ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D1
MICHAEL is sitting at his desk, writing on a yellow legal
pad. He is obviously thinking very hard about what he is
writing down.
MICHAEL
(to camera)
My fifteenth anniversary with
Dunder-Mifflin is this week. (beat)
Fifteen years! You know, "Cheers"
was only on for eleven years. (he
looks smug)
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - D1
Michael has assembled the party planning committee (ANGELA,
PAM, PHYLLIS). He has set up a flipchart and his yellow
legal pad is sitting on the conference table. On the
flipchart, he has written "Party Ideas."
MICHAEL
Okay, throw 'em at me!
ANGELA
Something sensible.
MICHAEL
No. Next! (points to Phyllis) Hit
me with it!
PHYLLIS
Um... A cake?
MICHAEL
(frustrated by the lack of
creativity)
Obviously, Phyllis. Obviously there
will be a cake. This isn't
Communist Russia. (looks to camera,
bad Yakov Smirnoff impression) In
Russia, party throws you!
PAM
What about a theme party?
MICHAEL
Yes! Yes! At least somebody brought
their fun pants to work today!
Michael scribbles down "theme party" on the flipchart.
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
Okay. What kind of theme? Something
crazy. Something everyone is going
to remember at my thirtieth year
anniversary party.
PAM
(quietly, to camera)
I hope I'm not working here in
fifteen years.
MICHAEL
What? I didn't hear you. You
mumbled. Speak up, mush mouth.
PAM
Uh... beers. We should - We should
have fifteen beers. For the party.
MICHAEL
Eh. Pam, you're losing your magic.
Michael writes down "beers" on the flipchart.
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
Okay, people. Themes. We need
themes. Oh! Beach party! We can all
come to the office in our bathing
suits, maybe set up a kiddie pool
in the break room...
ANGELA
That's inappropriate.
MICHAEL
Then you think of something,
Smurfette!
ANGELA
We could have cake in the break
room during lunch.
MICHAEL
Gross. No. That idea is so boring I
want to throw up. I want this party
to be awesome. If I want any ideas
on how to throw a lame party that
everyone hates, I'll come to you,
okay, Angela?
Angela glares. If looks could kill, Michael would be dead
twice over.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
Why is it so important that this
party is a success? I have been
waiting for this party since I
first started working here.
He holds up an old photo of him from his first days at the
company, bad hair and all.
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
You see this young gentleman in the
photo here? What do you think he's
thinking? Is it "Oh, gee, I can't
wait to get some success and then
move on, totally forgetting about
the awesome friends and the company
that loves me?" Or is he thinking,
"Wow, this is a great job and I
hope I'm here for the rest of my
life - I hope I die at my desk,
that's how happy I am." Well, let
me tell you... that young gentleman
is me. And I do want to die at my
desk. (beat) I want to die from how
awesome this party is. And I want
everyone else to die right with me.
Murder/suicide. Fun was the weapon.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS - D1
Michael is now sitting at the table with the party planning
committee. He rubs his forehead as he stares down at the
yellow legal pad. The flipchart has been forgotten.
MICHAEL
(reading from legal pad)
Okay. We have movie theme, TV
theme, arts and crafts, (beat,
then) the Bible - yuck, (beat) and
Jonas Brothers. Guys, come on.
These suggestions suck harder than
your mom.
ANGELA
(warning)
Michael.
MICHAEL
I want a decent theme by the end of
the day or you're all fired.
PHYLLIS
You can't fire us because you don't
have a theme for your party.
MICHAEL
Can't I, Phyllis? Can't I!?
PHYLLIS
No.
MICHAEL
(frustrated)
Okay. God. You know what then?
(points to Phyllis) Constant
personal calls, poor performance.
(points to Angela) Aggression,
creating an uncomfortable work
environment. (points to Pam)
Company time theft. Sexual
harassment. (beat, then) I see the
way you look at me.
Pam looks to the camera, mouth open in shock and confusion.
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
Theme. On my desk. Today. By the
end of. (beat) Wait...
INT. OFFICE - JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESKS - D1
Pam is the last to exit the conference room. As she is
walking back to her desk, Jim stops her.
JIM
So, uh, what was that about?
PAM
Michael threatened to fire us if we
didn't think of a good theme for
his anniversary party.
JIM
Oh, well, that should be easy. Lets
take a look, shall we?
Jim uses his computer and Googles "children's party themes."
INT. OFFICE - ACCOUNTING AREA - D1
Dwight approaches Angela at her desk.
DWIGHT
Hello, Angela.
ANGELA
Dwight.
DWIGHT
I need to make a request.
ANGELA
What is it?
DWIGHT
I need you to tell me the party
planning committee's plans for
Michael's party.
ANGELA
No, Dwight.
Dwight looks as if he might argue about it, then reconsiders
and stalks off.
He comes back, clenching both fists, and again looks like he
might argue.
He turns on his heel and walks away again.
INT. OFFICE - RECEPTION AREA - LATER - D1
Pam is at her desk, writing something down. Jim comes over.
He takes a few jellybeans from the dish on the desk and
watches her.
JIM
Writing your resume for when
Michael fires you?
PAM
No. I'm writing down all the theme
ideas for him. He wants them
alphabetized and sorted by color.
JIM
Sorted by...?
Jim smirks, amused and intrigued by the prospect.
PAM
Like, if the theme was Christmas,
it would be red and green.
Jim's smirk widens to become a big grin.
PAM (CONT'D)
Shut up. I know.
Jim points to the list Pam is making.
JIM
(reading)
Golf Pros and Tennis Hoes. What
color is that exactly?
PAM
(feigning authority)
Green.
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D1
Michael and Dwight are peering through the blinds of the
office window, watching Jim and Pam work on the theme ideas.
MICHAEL
What do you think they're doing?
DWIGHT
Wasting company time.
MICHAEL
Not - I meant about my party. What
kind of themes do you think they're
working on?
Michael sits at his desk.
DWIGHT
Knowing Jim, it's probably some
pansy theme like flowers and
kittens. (puts his hands on
Michael's desk and pushes his face
towards Michael) Let me plan this
party for you.
MICHAEL
Yuck, no. Get away from me, creep.
If you planned it, it'd just be
Amish potato salad and
pterodactyl-dermy.
DWIGHT
Taxidermy.
MICHAEL
Whatever. The answer's still no.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
The Schrutes throw a party every
full moon in which we dance and
play the lute. So I have a lot of
experience planning parties. I even
have the theme for my wedding
planned out: Everything Made from
Wood.
INT. OFFICE - JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESKS - D1
Jim and Dwight are seated. Jim is doing work while Dwight is
searching the Internet and furiously writing things down.
JIM
What are you doing?
DWIGHT
Your simple mind couldn't begin to
comprehend what I am doing.
Jim looks at Dwight's computer screen.
JIM
(reading)
The top ten best theme party ideas.
Really, Dwight?
DWIGHT
Michael doesn't know what he's
doing. Entrusting his fifteenth
anniversary party to the party
planning committee is like
entrusting an infant to operate the
Large Hadron Collider.
JIM
(teasing)
So, pretty good then?
DWIGHT
You idiot. A misstep with the Large
Hadron Collider could cause a black
hole that could swallow the
universe.
JIM
Wow, that's some smart baby.
DWIGHT
(frustrated)
The point is, Michael deserves a
good party! Not a black hole!
JIM
You really think that Michael not
having a good party is on par with
the entire universe being sucked
into a black hole?
DWIGHT
Yes.
JIM
(amused)
You really do, don't you?
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D1
Michael sits at his desk. Jim is sitting in the chair in
front of the desk.
MICHAEL
Do you know why I brought you in
here, Jim?
JIM
To talk about my sales reports.
MICHAEL
No. That was a lie.
Jim looks at the camera -- he should have known.
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
There have been some whispers going
around the office. About my party.
JIM
I don't -
MICHAEL
I know Dwight is trying to plan a
party for me. And I know that his
party is going to suck. My
anniversary party can't suck, Jim.
You of all people should know that.
JIM
Why should I...?
MICHAEL
Because we're party people, Jim.
You and I. Real party animals.
(beat) Like when you threw that
party and didn't invite me.
Remember?
Jim looks down at his shoes, feeling guilty.
JIM
Uh...
MICHAEL
My point is - I want you to throw
me a party. I want you to work with
the party planning committee and
make my party awesome. Will you do
that, Jim?
JIM
Wow, I don't know. That's... a huge
honor, but I really have a lot of
work to do, so...
MICHAEL
No, yeah, I understand. (pause) Do
you think you're gonna throw
another party? One that I could
maybe be invited to?
Jim rubs the back of his neck. He's caught between a rock
and a hard place.
JIM
Ah... I... I don't know.
MICHAEL
Okay. It's cool. I understand.
You're busy.
JIM
Michael, I -
MICHAEL
Hey, can you send Dwight in here on
your way out?
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
Wow. Michael made me feel bad.
Michael. I cared about Michael's
feelings.
(shakes his head in disbelief)
Sitemap | Terms of Service | Submission Rules | FAQs | Disclaimer | Donate | Contact Us |
© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali
© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali