Jellybean,

There's a lot to tell you.  All good, amazingly happy things but for some reason I keep coming back to this.

I want to say something now.  It's not that I think knowing this will save you exactly.  I don't even know if this is something you truly need to be saved from.  I guess I'm hoping that hearing this might help you in some small way when or if the time ever comes. 

It boils down to this I guess.

Life isn't always easy.  Things don't always turn out the way you've planned. 

But sometimes?  Sometimes they turn out even better than you could ever have imagined.

One day you might understand for yourself what I'm talking about here.  One day, when you are much, much older you might wake up one morning and think you've made the biggest mistake of your life.  You might think all hope is lost - that nothing will ever be right again.

But don't worry little Bean.  It will be.

You might have to suffer through it - even if it means letting go of something you truly think you can't live without.  Even if it's almost physically painful to have to sit by and watch someone else seem to live the life you thought you'd have it will work out OK in the end.

Because maybe (when or if this happens to you) you just need a chance to breathe.  Maybe you need time to understand what it's like to truly be alone.  Maybe you need to figure out who you want to be on your own and not rely on someone else - for good or for bad - to define it for you.

Maybe it'll take much longer than you thought.  Maybe even being pushed to act won't help you.  Maybe you need to figure it all out on your own time.

Maybe even as you do that you'll still be scared.  Maybe the person you've hurt will hurt you back - more deeply and more often than you could have even imagined.

But maybe you'll still love them anyway.  Maybe you won't know how to even begin to stop.

It might be that you'll make the same mistake twice.  But hopefully the second time it'll take weeks and not years to recognize it and have the courage to walk away.

And in the end when you finally figure out what you want, when you're finally feeling brave enough to promise yourself you'll be alright no matter what happens - maybe that's the moment when it'll all work out the way you had hoped.

Maybe.

Oh, Bean.  I take it back.  I really truly hope you never have to go through any of that.  I hope when you realize there's only one person in this world you want to be with you'll know and won't let them slip away from you for even a second.  I hope you don't ever have to wonder what would have happened if - from the very beginning - you'd just taken a chance.

Even if you do someday understand what I mean - I promise you it'll be just fine. 

Good or I should say incredibly great things come to those who wait.

You need to trust me on this one.

Love you - more than ever,

Mom

PS: I know this all sounds so cryptic, but here's the real news I've been dying to tell you.  Your father and I got married yesterday!  I know.  About time right?  Well, we did and it was beautiful and perfect in ways I couldn't ever have dreamed of.   Of course - it wouldn't have been our wedding without some sort of craziness but the good things totally outweighed the bad in the end.   

I know I've said this before and I know you're probably sick of it but it's really true.  I love him so much, Bean.  I honestly don't know anymore what I would do without him. 

I never, ever want to have to find out.

PPS: Bonus!  This also means you no longer have a chance of being born illegitimately.  It's a good day to be you Bean. 

PPPS:   Really.  You have absolutely no chance no matter what Angela might have to say about it.  And if she does say anything of the sort while you're within earshot - you let me deal with her.  I'll have no trouble reminding her that she's not one to talk.