Disclaimer: I own no part of The Office or its characters. As a matter of fact I own very little at all. No infringement is intended.
Kicking for the Surface
The afternoon could not have been more bizarre. He had dreaded coming back from Chili’s. He had dreaded hearing about gowns and flowers and the debate over photographer or videographer. He had dreaded seeing Pam again, knowing that things were moving forward regardless of what he had said the night before. When the person that you love obviously loves someone else more, don’t you have to kind of give up, no matter what Michael Scott and Winston Churchill say?
But there he sat at his desk, watching the minute hand tick upwards, knowing that it was almost five o’clock and none of the things that he had dreaded had come to fruition. Jim spared a glance at the reception desk, but Pam’s head was down, her eyes focused intently on some papers she was collating. Too intently. And the women in the office, Kelly in particular, had been quiet all afternoon. Too quiet. Something was up. Something had happened, but he didn’t know what.
At three minutes to five, he heard the warehouse door slam shut, and moments later, Roy walked through the office, nodding and waving to people as he made his way to Pam’s desk.
“Hey, Babe. We’re done for the day,” he said as he approached. He tapped his knuckles against the high counter in front of his fiancée and glanced over his shoulder toward Michael’s office. “Can you go? I need to stop by the store on the way home, we’re out of beer.”
“Just give me a minute,” Pam answered without looking up from the papers.
Roy blew out a breath and turned away from the desk, his gaze traveling over the room as he surveyed what he liked to call ‘The Drones’ whiling away the last few minutes of the work day. “So, Halpert, I knew I recognized Katy from somewhere,” he said as he approached Jim’s desk.
“You mean other than the time you bought that darling little evening clutch from her?” Jim asked, swinging his legs out from under his desk as he turned and gave Roy a half-hearted smirk.
Roy laughed. “Is that some kind of purse?”
“I guess so,” Jim said with a shrug.
“I’ll have to take your word for it, you know more about those things than I would,” Roy guffawed.
“Well, when you date someone in the business…” Jim trailed off.
“Uh huh, sure,” Roy said as he gave Jim a fake punch to the shoulder.
“Wow, you’re still flying high, huh,” Jim said, forcing a smile.
Roy glanced back over his shoulder at Pam and then turned back to Jim, flashing a satisfied smile. “Things are cool.”
“Very cool,” Jim agreed.
“I’m ready,” Pam said as she stood up abruptly, clutching her purse.
“Okay, well, have a good night,” Roy said to the room in general as he turned to see Pam heading for the door.
“Yeah, you too,” Jim muttered under his breath as he turned back to his computer and reached for his mouse.
The minute the door closed behind them, Phyllis hissed, “I think something happened.”
“Huh?”
“Something happened where?” Dwight demanded.
“Here. I think something happened with Roy and Pam,” Phyllis said as she began gathering her belongings.
Not one to miss an opportunity, Kelly rushed from the annex. “Pam came into the break room and gathered up all the wedding stuff, and said she wouldn’t need it,” she reported.
“Are you saying that I spent $12.95 for three tiny pieces of chicken on a skewer for nothing?” Stanley grumbled as he stood up from his desk.
“This is really none of our business,” Toby mumbled as he stood just behind Kelly.
“Maybe they’re eloping,” Michael said. When everyone swiveled to stare at him, he simply shrugged. “People elope all the time, run off to Vegas and get hitched. I always wanted to get married at the drive-thru chapel. I wonder if you can get fries with that,” he added, cracking up at his own lame joke.
Jim turned his back to Michael, struggling to keep his expression neutral as he asked Phyllis, “She said she didn’t need them?”
“Perhaps she simply didn’t want you two meddling in their business,” Angela suggested as she stood up, holding her purse to her chest. “She told you that her mother was helping with the planning.”
“It sounded like more than that,” Kelly insisted. She turned to Jim and asked, “Didn’t she tell you anything?”
“Me?”
“Well, you’re her friend,” she persisted.
“No, I, uh… I was with the guys, remember?” Jim said as he quickly started shutting down his computer.
“Man that was great, huh? Just us guys, out for lunch, talking guy stuff,” Michael said as he approached Jim’s desk and hoisted one leg up, sitting on the edge of it, and effectively blocking Jim’s departure.
“I’ll write about it in my diary tonight,” Stanley mumbled as he lumbered toward the door.
“Me too,” Dwight answered with an emphatic nod. “Male bonding is important. It reminds out of our place in the natural order of life. The feminist leanings in popular culture today are too emasculating. Sometimes, some men simply need to be reminded that they are the dominant gender,” he said as he caught Angela’s eye.
Meredith snorted as she gathered her things. “Please. The only time you guys truly win is when you forget to put the toilet seat down and we fall in in the middle of the night.” She looked up and said, “I’m heading for Poor Richard’s, any of you big strong men want to buy me a drink?”
“I’ll go,” Toby said as he turned to go back to his desk.
“I could use a drink,” Kevin said with an emphatic nod as he pushed back from his computer.
“We’re not meeting my friends until later,” Kelly said with a nod. “Ryan and I will go,” she decided for the both of them.
“I have class. My test,” Ryan reminded her as he turned to follow her back to the annex.
“Blow it off,” Kelly answered breezily.
“I’m not blowing it off,” Ryan said with an exasperated sigh.
Oscar stood up and shrugged into his coat. “I can go for one drink. Anyone else?”
“No, thank you. I need to get home, Sprinkles needs her shot,” Angela said stiffly. “I just hope that I’m man enough to give it to her,” she sniffed as she brushed past Dwight’s desk.
“You just need a firm grip and a steady hand,” Dwight said with a nod.
As the others followed Angela to the door, Michael’s gaze followed them longingly. “You going?” Jim asked him.
“Are you?” Michael countered.
“I had some things I needed to attend to tonight, but if you are going to Poor Richard’s, Michael, I could go too,” Dwight offered quickly.
Jim shook his head as he tried to inch his chair back. “I think last night was enough of a party for me,” he said quietly.
“Yeah, uh, me too,” Michael agreed.
“I should get going. Mose and I are installing a new septic system. I need to get my hip waders on,” Dwight said as he stood up.
Michael blinked, but couldn’t resist. “Are you knee-deep in doo doo?” he asked.
Dwight rolled his eyes and said, “They aren’t knee waders, Michael, they’re hip waders,” as if that should answer his question. “I just wish that we could produce more natural bacteria. Schrute men have extremely clean bowels,” he said with a heavy sigh. “Goodnight.”
“Night,” Michael called after him as he waited for the door to close. The moment it latched, he turned back to Jim and said, “The wedding is off.”
“What?”
“June 10th, it’s a no go,” Michael reported with a nod.
“How do you know that?” Jim asked, cautiously optimistic.
Michael shrugged and said, “Sometimes my blood sugar crashes pay off. When I get sleepy, I wander around. Today, I wanted some alone time, so I wandered down to the warehouse. If you stack the boxes just right, it’s kind of like having a fort.”
“A fort,” Jim repeated blankly.
“I wasn’t spying,” Michael said quickly. “Not that I wouldn’t spy if you needed me to.”
“And I appreciate that,” Jim said with a nod. “Listen, Michael, about what I told you last night…”
“Its okay, Jim, your secret is totally safe with me,” Michael rushed to assure him. “I was just sitting in my fort, thinking about life in general, there’s a lot of pressure that comes with this job, you know.”
“Oh, I know,” Jim answered with a solemn nod.
“I mean, worrying about you guys, and Jan, and whether or not I should put a cap on the party planning committee’s cake budget… I mean, come on, those ice cream cakes aren’t getting any cheaper.”
“No, they aren’t,” Jim said with a sigh as he forcibly scooted his chair back from his desk. “Listen, can we just forget about last night?”
“No! No, you can’t forget about it,” Michael said as he jumped up. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Roy backed out on her again. I heard the guys talking, and they were all going on and on about how he’s always managing to put Pam off, and how he’d bought himself another year before getting tied down to the old ball and chain.”
“He did?”
“Yes! I told you that engaged wasn’t married!”
“You did,” Jim murmured.
“This is your chance! Go get her. Tell her how you feel,” Michael said with an emphatic nod.
“I, uh…” Jim trailed off as he processed the information. “I’ll think about it,” he murmured as he pulled his bag and coat from the back of his chair.
“Well, don’t think about it too long. You have to smite while the iron is hot!” Michael said as he clenched his fist. “And Pam is one hot iron. If we weren’t friends…” he said with a meaningful waggle of his eyebrows.
“And I appreciate that,” Jim smirked. “I appreciate it,” he said as he gave Michael a distracted pat on the arm and then made his way to the door.
****
Pam stood in the living room doorway and blinked unbelievingly at the television screen. Well, not really at the screen, but at the man sprawled on the couch holding a beer and staring at the screen as if he hadn’t just brushed her dreams aside. Again. She stared at the back of Roy’s head, wondering what could possibly be going through it, but she feared that she already knew the answer. Just like she already knew the answer to her other questions. He didn’t want to marry her. He didn’t want to start a life and a family with her. He just wanted her to be here, waiting, just like she always had. And sadly enough, she knew exactly what he wanted. Another beer, maybe some chips. He wanted to watch the basketball game without her interrupting the game. He might want some fake engagement celebration sex if the Sixers win. If they don’t, well then, all bets were off.
She faded quietly back into the kitchen, gnawing her bottom lip as she tugged on her engagement ring, pulling it as far as the first knuckle, but not daring to go beyond. Yet. She heard the sound of the remote hitting the coffee table with a rattle, and then a grunt as Roy leveraged himself out of the overstuffed sofa. She quickly turned to the sink and picked up a sponge. By the time he appeared, she was wiping down the countertops with a tad too much enthusiasm.
“How’s the game going?” she asked as he opened the refrigerator and pulled another bottle of beer from the shelf.
“Okay. Halftime. The Sixers better step it up, they dodged a bullet, the Pistons were getting on a roll,” he said as he wandered back to the living room without a backwards glance.
“Dodged a bullet,” Pam whispered as she stared down at the sponge clutched in her hand. “Dodged a bullet,” she muttered as she tossed the sponge into the sink angrily and headed toward the bedroom.
She yanked a small duffle bag from the closet, and then pulled some clothes from the hangers. At first, she packed only what she needed for the night and the next day at work, but as she gathered her toiletries from the bathroom, Pam realized that she was going to need more, so much more. She threw two pairs of jeans and a couple of tops into the bag, stuffing them down on top of the work clothes she had folded so carefully, suddenly anxious to make her escape. She zipped the bag closed and looked down at the clothes she had dressed in that morning, and then at her bare feet. She pulled a pair of socks from her dresser drawer and then rummaged through her closet for her second pair of Keds, the ones that were not so white anymore.
She heard Roy groan and say something in reply to one of the commentators on the television, and then hurriedly tied her shoes. Taking a deep breath, she reached for the phone and dialed directory assistance. “Hi, I need the number for a cab company. No, it doesn’t matter which one,” she said quietly. Pam’s fingers tightened around the phone, clinging to it as she waited to be connected. The moment the dispatcher came on the line, she rattled off their address and asked how long it would take for the cab to arrive. After disconnecting, she slowly lowered the phone to her lap, staring down at it as she blinked back the tears that burned behind her eyes. Then she began to dial again. She took a breath, holding it deep in her lungs as she listened to the call ring through.
“Hi,” she exhaled the word, drawing it out as the sound of his voice washed over her like a wave.
“Hey,” Jim answered softly.
“I, uh, I need a ride. I wouldn’t have called you but the cab company said it could be an hour until they could get here, so…”
“Where are you?”
“At hom… At, uh, Roy’s,” she said, correcting herself quickly.
“Okay. And you need a ride?” Jim asked slowly.
“Please,” she whispered, her voice breaking.
“I’ll be right there,” Jim answered. “Hang on, I’ll be right there.”
Pam disconnected, but hung onto the phone like a line thrown into the cold, murky waters of Lake Wallenpaupack. And that was when she knew that he was so much more than a friend, or even the guy who said he was in love with her. Jim Halpert was her life preserver. He had been for far more than the 24 hours since he had handed her his heart. She wanted to hang onto him, to swim up through the very center of him and wrap her arms around him, hanging on as he pulled her to safety.
She looked down at the bag poised waiting on the bed, and then closed her eyes as she realized that he couldn’t do it alone. She would have to kick. She reached for the engagement ring that Roy had given her a lifetime ago, and pulled on it. She worked it past the first knuckle, and then swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat. Gently, Pam pulled the ring over the second knuckle without letting the smooth gold band touch her trembling finger. She placed the ring gingerly on Roy’s pillow and then stood up, smoothing her hands over her skirt as she stared down at it. Her gaze shifted to her now bare left hand, and she nodded, relieved to be finally free of its weight.
Pam walked to the nightstand on her side of their bed, and pulled a pad and paper from the drawer. She smiled as she saw the words, ‘Swing’ and ‘Travis’ written in her own handwriting. She swayed, unconscious of the movement until the gentle motion was interrupted by Roy shouting, “Yes! Like that! Just like that!” at the television, and reality once again came crashing down.
Pam tore the sheet from the pad and crumpled it in her hand as she dropped the pad to the bed and bent over to scrawl a quick note. She placed the pad next to the ring perched on Roy’s pillow and then looked out the window. Exhaling slowly as she saw Jim’s car pull to a stop in front, Pam turned, picked up her bag, and took one last glance at the ring that had become her anchor. Her gaze fluttered over the notepad, and she spoke the words written there aloud. “I can’t do this anymore.”
Yes, just like that Pam Beesly walked quietly through the house she had shared with Roy to the kitchen door. She opened it slowly, knowing that the blaring television would drown out the sound of her departure from his life, and closed it quietly in her wake, so as not to interrupt the game.
****
Jim gripped the steering wheel with both hands as he stared at her front door. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to do. Should I knock? Should I just wait? Does she know I’m here waiting, just like I’ve always been waiting? When he heard her voice on the other end of the line, Jim’s heart almost leapt from his chest. She didn’t sound like the Pam he knew. She sounded small, broken. His hands tightened on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white as he steeled himself to go to the door, to pick her up as she had asked him to, to kill Roy if he had hurt her again. Or, rather, to let himself be killed by Roy, ‘cause let’s face it, the guy is totally going to kick my ass, he thought as he let his head fall forward. It doesn’t matter, let him. Let him kill me if that’s what it takes to get her out.
She wants out. She wants me to pick her up. Jim lifted his head and reached for the door handle, pulling on it as he killed the ignition with his other hand. As he rose from the car, he staggered back slightly, startled by Pam’s appearance at the passenger door. “Oh, hi, I was just gonna,” he began to say as she opened the door.
“Let’s go,” Pam said as she stuffed the bag into the passenger floorboard and ducked down into the seat.
“Uh, okay,” Jim murmured as he lowered himself into the car once more. “Where are we going?” he asked, trying to force a more upbeat tone as he started the car.
“Anywhere but here,” she answered bleakly.
Jim nodded and put the car in gear, pulling smoothly from the curb as if he drove getaway vehicles every day. He glanced over at her as they approached the stop sign at the end of her street. “Paris? Rome? I hear Wilkes-Barre is lovely this time of year,” he tried to joke.
“There are some chain hotels on Montage Mountain Road,” she answered dully.
“Pam, what’s going on?” he asked as he pulled to a complete stop.
Pam turned to look at him and said, “I need you to be my friend, okay? Tonight I just need my friend.”
“Okay,” he answered with a slow nod.
“I can’t talk about this now,” she said, her voice breaking. “Please, can you just give me a ride to a hotel?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that,” he told her quietly. Jim glanced in both directions and then pulled away from the stop sign. He kept his eyes on the road, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t sense her shoulders relaxing, or hear her breathing grow more even as they put block after block behind them, but he kept his mouth clamped firmly shut. As he turned onto 81, he asked, “Have you eaten?”
“I’m fine,” Pam answered automatically.
“Which one?” he asked as he nodded to the hotels that had popped up along the highway.
“Doesn’t matter.”
Jim pulled into the parking lot of the first hotel that looked decent and pulled under the portico. He put the car in park and turned to her. “Do you have any money?” he asked, coming up with the first question he could think of that wasn’t, ‘Are you leaving Roy?’
“Yeah, I have some, and my credit card,” she said as she lifted her purse onto her lap.
“Do you want me to come in?” he asked, praying that her answer would be yes.
Pam shook her head, still staring at the hood of his car. “Thanks for coming to get me,” she said softly.
Jim pressed his lips together, trying to hold back the questions that threatened to burst free. “Sure,” he answered quietly. “Do you need a ride to work in the morning?” he asked hopefully.
“I’m not sure. I’ll call you if I do,” Pam promised as she finally turned to look at him again.
“Okay.”
“Thanks, Jim,” Pam said as she reached for the door handle.
Jim watched as she climbed from the car, tugging at the overstuffed bag she had packed, and then throwing the strap over her shoulder as pushed the door closed with her hip. He watched as she squared her shoulders and marched into the hotel lobby. He waited, long after the sliding doors had closed behind her, telling himself that he just wanted to be sure that she got a room, but hoping she would change her mind and come for him.
****
Pam wrapped her fingers tightly around the keycard in her hand. She knew without looking through the wide sliding doors that he would still be out there. She wanted more than anything to dash through those doors and into his waiting arms, knowing that he would catch her, knowing he’d buoy her up. Pam dared a quick glance at the door, and smiled softly as she saw that she was right. She turned away from the dark red gleam of his car under the portico lights and looked down at the card in her hand before heading to the elevator.
Alone, Pam Beesly stepped into the hotel room and turned the bolt behind her, locking herself in as much as keeping everyone else out. She dropped her bag to the floor and pulled her cell phone from her purse, holding down the key to speed dial before she even dropped to the end of the bed.
And then, she began kicking.
Author's Chapter Notes:
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