ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. OFFICE - RECEPTION AREA - DAY 2
Pam is at her desk, filing papers.
Michael enters the office, obviously pleased. He grins and
flashes a peace sign at the camera before approaching Pam.
MICHAEL
Pamda Express! Great day for a
party, isn't it?
PAM
Yep.
MICHAEL
Are you ready to get groovy? Oh,
and hey, maybe we can put out a
little bowl for people's keys and
we can pick out a key and then go
home with whosever's key we get.
PAM
No, Michael.
MICHAEL
Okay. You square. What if we go
outside and roll around in the mud?
Maybe take our tops off.
PAM
No.
MICHAEL
Wow, Pam, you're really killing the
spirit of the sixties here.
Pam holds out a stack of papers for Michael.
PAM
These are from corporate.
MICHAEL
Yuck.
Michael doesn't take the papers. He shakes his head then
walks into his office.
Pam looks at the camera and shrugs.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
Today is the day of my fifteenth
anniversary with Dunder-Mifflin.
We're having a sixties theme party
and it's going to be awesome. And I
spent two hours last night looking
up a bunch of slang from the
sixties. (he grins, pleased with
himself)
INT. OFFICE - RECEPTION AREA - CONTINUOUS - D2
Dwight walks into the office, obviously angry. When he sees
Jim, he snarls.
DWIGHT
(pointing at Jim)
You!
JIM
(calmly)
What's up, Dwight?
DWIGHT
You told me the world was ending on
Thursday!
JIM
Yep. Yep, I did.
DWIGHT
I took the day off! You said that
at 2:07 P.M. on Thursday, a black
hole was going to swallow the
universe!
JIM
Correct.
DWIGHT
It's Friday!
Jim pretends to think it over.
JIM
Okay. Here's a thought. Stay with
me here. Maybe the world did end,
and right now, you're actually in
heaven. Because you would love to
work here for all of eternity,
wouldn't you?
DWIGHT
(calmer)
That's beside the point.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
Yes, I believed Jim when he told me
the world was ending. I spent
Thursday doing the things I love -
paintballing, tilling the soil, and
watching Battlestar Galactica. At
2:07 P.M., I stood with Mose in the
beet field and waited for the end
of the world. (beat) All I got was
bug bites.
INT. OFFICE - RECEPTION AREA - CONTINUOUS - D2
Dwight takes off his coat and walks to his desk.
DWIGHT
I wasted valuable time. I'm working
on an important project, you know.
JIM
(now curious)
Oh, really?
DWIGHT
(curt)
Yes.
JIM
What is it?
Dwight takes a moment to consider the ramifications of
telling Jim.
DWIGHT
If you must know, I'm searching for
the Carbondale UFO.
JIM
Yes. Great use of your time.
DWIGHT
(missing the sarcasm)
I know.
JIM
And can you remind me again what
that is.
DWIGHT
On this day in 1974, a UFO crashed
in a mine breaker in Carbondale.
There was a government cover-up to
keep it out of the national media.
PHYLLIS
I thought it was a lantern.
DWIGHT
Quiet, you!
JIM
So, you're looking for aliens.
DWIGHT
No. The craft was taken away by the
National Guard and they obviously
would have taken any bodies away
with them. I'm going to look for
radiation and possibly pieces of
the craft that were left behind.
JIM
Well, okay. Have fun with that.
DWIGHT
I will.
Jim looks at the camera -- a sarcastic "he sure showed me."
Michael enters the office.
MICHAEL
(to Jim)
What's up, flower child? Isn't
today totally far out?
JIM
Oh, somebody's ready for his party.
MICHAEL
It's gonna be groovy. Maybe it'll
even inspire you and Pam to go all
the way. (beat, looks to camera)
Sixties slang for doing it.
Jim shakes his head -- did he just say that?
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
I'm looking forward to partying
with all you hep cats. It's gonna
be outta sight. Prepare yourselves
for a righteous time.
JIM
You should probably save some of
those gems for the party.
MICHAEL
Good call, Jimbo. Don't want to
waste my best material.
JIM
Ah. No chance of that happening.
Michael looks at him for a moment, unsure if it was a
compliment or an insult. He decides to smile at the camera.
INT. OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - D2
Pam, Phyllis, and Angela are decorating the room for
Michael's anniversary party. Phyllis and Angela are hanging
a banner with peace signs on it that says “Happy 15th
Anniversary Michael.”
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM
Michael wants the party to last all
day, so we're decorating now.
(pause) It won't last all day.
We'll all get sick of it within
fifteen minutes. (she puts on a tie
dye headband that covers her
forehead) Still though, it'll be a
fun fifteen minutes. I hope.
INT. OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS - D2
Angela is laying peace sign necklaces on the conference
table. She looks disapprovingly at the camera.
ANGELA TALKING HEAD
ANGELA
I don't approve of the 1960s. Free
love? Disgusting. And they didn't
wash. Cleanliness is next to
Godliness. (beat) Hippies.
(shudders)
INT. OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS - D2
Phyllis is hanging tie dye streamers while Angela unpacks
Smiley face printed cups and plates. Pam is busy adding
stickers to the banner.
She puts a small, shiny star sticker near the corner of her
left eye.
ANGELA
Pam, that's a waste of supplies.
PAM
I'm just having fun, Angela.
ANGELA
We're getting ready for a party.
This is no time for fun.
Pam looks at the camera and shakes her head.
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D2
Michael is hanging a blacklight poster of psychedelic
mushrooms. He excitedly turns off the lights in the room
then looks at the poster. It is not lighting up because he
doesn't have a blacklight.
MICHAEL
(disappointed)
Oh. (beat) It's defective.
INT. KITCHEN - D2
Jim is pouring himself a cup of coffee. Pam enters, still
wearing the headband and star sticker.
JIM
Look at you.
PAM
Pretty groovy, right?
Pam goes to the fridge to retrieve three bottles of water.
JIM
Definitely. So, does the party come
complete with a bra burning?
Pam just smirks at him and leaves the room.
Jim smiles to himself.
INT. OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - D2
Pam returns with the bottles of water. She sets two down on
the conference table then opens one for herself.
The room is almost totally decorated. There are Smiley
faces, tie dye streamers, and pictures from the 1960s hung
on the walls. On the table there are piles of neon-colored
Lennon sunglasses, peace sign necklaces, and hippie love
bead necklaces.
The centerpiece is a lava lamp.
PHYLLIS
Pam, will you help me put up the
bead curtain?
PAM
Sure.
While Phyllis and Pam put the bead curtain over the door,
Angela picks up a disco ball and stands on a chair.
PAM
Angela, you'll never be able to
reach. We can get Jim to do it.
ANGELA
I'll be fine. Worry about yourself.
Pam rolls her eyes and goes back to helping Phyllis.
Angela stands on top of the conference table. She extends
her arm but can't reach the ceiling. She tries over and over
again, getting more frustrated as she goes along, the disco
ball bumping into her face with every failed attempt.
INT. OFFICE - JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESKS - D2
Dwight is playing with a Geiger counter at his desk. Jim
stops working to watch him.
Dwight waves the Geiger counter over Jim's phone.
JIM
Do you mind?
Dwight waves the Geiger counter over his own desk.
JIM (CONT'D)
What are you doing?
DWIGHT
Even with my superior senses, I
can't detect radiation. I'm going
to use this Geiger counter in my
search.
JIM
For the alien.
DWIGHT
For the alien.
JIM
I'm sorry, I just have to know - do
you really believe an alien crashed
in Carbondale?
DWIGHT
I believe something crashed there,
yes. Alien? Perhaps. A piece of a
Soviet spacecraft? Possible. The
point is that there's something
there. And the government doesn't
want us to know. Just like how they
hide information about the gangs of
ninjas that roam the streets of
Chicago.
Jim throws a look at the camera -- Chicago? He shakes his
head.
JIM
So, you're just going to go to this
pond that's filled with mine waste
and use the Geiger counter?
DWIGHT
That's not all. I have other
instruments.
JIM
Go on.
DWIGHT
I've got a metal detector, thermal
camera, photography equipment -
everything one would need to look
for life from other planets.
JIM
You would know about being from
another planet.
DWIGHT
(to himself)
Idiot.
Jim smirks at the camera.
JIM
So, when are you doing this?
DWIGHT
I don't want to lose daylight. I'm
going on my lunch break.
JIM
Um... can I come?
INT. OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - D2
Michael walks in and is delighted by the decorations.
MICHAEL
Wow! You guys really went all out.
(puts on a pair of the neon-colored
Lennon glasses, bad Lennon
impression) All you need is love.
(he switches on the lava lamp) Far
out.
Jim enters and notices the disco ball, which is sitting in
the trash can. He walks over to Pam.
ANGELA
Someone needs to pick up the cake.
JIM
(eagerly)
Pam and I will do it.
PAM
(confused)
What?
JIM
(to Pam)
Trust me.
EXT. PARKING LOT - LATER - D2
Dwight, Jim, and Pam are standing near Dwight's Transam.
Dwight opens his trunk to reveal that it is packed with UFO
hunting gear.
Jim and Pam share an excited, amused look.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
Are Jim and Pam qualified to assist
me on this mission? No. Who is?
John Keel. He investigated the
Mothman incidents in Point
Pleasant, West Virginia and is an
expert ufologist. (beat) Also, Fox
Mulder.
JIM AND PAM TALKING HEAD
JIM
Why would I help Dwight with this?
(grins) Why wouldn't I help Dwight
with this?
PAM
I had my doubts. But it gets us out
of the office, so...
EXT. PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS - D2
DWIGHT
It could get messy out there. The
government could still have agents
keeping an eye on the place. Just
follow my lead and you should make
it out alive.
Dwight gets into the car. Jim and Pam discretely high-five.
INT. OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - D2
Phyllis and Angela are putting the finishing touches on
decorations. Michael is watching the lava lamp.
OSCAR and KEVIN enter.
OSCAR
This looks really good. Nice job.
KEVIN
Is the cake here yet?
ANGELA
(annoyed)
No, Kevin, the cake isn't here yet.
Didn't you stuff your face enough
at your desk this morning?
KEVIN
(quietly)
No.
CREED enters and looks confused.
CREED
Is this room a time machine? (to
Oscar) My man, where can I score
the good hasheesh?
Oscar shakes his head.
INT. DWIGHT'S TRANSAM - D2
The car is driving down a rocky dirt road.
JIM
Where are we going?
DWIGHT
The breaker is in the back of this
park. Are you scared?
JIM
That you'll murder us in a deserted
park? Yes.
Dwight scowls.
EXT. MINE BREAKER - A FEW MINUTES LATER - D2
Dwight, Jim, and Pam are standing at the end of a dirt road.
The UFO hunting gear sits at their feet.
A park is visible in the distance and a nondescript
garage-like building is behind them.
Before them is a large mine breaker that looks like a big,
dirty pond. The water appears to be a shade of gray.
JIM
This is it?
DWIGHT
Yes.
JIM
It's disgusting.
PAM
(pointing to garage-like
building)
What's that?
DWIGHT
That's where the local taxidermist
skins animal corpses and stores the
bodies.
PAM
(disgusted)
Oh, my God.
JIM
Maybe we should just go back to the
office.
DWIGHT
I didn't come all the way out here
for nothing. You wanted to help.
You said you felt bad for the stuff
with my car and the Large Hadron
Collider.
Jim looks at the camera -- he's not that sorry about that
stuff.
JIM
We could probably get sick from
this.
Dwight picks up the Geiger counter.
DWIGHT
We'll be fine. I have a survival
kit. Do either of you know anything
about surviving in the wild?
Jim shakes his head. Pam nods very slowly.
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM
I was a girl scout, so I know a
little about first aid. Well, I was
a brownie. And never actually got a
first aid badge. But I did get a
Watching Wildlife badge, so if an
animal attacks Dwight, I can...
watch. (beat) Or Dancercize,
because I got that badge too.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
Dwight is showing off the contents of his survival kit to
the camera. It contains rope, matches, a poncho, toilet
paper, fishing line and a fishing pole, a candle, dental
floss, first aid kit, a rape whistle, and a can of Spam.
DWIGHT
If the worst case scenario occurred
and I was forced to choose which
one I would cannibalize, I would
choose Jim. I would want to eat his
heart to absorb his courage and
sales skills. (beat) I would eat
Pam if I wanted to menstruate and
be mediocre at drawing.
EXT. MINE BREAKER - CONTINUOUS - D2
Dwight hands Jim the metal detector and gives Pam the
thermal camera.
DWIGHT
(to Jim)
You, look for pieces of the
spacecraft around the bank. (to
Pam) You, look for crop circles.
(holds up the Geiger counter) I'll
check for radiation.
Pam and Jim share a look then set out on their separate
duties.
DWIGHT
(to camera)
What do I know about aliens? In
short, everything. I vacationed in
Roswell and in high school I
skipped a week of classes to visit
the forest in Kecksburg. I had to
go to summer school because of
that, but... still worth it. (beat)
Best tasting squirrels I've ever
had.
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM
Do I believe in aliens? Um, I don't
know. It's a big universe. Anything
can happen, right? But, still, I
don't think an alien crashed here.
Although, if one did... it would
really explain Dwight.
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2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali
2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali