She hated Michael. She hated him more than her period coming on when she's wearing white jeans. She hated him more than a hangnail. She hated him more than she hated her job...okay well not really. Today was the Dundies, a stupid awards ceremony that Michael threw every year, guaranteed to embarrass and humiliate you in every way known to man. Pam was going to call in sick, until Roy started complaining about how many sick days she has, and he flung the comforter off the bed. So now she sat here, shoulders hunched, as Jim leaned over the counter.

"So. You ready for the...the Dundies?" he asked, his eyebrow raised.

She twitched her face and wanted to groan out but all she could muster was, "Ungh..."

Earlier she had done a talking head, and they AD asked her describe the Dundies.

"Okay...the Dundies....well, you know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you."

She stood by that statement and she was about to plead with Jim to escape with her and run for the roof when Michael came over to the desk doing the worst Fat Albert impression he could. Jim just looked at him oddly and refused to play along, knowing Michael was acting especially irritating for the benefit of the cameras.

Michael wanted Jim to show his Dundies to the film crew and Pam thanked god he didn't ask her. She had tossed all of hers in the nearest trash receptacle as soon as she got them. She dreaded this day, well she dreaded everyday here really, but the Dundies were just a bitter reminded of why her life sucked. She worked for a crazy man who believed public humiliation was fun. She worked in the most dead end job ever. What was there to be happy about?  Michael had given her a box Dundie videos to watch, he wanted a highlight video. Pam refused at first but after hearing his whining she yanked the box from him and decided to just bunker down and do it.

She walked into the conference room and grabbed a cassette, shoving it into the VCR, hoping it would break and she wouldn't have to be tortured. No such luck. The image of her and Roy sitting at the table and Jim on the other side at another table, with Michael doing something obviously obnoxious in every way.

She felt the camera on her and turned, stating, "Michael has taped EVERY Dundies awards and now, he's making me look through hours of footage to find highlights. I hear they use this to get prisoners of war to talk..."

She frowned at the gross display of it all and she turned to look at Jim for support, and thank goodness he was turned and looking at her. He obviously was distracted by the stupid video and Pam made a strangling gesture, representing what she wanted to do to Michael.  Jim looked genuinely sorry for her.

She took a short break to go to the ladies' bathroom and she sat in the stall for a moment, fully clothes, wondering if she could dig her way out from in here. Sometimes she wondered if working here was so bad but hen Michael would do something irrational and wrong and she was even more convinced this place needed to be downsized. Michael....Michael...Michael.  She hated that she was in the bathroom thinking about how much she hated Michael. Pam looked down at her handbag and smirked.

Later after she emerged and walked into the break room for tea, Phyllis came out of the bathroom.

"Oh my god, did you read the stall in there?"

Pam shook her head. Phyllis giggled. "Oh my, someone wrote something about Michael!"

Kelly walked in and over heard and they all laughed heartily as Phyllis quoted the message. Dwight popped up, glaring at them demanding to know what they were chattering about. Pam just snarked back at him and skipped back to the conference room, to continue her torture.

She glanced over at Jim who gave her a thumbs up and popped in the next video. 

Michael was on. " The Dundie award for "Longest Engagement" goes to Pam Beesley."

She frowned as she watched Roy laugh and stand to accept the award. She had the same look on her face she had now, hurt and distain. She saw Jim had that face in the video as well. It was embarrassing and Michael felt the need to rub it in her face that Roy refused to set the date. And that is why she hated today, that is why she hated the Dundies.

She looked down at her wedding band and feels the need to rip it off as Roy plays along with Michael on the video. She didn't see Jim look at her, seeing how hurt she was.

She shut down the VCR and walked to her desk to take messages, when Dwight announced he was taking away the women's bathroom. Michael began fussing at Dwight and the soft ding on her computer alerted her that Jim sent her an email.

Guess you'll have to pee standing up.

She snorted and replied back.

The hell I will, I'm going in Dwight's coffee cup.

She looked over to see Jim grimace and she gave laughed quietly.  The phone began to ring and her brief moment of happiness fled. "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam."

The ding from the computer alerted her to a new message.

Are you still coming tonight? I know sometimes Michael is overbearing but maybe tonight will be your lucky night. =-)

Pam gave cocked her eye at Jim and typed back a response.

What makes you think I don't get lucky every night? ;) I do have a fiancé ya know. Michael always embarrasses me with that dumb award. Maybe I won't go and that will show him. Roy doesn't want to anyway. Phyllis can accept my award on my behalf.

She looked up to watch Jim read her response and instead of laughing at her crudeness, he looked a bit hurt by it. She wondered why but had no time to dwell on it, as he replied back.

No, you should go. Me thinks you might be pleasantly surprised this year.

Pam gave him a skeptical glance before turning back to her ringing phone. Maybe she should go. What could it hurt? Free dinner, a couple of drinks, and some fun with co-workers outside the confines of the Office?

Roy had complained the whole way in the car. He didn't want to go, it was obvious to her. His whining was giving her a headache and normally she would give in and they would drive home and park in front of the television. But tonight for some reason she was adamant about going, despite Roy's protests. She sat bunched between Darryl and Roy, and she noticed how incredibly small she felt. The only time he acknowledged she was even in the car was to whine, the rest of the time was spent discussing sports and crass jokes with Darryl.

She never hopped out of a truck so fast when they pulled into the Chili's parking lot. One more discussion of foul or illegal play would make her scream. Inside Angela, Oscar, Stanley and his wife sat at various tables. She scanned the room and her eyes twinkled when she say Jim gesturing animatedly with Ryan. The camera men were there too of course.

"Okay so my acceptance speech this year included all the little people that made this happen," she joked as she approached Jim. He turned to her, his smile a million megawatts.

"You made it! You can sit with us, we just ordered an awesome blossom-"

"Roy and Darryl are here." She replied, shifting her weight. She didn't know why that came out like she was unhappy with it. Of course she would sit with her fiancé.

Jim just nodded and she turned to see Roy and Darryl settle in a seat.

Michael was in rare form, a rap rendition and some embarrassing and slightly offensive impressions, Pam looked over to see Darryl suggest they leave. Roy agreed, and gathered his jacket and before Pam could say anything, they were heading towards the door. She gave Michael a pitiful look, and she didn't even want to look at Jim, who she could feel staring at her. She apologized and walked out after Roy, anger stirring her in.

Normally she would get in the truck. But not tonight. She didn't want to leave. She actually wanted to stay. What would happen if she went to Poor Richard's? They would drink and ignore her; they would laugh at inside jokes not privy to her. They would act as if she isn't there at all.

No she wanted to stay. She jogged up and grabbed Roy.

"I'm not going. I'm staying."

"What? Why? Get in the truck Pam."

"No I don't want to! Just because you want to leave doesn't mean I want to. All you'll do is get drunk and talk to Darryl and I'll have to drive you back home!"

Roy frowned and Darryl stood at the door. Pam didn't even see the cameras.

"What are you talking about?"

The anger lifted into her throat. "Because that's what happens every time!"

He shifted his weight, his face red. " What are you talking about? He's a jackass every year."

Pam shook her head. And Roy went to grab her arm.

"Come on, we're going to Poor Richard's."

She yanked it from him, resentment evident in her voice. "No, I don't want to go, I don't want to."

"Pam," he muttered as she successfully pulled away and got some distance between them. "Fine... Go. "

She stalked back towards the restaurant, livid. "If you would have asked me that, then you would know."

Roy was such a bastard sometimes. He was so selfish and so brutish. He didn't even ask if she wanted to leave, he never asks. And she realized at that moment, he never asked because she would always just go. Sure she might be moody but she would always follow. And tonight she didn't. She spoke up. She refused. Oh god...he would be angry when she got home. He'd probably not even come home, just stay at Darryl's. In a way she wanted to take it back, she wanted to run back out and apologize because she hated him being upset with her. But she pushed open the doors and walked over to sit near Jim.  

He looked surprised. "Hey! How are ya? I thought you left?"

She took off her jacket and slid in her seat. "Oh no, I just, I decided to stay."

She refused to meet his eyes; instead she just nodded her head as did he. "I'll just get a ride home from Angela."

"Oh." He said, turning to look at Angela over his shoulder.

She knew he could see the tension in her and she didn't want to answer any of his questions. Jim had a way of making her relationship with Roy feel so wrong and she just wasn't into that right now. She saw his beer and slid it over to her, watching Jim give her a look. But as it slid down her throat, she didn't care, she needed more.

She drank and drank, and found Michael funnier when she was plastered. She clapped and whistled, and she refused to acknowledge Jim's watchful eye. She had summoned the waitress for the second....no third time for a drink and the glasses sat in front of her like a fort. A fort blocking Jim's concerned glances.

He looked at her amused as she sucked harder on the straw.

"I think those might be empty."

She shook her head and laughed. "No, no. 'Cause the ice melts and then it's like second drink!"

"Second drink? " Jim parroted and then he laughed too. She needed to hear him laugh, because when Jim laughed, she could escape.

She probably already had her limit before she asked Stanley's wife was she going to finish that, but she wanted to get so plastered, any confrontation later would be a blur. She wanted to stumble in the house, past Roy if he was there and into bed. She clapped at the rest of the recipients, when things started to intensify in here. She could have the atmosphere intense here also; she had enough of that when she got home.

Jim just kept staring at her, and Pam knew she was blushing.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

 Before she could say anything, Michael called her name. "And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesley..."

Pam gulped hard and felt her face heat up. She forgot about the total embarrassment of her Dundie.

"It is the "Whitest Sneakers" award!"

Are you serious? YES! Pam couldn't shut her open jaw and pounced out her seat towards Michael. She was so happy, finally, something that didn't make her want to crawl under a rock and die. She grabbed her Dundie and the microphone and words began to spill out like a damn breaking.

"I have so many people to thank for this award..."

Jim was laughing and Pam had the giggle fits as she continued. "Okay, first off, my Keds. Because I couldn't have done it without them. Thank you. Let's give Michael a round of applause for MC-ing tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks. And also because of Dwight too...Um, so, finally, I want to thank God..." Thank God, I am sloshed.  "Because God gave me this Dundie. And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. WHOOOOOOOO!!!! "

She pumped her award in the air and hugged Michael and then jogged back over to Jim who looked a bit amused at the whole scene. He pulled out her chair, ever the gentleman and without warning or even a second thought she hugged him. And he felt so warm as he enveloped her so safe, that when he pulled back she planted her lips on his. She swore for a minute he was surprised and stiff, but he melted as she pulled away and she was so giggly she didn't even care she had kissed Jim in front of the office and Chili's patrons.

She remembered sitting at the bar falling out of her chair as she stared at the profile of Jim's face while he gave a talking head. He looked so handsome, so young, and full of promise.  Roy was more round with dimples, and though she loved dimples, Jim had a smile that could light up a room. He was the anti-Roy. Tall and slender contrast to thick and stocky. He wouldn't have made her leave like Roy, either.  

She collapsed in a heap on the floor and just laughed, she was drunk and that was food. Jim was concerned and amused as he asked if she was okay and then Dwight tried to assault her and give her a peep show. Jim eventually lifted her off the ground and waved off the waitress, and as they exited Pam gave another "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She spotted the camera and thrusted her Dundie at it.

"This is the best DUNDIES, EVER!"

She stumbled and Jim was right there, holding her steady. She didn't hear the Manager say she wasn't allowed back in, she didn't care. She found herself sitting next to Jim, him talking gently to her to keep her awake and she could help but feel something. A flutter. For Jim? Her best friend. For a minute she could understand what that meant, she had felt it a few times before with him, but at this moment, it wasn't about Roy, it was about Jim.  She confessed she wrote the stuff about Michael in the bathroom to Jim. And as they waited for Angela, Pam really looked and him, looked at him good.

He walked her to Angela's passenger door, and she wanted to say something to him, as him could she go home with him instead, tired of fighting and being ignored. She knew it was impractical to run away with Jim, but she wanted to so badly and...and....

She looked and saw the cameras and frowned. No...she'd go home. And pass out, and hope Roy would forget what happened tonight. Because she wanted to forget. She wanted to forget she kissed Jim...and she liked it.