She got in that morning and shook the cold off. She liked it when no one was in the office yet. She could just take her time, and go into the kitchen and fix that cup of specialty hot cocoa Roy didn't know she had bought. He wouldn't have liked how expensive it was. He would probably say "Pammy, Swiss Miss is just as good. You know we're supposed to be saving money for the house." Funny how that worked only when she splurged on something. It made her mad to recall a pair of wave runners sitting up at the lake.

She sipped her hot cocoa slowly, letting the smooth aroma hit her nose and warm her face. She had so much shopping to do. She had already got Roy's gift, he had wanted some Playstation games so he and Darryl could compete. She saved up most of the year and went ahead and got him the new Playstation and the games he wanted. She knew he would freak when he saw that.

People begin to filter in as the sun crept in, and Pam pulled out a stack of Christmas cards Michael wanted her to send. Jim walked in and suddenly Pam wondered if the room got brighter. He flashed her a smile before shrugging out of his snow dusted coat and slumping down in his chair.

She wondered how his family did things during the holidays. Did Jim and his brother played Playstation all day and watched football, like Roy and his family? If after, they grabbed beers while the women folk go and clean up the remnants of a good feast. No, the Halperts probably laughed and the sons probably told the mom to sit down while they washed the dishes, after all, she did cook. They would have probably gotten presents the whole family could play with, like board games, and watch "It's a Wonderful Life" or "A Christmas Story" on cable together, with commentary of course.

She heard the ding on her computer.

Merry Christmas Beesley. The earrings are a nice touch.

Pam felt herself blushing at the fact he noticed the earrings in just one glance, but then again, Jim always did things like that. Notice the little things about her. She smiled and replied back.

Thanks for the compliment. And you can borrow them anytime you want.

Merry Christmas to you too Jim. ;)

Jim snorted as he read her message and Pam beamed over at him. Despite the awkwardness at his house during his BBQ, they still maintained a connection that neither wanted to sever. Even though Pam though maybe she should have. She could almost feel the pull he had on her, and when she was standing by the couch and he was suddenly next to her, her mind had flashed to an image of him ravishing her right there. Part of her had been thankful Roy called to stop it, but to be honest part of her hated him for calling.

Michael burst through the door, carrying in a Christmas tree, shouting demands at Dwight who was pulling up the rear.

"Go, in the door...I can't get through. Push!"

The clumsily lunged the tree forward and Pam just stared at their complete lack of effective maneuvering. Jim swiveled around in his chair to watch it himself.

"No, no, no! Turn it around. Turn it around, you're breaking-"  Michael shouted and Dwight struggled to listen. Finally they got the tree through the door and Pam had already noted it was a huge tree.

"Here we go."  Michael said gingerly. "Don't break the branches, Dwight."

Dwight was red and flustered. "Ah, I got a splinter."

"Well, suck it up," Michael snapped at him, "We all have problems. Hey everybody. Look what we have! Nice, huh? "

They hoisted the large tree up and it pushed through the ceiling tiles, and Pam simply shook her head and continued stuffing the Christmas cards. Leave it to Michael to get a 12 ft tree in a 10 foot high space. Michael badgered Kevin to find a way to "shrink" the tree, claiming he had to go into his office and request that Dunder Mifflin lift the ceilings to avoid situations like this.  Of course he glanced at the camera and said "Happy Kwanzaa!" as Paul the camera guy shook his head.

Kevin went to hacking at the top of tree with the paper cutter, and after 15 minutes, cut off the top portion of the tree.  

Despite Michael's stupidity the smell of the pine tree made her smile. She wanted a real one at home, but Roy had gotten an artificial one from his sister and insisted on putting up. It just wasn't the same.

"Did it work?" Michael asked as Kevin caught his breath from actively sawing.

"Well, sort of. Why did you get it so big?" Kevin replied as he held up the top if it to Michael.

A cackle came from Michael's lips. "'A', that's what she said. And 'B', I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year."

"But what are we going to do with this hacked off part?"

"Well, that is a perfectly good mini tree Kevin. And we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about." Michael replied and Kevin just gave a small confused smile.

"Look at that mess," Michael smiled; glancing over at Kevin in hopes he would clean that up as well.

Kevin caught the hint and gave Michael the mini tree. "I-I still have accounts to look over."

Pam was about to reply to Jim when the AD leaned over and whispered in his ear. She notices the AD kind of seemed to have a crush on Jim, she was always asking him to do a talking head and she did it in the most seductive ways, like whispering in his ear when she could simply just ask aloud like she does everyone else. Pam frowned. Why was she getting so jealous of the AD? The woman was just doing her job! She may be a bit too friendly but she was just doing her job. Pam watched as Jim nodded and grabbed a gift bag from under his desk. She figured he was going to do a talking head about his Secret Santa choice. 

Angela emailed her a reminder for the Christmas Party Committee, reminding Pam that despite the festive attitude, if the party isn't done right, it might depress people and holidays are known to bring about suicide. Pam moaned and grabbed pad and made her way into the conference room.

Angela sat there, her lips in a thin line, glaring at Phyllis. Phyllis doodled on her pad and Ryan sat there, with his patented confused look on his face.

The meeting began and Angela immediately shot down the idea of green and red steamers. "I already told you how I feel about the color green, Pam."

Phyllis frowned. "The tree is green. Is the tree whorish too?"

Pam let out a snicker but stopped when Angela narrowed her eyes.

"Is there anything we're missing? Phyllis, you got the lights?"

Phyllis smiled. "Yes, I got those cute little ones..." she noted Angela balked at her. "Do you think I should have gotten the big ones?"

Angela frowned. "We'll see."

"I think they will be okay." Pam said defiantly.

She felt Angela's death stare on her and she didn't care. Angela was the grinch that stole Christmas, except with less green hair and bigger boobs.

Michael stumbled in to the dismay of everyone as the meeting was wrapping up.

"Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho!" He chuckled, pointing to a horrified Pam, Phyllis, and Angela. He pointed at a terrified Ryan. "Pimp! I'm kidding. What do we got? What do we got? How many plates are we getting?"

"Fifty."  

"Ooh, double it. Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me." He replied, pulling out more money.

Pam could feel the anger seething off of Angela.  He had messed up her iron clad plan for the communist style Christmas Party she was planning. BWHA!

Michael started ranting about how great he wanted this party to be. How memorable he wanted to make it. Pam thought briefly, how exciting can a party be with 10 people who just wanted to get out of their and go home, really? 

Michael continued. "I want, I want people hanging from the ceilings, lampshades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to know, and spread the word, that I will have my digital camera. And I will be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter. Incentive."

"You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party." Pam replied.

This caused Michael to shake his head. "Yeah, I know. Dammit. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody."

Pam glanced confused at the camera. Phyllis and Ryan went out to decorate the tree and Pam stayed to help Angela decorate the conference room. Well watch her decorate it at least. Pam knew any of her ideas would be shot down by Angela, so why even bother?

Angela was spreading out the plastic table cloth and glared over at Pam. "Will you help me?"

Pam nodded her head but stood still. "Sure, you need to spread it a little over to the left. I see a corner of the table."

Angela huffed and Pam held in her giggle fit. This was fun. After setting it up they walked back to their desk and Pam stuffed the last of her cards.

Dwight was clad in an elf hat and ears and looked ridiculous. Like always. "Gather 'round. Secret Santa, let's go. Let's go. Come on."

Pam walked over to sit down as Dwight argued that Stanley was not qualified to plug in the cord for the Christmas tree lights. Hurry up fellows let's get this over with.

Michael had taken out his digital camera that Pam had to show him how to use this summer. He began snapping pictures wildly. "All right, let's count it down. Like Rockefeller Center. Ready?"

Everyone counted down. "Three, two, one. Yeah!"

Tiny little specks of dim light were barely seen, but for the most part, the room was still dark. Everyone was quiet. Poor Phyllis and her dollar store lights. Pam could see, even in the dark, Angela was pissed.

"Sorry, everybody." Phyllis mumbled, ashamed.

Pam reached over and patted her to comfort her. "I think the tree looks nice."

Dwight walked up to Michael. "Hey, I could get some flares from my car."

Michael just shook his head. "No, no. Shake it off, everybody. Just, let's do Secret Santa."

Oscar opened his first present and got a shower radio from Kelly. He would have thanked Kelly properly if Dwight wasn't such a Christmas Nazi. Dwight tossed a plastic grocery bag at Jim and Jim flashed Pam a look of shock and confusion. Who would give a present in such a cheap package? Jim looked inside and smirked.

"Ah, cool."

He pulled out an old smelly flannel shirt and Pam snorted loudly.

"That's from me." Creed said proudly.

Of course Creed. Who else? He probably only remembered about the Secret Santa thing minutes before he came to work and probably pulled it out his closet, or paid a homeless guy for it.

Jim feigned thankfulness. "Great. Where'd you get it?"

Creed just shrugged. "I don't know, it was so long ago."

Jim bit his lip and nodded; knowing Pam would mock him later. She had to, it was too easy.

"Pam." Dwight stated, passing over her gift.

She began to open it, peeking up to see Jim smile. Of course he would be her Secret Santa. As if the gods favored it. In a way, she felt like Jim had given her so much already. Friendship, conversation, and a sounding board. What else could he possibly...?

"Oh, my God!" she exclaimed, reaching in to pick up the small green teapot inside. She had told Jim her first year here how she loved tea because her grandmother used to make it on Saturdays and they would have tea parties on the lawn. She always wanted a little porcelain teapot to have at her desk.

It was not only for the tea but to remind her of her Nana. "Thank you very much, Santa. Whoever you are. It's awesome."

She winked at Jim and Jim smiled back.

"There's a little more to it-" he started to say but Dwight interrupted.

"All right, next. Ryan."

Ryan opened the box and Pam stared wide eyed as he pulled it out of the wrapper. Ryan smiled. "Whoa. A video iPod."

"Ho ho, wow, geez. Somebody really got carried away with the spirit of Christmas. It was me. I got carried away with the spirit." Michael boasted.

Pam marveled at it, she had asked Roy in so many ways to get her one for Christmas, and she hoped he would. Well she had originally asked for her birthday, but that didn't materialize, so hopefully Christmas would be more successful.

Michael was so stupid about his present, he got offended when Phyllis made him an oven mitt as a gift. He stomped out the room and every one stared for a second. Pam could hear Phyllis sob softly. Michael was such a bastard sometimes.

She leaned over as Ryan looked at his iPod. "It's supposed to hold up to 500 songs I think, and it's easy to download videos."

"Wow, this is so much better than the one I already have."

"You already have one?" Pam asked, and Ryan nodded, staring at the screen.

Everyone else was quiet because Dwight had refused to continue without Michael. So because he was being a baby about it, they all had to suffer. Jim whispered at her.

"Pam."

She looked up smiling. "I love my teapot."

He smiled back. "Great. Look there's-"

"I got it! We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap!" Michael came back in, and Pam looked away from Jim.

"What is, Yankee Swap?" Jim asked, annoyed.

"One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal someone else's gift or choose a new gift." Michael said happily.

Everyone was confused and Michael continued pushing it as a good idea. "Okay, Meredith is up first. Here's the deal. You can either pick a new gift, OR, you can steal somebody else's gift they've already gotten. Like the oven mitt."

Meredith frowned and surveyed her choices. "I'll take the teapot."

"Oh, shouldn't we...I bought that specifically for Pam." Jim replied, frustrated. Pam saw the look on his face and he looked upset. She understood. He slumped back in his chair.

Michael snickered. "Yankee Swap. That's what makes it fun. Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now."

She shook her head and looked over to Ryan. "I'll take the iPod."

"And I have to give it to her? I don't have a choice?" Ryan said sadly.

"Yes, now you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt, the shower radio or pick a new gift." Dwight instructed.

Pam ignored the rest of the game and examined her new iPod. This was cool and now she didn't have to make a fuss about Roy giving her one, or be disappointed even if he still didn't on Christmas day. She didn't see Jim look heartbroken.

She didn't get to marvel at it long before Oscar grabbed it and then someone else. She took the foot bath and saw Kevin grimace slightly. At least she could get a relaxing footbath out of today. She noticed Jim was quiet and sullen, hardly even participating. Wonder what...

"I want the footbath." Kevin interrupted her thoughts. Pam frowned and handed it over to him.

"Pam, steal something or pick the final gift." Dwight instructed.

Without thought Pam exclaimed. "I want the iPod."

"Dammit." Kelly muttered as she handed it over.

"Sure you don't want the teapot?" Jim said as she went back to her seat.

Pam saw his face and she felt like a horrible person. He remembered about her Nana's teapot, but it was an iPod, and she just knew Roy would forget. "I mean, it's an iPod."

Jim nodded, hurt. "Right."

"Sorry."

"No, no, definitely." He grumbled.

"I want the teapot." Dwight replied, yanking it from Oscar.

Jim furiously shook his head. "You gotta be kidding me."

The swap dissolved after Michael made Phyllis cry and pissed off everyone after announcing he got a bonus for firing Devon. Pam went back to her desk to reprogram the iPod and she saw Jim stare at her for a second before bowing his head. Dwight walked past her with the teapot and went to the kitchen and Pam felt her heart drop. Her hand clutched the iPod but it just felt...it just felt... Oh shut up Pam, it's an iPod!

She didn't see Jim get up and follow Dwight.

The warehouse guys came up to join the Christmas party and Roy walked up. She showed him the iPod she got.

"This is awesome." He smiled.

"I know, it's totally going to change the way I workout."

"Yeah, and I was going to get you one of these for Christmas. Now I don't have to. I'm gonna save a ton of money." He stated simply.

"So what are you going to get me instead?"

Roy bit his lip. "I don't know. Probably like a sweater or something."

Her heart sank. How can the man she's engaged to just buy her a sweater? It was that easy for him, to just go and grab her something for something's sake, without thought or meaning.

He was her fiancé for goodness sakes! Hell if Jim could get her a sentimental gift like her Nana's teapot, why the hell couldn't her fiancé'?! 

Michael waltzed in carrying a box of clinking bottles. He shushed Toby who tried to remind him drinking was not appropriate. Leave it Michel to ply them with liquor in order to make himself more tolerable to them.

"Who wants a drink?"

Meredith jumped up. "Me, please."

The party was starting to pick up pace and Pam sat in the kitchen, listening to Roy argue with Darryl about their Playstation game tournament.

"I got, I lost Culpepper at TO, it was over, man."

"Oh yeah, I need McNabb and Deon Branch to have big games or else I'm done."

"It's possible. I can't believe you traded Sean Alexander, man."

She sighed and briefly wondered if she could return his Playstation gift back to the store, and get herself an iPod. Maybe she should get him a sweater or something, show him how it feels. As he yammered away with Darryl over stuff Pam had no idea about, she glanced out the window to the office. She was Dwight pulling a sticker off the teapot...her teapot. Her heart felt heavier than it did before, and she swallowed audibly. Jim got her that teapot. Jim remembered her Nana, Jim remembered she liked tea, Jim remembered the little things about her.

She walked out; Roy never stopped his rant with Darryl or acknowledged her leaving the room.

"Dwight."

Dwight looked up at her, frowning. "What?"

"Can I trade my iPod for that teapot?"

"Why would you want to do that?" Dwight looked confused.

"Because I'm getting one for Christmas. It's not practical to have two. And you could probably use it to download sound bits from Lord of the Rings. You know, there are Harry Potter sites with Pod casts on them."

Dwight perked up. "Yeah?"

She nodded. "They might have clues to book 7!"

Dwight looked elated and handed over the teapot and the box. Pam smiled at herself and took her teapot to her desk. She smiled at it and just looked at it, happy with her decision.

"You know, you don't have to answer calls during a party." Jim leaned over her counter, smiling. "Just thought you should know."

Pam laughed. "No, I was just, um, checking out my present."

She sat the teapot on the counter and watched Jim's face light up.

"But-" he sputtered.

"I traded with Dwight. Um, just- I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and that means a lot. And also Roy got me an iPod or, uh, was going to get me an iPod, so..." she lied. She had no idea what Roy would do for her anymore.

Jim smiled. "Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. Look inside."

She stood up and opened the lid, looking in to see a small picture of a young boy. "Oh my God! The yearbook picture! Oh, my God. This is incredible!"

Jim just smiled at her as she looked through the teapot. "Is this the Boggle timer?"

Jim nodded. "I didn't think you were going to get that one. I really didn't know."

She smiled up at him. "Best gift ever."

"Thanks." He beamed back.

She watched as he seemed to stroll back towards the party a little bit happier. And in her mind...no her heart, she made the right decision. The party got a bit more loose and rowdy once everyone got drunk. Pam laughed heartily as Jim sprayed silly string on a passed out Todd Packer.

Kelly kissed Dwight and Angela was probably somewhere plotting murder. Michael suggested they take the party elsewhere and Pam packed away her teapot and smiled as she watched Jim help move a drunken Todd Packer. When Packer was able to stumble out himself, Jim walked out with Pam.

"It's snowing." He said simply. His voice sounded child-like.

"It's been snowing since last week, doofus." She chuckled.

"I know. I just love snow."

She nodded as they went out to the car. "Me too."

A snowball was hurled at Jim by Roy. He laughed it off, and threw one back. Pam just smiled but her heart felt ripped in two.

She sniffed as the cold air hit her face and watched Jim and Roy snowball fight. She had to figure out what was going on in her head and her heart.

Soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I have an idea."

Pam looked up at Jim's eyes flicker with anticipation and excitement. This was going to be good. She almost fell out of her chair when he clued her in on it. Best. Prank. ever. Better than the Jell-O molds. Better than moving his desk to the bathroom. Better than having everyone call him Dwayne.

"You are a master Halpert."

He wagged an eyebrow. "That's what she said. See you in the break room in 10 minutes. "

Pam couldn't wait. Ten minutes seemed to tick on forever and she finally jumped up from her chair and bounced towards the break room.

Dwight was red and furious, pointing at Jim. Jim just munched on his chips and stared blankly at Dwight.

She could do this. She could not laugh at the hilarity of it all. She sucked in a breath and squeezed through the two men to see the vending machine. "Oh, sorry. What do I want? What do I want? Ooh, it's a pencil cup."

Jim had put all his personal stuff in the vending machine. Even his wallet. "Oh, no, no, no, no. That's my pencil cup." Dwight ranted.

Pam frowned. "Um, I don't think so, I just bought it."

"Uh, I think so, and you're going to hand it over to me."

"I love these!" she exclaimed and winked at Jim, clutching the pencil cup in her hand.

Dwight frowned. "Okay, fine. Where's my wallet?"

Jim was pointing to the vending machine. "Um, oh, there it is. J1."

He was pleased with himself, she could tell. He had outdone himself in everyway.

"I don't have any-" Dwight groaned, patting himself down.

"Here you know what, you can have some nickels." Jim replied, handing him the bag of nickels that were instrumental in Dwight smacking himself in the head with his own phone once.

Pam wanted to fall down and die laughing. Dwight began to make his purchases and Pam walked back to her desk, clutching her sides.

Jim peered at her curiously. "What?"

"You have an evil mind, and that's a glorious thing." She replied.

She realized they were staring at each other a bit too long and looked away.

"Hey, um...Michael's memo? What's that about?" Jim asked.

The AD then came over, whispering in Jim's ear of course. He smiled at an irritated Pam.

"She wants us to do a talking head."

"Together?" Pam asked, confused.

"I don't have cooties, ya know." Jim frowned.

Pam slapped his arm and they went to do the talking head together.

Pam cleared her throat. "Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo."  

Jim picked up the memo and read. "It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event. So pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush. Rubber-soled shoes... and a ski mask."

Pam frowned. "A ski mask AND a swimsuit?"

Jim rolled his eyes in fake annoyance. "So that he can have us rob a bank, and then escape through the sewers."

She laughed heartily. "And brush our teeth."

"Bank robbers care about their dental hygiene Pam."

Pam was on the way back to her desk but Michael called everyone to the conference room. Oh great. She trudged in there and frowned appropriately when Michael disclosed they were going on a lake cruise in the middle of winter. He wore a stupid captain's hat and Pam had to suppress the hope he would fall overboard...because that wasn't nice.

"Leader...ship. The word ship is hidden inside the word leadership. As its derivation."

"So, if this office is in fact a ship, as its leader...I am the captain. But...We're all in the same boat. Teamwork."

"Now, on this ship that is the office, what is the sales department?  Anyone?"

"How about, the sales department is the sails?" Darryl replied, and Roy nodded in agreement.

"Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good." Michael replied stupidly.

Pam rolled her eyes. She swore one day they would roll right out of her head and down the steps.

"Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace." Michael continued.

Phyllis frowned. "A furnace?"

"Yeah."

Pam watched as Jim bit his lip. "Yeesh, how old is this ship?"

"How about the anchor?" She threw out herself. Let's see if we can confuse Michael, a game she and Jim played often.

"What does the furnace do?" Phyllis asked.

Michael was getting anxious. "All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. This just- It's the sales- I see the sales department are down there, they're in the engine room and they are shoveling coal into the furnace, right? I mean who saw the movie ‘Titanic'? They were very important in the movie ‘Titanic'. Who saw it? Show of hands?"

Jim shook his head. She knew he was playing the game too. "Not really sure what movie you're talking about. You sure you got the title right?"

"I think you're thinking of ‘The Hunt for Red October'." Pam replied, trying not to give herself away.

"Michael, everyone in the engine room drowned." Phyllis replied sadly.

Pam bit her tongue so hard as not to laugh, she tasted blood.

"No, thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty. And they're singing their ethnic songs. And- actually, that might be warehouse. "

"What?" Darryl said offended.

Michael started stuttering, and Brenda from corporate (the uptight wench Pam had caught looking at Jim) started to write something much to Michael's dismay.

"No I didn't...okay, well, the- Okay, in a nutshell what I'm saying is leadership. We'll get, we'll talk more about that on the boat. Ship." Michael stated simply.

Pam blanked out after that and as they boarded the elevator to leave, Jim  glanced over at her and made his trademark face. She snorted but Roy was right beside her, frowning.

She climbed into the truck and Darryl climbed in after her. She was stuck in the middle. Symbolism is a bitch.

"Okay, babe, if this thing gets stupid, Darryl and I want to bail, okay?"

Pam scrunched her face in confusion. "We're going to be on a boat. In the middle of the lake. What are you gonna do? Swim away?"

Roy frowned. "Damn, I didn't think of that."

They pulled in and Pam watched as Jim helped Katy out of his car. Did he really have to bring her? Oh Pam, get over it!

They board the ship and Pam sat with Roy while Darryl circled to talk to Lonny.

Captain Jack, the ship's captain grabbed the mic. "Okay, all right. Welcome aboard. I am your captain, Captain Jack."

Michael popped up out of no where and in totally "embarrass the workers of Dunder Mifflin fashion", yelled out, "And I am Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin, Michael Scott. Welcome, welcome."

Captain Jack rolled his eyes. "Okay, so, um... The, uh, life preservers. They are located underneath the seats all along the perimeter of the boat."

"But don't worry, you are not going to be needing life preservers tonight." Michael interjected.

Before long they were bickering back and forth in front of everyone on who was the captain. Pam looked up to see Jim and Katy.

"Hey, do you mind if we share a booth?" Katy squeaked.

She glanced at Jim, who had his head down slightly, avoiding her eyes.

"Uh, sure."

Katy slipped in happily and Jim took the end seat across from Pam. "You guys, it's like we're in high school and we're at the cool table. Right?"

"Right!" Roy burst out laughing in agreement. All Pam could do was clench her jaw. IS this bitch serious?

Katy wrapped her tentacles- stop it Pam...arm around Jim's and Pam wanted vomit. "Pam, were you a cheerleader?"

All she could do was shake her head.

"No, she was total little Miss Artsy Fartsy in high school. She wore the turtleneck and everything." Roy ribbed her and Pam shot him a look. At least I showered everyday.

Katy laughed. "That's hilarious."

Pam felt like jumping out the window and drowning herself. Her fiancé was making fun of her and she was fighting the urge to hop over the table and rip Katy's arm from Jim's and beat her with it.

Jim muttered bitterly. "It's not hilarious, but..."

"Where'd you go to school?" Roy asked, and Pam swore to god if he was flirting she would kill him. Wow, hypocrite much?

"Bishop O'Hara." Katy squeaked.

"Piss slop who cares-a? We played you. You, you really look familiar. Did you, uh, you cheered for them, didn't you?"

Jim shook his head. "Mmm, no."

Katy  gave Jima look and smiled. "Yes, I did."

Pam felt bile push up her throat as Katy began clapping and cheerleading. "A-W-E! S-O-M-E, awesome, awesome is what we are we're the football superstars!"

Pam licked her lip and looked deadpanned at Jim who had the look of pure exasperation on his face. She bobbed her head and he smirked at her. You're dating a whorey hyper cheerleader who can't call you extension directly and drives a stupidly cute car, Halpert. And I hate her because she's wrapped around you like a candy wrapper and I have a fiancé but I want you.

Roy and Katy began chatting about football stories and ignoring Pam and Jim. She stared at him a few minutes more before excusing herself to get a beer. She needed one because she swore to god while Roy was chatting with Katy, her and Jim had some sort of eye sex.

What am I doing? What am I doing?!

Michael began flopping on the floor like a fish dancing and everyone was in shock and horror over the scene. Darryl had stumbled over there and next thing Pam knew, Katy and Darryl were egging Roy on to do Snorkel shots.

Pam scoffed and walked over to Roy. She wanted to go out on the deck and enjoy the scenery. Maybe Roy could hold her and keep her warm.

"Woo! Who's next? Come on, Pammy, come on, come on!" Roy called ht her.

Pam shook her head. "I'm not doing that."

"Come on!"

"Hey, why don't we find like, a quieter place to hang out?" Pam replied, hoping he would take the hint.

Roy shook his head. "You know what, I've just gotta wait for Darryl to do his shot. Just a minute. Come on, Darryl, Darryl!"

Pam rolled her eyes. Darryl, always fucking Darryl. They might as well be engaged. Roy would walk to the ends of the earth for Darryl to play a game of Madden.

Jim stood beside her. "Hey, want to go somewhere quiet and without the stench of tequila?"

Pam nodded and grabbed her coat. They walked out on the deck, and admired the skyline.

"It's getting kind of rowdy down there." Pam replied, watching her breath mist in the air.

"Yeah. ‘Darryl, Darryl, Darryl!'" Jim mocked the scene inside.

Pam chuckled and leaned back against the railing.

"Sometimes, I just don't get Roy." She blurted out. She didn't get him. How he could be inside chanting over tequila shots with Darryl instead of being out here with her....like Jim. "I mean, I don't know."

Jim gave her a small comforting smile. She knew he kind of didn't like Roy, or well the way he treated her. That was mostly her fault, she would go to him complaining about all the things Roy didn't do. And him being a friend, such a good friend...of course he hated it.

"So. What's it like dating a cheerleader?" She teased. Because it's hell for me to watch you do it, she thought.

Jim laughed and Pam gave a chuckle. He bit his lip and said "Um..."

Then suddenly, like electric, he smiled at her and she back at him. But his eyes locked with hers, most forcefully than it did inside, this look was piercing, was demanding and in an instant Pam saw it. She saw what she was refusing to see, scared to see, trying to not see because hells he felt it too. As their breath floated in the air, eyes locked, she swore she couldn't even blink because he wouldn't let her. She wanted to, she had to because this was wrong. She was engaged...to...to...damn what is his name?

My god, his name is Roy! 10 years Pam! 10 years you loved him and you're standing here, begging with everything in you for this tall lanky paper salesman to just say what he feels and hold you and never let go!  Then what? You walk back inside and break up with Roy? Ruin him? Break his heart? Only hussies do that Pam! Only hussies do what you have done for 2 years, fantasize about this man, wish it was him instead of Roy holding you, wish you could get in a red Corolla instead of a truck when going home...stop...no...no...no! Do it, Jim. I'm too cowardly to do it. Do it before I get scared, and walk away...please...please.

Her heart had stopped beating for 27 seconds and she didn't know it. Jim's eyes were so powerful and soulful. They held her soul, but she couldn't give it to him, no matter how much she wanted to. Because she had promised it to someone else.

"I'm cold." She finally choked out and walked away briskly, leaving behind part of herself, she could never get back. She cursed herself for being such a coward at that moment, but she obligations, she made promises. She loved Roy. Right?

She rushed inside, reeling from the realization Jim wanted her just as much as she wanted him. No matter how wrong it was. She plopped down beside Katy and downed a drink after shrugging off her coat.

"I'd like to be engaged. How did you manage to pull that off?" Katy questioned, admiring Pam's ring.

Pam looked at the ring on her finger, the ring that was a bit too big. A ring that she didn't even know what it meant to her anymore. "Um. Uh, I've been engaged for three years, and there's no end in sight. So, you don't want to ask my advice."

Jim came towards her and Katy, and Pam felt a pain, a literal ache in her chest as he leaned down to say something to her.

Then she heard Roy's voice over a microphone, drunk, almost slurring. "Hey, everybody, uh, could I have your attention for just a second? Would you listen to me for a second? Um, we were up at the front and we were talking about what's really important and...Pam, um, I think enough is enough. I think we should set a date for our wedding. How about June 10th?"

Did he just...set a date? Pam's eyes widened and she could only hear her heart beat louder, not the clapping of everyone on the boat. She couldn't look at Jim, who stood their, mouth slack, tears in his eyes. She couldn't look at him. She had to focus on Roy, on her future with Roy, on her promises.

Roy smiled at her, dimples on his face. "Come on, let's do it. Come on baby! "

Katy threw her arms around Pam and smiled at the relief she felt. "Oh my god, congratulations! Congratulations. Yes!"

Maybe this was how it was supposed to be, her and Roy, Jim and Katy. And she stood up smiling at the man she had loved for 10 years and threw her arms around him, kissing him to erase whatever the hell happened on the deck of that boat, because she felt torn in two.

"Woo, Congratulations!" Someone shouted.

She didn't dare look to se Jim, heartbroken, dropping down in the booth, his face full of pain.

Michael smiled. "Come on, I don't want to take credit for this, but Roy and I were just having a conversation about making commitments and making choices, right? Did I motivate you?"

Roy shook his head. "No, it was, it was Captain Jack."

Michael frowned slightly. "Well..."

"Captain Jack!" Roy exclaimed, and held onto Pam. She smiled brightly because she had to in order to stop from crying at the complication of it all.  

"Could have been either one of us because, pretty much, we were saying the same thing. Congratulations, that is great." Michael replied.

Captain Jack shouted. "We gotta celebrate!"

"Woooo!" Pam exclaimed herself. She had waited 3 years for this, right?

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, I got an idea, I got an idea. I can marry you right now as captain of the ship, huh?"

Michael nodded. "Yes, I can marry you as Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin!"

Roy looked as if he was considering it.

Pam shook her head. "No, no, no, no, I want my mom and dad to be there."

"Then, I'll give you away!" Michael offered.

She shook her head and snuggled closer to Roy, wishing she could hide inside him until June 10th so she wouldn't have to wonder what temptation was like. "No, thank you."

They danced and she kept her eyes on Roy's face, his dimples, his hair, anything she could cling to as a reminder of why she had waited so long to be with this man. The events of the day replayed in her head, Jim's eyes on hers, her inner turmoil, and the boiling feeling in her chest as she begged him mentally to kiss her.

And her heart felt tight, it beat differently now, and she fought herself to realize she was marrying Roy. She was going to be with Roy as nature intended, because that was the way things were meant to be.