Scranton, Pennsylvania, home to 28-year old receptionist, Pam Beesly. Pam’s array of plain, button-down shirts, drab skirts, and clunky boots make her bright and artistic personality fade into the background.
…
Michael, Pam’s boss: “Pam is definitely the hottest girl in the office. But just looking at her, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell it.”
…
Her coworkers have called in stylists Clinton Kelly and Stacy London to inject some life into her dreary duds, but will Pam be able to deal with the price of fashion?
…
Pam, in a clothing store: “I could buy so much art supplies for the price of these shoes.”
…
It will be style rejuvenation as Pam learns What Not To Wear.
… … …
Pam has agreed to sit in and take notes on an HR meeting for her boss. Little does she know, Stacy and Clinton are in the conference room of another office across the hall, getting ready to watch her secret footage:
“Okay,” Clinton said, pressing the play button on their portable DVD player, “Let’s take a look at Pam.”
…
(Footage plays of Pam walking from her desk to the kitchen.)
Pam Beesly is a 28-year old receptionist at a Scranton-area paper supply company.
…
“Okay, that’s not the first person I’d want to see when I walk into an office,” Clinton said with a hint of disgust.
Stacy nodded judgmentally, “I think I’d just get my paper elsewhere, thanks.”
…
We posed as fashion market researchers to see what she had to say about her style:
(Pam stands outside a lunchtime diner in her traditional work attire. She is speaking to an interviewer.)
“I’ve never really been into fashion or keep up on trends… Um, what I’m wearing now is my work outfit, and… it’s basically the minimal requirement of what I have to wear to look professional—”
…
“That doesn’t look professional to me!” Stacy exclaimed, shaking her head in disapproval.
Clinton pointed at the paused video, “Look at that button-down, it doesn’t look like it’s been tailored to her body at all, and, to be honest, it just looks sad.”
“I know!” Stacy agreed. “I think those stripes probably used to have a lot of color to them, but it looks like the color has definitely faded.”
…
(Kelly and Jim are raiding Pam’s closet.)
“Look at how booooring these clothes are!” Kelly exclaimed into the camera. “It’s just like, sweater after sweater after sweater…”
“These,” Jim began, picking up a pair of white tennis shoes, “are Pam’s Keds. At our company’s annual awards ceremony, she once got an award for the Whitest Sneakers. And while it’s better than some of the awards people get, I don’t know if it’s exactly a compliment.”
“Oh! And don’t forget—” Kelly added, picking up a pair of chunky black high heels, “These are her heinous black heels that she thinks she looks sooo trendy in but really they look like she could be a Pilgrim—”
…
“Okay, those shoes are pretty bad,” Clinton said with a stifled snort.
“I mean, really, Kelly hits it right on the head with Pilgrim there,” Stacy agreed. “You know, we might need to have a talk with her about dressing appropriately for her age. I mean, just look at her footwear! She’s so torn between little girl and old woman!”
“Agreed.”
…
Jim, Pam’s coworker: “I know she doesn’t try to look good for work, because this isn’t really the job she wants to have forever. Um, she’s really into art, and graphic design, so I think if you could style her in any way, it would be a little more like… what a graphic designer would wear?”
…
“Okay, well that makes sense,” Stacy said. “Obviously if she’s planning on doing other things besides answering phones, she’s not really thinking about how she needs to look while answering phones.”
“Or care about how she looks while answering phones,” Clinton pointed out. “But she’s certainly not giving off the vibe that says ‘artist.’”
“Well no, she’s giving off a vibe that says ‘I have clinical depression!’” Stacy retorted back with a self-satisfying chuckle.
“K, well obviously she needs our help,” said Clinton. “Let’s go get her.”
“Let’s go.”
… … …
As Pam takes notes, Stacy, Clinton, and the rest of her coworkers prepare to give her the surprise of a lifetime:
“Excuse us,” Stacy said, opening the conference room door. “We have an urgent message for Pam—”
Stacy and Clinton filed into the room, followed by the rest of her coworkers, as Michael motioned for Pam to stand up. She hesitantly obeyed, bewildered as to what was going on.
“Pam, I’m Stacy.”
“And I’m Clinton.”
“And we’re from TLC’s What Not To Wear,” they said in unison as her coworkers began to cheer. Pam’s eyes went wide and she covered her mouth as she realized what was happening to her.
“Are you guys really here for me?” Pam asked, almost in disbelief.
“Yes we are!” Stacy said with a smirk.
“And actually, with the help of Kelly, Jim, and the rest of your coworkers, we’ve been secretly filming you for the past two weeks,” Clinton informed Pam as she covered her cheeks, which were red with embarrassment.
“And we’ve seen every sad, sorry sweater you own, princess!” Stacy added. “And your old lady Pilgrim shoes, which you have on!”
Everyone looked down at the chunky black heels Pam was wearing and laughed.
“Oh my God,” Pam laughed nervously to herself.
“But here’s the good news!” Stacy said, wrapping an arm around her. “We have a Visa card with your name on it, with five thousand dollars for you to spend on an entirely new wardrobe! How does that sound?”
Pam’s mouth went slack-jawed as everyone around her cheered.
“But the catch is,” Clinton wagged a finger at her, “You have to give yourself over to us for a week so we can make you over: mind, body, and your really lovely, personality-filled attire.” Everyone laughed at his sarcasm as he continued, “You get a little fashion training from us, and we promise you will sparkle by the end.”
“So what do you say?” Stacy asked.
“Um…” Pam looked around the room at her smiling coworkers, and then finally her eyes rested on Jim. He was smiling brightly at her, his eyes so full of hope and warmth, and she could tell that he took part in setting this up because he wanted to see her looking her best, now that she felt her best. She bit her lip and nodded, “Okay… I’ll do it.”
“Great! It’s all yours!” Stacy handed her the Visa card and everyone gave enthusiastic applause. “Oh but wait. There’s one more catch.”
“What is it?” Pam asked, hesitating.
“You know that secret footage we told you about?” she asked rhetorically to refresh Pam’s memory. “Yeah, we’re all gonna watch it right here, right now.”
Again, the room was filled with cheers as Clinton told them, “Everyone take a seat! It’s time for home movies!”
… … …
“I’m a little scared to watch the secret footage,” Pam admitted to the camera, “because I already know I don’t really dress as well as I could, but now I’ll have people kind of… pointing everything out that I’m doing wrong. I hope they didn’t catch me picking my nose or anything. Not that, you know, I pick my nose. But just, in general, something like that would be embarrassing…”
… … …
“So are you ready for some secret footage?” Stacy asked to Pam and the rest of the group, all seated around the conference room table. Pam merely gave a shrug as Stacy told her, “Well we certainly are!”
…
(The footage shows Pam being interviewed by the “fashion market researchers.”)
“What does my clothing say about me? ...Um, probably that I’m very modest? I mean, everyone’s heard that saying that says ‘secretaries wear sweaters,’ so I suppose people would be able to tell that from my clothes.”
…
“You know Pam, you don’t need to always follow that rule—” Clinton began.
“And you don’t always need to wear these sad little sweaters!” Stacy added. “I mean, just look at that one!”
…
(The footage shows Pam at the copy machine in a light blue sweater, blue striped button-down shirt, and gray skirt.)
…
“That is like the saddest, most faded blue I have ever seen.”
Pam spoke up meekly, “It used to be really blue.”
“When?” Clinton asked. “Like, ten years ago?”
…
Phyllis, Pam’s coworker: “Pam’s a really sweet girl, but her wardrobe needs some work. I think it’s so boring because she’s never really had someone special enough to dress up for… I feel like maybe some new clothes could give her a sense of confidence to go and ask… the right guy out. Personally, I’d love to see some color infused in her style.”
…
“Now let’s talk about this,” Stacy insisted. “What does that mean, ‘you’ve never had someone special to dress up for’?”
“Special enough,” Clinton corrected her.
Pam squirmed in her seat, “Well, I had been dating a guy since high school—almost ten years—and we were engaged for a really long time, and… I don’t know. Right before our wedding I kind of realized I didn’t love him anymore and was just holding on to something I thought was there but really… wasn’t. I just stayed with him because… it was what I knew, I suppose.”
“So you kind of got into a rut? Is that what you’re saying?” Stacy inquired, her brows furrowed in contemplation.
“Yeah, a little bit of a rut,” Pam nodded. “And I guess that happened with everything in my life, including my clothes, and I never really thought they needed a change because I didn’t have anyone to impress.”
“So when was this?” Clinton asked.
“Um, about a year ago,” Pam told them. “I’ve tried to do a little with like, my hair and stuff since then, but nothing drastic.”
Stacy rubbed her hands together like she was plotting something. “Well luckily that’s where we come in!” she told her, which got a laugh.
“Yeah, seriously Pam,” Clinton told her, “you have got a cute little bod, and it is a damn shame that you choose to dress it like that.”
…
Michael, Pam’s boss: “Pam is definitely the hottest girl in the office. But just looking at her, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell it… which I don’t know says more about Pam or the other women in this office… If you make her over, please, please do something about her hair. She always wears it back, and I know it would make her look more sexier if she wore it down. That is all I ask of you people.”
…
“Now Michael, I don’t know if we want to make her ‘more sexier,’ as you put it so eloquently,” Clinton said to Michael in a slightly sarcastic tone.
“Thank you sir,” Michael replied, the cynicism lost on him.
Stacy interjected, “But really though, she could afford to be a little more sexy, a little more feminine, even at work. Cause right now you just look depressed. That’s what your clothes are saying about you.”
Pam chuckled self-consciously, “That’s not what I want my clothes to say!”
…
Jim, Pam’s coworker: “I know she doesn’t try to look good for work, because this isn’t really the job she wants to have forever. Um, she’s really into art, and graphic design, so I think if you could style her in any way, it would be a little more like… what a graphic designer would wear? I mean, I don’t know what that is, exactly, but I know it’s probably not how she’s dressing now… And if anyone deserves it, it’s her.”
…
“So Pam, do you want to maybe look a little more like an artsy, modern, graphic designer kind of woman?” Stacy asked.
“Um, I think so,” Pam responded shyly, sneaking an appreciative smile at Jim.
“She thinks so,” Clinton repeated her answer. “She’s so committal.”
“But you definitely want a change,” inquired Stacy.
“Yes.”
Clinton interrupted, “Okay, well let’s take a look in your closet and see what specifically needs changing.”
…
(Jim and Kelly are raiding Pam’s closet.)
“These,” Jim began, picking up a pair of white tennis shoes, “are Pam’s Keds. At our company’s annual awards ceremony, she once got an award for the Whitest Sneakers. And while it’s better than some of the awards people get, I don’t know if it’s exactly a compliment.”
“Oh! And don’t forget—” Kelly added, picking up a pair of chunky black high heels, “These are her heinous black heels that she thinks she looks sooo trendy in but really they look like she could be a Pilgrim—”
…
“You got the ‘Whitest Sneakers’ award?” Clinton asked in disbelief.
“It’s better than ‘Bushiest Beaver,’” Phyllis remarked.
“Or ‘Spicy Curry’—”
“Or ‘Don’t Go In There After Me’—”
“Or ‘Tight-Ass.’”
Stacy waved her hands to silence them, “Okay, obviously people have issues with these awards—”
“Hey. The Dundies are about the best in every one of us,” Michael gallantly defended his beloved awards show.
“Okay, regardless,” Clinton hushed the chatter, “the Whitest Sneakers award is probably not the best award you could be getting in reference to your style.”
Pam gave a small shrug, “I’ll admit that I guess.”
“And how are you feeling about your secret footage?” Stacy questioned, leaning in investigatively.
“It showed me that maybe I am overdue for a change,” Pam admitted, shrugging again.
“Good! So we will see you in our studio,” Clinton told her, beginning to wrap up the party.
Stacy added with a smirk, “Oh yes, and don’t forget those darling Salem witch, Pilgrim, old lady shoes. Cause they would be perfect to save for Halloween!” Everyone laughed and cheered as Michael declared the meeting adjourned.
… … …
“I was pretty surprised watching the secret footage, actually,” Pam told the interviewer as she self-consciously played with the pendant on her necklace. “I knew my style wasn’t exactly the best, but I think, um… I look more frumpy than I thought I looked. And that’s definitely a wake-up call.”
… … …
Coming up, Pam has a little trouble letting go:
“This was the first thing I bought for myself after I called off my wedding—”
“Honey you could’ve done a lot better than this old thing.”
That’s next, on What Not To Wear.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews already! I'm glad people are really open to this crossover. I just want to note that this won't be an especially Jam-tastic story (if anyone had high expectations of it being one), but will more be about Pam's transformation into s4 Pam, and all the elements that are incorporated into that (Jim being just one of the many aspects of her evolution). I'm not gearing up for this story to be epic, just fun and entertaining.
Also, this is where I'm going to start following the WNTW format, narration and all. Just let me know if it's difficult to follow.
Thanks always to the wonderful Little Comment. She is a pimp, just check her stats. ;)
Also, this is where I'm going to start following the WNTW format, narration and all. Just let me know if it's difficult to follow.
Thanks always to the wonderful Little Comment. She is a pimp, just check her stats. ;)
Chapter End Notes:
Photos:
Pam's blue sweater ensemble.
A shot of the Pilgrim shoes.
Those darned 'Whitest Sneakers.'
(Thanks to NanReg for the suggestion! All of these are taken from Such-A-Dork.com.)
Pam's blue sweater ensemble.
A shot of the Pilgrim shoes.
Those darned 'Whitest Sneakers.'
(Thanks to NanReg for the suggestion! All of these are taken from Such-A-Dork.com.)
