INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D2
Michael is sitting at his desk, staring at the blacklight
poster of mushrooms.
He begins using his computer to look up music for the party.
MICHAEL
(to camera)
Angela said she made a mix CD of
sixties music. So it probably
sucks. Because she's Angela.
Instead, I'm going to make a CD of
songs that remind me of the
sixties. (pause) Like Eddie
Murphy's classic "Party All the
Time."
INT. OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - D2
RYAN and KELLY are helping Phyllis and Angela with
decorations.
KELLY
So then, I'm like, Oh no! Do I wear
the Raspberry Sunset lip gloss or
the Banana Sunrise lip gloss?
Because that is a major decision
that could affect, like, my whole
life, you know? It's serious
business. You can't play around
with lip gloss in situations like
that.
RYAN
(uninterested)
Uh-huh.
KELLY
So, after I picked out the lip
gloss, uh-oh! I don't have any
accessories! So, I have to decide
earrings or necklace? Earrings or
necklace? Earrings or -
ANGELA
Get out!
Ryan looks relieved -- he'll have a few minutes away from
Kelly, finally.
ANGELA (CONT'D)
Both of you, get out.
Ryan looks dejected. Kelly takes him by the arm.
KELLY
Come on. I can show you those
totally cute hats online.
Ryan looks like he has just been handed a death sentence.
EXT. MINE BREAKER - D2
Jim is walking along the bank of the pond with the metal
detector. He waves it over the surface of the pond and looks
amused. He points into the water.
The camera zooms to reveal a rusty bicycle submerged in the
shallows.
JIM
(to camera)
Dwight asked me to take the metal
detector and write a detailed
report about my findings. (beat) So
far I've found old beer cans and a
broken watch.
LATER
Dwight is waving the Geiger counter over a bush. He looks up
and watches Jim in the distance, throwing rocks into the
middle of the water.
DWIGHT
(to camera)
Jim thinks that the Carbondale
alien is just a man who gets a shot
that makes him glow in the dark.
False. That was an episode of The
Simpsons and Jim is an idiot.
Pam approaches him.
PAM
I couldn't find any crop circles.
Probably because there aren't any
crops in Carbondale. And we're in
the middle of a city park.
DWIGHT
You just weren't trying hard
enough.
Dwight and Pam begin watching Jim together. He is using a
long stick to try and fish the bicycle out of the water.
PAM
(yelling to Jim)
You're going to get a disease!
She starts walking over to Jim.
DWIGHT
Fine. I'll just look for the crop
circles, too. I'll do everything by
myself. Idiots.
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - D2
Michael has a rotating disco ball lamp on his desk. He turns
it on and dots of colored light begin spinning around the
room.
He opens a desk drawer and is surprised to find a piece of
candy. He happily unwraps it and puts it in his mouth. He
grimaces and spits the candy back into the wrapper. He wraps
the candy back up and puts it in his pocket.
He looks at his watch and sighs.
EXT. MINE BREAKER - D2
Jim and Pam are working together to pull the bicycle from
the water using sticks.
EXT. MINE BREAKER - LATER - D2
The camera finds the bicycle on the bank of the pond. It
turns to see...
Jim and Pam are sitting on a large rock together. They are
bored with their alien finding duties and are watching
Dwight bait a fishing hook.
JIM
(to Dwight)
You're not going to catch anything.
Look at that water.
DWIGHT
There are fish in here. Look.
Jim decides to humor him and gets up. He looks into the
water and is shocked to see a few small minnow fish
swimming.
JIM
Wow. But you know someone had to
put them there, right? No way those
got here naturally.
DWIGHT
The fact that this water can
sustain animal life proves a theory
of mine.
JIM
And what is your theory?
Dwight puts the fishing pole down and takes off his shirt.
Jim adverts his eyes as Dwight begins unbuckling his pants.
Pam, horrified, buries her face in her hands and turns away.
JIM
(looking up at the sky)
Dwight, stop. This - What are you
doing!?
Dwight is walking into the water. He walks out until the
water is up to his waist.
JIM
Dwight! Get out of there! You'll
get sick!
DWIGHT
It's fine!
Dwight dives under.
JIM
Oh, my God!
PAM
(still not looking, concerned)
Is he naked?
JIM
No. He's swimming in it.
Pam uncovers her eyes and looks toward the water. Dwight is
swimming across to water to the opposite bank.
PAM
Ew. Ew. Ew!
JIM
That can't be healthy.
Dwight reaches the opposite bank and sits down.
DWIGHT
(yelling)
Tastes like chocolate milk and
sardines!
Jim looks at the camera -- is this really happening?
INT. OFFICE - RECEPTION AREA - D2
Michael is standing by Pam's empty desk, looking at the door
eagerly.
MICHAEL
(to camera)
Angela is getting the DJ. A DJ! I
didn't think this party could be
this awesome. I hope he has a cool
name, like DJ Tanner.
Angela enters the office, carrying a CD player.
MICHAEL
(disappointed)
What is that?
ANGELA
It's the Disc Jam. My CD player.
MICHAEL
A CD player? Seriously, Angela? You
said DJ.
ANGELA
Which is short for Disc Jam CD
player.
MICHAEL
No. It's short for 'you are a
liar.'
ANGELA
We only had forty dollars to put
this party on.
MICHAEL
That's enough for a bad DJ!
EXT. MINE BREAKER - D2
Dwight is back on shore with Jim and Pam. He is wearing a
small towel that barely covers him.
JIM
And what did that prove?
DWIGHT
I was testing the water quality to
see if it had been altered by the
spacecraft.
JIM
And?
DWIGHT
Results were inconclusive.
JIM
Okay, this is ridiculous. Let's
just go pick up the cake and go
back to the office.
DWIGHT
But -
JIM
Dwight, there's no alien. There's
nothing here but mine waste, beer
cans, and animal bones!
Behind them, a spot on the other side of the pond begins to
send up bubbles. Dwight throws his towel down and begins
running for the water. Jim reaches out for him but thinks
better of it and recoils. He picks up a beer can and lobs it
at Dwight.
JIM
Stop!
Dwight dives into the water.
PAM
Should we take him to the hospital?
JIM
(after a beat)
Yeah.
INT. OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - D2
Everyone is seated around the conference table, looking
bored. Michael is wearing a pair of the neon-colored Lennon
sunglasses and is wearing all of the love bead necklaces.
PHYLLIS
They should have been back with the
cake by now.
ANGELA
They are the two most irresponsible
people in the office.
MICHAEL
This party blows.
The sound of the office door opening and closing.
JIM (O.S.)
It was for your own good!
DWIGHT (O.S.)
They put me in a decontamination
shower!
JIM (O.S.)
You'll thank us when you don't have
cancer.
Pam, Jim, and Dwight enter the conference room. Pam is
carrying the cake. Dwight is wearing a hospital bracelet.
PAM
Sorry we're late. (sets down the
cake) Something... came up.
MICHAEL
Finally! (he opens the cake box and
looks disappointed)
The cake reads "Happy Anniversary Michelle."
Michael grimaces at the camera.
ANGELA
That's not what I ordered!
PHYLLIS
I'll call and order another one.
MICHAEL
(dejected)
No. Just forget it. This is fine.
(pulls index cards out of his
pocket) Before we cut the cake,
there are some speeches that need
to be made.
Michael hands index cards to Jim, Pam, Dwight, and Oscar.
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
Pam, you go first.
PAM
(reading from card)
Michael, we became so close since I
first started working here. I think
of myself as your hot daughter that
you pay to send faxes, which is the
best kind of daughter. (stops) I'm
not reading this.
JIM
(folding his index card and
putting it in his back pocket)
You know what? Why don't we do
speeches later? Let's just have
some cake, huh?
MICHAEL
Oh, but your speech is really good.
JIM
I bet it is, but lets just have
some cake.
MICHAEL
Okay.
Michael picks up a knife.
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
Dibs on the 'M'!
PAM
Whatever you want.
Michael cuts into the middle of the cake and cuts around the
letter M. He lifts the piece of cake onto a plate for
himself then steps away.
Pam looks at the cake, which now has a hole in it and no
other pieces cut out, then looks at the camera and frowns.
INT. OFFICE - RECEPTION AREA - D2
Jim and Pam are standing at the desk, sharing a piece of
cake. Pam is again wearing the tie-dye headband. Jim is
wearing a peace sign necklace.
JIM
Worst day ever?
PAM
(thinking about it)
It's up there.
JIM
We saw Dwight half-naked.
PAM
He touched us with his contaminated
hands. I'll have nightmares for
days.
JIM
I'll have nightmares for weeks.
PAM
I'll have nightmares for months.
JIM
I'll have nightmares for years.
PAM
I'll have nightmares forever.
JIM
(smiling)
You win.
INT. OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - D2
Dwight is sitting in a chair near the door. Michael brings
him a piece of cake and sits next to him.
MICHAEL
What happened to you?
DWIGHT
I swam in a contaminated pond.
Michael nods.
MICHAEL
(sadly)
Yeah. (beat) My blacklight poster
doesn't work.
They eat cake in silence.
LATER
Everyone is seated at the conference table. Jim is standing
before them, holding the index card Michael gave him. He
looks to Pam, who is holding Michael's video camera.
JIM
(to Pam)
Ready?
PAM
(pushes the record button on
the camera)
Action.
JIM
Okay.(reads from index card)
Michael, you're more than a boss to
me. You're... my best friend. You
are the heart of this office. Maybe
even also the lungs. I'm not really
sure where the lungs are.
Definitely not the appendix,
because that's useless. We still
have the appendix. It's (slowly)
Toby. (looks up, shoots Toby an
apologetic look, keeps reading)
Useless and waiting to explode and
kill your happiness.
Toby sighs.
TOBY
(quietly)
Come on.
JIM
(reading)
Michael, you are the... gratest?
MICHAEL
'Greatest.' Typo.
JIM
Okay.
Jim folds the index card and tosses it toward the garbage
can. It hits the disco ball that's still in the trash can
and falls to the floor.
Jim holds up a plastic Smiley face cup.
JIM (CONT'D)
To Michael. May you have another
fifteen years at Dunder-Mifflin.
Everyone holds up their glasses.
Jim takes a seat next to Pam. Michael stands up.
MICHAEL
Jim, that was beautiful. Thank you.
Thanks everybody for making today
special. I... love you all. You are
like my children that I don't live
with. Your mother and I got a
divorce and you spend most of your
time with her, but I'm not a
deadbeat dad. I make the most of
our time together.
Jim looks at the camera -- where is this going?
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
The point is, we're a family. We
love each other, (points to Jim and
Pam), we hate each other (points to
Toby), sometimes we want to
strangle each other for being
idiots (points to Dwight), but at
the end of the day, all we have is
each other, and all I have is you.
Everyone is a little uncomfortable. This is awkward.
Jim stands up.
JIM
To Michael!
Everyone raises their glasses again then drinks.
Jim shakes Michael's hand.
Michael smiles. He is truly touched.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
Today was my anniversary with
Dunder-Mifflin. It was a great day.
There were speeches, there was
cake, there was music... it was an
extravaganza. Everyone had a great
time.
He holds up his yellow legal pad. He has scratched out "15th
Anniversary Ideas" and written below that "30th Anniversary
Ideas."
MICHAEL (CONT'D)
They ain't seen nothing yet.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
Lets see. I pulled a bike from a
pond of mine waste. I saw Dwight
half-naked. Dwight touched me with
his mine waste water hands. Michael
called me his child. So, how was my
day? (shakes his head and walks
away from the camera)
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© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali
© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali