He’s been contemplating the idea of being the objector when the priest asks the tear-eyed audience the infamous question. He has viewed the scene in numerous movies, and the sky never falls when they do it.
He pictures himself, rising from his seat and shouting a steady no when the question is asked. He sees her, throwing down her fistful of cherry roses and tugging off her veil and dashing toward his wide arms. There would be a long embrace followed by a gasp by the audience. Roy will stomp off and Jim and Pam would kiss like they were meant to. Then a loud applause would begin and tears would fill everyone’s eyes because that was how it was supposed to be.
“This is just so gorgeous that I don’t even know what to say,” says Kelly, abruptly interrupting Jim’s fantasy.
“Yeah,” he responds halfheartedly. He fiddles with his thin black tie, his mind spinning circles on the idea that today is the day.
“I seriously think that Pam and Roy must have spent as much as Jennifer Aniston did on her wedding with Brad Pitt but I don’t think Pam and Roy will ever break up.”
Jim wants to cry.
He wants to cry like an April shower – a warm, misty rain that dusts daisies and cools steaming streets. He wants cry like he is at the funeral of a dear friend because he knows a part of him will wither as soon as the vows are exchanged. He wants to cry because crying is the only thing that begins to match how he feels.
He continues to show a lack of interest and Kelly, for once, takes the hint. She mutters something, and leaves to reattach herself to Ryan’s arm.
He finds himself alone, sitting in the sixth pew on the left of the church, surrounded by smiling faces of friends, family, and co-workers who are anxiously awaiting Pam and Roy’s first kiss as husband and wife and the delicious shrimp cocktails at the reception.
“Hi Jim,” says Phyllis. Jim smiles at her.
“How are you?” she asks.
“I’m fine. And you?”
“You didn’t have to come, you know.”
“What?”
“You didn’t have to come. I understand what this must be like for you.”
He looks at her, almost embarrassed. Is it that obvious?
“Of course I’d come,” he says, with feigned excitement and a smile that burns his lips. “She’s my best friend.”
“Being her best friend doesn’t mean that you should have to put yourself through this,”
“Phyllis,” Jim manages to breathe. His hands are shaking and he swears he will start to cry if she says another word about their relationship.
For his sake, Phyllis turns and returns to Angela, Meredith and Oscar, who have formed a small circle in the corner of the church. But before she does, she gives him a look of understanding – a painful one, at that – because she sees past his mask of I’m totally okay, this wedding is so nice and acknowledges the fact that he’s not the only one who thinks that there is something wrong about this occasion.
He inhales, his lungs feeling fragile, and glances around the church. Delicate pink roses are tied to each pew with white lace. Petals line the isle toward the altar that is coated in white satin drapery. The late morning sun is creeping through the tall, stained glass windows and reflects off of the crowd’s hopeful smiles and wide eyes. The entire scene is gorgeous. All the years of waiting paid off¸ he thinks, remembering how Pam would occasionally organize parts of her wedding during work. Those were the longest days for him.
He feels nauseas, dreading the idea that Pam will be married in a matter of minutes. At least he looks his best.
“You got a girlfriend?” asks Meredith, who appears next to him suddenly. She inches closer to him. He smiles politely, and responds with the obvious answer: no.
Meredith shrugs and walks away, back to the Dunder Mifflin crowd, which has now expanded to include Michael, Dwight, Kevin, Stanley, and surprisingly, Creed, who is known to mooch off the free bar at wedding receptions and get characteristically drunk.
Suddenly, the realization that he is minutes away from losing her completely hits him like a slap in the face, or worse, like her words I can’t when he risked everything to just tell her on that fateful casino night. He will finally be separated from her on a level of permanency – he can no longer fuel the blazing hope that she could change her mind. He will not be able to look at her the same way. He will not be able to talk with her the same way. He will not be able to be himself with her in the same way. She will be bound by a thin, golden ring and a deep promise to the most sacred institution to another man. His chances are shattered into pieces as slim as the one hundred and fifty nine reasons he’s come up with about why he should leave her wedding.
The worst part is how he will not listen to any of his reasons. Just like how he stopped taking chances.
Author's Chapter Notes:
None of these wonderful characters are mine, unfortunately.
Chapter End Notes:
More on the way!
