September, 2006
The air was so thin in Colorado. When I found the auditorium where my Film as Literature class was being held, I was slightly out of breath and sweaty. I began to wonder if this is what an obese person feels like.
The auditorium was nearly full, and I could only see a couple of seats open.
“Is this seat taken?” I ask to a girl sitting in the seat that was closest to me. She smiled up at me and shook her head.
“Go ahead,” she said.
“Thanks.”
The whole class listened only halfheartedly as Professor Hendricks went through the syllabus. As he droned in his monotonous, yet calming, voice, my mind began to drift to the summer—to Pam. She fit perfectly into my arms whenever she leaned against my body…her laugh was so infectious, enough to make any man weak in the knees. Her soft hair tickling my cheek…
It felt as if I had just sat down when the class began to shuffle around, picking their bags up off the floor, and eagerly storming out to enjoy the bright sun.
“Don’t forget to bring in your papers on Wednesday!” called Professor Hendricks. Crap, we had an assignment?
“Excuse me,” I said, gently tapping the girl who had been sitting beside me’s shoulder. “Um…I must have dozed off, but what’s our assignment?”
“Oh, we just have to write a two page paper on our favorite films,” she said, as we walked out of the auditorium, adjusting our eyes to the bright sunlight. “It’s on the syllabus.”
“Right…thanks, um…”
“Audrey,” she finished, smiling up at me. Literally looking up at me…this girl was short. “No problem…”
“Jim,” I said, shaking her hand. “Well, I guess I’ll see you on Wednesday?”
“Yeah,” smiled Audrey. “Bye!”
“Take it easy,” I called as she turned to walk away. She gave me a wave, and I started my way across the lawn.
“Jimmay!” a voice called out from behind me. Before I could turn, I felt a sharp pain on my shoulder. “You don’t happen to have a cig on you by any chance, do ya?”
“No, I quit,” I told him.
“Balls, dude…” said Mark, walking next to me, “So who was that girl? She’s hot…”
“A girl from class,” I replied.
“Damn, if I were you, I’d get on that shit. But then, you got Katy…”
“Naw, I broke up with her,” I told him.
“Why? She was so fine!”
I merely shrugged.
“Was she not putting out? I thought you were giving it to her regularly, man…”
“Nope, definitely not that. She was boring…”
“Yeah, but still,” said Mark, sighing dramatically. “Did the carpet match the drapes?”
“Wow.”
“Anyway, so you gonna try to get with that girl from your class? She is so hot, dude…”
“I don’t know,” I said. I didn’t want to tell Mark about Pam. He would probably ask a bunch of questions about her…assets. “Well, I gotta head to class, man.”
“Alrighty! Dude, gym tonight at 7:00! We gotta scope out the freshman girls trying not to gain the fifteen,” said Mark, clapping his hand on my shoulder.
“Right,” I told him. “Later, man.”
*****
I rode the bus back to the apartment later that afternoon. Technically, it was just a fancy dorm, owned by the school, but they insisted we called in an apartment. I don’t know why, the same rules applied, the only difference was that I had my own room and bathroom. I lived in a three bedroom apartment with my old roommate Dwight and a guy named Andy. My second day back in Colorado, I decided to skip my usual ham and cheese sandwich, and made a tuna sandwich. Thus, my new nickname, Big Tuna, was conceived. Oh, that Andy…solid fellow. At least he didn’t call me Big Ham. That would be extremely uncomfortable…
I walked past Dwight who was sitting in the office of the apartment building. He was working as a, what he liked to call, security guard. In all actuality, he was just an RA. I made my way to the elevator, and pushed the UP button. About a second later, the elevator arrived, and as I stepped in, I heard a voice.
“Hold the door, please!”
I reached my hand out to keep the door from closing. And a short, long brown haired girl came in.
“Thank you,” she said, readjusting her bag on her shoulder before looking up. She smiled. “Hey! It’s you! Uh…Jim, right?”
“That’s right,” I smiled. “Audrey?”
“Yep, yep…do you live here too?”
“Yeah, sixth floor,” I replied.
“No way! Me too!”
“Small world,” I smiled. “You’re not stalking me, are you?”
“Of course I am,” laughed Audrey.
We stepped off the elevator, and made our way down the hall.
“So what are you going to write your paper about?” she asked.
“I’m not sure yet. Maybe Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” I said. “What about you?”
“No idea…is that movie any good?”
“It’s my favorite. I could let you borrow it—“
“Sure,” smiled Audrey, stopping in front of a door. “Well, this is me…”
“Okay, so, uh…I’ll drop off the movie later, is that cool?”
“Yeah,” she said, “Thanks, Jim. Later…”
“Later, Audrey,” I said, walking down to the end of the hall. Mark had been right—Audrey was really cute.
*****
December, 2007
Pam and I spoke on the phone for the last couple of months at least four to five times a week. Our conversations ranged anywhere to one minute to five hours. She had made a lot of new friends, and she was transferring to NYU to study art history, and signed up to take some art classes over at Pratt. I was very proud of her. Every conversation we had was ended with both of us saying, “I miss you, and I love you…”
Apart from missing Pam, I was enjoying myself. My classes were challenging, but I managed to get some great grades. Andy’s parents bought each of us flat screen TVs, for reasons I know not. Dwight started to become obsessed with Guitar Hero, so I enjoyed watching him doing Power Kicks to turn on the Star Power. However, both he and Andy developed crushes on an uptight Christian girl who lived on the fifth floor, so they would constantly be at each other’s throats. That was only mildly entertaining, because things became pretty heated between them.
Audrey and I had become close friends. She spent most of the time hanging out in my apartment because she had to share her room with a girl who may or may not worship Bono from U2. Whenever she came over, we’d do our homework, watched The Food Network, or Googled random things and laughed for hours. When we Googled what a merkin was, we could not stop laughing. As the months went on, I started to develop a slight crush on Audrey, but I didn’t do anything because I was still in love with Pam. As long as there was hope for Pam and me, I wouldn’t give up.
The more Audrey and I hung out, the more I learned about her. I learned that she can’t tan, no matter how hard she tries, but she won’t get sunburned either. Her skin was always like porcelain. She’s also about 5’1”, and weighs only 98 pounds. I always tease her about being anorexic, but in all actuality, she can eat more than me. Her metabolism is the speed of light. Her eyes are bright and brown, filled with warmth. Her hair is dark brown, almost black. In other words, she’s gorgeous. When Audrey laughs, her nose crinkles up in an adorable fashion. When she gets excited, her voice becomes child like, and she’ll always say, “Oh my gosh” always letting out all of the air in her lungs when she gets to “gosh.” When she’s hungry, she’ll absentmindedly rub her stomach, and this girl gets hungry a lot. When she’s full, her stomach will become firm, and she gets a “food baby.” She’s also very religious, but not in an uptight kind of way.
So yeah, how could I not have a crush on her?
*****
Christmas, 2007
I was in Portland for Christmas. Nothing much went on except for the fact that it was the first time everyone in my family was together under the same roof in about two years. It was nice seeing my brother Pete again. Tom and Laura’s son, Asher, started walking. My mom and dad were all doing fine as well, so all in all, it was a decent Christmas.
That night, Pam and I talked on the phone. After the usual, “Merry Christmas!” and “Did you get anything good?” we decided to talk about life. And at that time in my life, The Dark Knight was my life.
“Beesly, did you see the Dark Knight trailer yet?”
“I have a life,” said Pam. “So no.”
“You gotta get on YouTube, and watch it! It’s so bad ass! I literally cry every time I see it!”
“Loser,” sniggered Pam. “So other than being in love with The Dark Knight, what else have you been up to? How are things in Colorado?”
“They’re well,” I said. “I told you about that crazy love triangle with my roommates, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, Andy found out that Dwight took Angela out on a date, and he punched a hole in the wall. It was pretty intense…quarter inch drywall!”
“Psycho…” Pam sang, laughing.
“And other than that, I haven’t really been doing much. I go to Mark’s frat every once in awhile, but I just pretty much go to the gym and do homework.”
“I see…that’s cool.”
“Yeah, what how’s school going for you?”
“Well,” started Pam. “It’s Scranton, so not much goes on. I can’t wait till I transfer.”
“Beesly in New York, it should be exciting!”
“Yep. So are there any special ladies in Jim Halpert’s life?” Every month or so, Pam would always ask me this. I don’t know if it was because she was afraid that I had moved on, or if she had moved on. Wouldn’t life be easier if we could all read minds?
“No,” I answered. “Only you. What about you?”
“Well, I tend to go after guys, so no,” laughed Pam.
“You know what I meant.”
“No, there aren’t any guys for me…someone spoiled me last summer.”
“Oh, what’s his name?”
“I can’t remember…Tim Alpert? It’s something like that,” laughed Pam. “To be honest, I only used him for his scrawny body…”
“He must have left quite an impression then. Good for you Beesly.”
“Thanks. So did you have any summer flings?”
“Well…” I said, acting as if I were thinking. “I think I had a thing going on with some girl. God…what was her name? Well, that doesn’t matter. I remember she had really nice boobs though…”
“You ass…” laughed Pam.
“Aw, you know I love you.”
“I love you too, Jim.”
“You know, I didn’t get everything I wanted this Christmas.”
“Really? What else do you want?”
“You,” I said frankly.
“Sorry I can’t help you at the moment…”
“There are ways you can help,” I laughed. “So whatcha wearin’?”
*****
February, 2008
I was sitting in my room, browsing through the Scranton Yellow Pages on my computer. I was looking for a floral shop, but all the damn websites I clicked on didn’t have any pictures. How the hell am I supposed to know what a Lover’s Bouquet is? My door flings open, and I jump back in surprise.
“Jesus,” I said, waiting for my heartbeat to return to normal as Audrey walks in and sits on my bed. “Did you ever hear of knocking? I could have been looking at porn.”
“That means I would have gotten a free show,” laughed Audrey.
“How did you get in?”
“Andy let me in. Thank God…if it were Dwight, he’d be asking me for a password or something,” she said. “So what are you doing?”
“Getting you a fag license,” I joked. “Actually, I’m trying to look for some flowers to get for Pam on Valentine’s Day to let her know that I’m still thinking about her. You wouldn’t happen to know what a Lover’s Bouquet is would you?”
“I’m assuming its roses,” said Audrey, getting off of my bed, and walking closer to my laptop.
“Damn, its ninety bucks…selfish bastards,” I complained, but I clicked on the “Purchase” button anyway.
“Oooh, Richy Rich!” teased Audrey.
“It’s either that or getting her a single rose for seventy bucks…you’d think they’d be dipped in gold or something,” I huffed, typing in my credit card number. “These flowers better be nice…”
“I’m sure she’d love them even if they weren’t,” smiled Audrey. “So are things with you guys still good?”
“I don’t know,” I replied, shutting off my laptop. “I guess. This whole long distance thing is freaking insane.”
“I bet. That sucks, Bella…”
After winter break, Audrey had wanted me to read Twilight because she wanted a guy’s opinion on it. After weeks of her constantly nagging me to read it, I gave in. It’s safe to assume that I didn’t like it. I told her that I didn’t like Bella, who was the main character, because she’s so damn clingy. Audrey now calls me Bella because she says I’m clingy and self sacrificing when it came to Pam. Touché, Audrey. Touché indeed…
“Quiet, you. So what’s up? Why did you have to barge in here when I’m trying to get a little me time?”
“I was bored,” Audrey shrugged. “I wanted to see if you wanted to get something to eat.”
“Of course you did. You know there are starving kids out there, and you eat enough to feed all of them.”
“Shut up,” she giggled. “So you want to get some eats?”
“I just ate, but I’ll go and get some coffee or something.”
“Pfft, fine.”
*****
“Hey, Jim?” Audrey rarely called me Jim. She usually called me Bella, Merkin, Butt Face, Poop Face…so yeah, I was quite taken aback.
“Yeah?” I asked, looking up from sipping my coffee. We were at a deli, and Audrey had just devoured a fourteen inch sub.
“What are you doing on Valentine’s Day?” Audrey asked shyly. I saw her pale cheeks burning red. She must have really been nervous, because I’ve never seen her blush. “Because I know you’re still caught up with Pam and everything, but she’s in Pennsylvania…and plus, Andy and Dwight are probably going to be wrestling or something over Angela, so…I thought maybe we could do something nice? You know, as friends?”
“Um, yeah, we should hang out,” I told her, feeling a little warm inside.
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah,” I reassured her. It’s a friend thing after all… “It’s a date.”
Audrey blushed an even deeper shade of red, and beamed up at me.
*****
Valentine’s Day, 2008
I had made reservations to take Audrey to The Melting Pot. It’s a fondue restaurant (I bet you never would have guessed that), and according to my sources, it was romantic, but not too romantic. I figured it would be a nice place to take Audrey. I mean, it is her first Valentine’s Day date, which to be honest, is hard to believe. I mean…she’s really great, but she had said she never had any boyfriends. Which was really surprising to me…
Earlier that week, I went to the mall to buy some dress shirts and some slacks. I also convinced Andy to let me borrow his car, considering Angela never rides in cars with boys. So I really lucked out this year.
I walked down the hall to Audrey’s door, and I knocked. Thirty seconds later, my jaw dropped. Audrey answered the door, wearing a black dress, her dark hair curled extravagantly, she had put some eye makeup on, so her eyes popped. She was beautiful.
“Wow, you look,” I began, pausing. “Beautiful…”
Audrey smiled shyly, looking down at her feet.
“Thank you,” her voice was soft. “You like really nice…”
“So…” I cleared my throat. “We should…”
“Yeah,” said Audrey, stepping out of her apartment. I held my arm out, and she took hold as we made our way slowly down the hall. I gently, very gently, nudged her with my hip. She was so small that even when she was wearing high heels, the top of her head was barely at my shoulders. She looked up at me.
“You all right?” I asked, smiling down at her.
“Yeah,” she replied, swallowing. “Just nervous.”
“You don’t have to be nervous,” I reassured her, pushing the “Down” button on the elevator. “Just think of tonight as going out to eat at a restaurant. I mean, we do that like seven times a day, so you should be used to that.”
Audrey let out a soft giggle as she stepped into the elevator. As we made our way to the ground floor, I realized that I was kind of nervous as well. Not to mention, I felt kind of guilty about Pam. I had told her about Audrey awhile back, and that I maybe, kinda, sorta, have feelings for her, but that I was going to wait and see what would happen between us. That is, Pam and me. She told me that it was okay to date, but I don’t know…I caught a little disdain in her voice. I was still in love with Pam, and I was sure that Audrey knew that. After all, this isn’t a real date, it’s more like a, “we have nothing to do, so might as well run with the masses as they pay for an overpriced meal” sort of thing. So why should I be feeling guilty? I am 90% sure that nothing will happen tonight.
*****
“Damn it!” I exclaimed, dropping my dipping fork, and reaching for my glass of wine (our waitress just asked if we wanted wine, and she didn’t card us. When you’re 19, that is literally the coolest thing that can happen to you. That and riding a motorcycle.). “The cheese is too hot!”
“Loser,” scoffed Audrey, smiling playfully at me.
“Just because I don’t have a tongue of steel, doesn’t mean you can make fun of me…”
“Aw…you gonna cry, Bella? You gonna cry for mommy?” she teased.
“You can walk home tonight,” I joked. “And you’re going to get blisters all over your feet!”
“You would know…”
“Mmm, girl,” I said, doing the sassy head move that all the sassy ladies these days do, and snapping my fingers. “I don’t need your sass tonight. I am sick of it!”
“I’m sorry,” smiled Audrey, holding out a piece of bread dipped in cheese. “Here, I cooled it down for you. I promise it won’t burn your tongue!” she added when I raised an eyebrow at her. I reached my head over the table, but the piece of bread slid off the fork before I could reach it. Just then, a waitress came to our table.
“Excuse me,” she said loudly so the whole restaurant could hear, looking at Audrey. “Did you drop that back into the pot?”
“Uh…yes?” replied Audrey, confused.
“In Switzerland, it’s tradition that when a woman drops a nugget of bread back into the pot, she must kiss the man on her left,” said the waitress, smiling at me now. I felt the eyes of all the patrons on Audrey and me.
“But we’re not in Switzerland,” said Audrey.
The waitress bent low, and whispered, “I understand, and I feel like a total bitch for embarrassing you guys like this, but my boss has been making all of us walk around, waiting for a girl to drop a piece of bread into the pot. He wants us to make a scene, you know, publicity or whatever. And I’m sorry about this, but could you do this so we could all relax? I mean, I gave you guys wine without carding you…”
Audrey stared over at me, looking slightly terrified. I shrugged, because I had no idea what else to do. She let out her breath, and leaned over the table. Our faces were close now, and the next thing I knew, her lips were on mine. The kiss wasn’t too long, but it was still nice. When she pulled away, I was disappointed, but still elated. Everyone in the restaurant began to clap and cheer, while Audrey and I were blushing.
“Wow,” I said as we left the restaurant. “I’m never going back there again.”
“Me kissing you wasn’t that bad, was it?” Audrey asked, as I opened the passenger door for her.
“No, it’s not that,” I told her. It really wasn’t…the kiss was nice. “I just have this thing with public displays of affection, and everyone was staring at us…”
“Oh my gosh” she said in that really cute way I liked. “I know!”
“So the night is still young,” I said, buckling my seatbelt. “Anything you want to do? You want me to take you home?”
“Um, if you want,” said Audrey, looking crestfallen.
“No, I was just asking,” I reassured her. “I thought we’d be there for hours. Usually, it takes people hours to eat fondue, but I forget that I was eating with a monster…”
“Shut up,” giggled Audrey. “So what do you want to do?”
I looked out the window. The sun was about to set.
“I have an idea…”
*****
“Okay,” I said, taking Andy’s seat cover off of the passenger seat. “Hold this.” I handed it to Audrey. I opened the back door and grabbed my jacket. “And this.” I handed her the jacket.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see,” I replied. “I’m going to have to carry you…”
“What? Why?” asked Audrey, blushing a little.
“Because you see that?” I pointed behind her to a fairly steep trail. “There’s no way you could get up there in your heels.”
“Why do you want to go up there?”
“It’s a surprise,” I held out my arms, and bent my knees. “Hop on.”
“I won’t be too heavy?” asked Audrey.
“Seriously? My bag weighs more than you,” I teased. “Now quit stalling. We have to hurry…”
I lifted Audrey off her feet, and she was lighter than I expected. As I walked up the trail, I could smell the sweet flowery scent of her hair. It was quite intoxicating. Fifteen minutes, we were at the top of the trail. I set Audrey down, and relieved her of the seat cover, and flung my jacket over her. It was quite comical. The sleeves of my jacket were just barely below Audrey’s knees. Smiling to myself, I found the log I used to sit on, and I spread the seat cover over it.
“Bella, what are you doing?” asked Audrey.
“Come here,” I said, watching Audrey cautiously making her way over to the log. I pointed to her left side. “Look. Tell me that isn’t the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen…”
I was pointing to the Flatiron Mountain Range. The sun was just behind the mountains, sending rays of orange and yellows, silhouetting the mountain range. The clouds above the mountains were pink, purple, blue, yellow, and orange. It was as if the sky was on fire.
“Wow…” breathed Audrey.
“I know, right?” I smiled. “I used to come out here about four times a week last year. It’s my happy place. A place where I could just forget about everything, you know?”
“Yeah…wow, Jim,” Audrey smiled up at me. “It’s so pretty…”
“Yeah,” I said, sitting down next to Audrey. “Just wait till the stars come out…you can see every single star…it’s unbelievable.”
She wrapped her arm around mine, and leaned against me.
“How do people not know about this?”
“It’s a jogging trail…they’re usually busy focusing on their next mile, you know? I found out about this place my first week here. I went out for a jog, and by the time I reached the top of this trail, I was out of breath. The air is so thin here, and I needed a place to rest. And I saw this log, and I sat here, looking out at the mountains…”
We sat in silence, watching as the sky began to darken, and the stars started to appear. I began to think about Pam…I wondered what she was doing tonight. Maybe she was expecting me to call her? Probably…it’s Valentine’s Day. She would want me to call her…
Audrey began to laugh, breaking my train of thought.
“What?”
“Oh, I was just wondering about what other people are doing,” she replied. “Like, they’re probably opening up boxes of lingerie or jewelry. You know, material things. But I bet none of them are opening up boxes of anything as beautiful as this…”
I smiled, and nodded. Pam erased from my mind…
“If I tell you something, do you promise not to laugh?” asked Audrey, looking up at me.
“Yeah,” I promised. “I won’t laugh.”
“Okay,” she said, taking a deep breath. “You were like…the second guy I’ve ever kissed.”
“Really?” I asked, shocked.
“Yeah, I mean, you know…I never had any boyfriends. My dad scared them all away…”
I laughed.
“But…I always felt uncomfortable around boys. It’s like, I failed Boys 101. But I’m comfortable with you,” Audrey smiled. “And I just needed you to know…just once. Because it’s Valentine’s Day, and it’s supposed to be romantic and what not. So uh…”
Audrey reached up a shaky hand to my face, and pulled it slowly towards her own. But before our lips met, her hand dropped.
“Oh my gosh…Pam!” she looked up sadly at me. “I’m so sorry…”
Audrey got up off the log.
“We should go…oh man. I’m so sorry, I forgot about her,” she cried. “I’m so stupid!”
“Whoa, whoa…Audrey,” I said softly, I took her hand in mine. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I should be the one that’s sorry. I kind of forgot about her just then…”
“Jim I feel so terrible! I know how much you love her, and I…”
“Hey,” I said firmly, feeling a mixture of disappointment, anger, confusion, and humiliation. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. Don’t be sorry, Audrey. I shouldn’t have let it get that far…I should have stopped you. Okay? It’s not your fault.”
Audrey couldn’t look at me. Instead, her eyes were filled with tears, and she was nodding.
“So we should probably get you home,” I told her, picking up the seat cover off of the log. I lifted Audrey up, and we made our way back to Andy’s car.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you everyone who has been reading this story and reviewing! I'm glad no one forgot about it! This chapter may disappoint some people because it's a flashback to Jim's sophomore year of college. Even though it's a flashback, there's a little foreshadowing...
Chapter End Notes:
Hm...so what do you guys think? Probably 3 or 4 more chapters and this story should be done...Thank you all for reading, and please let me know what you all think!
