"Aw, I'm just kidding. C'mon. Why don't you let me buy you a drink?"

Jim didn't move. He figured maybe if he stayed still, Andy would lose interest.

"Jim?"

Jim looked up. Andy did know his name.

"C'mon. You look like you could use one. Or five."

Andy seemed sincere. Jim sighed. "You're right. I do."

"Great! I know just the place. You're gonna love it! I'll be right back."

Jim gathered his things while he waited for Andy. Behind him, Karen spoke.

"The Pit."

Jim turned to her. "I'm sorry, what?"

"He's taking you to The Pit."

Jim chuckled. "Sounds homey."

"Yeah, it's not. But you won't notice. You'll have your hands full with Andy. Good luck with that."

"Care to join us?"

"Hell, no. But you have fun, Big Tuna."

Jim rolled his eyes. "Thanks."

*  *  *  *  *

Saturday rolled around and Pam went out with Todd Packer. When he showed up to pick her up, he looked at her like she was a big, juicy steak. So she was glad when they got to the restaurant and he could eat something. But no matter how much he ate, Pam still felt like a steak with all the trimmings. Packer didn't take her dancing, or to a movie, or to an art show, or even bowling. Instead, he drove her back to her apartment. When he leaned down to her, his eyes closed and his lips puckered, Pam hoped that the charity appreciated its new $501 gift. Then she kissed Todd Packer. On the lips.

"Ewwwwwww! Nooooo, Grandpa, you've got it all wrong! Pam doesn't kiss Packer."

"Why not?"

"Because! She kisses Jim! After everything he did, if she kissed Packer, it wouldn't be fair!"

"Who says life is fair?"

"Grandpa! You're messing it up! Tell it right!"

"Do you want a bedtime story or not?"

She plays with the hem of her shirt and says, quietly, "Yes, sir."

"Okay. Hush."

The kiss was horrible.

"Well, duh."

...

"Sorry."

When Pam went in to work on Monday, she tried to go about her normal business. She was single now, and dating was something that she would have started to do at some point anyway. It was time to move forward. So she had kissed Todd Packer. Whatever.

On Pam's way to the kitchen, though, Phyllis stood up. "Shame on you," Phyllis said.

Pam stopped short. "What do you mean?" she asked.

Phyllis threw her hands in the air. "Jim loved you, and you went out with Todd Packer!"

"But he would have gotten Jim fired if I hadn't."

Phyllis turns to everyone in the office and announces, "Jim confessed his love for her, and she rejected him. He kissed her, and she rejected him again. He fought Dwight for her, distracted Kevin for her, even outwitted Michael for her." She turned back to Pam. "Jim's always been there for you, and you've treated him like dirt. You disgust me."

Pam was shocked into silence. She looked around as people began wagging fingers at her.

"Disgusting," said Stanley.

"Disgusting!" cried Meredith.

"Disgusting!" shouted Creed.

And Pam woke up.

She had fallen asleep at her desk. It was Friday, almost quitting time. She still had a day before the date.

"See, Grandpa? I told you she wouldn't kiss Todd Packer."

"Yes, you're very smart. Shut up."

Pam called Packer. "I can't do it. I love Jim."

Todd Packer laughed. "So?"

"If you make me do this, I'll quit. Then I won't be bound by the auction contract."

"Alright, alright, don't get your drawers in a twist. I'll call him."

"You'll call Jim?"

"Sure. I'll call him and give him a chance to make another bid before the cutoff."

"Thank you."

"But listen, darlin'. If he doesn't, you know what they say... once you've had Pack-"

Pam hung up, relieved.

*  *  *  *  *

Andy drove Jim into The City after work. He parked and they walked until they reached an old, gray building. Andy pushed a button in the wall, and a door opened. As Jim followed him through it, he looked up to see a barely legible sign that read The Pit.

Jim decided it was a very good name, because once inside, they walked down, down, down several flights of stairs. Each level was gloomier than the last. Finally, they came to a second door, where Andy swiped a card, and then they were inside.

It looked like a dungeon. Well, Jim had never seen a real dungeon, but this was how he pictured one. The walls were rough stone. The tables and benches were all suspended from chains. Torches burned along the walls. What looked like torture devices stood in the dark corners.

"Beer?"

Jim looked at Andy. "Uh, sure."

Even after Andy brought the beer, Jim was too busy looking around to pay attention to anything he said. So when Andy's phone rang, Jim only caught the last bit of the conversation.

"Hey, you can't capture the beauty if you don't rest the beast, right? Yeah, I've got it under control. Okay, later."

When Andy hung up, Jim asked, "What was that about?"

Andy waved it off. "Oh, nothing. Drink up, Big Tuna! Tonight's for forgetting your problems! Say, did I ever tell you about the pranks us Cornies played on the geeks at Ithaca College? Ho, man, wait'll you get a load o' this..."

Jim sat back and sipped and listened. After about twenty minutes, he felt like he'd lost a year of his life.

He should've listened to Karen.

*  *  *  *  *

Pam sat at home, watching her computer screen.

$501, TPacker.

It hadn't changed. She was getting nervous because the cutoff for bids was 8:00 p.m. At 7:50, she called Todd Packer again.

"Hey, doll. Can't wait till tomorrow?"

"You called him, right?"

"Who?"

"Jim Halpert."

"Halpert? Why would I - ooooh, right, right. Yeah, I called him. He said no thanks."

"You're lying," said Pam, hoping he was.

"Hey, now, watch your mouth, missy."

"I should have known. You're such a coward."

"I said, watch your mouth."

"You can't hurt me. What Jim and I have can't be touched. And when I say you're a coward, it's because you're the most pathetic, sniveling piece of crap I've ever met."

"That's it."

Pam was still holding her silent phone when Andy handed his to Jim.

Jim frowned. "For me?"

Andy shrugged.

"Hello?"

"Halpert."

Jim felt like spitting. "Packer."

"So, listen... Halpert. Looks like I've won the auction. And guess who just called? That sweet little piece of receptionist. Seems she just can't wait to get over you. ‘Take me out tonight,' she said. ‘Make me forget.'"

"You're lying," said Jim, hoping he was.

"You wish, Halpert. Too bad you caved so easily. She said she really hates that about you."

Jim closed his eyes and hung up. When he opened them again, he began drinking. And drinking. As Andy droned on, Jim finished the pitcher of beer and switched to liquor. After several small glasses, he ordered a bottle, and drank directly from the neck. About halfway through it, Andy left and didn't come back.

Jim began to feel very heavy all over. He really wanted to sleep. But his stomach was doing flips, so he didn't lie down. Instead, he leaned back against the cold stone wall, and pulled out his phone. Concentrating very hard, Jim sent a text message to the last person he ever thought he would.

Help. The Pit. NYC.

A few moments later, he sent a second one, just in case.

6 fingers

Then Jim closed his eyes and passed out.