Her warm hand was wrapped around mine. The monitor in front of was blue and blurry. Incoherent announcements were like white noise. I felt her head resting on my shoulder, her hair tickling the side of my face. Countless number of people, businessmen, businesswomen, small children, young couples, and families rushed to their destinations, dragging their rolling suitcases along to their gates. I would be leaving soon.
Five, I Love You So Much
The sound of waves crashing against each other and the music from my iPod was soothing. Pam was lying next to me, her arm across my torso, and her head resting against my chest.
“Are you still awake?” Pam asked softly.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Are you tired?”
“No.”
“Then let’s talk about something…”
“Okay. Um…” I thought. “You know what I want to do later in life…what do you want to do?”
“Um…I don’t know…” Pam mumbled.
“Sure you do,” I said. “You don’t have like a secret ambition or whatever?”
“Well…I do,” Pam said. “But like you said, it’s a secret.”
“Oh, so you’re going to play that game, Beesly?” I chuckled. “Come on, you know I won’t judge.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“I want my own art gallery…like sell my paintings and stuff, you know?” Pam replied. “But I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough to do that…”
“Whatever, Pam. You’re drawings are really awesome. You’re really talented…seriously, you have more talent in your pinky toe than I have in my own body.”
“No…”
“Yes you do. Like I always told you, you have to take a chance on something sometime.”
Pam smiled. “Okay.”
“You promise?”
“Yeah, I promise,” Pam replied.
I always thought that sunsets were overrated. I mean, anyone can stay out till 9:00 to watch the sun setting, you know? Sunrises are better—especially if you’re witnessing it with the girl of your dreams. So we watched as the sun rose out on the horizon, and that bittersweet feeling crept up again. I only had one more full day with her…
Pam and I had slept in for most of the day, and at 5:00, we drove back to Scranton. I spent the night with Pam again, and I wished that I could always spend my nights with Pam forever…
It’s funny how fast, yet slow, that a week goes by. Especially if in the span of the one week, you learn what it’s like to truly fall in love with someone. Some people would say that I’m crazy for falling for Pam so fast, but I know I’m not. Falling in love with Pam was a long process. I spent a full year of getting to know her and laughing with her. I spent the last month and a half seeing her beautiful face. I spent the last week kissing and holding her.
“So are you glad that you and Dwight are roommates again?” Pam asked, letting out a giggle that seemed forced. I knew that she was trying to lighten up the tension.
“God…I don’t know how that happened,” I said, shaking my head. “But I guess it’s all right…Dwight isn’t so bad.”
“Yeah…”
“So I got something for you,” I said, bending down to grab my bag off of the floor. I took a package out of my bag, and handed it to Pam.
“Thanks,” she smiled. “Can I open it?”
“No, I want you to throw it away,” I teased. “Of course you can open it.”
Pam unwrapped the package, and her mouth dropped. I had Michael make a custom sketchpad for Pam. It wasn’t much, I just had Dunder Mifflin engrave Pam’s name on the cover along with “Taking Chances.”
“It’s not much,” I said. “I know you just bought a new sketchpad, but you can always use this later…”
“Jim…” Pam smiled. “I love it!”
“That’s good,” I chuckled.
“Thank you.”
“Nah, it’s nothing.”
Pam leaned over, and gave me a kiss.
“So I’m expecting big things from you, Pam,” I smiled. “Don’t let me down.”
“I won’t.”
I gave Pam a smile, and looked up at the giant clock in front of me. It was time to go…the security check line was growing longer, and if I didn’t leave now, I’d miss my flight. It wouldn’t be so bad if I did, but…I had to go. I looked over at Pam again, and she must have realized that it was time for me to go. She gave me a sad smile and a nod.
“It’s time to go…” she sighed.
“Yeah…” I said, getting up off my chair, and slinging my messenger bag over my shoulder. I looked over at Pam, and she had a sad smile on her face, her eyes watering. If there was one thing that set Pam apart from the other girls I knew, it was that she rarely cried unless she had a good reason.
“So…um…” Pam said awkwardly.
“Yeah,” I shrugged. “I’ll call you when I land, yeah?”
“Yeah…” Pam said, leaning in to hug me. “I’m going to miss you…”
“You too,” I said softly. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Pam said, giving me a quick kiss. She nodded her head towards the security check. “You should go.”
“Right,” I sighed.
Without looking back, I walked towards the security check. When I got in line, I looked back, and Pam gave me one last wave. And that was the last I saw of Pam.
Six, I Love You So Much
On my last full day in Scranton, I went out to say goodbye to Michael and Holly. Michael gave me Pam’s sketchbook that I had ordered from his company. Apparently, they made custom notepads, so I had Michael order a custom sketchbook for Pam. After a tearful hug from Michael, I went out to meet Tom and Linda for lunch. I thanked them for letting me crash at their house, and they told me that they’d see me in Portland for Christmas. I wanted to ask if I can come back next summer, but I didn’t want to intrude. Tom and Linda went back to work, and I went back to their house to drop my car off, and waited for Pam. When Pam came to pick me up, we drove back to her house so that I could drop off my things. Pam was going to drive me to the airport the next day.
The rest of our day was silent. I had so many things that I wanted to tell Pam. I wanted to tell her that I didn’t want to go, and that I wish that I had never left Scranton. But then, the reasonable side of my brain told me that I was only eighteen years old, and that I was too young to feel this way about anyone.
We sat out on a bench swing in Pam’s backyard. Our bodies were tangled, and we were still silent. In the end, there really was nothing more that we could say to each other. We had our closure…we didn’t need to say out loud that there was going to be too much distance. We already knew that. Instead, we enjoyed our last hours that we had together. In silence.
That night, Pam and I made love one last time. I memorized every curve of her face, every curve of her body, the soft feel of her face, and the sweet smell of her hair. In that moment, I told her everything that I felt about her without saying a word. I was sure that Pam understood.
And then Pam spoke. After hours of saying nothing but “Hi,” “Great,” and “Yeah, I’m hungry,” Pam told me one thing that I always loved hearing: “I love you, Jim.”
“I love you too, Pam,” I whispered, kissing each one of her fingers.
*****
When I landed in Colorado, it was as if nothing had changed. The mountains were still there, the fields were yellow from the lack of rain, and it was hot as hell. I found the shuttle to Boulder, and I gave the driver the instructions to my dorm. I gave my parents a call, and I called Tom to let him know that I was home…but I wasn’t home. This place wasn’t home.
When I entered my dorm suite, I saw a guy that I didn’t know, and Dwight putting up Battlestar Gallactica posters on his doorway.
“Hey-Yo!” the stranger exclaimed, holding his hand out. “My name is Andrew Bernard, and you must be Jimothy Halpert! Pleased to meet you, big guy.”
“It’s Jim,” I frowned, shaking Andy’s hand. I looked over to Dwight, who was still preoccupied. “Hey, Dwight.”
“Hello, Jim,” Dwight said, not looking up. “Can you please tell Andrew Bernard that I only require three hours of sleep a night, and that he should watch his back? Thank you.”
I gave Andy a confused look.
“Oh, I got the old shun-a-roony,” Andy chuckled. “Dwight over there doesn’t seem to appreciate A Capella…”
“Oh,” I said.
“So big Jim,” Andy said as I walked over to my room. “Did you have a good summer?”
I unlocked my door, and stepped in my room. “Yeah,” I said. “It was great…” I gave Andy a quick wave, before I shut my door.
It was great, I thought, not realizing that for the first time since I was fourteen, tears were falling from my eyes.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Jim's last two days in Scranton. I decided to shorten the days, because I felt that I really needed to speed this story up...
Chapter End Notes:
The next chapter takes place roughly ten years later.
I hope you liked the chapter! Thanks for reading!
I hope you liked the chapter! Thanks for reading!
