I was never one to date anything. I guess it’s pretty stupid of me to keep a journal and not date anything, but I hope to one day read over this. And although I’ll never have a specific date, I’m pretty sure that I would vaguely remember how I was feeling on a particular day. I don’t even know what to write in here, but Professor Ferencko said that all great writers kept journals. I should have raised my hand, and asked for some names. Journals are over rated. But who knows? Maybe one day I’ll get in an accident and damage my hippocampus. This could be my own personal Notebook. What a terrible movie.
Fin.
I realized today that I don’t have many friends that I can talk to.
Fin.
I went to Target today for a side table. I ended up getting a pound of Jelly Belly’s.
Fin.
It’s been a year since I’ve seen her. I’ve had this claustrophobic, tight feeling in my chest. It’s as if there’s an elephant sitting on my chest. I never even wanted to leave. I have a feeling that I have just made the biggest mistake of my life.
Fin.
Dwight and Andy are chasing after some girl named Angela. Dwight’s making a knife with a knife. Just how many times his mother dropped him on his head is a mystery.
Fin.
Talked to her today…she sounds happy. For some reason, that really pisses me off.
Fin.
I got a plane ticket to go back to Scranton.
Fin.
Why do I always have to sit in between a fat guy and a woman who squirted way too much perfume on planes? Why couldn’t I be sitting in between a beautiful girl and some awesome magician? I hate plane rides. Every time I see someone shift in their seat, I’m 90% sure that they’re passing gas. It must really be hard to be a flight attendant. They’re always smiling. Sure they get to go to places that I could never imagine myself going to, but is the smell of sulfur burning their nostrils worth it? Oh, some guy just grabbed the flight attendant’s ass…and she’s still smiling. Oh well, I can’t wait to see Pam.
Fin.
Saw her today. She was beautiful.
Fin.
I got drunk last night. She wasn’t there, but she was always on my mind. She just wants to be friends. There is nothing worse than a girl that you love telling you that she just wants to be friends. I then decided to drunk dial her. I said, “You know I’ll always be in love with you, right?” She said, “You’re not going to remember that in the morning.” I promised her that I would, and I did remember. I just hope she knows that I meant it.
Fin.
It’s funny how plans work. Usually, it takes two people to make a plan, sometimes it takes one. I’m back in Colorado, and I talked to Pam about ten minutes ago. We talked about going to fancy restaurants and pretending to be Iron Chef judges. Something tells me that we’ll never have an opportunity to do that. It’s scary how disappointed I feel. It’s even scarier how I was laughing ten minutes ago, and now not a single thing in the world seems remotely funny.
Fin.
When a man is born, he’s born with an invisible armor. He can withstand life’s big obstacles, and he’ll live to tell the tale. He’ll be able to get over all the bullies, the bad grades he got in his math classes, and his fears. He’s wreck less, and he becomes confident. And one day, he’ll fall for a girl. The armor will wear out, and he’s left feeling vulnerable. This girl will soon become the reason he awakes in the morning, the reason he smiles, the reason he cries, and the reason he breaths. My armor has shed, and I feel so vulnerable.
Fin.
She’s going to France. Andy threw my phone at Dwight’s head, and now it’s dead. She’s going to France, and I want nothing more than to say goodbye. Unfortunately, I relied on technology too much. I never even bothered to memorize her number. I wanted nothing more than to say goodbye to her, and it looks like I got my wish. What a stupid kid I am.
Fin.
I constantly stare down at this notebook. I wonder to myself why it is that I cannot spill my heart and soul out in here when millions of others were able to spill theirs into their notebooks. Then I realized something. I’m not an open book. Maybe it’s a good thing that I’m not, but at the same time, I wish someone would just ask me how I’m doing. I’m surrounded by a group of people, all laughing, sharing jokes. I sit in the middle, and I help by adding more fuel into the fire of jokes. That’s what I am. I’m a joker. Even in the most serious of situations, I’ll make a joke. It’s because I can’t deal. And now, I’m the guy who is supposed to make people laugh…to make them feel better about themselves. The only person who makes me feel better about myself is gone. Now I’m left to wonder if I relied too heavily on her.
Fin.
I don’t even know why I’m writing in here anymore. I’m expelled from school. Fucking Mark…I didn’t even know that shit was in my room. Dwight did seem genuinely sorry when he found out it wasn’t mine. He can be a good guy. I’m moving back to Scranton. I’m going to work under Michael. That’s what she said. Fuck…
Fin.
Michael threw a Guys in the Workplace seminar in the warehouse today. He thought it would be fun to throw paper in the air. I got three paper cuts…I hate paper cuts. I need to get out of here. I need to write. Not here though. I just want to write a fucking novel. Girls these days seem to be into Twilight and vampires. Maybe I’ll write a book about a centaur. I just need one great idea.
Fin.
I saw her in the newspaper today. She has her own gallery in LA. Congratulations, Pam. I would get your number from Michael and Holly, but I’m too big of a coward.
Fin.
Her book got published. I picked up a copy of it today. I always wanted a coffee table book, and now with each turn of the page, I could see her beautiful artwork. She truly is talented. I’m proud of her.
Fin.
Why the hell are Jelly Belly’s so delicious? Re-watched The Dark Knight today for the hundredth time and it was awesome. I wonder who would win if Christian Bale and a young Gary Busey got in a fight?
Fin.
There’s a new girl in the office. Her name’s Karen, and she’s a pretty bold girl. We went out tonight. The sad thing is, I can’t even remember the last time I’ve dated, and I don’t even know if Karen’s the one I really want to date. It’s pathetic. You’re supposed to be in control of your body and your thoughts. If that’s so, then why am I confused all the fucking time?
Fin.
This situation, I suppose, that I’m in can’t be healthy. How is it that a great, funny woman like Karen can like me, and I slowly despise her more and more everyday? How is that fair? Why am I even letting this drag on for as long as it has? I guess I know the answer, but I’m in denial. If there is a God, I just want you to know that I’m sorry because I know, as selfish and conceited as it sounds, that I’m going to hurt one of your children. And if you are there, I wish you could answer me one question: Why am I so weak?
Fin.
In the past ten years or so, I have fucked six women, and made love to one. Karen’s in the fuck category.
Fin.
I saw Pam tonight. She’s engaged…
Fin.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm sorry that I haven't been updating this story. I've been pretty busy for the past couple of months, and to be honest, it was a relief when I finally had some time to write.
I realized that instead of flashbacks, you all get a glimpse into Jim's Journal. Even on the show, you can see that Jim tries hard to not let his feelings show, and I see him being like that in real life. Occasionally, he'll show a moment of vulnerability, and I hope you can catch those in his entries.
On a personal note, this chapter is also a pretty personal one...
I hope whoever still reads this story finds this chapter interesting! Thank you for reading!
I realized that instead of flashbacks, you all get a glimpse into Jim's Journal. Even on the show, you can see that Jim tries hard to not let his feelings show, and I see him being like that in real life. Occasionally, he'll show a moment of vulnerability, and I hope you can catch those in his entries.
On a personal note, this chapter is also a pretty personal one...
I hope whoever still reads this story finds this chapter interesting! Thank you for reading!
Chapter End Notes:
About two more chapters left...
