My dad and I have never been close. He had always been a football and baseball kind of guy, and I used to play basketball. That wasn’t the only thing though. My dad was always hard on my brothers and me. Okay, he’s an alcoholic. Growing up, Tom, Pete, and I would pretend to be sleeping as soon as it turned 8:00. The three of us would lay in our beds, our eyes shut tightly, praying that our father hadn’t been drinking. On the nights that he did drink, he would always find something wrong with a member of the family. Usually, when he did find something wrong, all of us would be in trouble. Whenever that happened, we’d get the belt…
Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad. He’s the only dad I have, you know? I understand that not everyone’s perfect, and my dad still took care of the family. He’s had a pretty rough childhood. From the stories I would hear on some of his drunken ramblings, he had it a lot worse than my brothers and me.
So when I heard the theme from Halloween blaring through my cell phone’s speaker, I knew who was calling.
“Hey, Dad,” I answered.
“So…I got this letter from the University of Scranton,” my dad started without preamble, “And they say that you’ve been accepted for their winter semester…”
“Yeah, I should have told you, I applied there…”
“Why?”
“Because I missed home, I guess,” I swear, Pam wasn’t the only reason why I wanted to move back to Scranton.
“So you just think that I’d pay for you to move all your things back to Scranton? And then that I’d pay for your out of state tuition?” my dad grumbled.
“I’m sorry, I just missed things here…”
“Jim, the only reason why I let you go to University of Colorado was because you got a full scholarship there…and once you leave that school, there goes your scholarship.”
“I know…”
“And CU’s got a pretty good English department,” my dad continued. “And there’s no way I’m paying tuition for you…”
“Right…” I mumbled. “I could get a job here, and I could pay for my own tuition…”
“And housing, utilities, books, and food? You really think a part time, minimum wage job will take care of all of that?” my dad asked.
“I could stay at Tom’s,” I replied, shrugging even though I knew my dad couldn’t see it.
“Jim, Tom and Linda need to live their own lives,” my dad said. “They just had Asher six months ago, and to even think that they would let you stay there is selfish of you.”
“Dad, I—“
“You never think before you act, Jim. And I know you’re an ‘adult’ now, but you still have a lot of growing up to do,” my dad sighed. “And I can’t support you switching schools. I think it’s in your best interest for you to stay at CU. You’re not moving back to Scranton, Jim.”
“Dad, I like it here. I’m happy here.”
“Jim, that’s just a sad part of life. If you liked it there so much, you shouldn’t have left. But even if you do decide that you want to go to school in Scranton, you’d have to pay out of state tuition, and that costs a fortune. I’m sorry, Jim…I really am, but you should just stick to CU. They have a better program there, and you have to think about your future. You’re not a kid anymore.”
“Fine,” I sighed. “I’ll talk to you later, Dad.”
“Your mom sends her love,” my dad grumbled, hanging up the phone.
*****
I’m pretty sure 80% of all women out there fake their orgasms. And just like the women in the world fake their orgasms, I’m extremely good at pretending that I’m happy. Pam and I had only three and a half more days together, and I want those three and a half days to be good, and not depressing.
I walked up the steps of Pam’s porch, and rang the doorbell. A couple of seconds later, I saw Pam’s gorgeous face smiling at me. Her hair, which was usually curly, was straightened today. God, she looked beautiful. And just like that, everything slipped from my mind. That’s how it is when I’m with Pam, I forget about all the negative things in my life, and it’s just her. To keep that smile on her face is the only thing that matters to me when I’m in her presence.
“You straightened your hair,” I said, leaning down to kiss her. “You look very, very beautiful…”
“I was bored,” Pam shrugged, smiling up at me. “So…here’s the thing, my parents left me a couple hundred bucks before they went to Italy to go grocery shopping. Do you want to go pick some food up for dinner?”
“Yeah,” I replied, rubbing my hands together. “I feel so domesticated…”
“What a dork…” Pam giggled, stepping out of her house, locking the door. “You want me to drive?”
“It’s up to you,” I replied, taking Pam’s hand as we walked down the porch.
“I feel like driving,” she said.
“Then you can drive…”
“Oh, I will. And I’ll drive the crap out of my car,” Pam laughed, unlocking her car doors. Pam and I both stepped into her car. As I was buckling my seatbelt, she reversed out of her driveway.
“So what are we having tonight?” I asked.
“My awesome chicken and cheese baked potatoes,” Pam replied. “I just hope that Gerrity’s has those gigantic potatoes today…sometimes they don’t…”
“That sounds good,” I smiled. “But what happens if they don’t have the gigantic potatoes?”
“Then…I will…I don’t know,” Pam giggled. “I could always make my lasagna, but that takes hours…”
“I could cook,” I offered.
“What’s your specialty?”
“Ham sandwiches, grilled cheese sandwiches, Italian sandwiches…”
“Dude, you sound like Bubba from Forest Gump, except instead of shrimp, you like sandwiches.”
“I could probably make a shrimp sandwich too…”
“Wow,” Pam laughed. “No offense, but I think I should cook tonight.”
“Fine, you jerk…” I said, pretending that Pam had hurt my feelings. Pam parked her car, and we made our way into Gerrity’s. Pam grabbed a cart, and pushed it towards me. “Oh, you want me to push it?”
“Yes,” Pam said as a matter of factly. “Hold it still, I want to get in…”
“You want me to push you in the cart? How old are you, Beesly?”
“Shut up, and hold it still!”
“Fine, sassy mcsassy pants,” I laughed, holding the cart still as Pam climbed in. She was adorable. Pam turned to face me, and pointed into the store.
“Onward, ho!” Pam exclaimed.
“Pam, I take offense when you call me mean names like that…”
“Well, I was going to say, ‘Let’s move, bitch!’ because I just totally made you my bitch,” Pam giggled. “Would you prefer me calling you Pam’s bitch? Because I totally will…”
“Fine, you can call me a ho,” I said, stopping in front of the vegetable section in front of the potatoes. “So do they have the so called gigantic potatoes?”
“Um…” Pam said, tapping her chin as she scanned through the potatoes. “They should…” Pam pointed. “Right there! Quick! Grab two of them! Hurry!”
“Okay…”
“Faster, Jim!”
“What’s the hurry?” I asked, chuckling as I grabbed two gigantic potatoes. They were about the size of a football… “Are these big enough?”
“They’re perfect,” Pam replied. So I put them in a bag as Pam said. “And I wanted you to hurry because you’re my bitch…and I knew I’d get a laugh out of you…”
“Well, you were right,” I said, handing Pam the bag. She gave me a hard look—as if she was examining me. “What?”
“Is something wrong?”
“No, why?”
“I don’t know…you seem…distracted today…”
“Oh,” I said. “No…nothing’s wrong…”
“Okay,” Pam said uncertainly.
*****
Dinner was great. Pam was a great cook. I knew this because she wouldn’t let me help her. Something I noticed about people that are really great cooks is that they don’t like it when people offer them help, and that’s what Pam was like. After we ate, we went into the living room, and began to watch Anchorman. Pam was leaning into me, and I would feel her body shake whenever she laughed.
“Hey, I was just thinking,” Pam said, “and this is totally random, but…where do you think the word ‘sandwich’ came from?”
“It probably came from some Latin origin or something…”
“Yeah, but…I just think it’s a weird word,” Pam mumbled, turning her face to face me. “I mean, every time I hear it, I think of some guy who invented the sandwich, and he’s frustrated because he doesn’t know what to call it. So to relieve some stress, he goes skinny dipping at a beach…then he got sand between his butt cheeks, and he’s like, ‘I gotta get this sand, which is between my buns…oh my god, I will call my invention the sandwich!’”
She looks up at me, her eyes wide, with a close lipped smile. She was adorable.
“Jeez, Pam, you must be a genius or something,” I laughed, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
“I know, right?” Pam smiles. “You want to know a secret?”
“Sure.”
“I like making you laugh.”
“Well, I like you making me laugh.”
*****
Pam and I were laying on a hammock in her backyard, gently rocking side to side.
“Hey! Look! A shooting star…” I said, pointing up at the sky.
“That’s an airplane…”
“Oh, well…quiet you,” I chuckled.
“I’m like an open book,” Pam suddenly said, turning on her side to face me. She brought up a hand, and began to stroke my hair. “You know almost everything about me.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No, it’s not…but like my family, for example. You know that I’m close with them. I don’t even know what your parents do…”
“Yeah, you do…you know my dad works at Intel,” I said. “Not exactly sure what he does there exactly, but he works there. And my mom is an accountant…”
“Yeah, but you don’t talk about your parents…”
“There’s not much to say about them, you know?”
“Are you guys close?”
“My mom and I are close,” I told her.
“What about you and your dad?”
“Not so much…”
“Can I ask why?”
“Well…let’s just say he’s…uh…” How do I put this lightly? “Um…not very nice.”
“Oh,” Pam said, looking a little disappointed. “I’m sorry…if you don’t want to talk about it, then you don’t have to.”
“I just don’t think you would want to hear about it,” I reassured her. “It’s not a trust issue or anything.”
“Okay,” Pam said, nodding. “I was just curious…”
“Well…my dad used to beat my brothers and me,” I blurted out. I had never told anyone that before Pam. “He drank a lot back then, and yeah…”
“Oh, god…Jim, I’m sorry,” Pam said. “I never would have…”
“It’s fine,” I said, smiling at her. “Hey, there’s something else that I have to tell you…”
“What?”
“About three weeks ago, I sent an application to University of Scranton…” I began, swallowing. Pam looked up at me, nodding. Her face was difficult to read. “Well, I got accepted for winter semester.”
“Really?” Pam smiled. “That’s great!”
“Yeah…but…” I took a deep breath. “Here’s the thing, my dad’s not cool with it. I got a full ride at CU, which is why my dad let me go there. If I come back here, I’d have to pay out of state tuition…it’s a little too late to apply for scholarships. I can’t afford that…”
“Oh,” Pam said, looking crestfallen. She shook her head, as if she was trying to snap out of something, and forced a smile. “Do you like Colorado?”
“Yeah, it’s a great place,” I said. It was the truth, I liked it there. “But it’s not home, you know?”
“I know, but come on,” Pam said. “At least you’re doing something new, meeting new people. I wish I could go to school out of state…”
“It is an experience,” I agreed. “But it sucks that I have to leave here.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s this girl,” I smiled. “And I like her a lot…I love her, actually.”
“Really?” Pam grinned. “What’s she like?”
“Well, she has somewhat curly hair, but when she straightens it, she’s a knockout,” I said, holding up a finger. “And she makes me laugh, she’s smart, she’s warm, she’s easy to talk to, and…she brings out the best in me. It doesn’t hurt that she’s beautiful either…”
Pam smiled up at me, and kissed me on the cheek, and then looked back up at the sky. We laid in silence for awhile.
“I wish that we had more time together,” I said after a couple of minutes.
“Me too,” Pam said sadly. “It sucks. It really sucks…”
“I know,” I agreed, my chest feeling tight.
“But we’ll work our asses off to make it work,” Pam smiled. “And in case we can’t make it work, let’s make the most of what we have now.”
“Okay,” I promised, looking deeply into Pam’s eyes. She licked her lips, and I leaned in kissing her like I’ve never kissed anyone before—a meaningful kiss, a desperate kiss. I tried to tell her that there was nothing in the world that I wanted more than her with that kiss. I wanted her to know exactly how I felt whenever she would kiss me. I wanted her to know that I loved her. And Pam kissed me back as if she was reassuring me that she would do her best to make things work. That she wanted to make the most of the time that we had left together. Her fingers clutched to my hair, and then her hands slowly wandered down.
“Let’s go up to my room,” she whispered in my ear. I smiled up at her.
“And what are we going to be doing in there?” I teased. Pam giggled.
“Oh, I think you know what we’ll be doing up there,” Pam smiled, kissing me again.
*****
Before Pam, I had had slept with two other girls. As sad as it is to admit it, I had never slept with them out of love. It was for other reasons. Man reasons, you know? Pam was different from them. There was something about her that made me feel warm inside; even after we had done ‘the deed.’ With the other girls, I would be buckling my seatbelt, and driving home by now. With Pam, I was holding her as she slept. My hands were gently stroking her bare back. I watched her as she slept. Creepy, I know, but she was so beautiful. Her eyes were closed, her lips curved into a soft smile, she breathed quietly, and her hand was on my chest. I really was in love with her, and that was the most frightening feeling in the world. Bittersweet, actually. Holding onto a sleeping Pam was the greatest feeling in the world, but knowing that I would be leaving her in four days was the most painful feeling in the world. As Pam slept, I began to think of ways to make the most of our last four days we had left to be together…
Author's Chapter Notes:
A little warning: slightly angsty...
Chapter End Notes:
So I'm really bad at writing smut...I thought it would be best for you all to use your imaginations for that part. Believe me, I tried to write it, but I ended up vomiting in my mouth a little by just how terrible I was at at writing smut. So let's all use our imaginations, and imagine some really hot, passionate love making between our favorite couples...
I hope you guys liked the chapter! Please let me know! Thank you all very much!
I hope you guys liked the chapter! Please let me know! Thank you all very much!
