuzzled against the back of her neck, and the sound of his breathing was lulling her further down.
Every once in a while, he'd squeeze her just a little more tightly, and brush his lips against her neck, not quite a kiss; like he was just making sure she was still there. She sighed happily, snuggled back closer against him.
The third or fourth time he did it, she made a little noise: Mmmm. That was all.
But the next time he did it, his lips brushed a certain spot just below her hairline, and she shivered.
Suddenly, she was much more awake.
Jim seemed to realize it too; she could feel him tense behind her. She shifted a little...
Moving with painstaking slowness, he brushed her hair away from her neck, tugged down the collar of her nightshirt with one finger...just his lips at first, softly, on the nape of her neck; till she hissed in a breath and arched back against him. Then the gentlest touch of his teeth.
And that was how round two started.
It was much slower this time, not so desperate. Maybe it was because it was so late, and they were both so sleep-deprived, but it seemed to go on forever; a long, dreamy time, making love together in the dark.
*
At 4:43, they got out of the shower. All of Pam's muscles were limp, and her legs could barely carry her without buckling. But somehow they got each other dried off and made it back to the bed, where they collapsed together in a heap.
"I don't think I'm ever going to be able to move again," Jim muttered, face-down on a pillow.
"Mmmph," Pam agreed.
*
At 4:48, they'd gotten under the blankets. Sleep was close, sleep was pulling her down and it was impossible to resist this time. Jim had one arm slung loosely over her.
But there was still something she had to say.
"Wasn't just mostly..." she heard herself murmur.
"Hmm?" Jim said, sounding barely conscious himself.
"What I did. It was for you. Not mostly. All..."
"What?"
But Pam was gone, just too tired to explain, couldn't open her eyes or really even make another sound...
It was all right, though, she thought to herself before she went out.
Jim was usually pretty good at knowing what she meant.
***
END
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