Central High School
“So I want you guys to bring in your papers no later than Thursday,” I announced. The class groaned. “Be quiet, you animals!”
The class laughed.
Yup. I’m a teacher now. 11th grade AP English. The pay’s not that great, but…it’s better than selling paper for a living.
“And next week,” I continued. “We’re going to be starting on Crime and Punishment, and if I had it my way, I would spare you all from that torture. There are copies of it in the library, so please check it out before Monday—”
“Hey, Mr. Halpert,” said a boy named Will Robins. “There is a really hot lady standing at the door, smiling at you.”
I looked over at the door, and Pam was leaning against the doorway, beaming at me, and holding up my lunch bag. I walked over to her.
“Everyone, this is Pam,” I said, pulling Pam into the classroom, ignoring the blush on her cheeks.
“Is she your girlfriend?” asked Susie Reynolds, glaring at Pam.
“Yes I am,” said Pam, taking my hand. “So how do you guys like Jim?”
“He’s terrible!”
“We hate him!”
“He’s so hot though…”
“You should dump him, and go out with me!”
“He’s funny!”
“So is he a bad teacher?” asked Pam, giggling.
“He makes us write so many papers, and read terrible books!” piped up Tim Weinstein.
The class laughed.
“What a terrible, terrible person!” mocked Pam, nudging me with her elbow.
“I know, right? Hey, Tim?” I said, grinning at him. “Guess who has to write three extra pages in their Gatsby report?”
Tim laughed.
“I’m just messing with you, man,” I said, clapping his shoulder. “So anyway, what’d you all think of The Great Gatsby?”
“Boo!” the class replied loudly, and Pam laughed harder.
“Well, it was written nearly a hundred years ago, and without that, you kids wouldn’t have Gossip Girls. Gatsby was the original soap opera—all those crazy love triangles, and old money vs. new money…yes, Will?”
Will put down his hand.
“I think Nick’s a homosexual,” he said as the class laughed.
“What makes you say that?” I asked, hushing the class down with my hands.
“Well, the way he’s like obsessed with Gatsby, and how he describes him,” Will shrugged. “Like how he never forgets to mention Gatsby’s rippling muscles…”
“Well, Truman Capote wrote a screenplay where Nick and Jordan were indeed homosexuals,” I said. “But there’s really no proof that they really were. Good observation though, Will.”
The bell rang, and the class quickly packed up their books.
“I want your reports by Thursday!” I reminded them. “And JV basketball tryouts are after school!”
The class shuffled out, and I smiled as I heard the boys mumbling about how hot Pam is, and the girls saying that I could do better. Oh, those crazy kids…
“Bye, Mr. Halpert,” smiled Susie, waving to me. Her smile turned to grimace when she walked past Pam.
“Later,” I called.
“Ooh, someone has a crush on Jim,” Pam teased, kissing me when the whole class had left the room.
“Quit being gross,” I laughed.
“They seem to like you,” said Pam. “Are you the cool, hip teacher?”
“Duh. But just give it a couple more years. I’ll probably throw a fit because these kids never use the right ‘your.’”
Pam laughed, and handed me the lunch bag.
“You left it at home,” she scolded.
“Aw, gee, thanks, Mom!” I teased, pulling out my ham and cheese sandwich, and handing a half to Pam.
*****
Shopping for Phil and Lil’s Birthday
I was examining a toy train that transformed into a plane which transformed into a car. I held it up to Pam. We were shopping for Michael and Holly’s twin’s birthday presents.
“When I was a kid, all I needed was the Green Ranger action figure, and that would keep my busy for hours,” I said, staring confusedly at all the new toys that kids were playing with. Honestly, did toddlers need Tonka trucks with iPod hook ups?
“I was content with my ponies,” said Pam. “What does this do?”
Pam was holding up a cup, whose box was said Wi-Fi.
“I guess babies can surf the net while drinking coffees now,” I replied. Pam giggled.
“Should we just get them a gift card?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I always feel lazy whenever I get gift cards…”
“Me too,” admitted Pam.
“Dude! This football has an iPod hook up too!” I laughed, holding up a plush football. Pam laughed. “I want it…”
“Jim, do you really want to throw your iPod around?”
“I was kidding, gosh!” I sulked, pretending that my feelings were hurt.
“Phil and Lil would love these!” cried out Pam. Yes, Michael and Holly named their babies after Phil and Lil from The Rugrats. I examined the toys that Pam was holding up. One was an Optimus Prime action figure, and the other was a Barbie doll whose hair would grow back after you cut it. Oh, the technology…
“Those would be cool,” I said, “It’s nice to know that some things from our childhood still exist…”
“What do you think our kids will play with?” asked Pam, suddenly covering her mouth with Optimus Prime.
“What…?”
“Nothing, that just slipped out…”
“You see us having kids together?” I asked, smiling at her.
“I don’t know,” mumbled Pam, looking at the ground, and shuffling her feet. Smiling, I lifted her chin so that her eyes would meet mine.
“We will,” I promised, the engagement ring suddenly weighing a hundred pounds in my pocket. “Soon.”
*****
Dancing in the Rain
“Jim! The sun is shining, and it’s raining out!” Pam cried excitedly. “Let’s go dancing in it!”
“How old are you?” I laughed.
“Quit stalling! Let’s go!” She took hold of my hands, and dragged me out in the rain.
Pam jumped through the puddles. The sunlight reflected off of the raindrops in her hair, as she laughed, and spun around in circles. She was beautiful.
“Come on, Jim!” she laughed, jumping up and down.
And we danced, ignoring the stares from the people driving by in their cars. And we laughed until our stomachs hurt, but we continued to dance. When we were out of breath, Pam was smiling up at me, breathing heavily in my arms.
“We should get a bath ready,” she crooned. “What are you doing?”
I released Pam, and I was on one bended knee. I held up the ring to her.
“Pam,” I breathed. “Will you marry me?”
*****
Rehearsal Dinner
We held our rehearsal dinner at Melograno, an Italian restaurant in Philly. Our guest list was pretty short. Just our immediate family members, Michael, Holly, Pam’s friend Josephine, and because Pam had wanted to meet him so much, Dwight Schrute.
I never understood rehearsal dinners. Seriously, I thought that you were practicing how to eat at your wedding. But tonight was actually fun. It was great seeing Dwight again, and I was pleased to find that he’s still the same Dwight, but now instead of an afro, he had thinning hair which he parted down the middle.
“Thanks for coming, Dwight,” I said, shaking his hand when he had arrived.
“So is that her?” asked Dwight, nodding over at Pam who had been chatting with her mom.
“Yeah,” I said, smiling. “That’s the future Mrs. Halpert.”
“Hm,” said Dwight, examining Pam. “Large breasts, great for producing milk, straight teeth, so that must mean she uses Invisoline braces. Good choice, Halpert.”
“Thanks, Dwight,” I laughed. “Help yourself to some food—”
But Dwight was already eating breadsticks off of a table. I waved Pam over.
“Dwight? This is my fiancé, Pam,” I said. Dwight wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Hello, Dwight Schrute,” he said, his mouth full, extending his hand to Pam.
“Hi, I’m Pam,” she said, trying hard not to laugh. “Jim always talked—”
“I was just telling Jim that you have very nice breasts,” interrupted Dwight, chewing his breadsticks with his mouth open.
“Uh…”
“For your children of course; my family is known for producing very thirsty babies.”
“I see…” Pam looked up at me in horror. “Well, I should get going and greet the other guests…”
“Fine,” said Dwight. “It was nice to meet you. Oh, do you use Invisoline braces?”
“No. I’ll talk to you later, okay? It was very nice to meet you Mr. Schrute…”
When Pam and I had gotten out of earshot, we began to laugh.
“Oh my God!” she giggled, clutching at my arm. “He really is real!”
“I couldn’t make him up,” I told her. “Maybe I’ll write a comic book about him. Oh, God…”
Michael was standing up on a table, sharply clinking at his glass of water. I could see Holly trying to pull him down.
“I want to make a toast, Holly…” I heard him whisper.
“Pam doesn’t want you to!” Holly frantically whispered.
“I want to!” whined Michael. “Excuse me, everyone? I would like to make a toast to Jim and Pam!”
Holly gave Pam an apologetic look.
“My name is Michael Scott, and for the next 45 minutes—”
“Really, Michael? Your speech is 45 minutes long?” I asked.
“I didn’t prepare one, to be honest,” shrugged Michael. “Anyway, my name is Michael Scott, and I would like to take you on a journey through the lives of James Halpert and Pamela Beesly. When I met my beautiful Holly, I took Jim along as a wingman of sorts. Little did we know, that night, we had both met our soul mates.”
Pam and I clapped loudly, because when Michael makes a speech, you never know what could go wrong. As people began to clap along, Michael looked disheartened.
“I’m not finished!” he cried. “I remember the first summer when Jim came back to Scranton, I threw a party in which I provided alcohol to minors…”
“He should be fined,” I heard Dwight mutter.
“And Jim was with another incredibly hot red head. I think her name was Kathy,” said Michael, looking up at the ceiling, trying to remember. “It’s safe to assume that Jim likes the red heads.”
My father laughed, “Just like his old man, eh, Larissa?”
“So that night, Jim was being all bitchy and whiny, thinking he was so cool that he was smoking cigarettes…”
“James Andrew Halpert! You never told me you smoked!” my mother cried.
“It was a long time ago, Mom,” I murmured. My mother shook her head in disbelief.
“He smoked like a chimney when we were roommates,” Dwight chimed in.
“…out on the balcony of my old bachelor pad. He was really harshing the mellow, so I went out to talk to him,” continued Michael. “That was when he poured his heart out to me, because I was and am to this day, his best friend. He told me that he was in love with Pam, and he wanted to get in her pants—”
“I never said that!” I cried, but Pam was laughing beside me.
“But at that time,” Michael ignored me. “Pam was with this stupid guy named Roy who liked to arm wrestle people. Jim was helpless, and I saved his life! I told him to never give up. And fifteen years later, these two love birds are finally getting married! I love you guys! You’ve always been like family to me, and I wish you all the best of luck. Because Webster’s dictionary defines the term ‘wedding’ as a fusing of two hot metals. Well, you two are metals…gold medals!”
*****
Haggis and Checkers
For our honeymoon, we went to Glasgow. Why would we go there, you ask? We just wanted to. There were a countless number of art galleries and museums for Pam. And for me, there was the music scene and the pubs. On top of all that, Glasgow was just a beautiful place: sandstone buildings, old medieval architecture, and the green country sides. God, you just didn’t see anything like that in America…
“Jim,” Pam whined. “I want to ride the horses!”
“I can’t,” I mumbled, ashamed.
“Why?”
“I’m afraid of horses! They sense fear, Pam!”
“You’re really afraid of horses?” laughed Pam.
“Yes. Petrified is a better word…”
“It’ll be fine,” said Pam in a soothing voice. “I’ll make sure nothing happens to you.”
Decked out in a child’s helmet and some chest padding, I rode a horse named Haggis while Pam rode a horse named Checkers, holding onto my hand for support. Despite my irrational fear of horses, Pam made me feel safe. Pam made me the luckiest man in the world.
*****
The Happiest I’ve Ever Been
To my beautiful daughter, Emma Halpert,
Your mother and I had been married for a little under a year when you came into our lives. The night that your mother went into labor was quite possibly the most frightening nights of my life. Not because I was afraid to meet you, but because your mother had turned into a killing, screaming cyborg. It was as if she had come straight out of one of Dwight’s dreams.
I drove her to the hospital, ignoring the blood pouring down from my ears. The nurses would scold me to keep her quiet because there were patients sleeping.
You gave us quite a scare that night. The umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck, and you stopped breathing for awhile. It was then that I finally realized what fear was. I didn’t even know you, and I was already afraid. Luckily, you were born a fighter. Everything was fine, and as your mother and I held you, I felt your soft, brown hair, and I realized that there was still a lot more to be afraid of.
As dark and grim as this sounds, you know by now that the world can be a very unfriendly place.
In your life, you’ll see many things.
Some will make you laugh. Others will make you cry.
Some will make you appreciate the beauty in the world. Others will make you despise it.
Some will be people who love you. Others will be people who envy you.
One day, I know I’m going to hold you close when you get your first heartbreak.
One day, I know you’ll hate me because all teenagers go through that.
One day, you’ll look back at all of the mistakes that you’ve made and laugh.
One day, you’ll meet someone who will make you feel loved.
One day, I will walk you down the aisle, and hand you over to a man that you love with all of your heart.
To my sweet, Emma. To me you’ll always be the beautiful baby girl whose first smile was when she saw her old man. I love you in ways that words alone cannot express. Just know this: life is an unpredictable journey. I hope you’ll make the best of it. And if you feel that you can’t, then take a deep breath, and go down another road. There are infinite possibilities. But you’ll also find that sometimes, no matter how many different routes you take, you’ll find yourself in the same situation you had been in before. Take that as an opportunity for a second chance. That happened with your mother and me, and we made the most of it. At the very most, we got you. There’s nothing more that we could have asked for.
Thank you for coming into my life, Emma. I hope by the time you read this, that you’ll consider me as a good father.
Love,
Dad
Author's Chapter Notes:
Jim's a teacher, a shopper, a fiance, afraid of horses, and...a father. Takes place a few years after the last chapter.
Chapter End Notes:
Well, the story's nearly done. The second part will be posted shortly. Thank you to those who have been reading this story, and I hope that you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
beermefive is the author of 4 other stories.
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