Pam tucked her arm around Jim’s as they walked back to the hotel. The night air had turned a little chilly and although her cheeks were flushed from the alcohol, she was a little chilly. She wasn’t too drunk to realize that she was probably too close to him, but she was drunk enough not to care. And he wasn’t pulling away anyway.
“Can I tell you something?” Pam asked Jim. He looked down at her but briefly turned away when he saw that she was looking up at him with those eyes. Those eyes that told him she yearned to tell him more than she ever dared. Those eyes that he swore were telling him right back all the things that he had always thought but never said out loud.
“Of course,” he answered, scared of what she was going to say but even more scared of what he knew she wouldn’t.
“I don’t want to be with Roy anymore,” she said quietly.
What am I supposed to say to that? He thought to himself. But he didn’t have to say anything. After a short pause, she kept talking.
“I’m not in love with him. I don’t even know if I ever was. In high school I was this shy girl whose favorite subject was art. I only had a few friends, but they were good friends. Roy was friends with everyone. He was the star of the football team. I was flattered when he got a crush on me… but I think now that it might have been because everyone told me that I should be. I don’t know…. Sometimes I think I was just a dare that went wrong for him. My parents loved the fact that this popular guy liked me and thought it might help me come out of my shell a little bit. Then we started dating and I got stuck in this rut. I fell into a familiar routine and I really, really don’t like change. So I’ve just stayed….”
Jim didn’t know what to say. Sure, he was her best friend but they had never talked like this before. She would make little comments here and there so he had an idea that she wasn’t completely happy but she had never shared anything like this with him. She obviously needed to vent and his heart sank when he looked up and realized that the hotel was just a block away.
Silent for a few minutes, she leaned her head on Jim’s arm and started talking again. “We fought last weekend,” she said. “I’m just so tired of fighting. And do you know what we fought about?” She didn’t want for Jim to answer. “He got mad at me because he wanted to go out to eat and I just wanted five minutes to finish the shading on the painting I was working on. He came in the room and kicked the stool where all my paints and water were. So I told him that he should probably got out to eat without me and that pissed him off even more.”
“Has he ever hit you?” Jim asked, surprised that the words came out loud – he thought he was just thinking them.
“No,” Pam said. “And I don’t think that he would, but I don’t know. He has a pretty bad temper.”
“So what happened when you told him that you weren’t going to go with him?” Jim asked, wanting to hear the rest of the story.
“I left,” Pam said, quietly. “I drove around for awhile and when I came back home, he was gone so I went to bed. And he must have been out with friends because he didn’t come home until late and then slept on the couch.” I drove by your house, she wanted to tell him. And I saw your car and I really just wanted to go knock on your door. But I didn’t.
Jim’s heart hurt just listening to how sad she was. Screw this, he said and wrapped his arm around Pam’s shoulder.
They got to the hotel and Jim’s arm stayed around her all the way up to the 7th floor.
“You can always call me, you know,” he told her, when the elevator doors opened.
“Right,” she said. “Cause you want to hear about all this crap.” She waved her hand around and swirled the air in front of her. “I’m sure that you have much better things to do than have the receptionist cry on your shoulder.”
They reached the door to Pam’s room and Jim turned to face her.
“Don’t you realize that you are more than ‘the receptionst’ to me? I care, Pam. I care when you are hurting. You aren’t stuck in that relationship. You can get out if you really want to. And I’m going to say this because I know that you’re drunk and I really hope that you won’t remember this tomorrow, but I wish that you would get out of that relationship. Because I cannot stand to see you like this.”
Tears started to form in the corners of her eyes and Jim instantly pulled her into a hug when he noticed.
“Hey,” he said, softly. “I’ll help you, if you need help. But you have to want it for yourself.”
Pam pulled away and brought her face close to his. She closed her eyes and leaned forward to kiss him.
“Pam,” Jim said, gently pushing her away. “We can’t do this here. Not right now. I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow regretting anything.”
Pam turned away from Jim and fumbled for her room key. “Now I just feel like an idiot,” she said.
Jim grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him. “Don’t,” he said. “Don’t ever feel like that with me. I’m gonna be here… when the time is right.”
She slid the key in the door and pushed it open when the light turned green. “Good night,” she said.
“’Night,” he replied and waited until she locked the door from the other side.
He made his way down the hall to his room and tried not to kick himself for being a good person. But it was true what he told her. He would wait for her. He didn’t know what else to do, he was already hopeless.
His cell phone chimed with a new message as he sat on the bed and took off his shoes.
“Thank you,” it said and he smiled. He knew in his heart he did the right thing even though his brain and other parts of his body were telling him that he should have let her kiss him.
“Anytime,” he replied back. “And thank YOU for this.” With that, he attached a picture of her dancing just a short time before.
“Ughh,” she replied back. “I am such a dorky dancer.”
He grinned. “I know,” he answered. “It’s very cute.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
I finally got a second wind to finish this story. The last chapter ended up being A LOT heavier than I expected but I hope you like it!
Sarah Kiacomesin is the author of 6 other stories.
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