Deep breaths, Pam. You can do this.
She could do this. She would do this. But, as Pam stood outside the door to the Dunder Mifflin office she knew so well, it was all she could do not to lose her breakfast. It had been an entire weekend since Jim had confessed his love to her, and then returned with that breathtaking kiss that still made Pam a little woozy. It had also been a weekend since Pam had officially ended things with Roy.
Friday’s occurrences had been almost too much for Pam to handle. But she had the weekend to cry her tears, even though she felt them rushing back again as she took an unhurried pace toward a door she did not want to enter.
After Pam had left Roy that night, she went straight to her mother’s house, the only place she knew to go. Being who she was, Pam’s mom didn’t ask too many questions, only kept a concerned look on her face every time she glanced at her. It was all Pam could do not to scream. Then, on Saturday, when she knew for sure that Roy would be out, Pam went back to their—well, now it was his—apartment and gathered all her things, quickly rushing with a paranoia that Roy would come back any moment. But, she was in luck, and he didn’t come home, so she packed her belongings, left Roy a concise, but sincere note, and placed the key on top on the letter. The entire time, she was crying.
She couldn’t explain it. Leaving Roy on an impulse like that… it just wasn’t something that Pam did, well, ever. She didn’t doubt herself. In fact, she was proud of how she stood up to him, as it was one of the rare times in their relationship where she actually took a stand. But, as soon as she had left the apartment that Friday night, the worry, anxiety, and paranoia that all came with taking risks kicked in. Where would she go? What would she do? Would she truly be alone for the rest of her life? These questions had dogged her all weekend. And then, Monday came around.
Pam was avoiding the topic that she wanted to think about the most. All weekend, she had practically forbid herself to think about it, about him. Any hint of remembering the one solid thing Pam had in her life, and the fact that she had broken his heart… well; it was just too much for Pam. This had definitely been an eventful weekend.
So here she was. Standing in front of the office, afraid to go inside.
You can face him, Pam mentored herself. Yes, things may be a bit awkward, but he’s your best friend. You can get through this. Slowly break it to him that maybe, just maybe, you feel the same way. That you’re done with Roy. That there may be another reason behind why you left him…
With a sudden burst of courage, she held her head up, pushed the door open, and walked inside. Without looking over at Jim’s desk, she marched to her secretary desk, lay her things down, and took a seat. Only after settling herself comfortably, turning on her computer, and checking all the messages on the company phone, did she finally lift her head in the direction of Jim’s desk.
She had her smile ready. The one she used on him, often. The smile that said so many things, but nothing at all. She couldn’t know it, but every time she flashed that grin, Jim’s heart hurt just a little bit more. She was prepared. It was already halfway on her face, when she allowed her eyes to make full contact with Jim’s desk… which was… empty.
Odd. Of all the things Jim was, late was not one of them. Pam looked at the clock hanging on the wall. 9:30? This was not normal. “Come on, Jim, where are you?” she thought to herself.
It occurred to her that he was probably still pretty hurt over what she had done to him last week, so she decided she would understand if he didn’t come in to work today. “Maybe I’ll email him later, just to check up on him,” she thought. Although, she was a bit disappointed. There was so much she had wanted, and planned, to say to Jim. “Oh well, I should probably give it some time.” But apprehension was slowly taking over.
*****
A few hours later, Pam was getting quite restless. Jim had not shown up, and nobody seemed to really notice that he was gone. Even though she had promised herself she’d give him some leeway to deal with what had happened, Pam couldn’t really help but be a little bit angry at Jim. There was so much she needed to figure out, and talking to him was probably one of the first things she ought to do. “Okay, if another hour goes by and I don’t hear anything, I’m calling him,” she promised her uneasy self.
Just then, Michael came out of his office with a silly smile on his face. Oh no, this could only mean one thing. A famous Michael Scott joke. Pam was not in the mood for this.
“Hey Pam,” he snickered, “I just read the greatest joke on the internet.”
Pam just stared at him, wincing inwardly and waiting for the moment to pass.
“Why doesn’t a chicken wear pants?” he asked, holding in his laughter like an irresponsible 5-year-old.
Pam sighed. “Why, Michael?”
“Because his pecker is on his head!” Bursting out laughing, Michael seemed to be having the time of his life. Dwight ran over, and even though he probably didn’t hear the joke, he started laughing just as hard as Michael.
On instinct, Pam looked over at Jim’s desk and rolled her eyes, only to realize for about the fortieth time that day that he wasn’t there.
“Okay, everybody,” Michael announced, when the laughter eventually died down, “meeting in the conference room in fifteen minutes.” When nobody seemed to acknowledge him, as usual, he nodded, as if they had heard every word, and began to walk back into his office.
“Hey, Michael?” Pam inquired. This wasn’t going to go well, but she needed to know. “Um, do you know…? I-I mean, do you have any idea… um… where’s Jim?” She had tried so hard to make it sound casual. Close, Pam, but no cigar.
A look of pity overcame Michael’s face. “Aw, you didn’t hear, did you? That’s a shame.”
Now Pam was confused. “Didn’t hear what?”
“Jim’s gone. He came by early this morning when no one was in the office. He packed up his stuff. Moved. To Stamford.”
The world seemed to come to a screeching halt. Pam felt like her heart had dropped to the floor. “W-what?” It was all she could muster.
“Yeah. I’m sorry, honey. I know you guys had a thing. But, hey, you have Roy, right? Anyway, Pam, I need to fax this stupid letter to Corporate…”
Pam wasn’t listening anymore. All the panic and fear that she had been holding back was finally coming out. Jim was… gone? She couldn’t believe it. All of a sudden, she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
Michael was still talking about some stupid topic that had absolutely no meaning. “So, I’ll fax it, okay?” Pam cut him off. After what seemed like a lifetime, he sauntered back into his office.
She had thought she could fix this. She believed there could be a way for them to work it out. To figure out what the hell it was that was going on between them. Pam just wanted to take this step with him. She just wanted Jim. But, as it turned out, she couldn’t even have that.
Author's Chapter Notes:
shorter than i expected, but just as important. =)
Chapter End Notes:
comments and reviews appreciated! ;)
