Pam slammed her car door shut and kneaded her temples. What a night. She’d had no idea that she would be dealing with Dwight and Angela’s neuroses after so many years, and now she had to deal with a crying son, a mystified daughter and a husband who looked like he was seriously weirded out.
“Hey Dad? Why is Patrick crying? Mom, Patrick’s crying. Why are you crying, Patrick?” asked Jane, buckling herself in the backseat. “Mom, make her shut up!” moaned Patrick through his tears. “Jane, don’t worry about it,” said Pam, glancing at Jim. He looked slightly pale and wouldn’t meet her eye. That was odd. She wondered if he was angry that Patrick hadn’t told them about his girlfriend.
“Patrick, sweetie, you can talk about it, if you want. We’re not mad at you,” she offered up. Patrick shook his head. “I don’t want to talk to anyone!” he cried angrily, folding his arms and looking out the window. Pam caught Jane’s eye in the mirror, and Jane shrugged.
Luckily, home wasn’t far at all, and in just a moment, they were turning into the driveway. As soon as they got inside the front door, Pam announced, “You two get upstairs, brush your teeth and get into your pajamas. Dad and I’ll be up in a minute.”
Patrick bolted for his room, and Jane followed at a more leisurely pace, her philosophy being ‘why run when you can hop, or skip, or pirouette?’ When Jane was finally upstairs, Pam reached out for Jim’s arm. “Hey,” she said, sitting down on the couch and pulling him next to her, “What’s wrong?”
Jim smiled wanly and sighed, “Tonight was weird.” He rubbed his eyes. Pam reached out and smoothed his hair. “Are you angry that Patrick has a girlfriend and didn’t tell us?” she asked, “Or are you mad that she’s Dwight and Angela’s daughter?”
“No, it’s fine that she’s their daughter. She seems pretty normal for a Schrute. I’m not even mad that he didn’t tell us. I know a bit about secret girlfriends, might I remind you?” replied Jim. He rubbed his eyes again. “Then what’s on your mind?” asked Pam.
Jim sighed. “It’s just… He’s only ten! Isn’t that a little too young? I didn’t even know he liked girls,” he said, and Pam nearly laughed in relief. “I get it,” she said quietly, “You’re upset because our baby boy isn’t a baby anymore.” She cuddled Jim to her chest.
“Yeah, I am. It’s definitely weird. Didn’t we just bring him home from the hospital?” asked Jim, finally breaking into a true smile and hugging her, “I miss that. I wish he could stay little forever.” Pam smiled. “Me too. But I’m kind of excited to see what kind of man he becomes,” she said, and Jim squeezed her more. “I suppose I’d better go talk to him, man to man,” he said, sitting up, “Hopefully this will go better than the sex talk from last year, and he won’t be completely grossed out.” Pam laughed at the memory.
They got up off the couch and Jim wrapped his arms around Pam. “I think when Janie-bug brings home a boyfriend, I’ll cry real tears,” he said, smiling. “Yeah, but we’ve got a few more years with her. She hates boys,” grinned Pam, and Jim gave her a loud kiss. “Ew,” said Jane from the top of the stairs as she popped out of her room. “To bed, Bug,” called Jim as he climbed the stairs.
He and Pam followed Jane into her room, and Jim tucked her in and gave her the special kiss that she loved (forehead, chin, cheek, cheek). When he left the room, Pam sat on the edge of her daughter’s bed and smoothed her glossy brown bob on the pillow.
“Mom, does Patrick have a girlfriend?” asked Jane, playing with Pam’s necklace. “Yeah, but let’s be nice to him about it, okay? No teasing?” said Pam gently. “All right, I’ll try,” promised Jane grudgingly, “She’s Geraldine’s sister, right? She’s kind of bossy to Geraldine. And Geraldine is bossy to Matilda because she’s five, but not to me, because we’re friends.”
Pam smiled and kissed her girl on the forehead, chin and each cheek. Jane reached up and did the same, and Pam gave her a big squeeze. “Good night, sweetie. Sleep tight, bed bug!”
As Jane snuggled under the covers with her animals and Pam turned out the light, the phone ring and she heard Jim pick it up. “Hello? No, sorry, Jim’s not in right now. This is his secretary. Can I take a message? Sure. Mm-hmm, yup. I’ll let him know,” he said and hung up the phone.
Pam came out of Jane’s room and pulled the door closed most of the way. “That was Dwight. He left a message to let me know that he’s having a trained spy keep an eye on Chriselda during school to make sure there’s no funny business between her and Patrick,” he informed Pam, who giggled. “Ten bucks says Dwight himself will be dressed in camo outside the classroom window tomorrow,” Jim added. “The odds are definitely in your favor, but I’ll take that bet,” agreed Pam. They shook on it, and then Jim nodded towards Patrick’s door. ‘Wish me luck,” he said, and Pam kissed him on the cheek.
She hung back outside the door, not really wanting to eavesdrop on this father-son moment, but wanting to hear how Jim would handle it. She loved seeing Jim being fatherly; it reminded her of why she married him. She had known he would be an amazing parent, and he did not disappoint. “Hey buddy,” she heard Jim say.
“Hi Dad.” Patrick had stopped crying. “I’m sorry about what happened tonight, Pat,” said Jim, and Pam could hear him sit on the bed. “Why was her dad so mad?” asked Patrick.
“I think he was feeling like I’m feeling. He was surprised that his daughter had a boyfriend. Hey, did you know that Mom and I used to work with the Schrutes at Dunder-Mifflin, before you were born?” Jim asked. Patrick’s response was, “That’s weird.”
Pam smiled as she heard Jim reply, “Yes. Yes, it was very weird.” The he continued, “Listen, you’re not in trouble for not telling us about Chrissy. I know some things like these are private, but I want you to know you can always tell me or Mom anything.”
Patrick was silent for a moment, then replied, “I know. I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, but then I didn’t want you to make a big deal out of it!”
“I understand, and Mom and I will make sure Jane doesn’t tease you. But we’re sorry if we slip up and tease a little bit. That’s one of the ways you know we love you,” said Jim, and Pam smiled. She wished Jim could have had this ‘teasing means we love you’ talk with Dwight, years ago, so Dwight wouldn’t have been so paranoid all the time. But then again, maybe it wouldn’t have worked, and Dwight would’ve been even more paranoid. She’d have to tease Jim about his true feelings for Dwight later.
She turned her attention back to her boys. “So tell me about Chrissy,” said Jim, “Is she nice?” Pam heard Patrick sigh. “Yeah,” he replied slowly, “but not too nice, you know what I mean? Like, well, in gym last week, we played Guard the Pin, and she was on the other team, and she just whaled the ball at me and took me down, even though she likes me. And Lindley Thompson had a clear shot at Spencer, but she just kind of giggled and threw it the other way, just because she likes him.”
Pam almost laughed aloud when Jim replied, “Sounds like a Schrute, through and through!” He was right; Dwight would have done the same, probably worse because he took everything so seriously. He would have developed a plan in which he would have raided the other team and stolen the pins, disregarding the fact that the object of the game was merely to knock the other team’s pins down.
Patrick was on a roll. “And she’s neat, because she likes stuff like Lord of the Rings and baseball, and she plays paintball and takes tae kwon do classes. She’s just…different than the other girls. Lindley is really pretty, but all she does is giggle and whisper about Spencer. And, well, Chrissy is pretty, too, but she doesn’t care what she wears, and sometimes she hates to brush her hair, and she likes her glasses, and so do I.”
Pam was ready to edge back down the hall toward the master bedroom when she heard Jim respond, “She sounds like a great girl. Just whatever you do, buddy, be nice to her. Always be nice to girls. If you feel like you don’t want to be her boyfriend any more, talk to her about it.” She heard Patrick turn over in bed. “Dad, geez, of course I’ll be nice to her. And I don’t want to not be her boyfriend. It’s, well….it’s kind of like she’s my best friend.”
Pam tiptoed down the hallway. She smiled, knowing Jim could find no argument with that logic.
