Day One: First Meeting
Once upon a time, there was this perfect woman named Pam, who was an amazing artist and her art was the best art of all the art. She worked in New York where she was very famous and had all the critics tell her that she was the best, the absolute best. The only down side was that she was engaged to an over-sized, cruel, brutish, idiot named Roy. Roy served no purpose other than being there and because they dated since they were in kindergarten, Roy had staked his claim in Pam for ever and ever, but Pam did not want that, only she was too scared to say anything, despite being the awesomest artist ever.
One day the awesomest, most wonderful man in the world, Jim, who was a very busy and popular sports journalist for the New York Times, entered the art gallery where Pam worked. He knew the moment he walked in the door that he would find the woman he would love forever. Sure enough, she stepped out from behind a painting, and he was in love with her. So in love with her that later, when he bought her a castle in England, and she quit her job as a famous artist, so she could lounge around the castle and start fake paper companies with her friends from the insane asylum and a blonde bowler named Ryan, forcing Jim to pay the mortgage, he never once got mad, because he was so in love with her.
Anyway, the first time the meet, they don’t actually speak to each other, but stare longingly at each other for hours until it is night time and Jim has to go be an awesome reporter. After he leaves, Pam draws pictures of him over and over and over and over, in a multitude of colors and pencils, and even some crayon drawings, and one life-size marble sculpture. She was deathly afraid that Roy might find out, but he was too busy being a lump on a log to notice she was acting weird.
Day Two: First Kiss
The next day, Jim came back to the gallery. The two of them partook in flirty banter until lunch time.
Jim: Pam, would you like to eat my famous grilled cheese?
Pam: Absolutely, I would. But only if we had tea, using this teal teapot that you bought me because I just glanced at it the other day when we were staring at each other.
Jim: I would love to, but I only drink grape soda. Would you mind if we put grape soda in the teapot?
Pam: Absolutely, I do not.
Jim: Let’s go, but first, I have to pull a multitude of clever and witty pranks on my unsuspecting dimwitted coworker Dwight.
After their lunch was over, Jim was so full of love that he could hardly contain himself, so he told her.
Jim: I love you.
Pam: That’s nice, but Roy and I are bonded for life.
Jim cried for hours.
Pam felt no remorse.
Then Jim came back, to prove his undying, and slightly stalkerish, love for her, he kissed her. And it was amazing, the best kiss ever, even better than the one at the end of the Princess Bride. Pam still wasn’t impressed.
Day Three: The First, uh, Get Together?
Because Jim was so upset over the rejection, he went next door and found himself in the lair of evil villainess, the Princess Warrior Man/Beast Karen Filippelli. She was determined to brainwash Jim and have him as her own and she was bored so she had nothing better to do. So using her evil seductress ways, she seduced poor, heartbroken Jim into staying with her.
Pam, after leaving Roy (literally, she just left him sitting on the log) she decided to get all New and Fancy and slay the evil Princess Warrior Man/Beast Karen for taking her man.
Day Four: The First Date
There is no record of the first date recorded because the documentary crew wanted a night off, so I guess you’ll have to make that up yourself.
Day Five: The First Time
The first time they had sex was on the floor of a gas station restroom somewhere in New Jersey. It was raining. They didn’t have to have foreplay because the unresolved sexual tension they had had for years…I mean days had made them so hard and wet that they didn’t even need it. They kissed and kissed and kissed and it was the softest, hardest, gentlest, most passionate, aggressive, animalistic tender kiss either one had experienced.
They literally ripped each others clothes off and soon Jim was licking in and out of Pam’s clit so hard that it felt so good that it hurt. It hurt badly. Pam was very tense and stayed staring up at the ceiling thinking about how Roy used to do things to her. Roy was much bigger than Jim but Jim was oh so much better.
Jim was able to make Pam orgasm orally five times in a row. She offered to return the gesture but Jim said it was satisfying enough just making her come so Pam continued to just lay there. Eventually, Pam was tired of all the oral sex and demanded Jim stick his penis in her. It was somewhat a relief for him because he had been hard for ten hours. Pam again came to orgasm a good fifteen times before Jim finally climaxed, crying as he did so. As soon as it was over, Jim was hard again.
This cycle continued for a long time. No one is sure how long.
Day Six: The First Child
After all that sex Pam was pregnant. It was a very big surprise to both of them. After a very short and not difficult pregnancy she gave birth to the most wonderful, beautiful, Jim-looking baby girl anyone had ever seen. The baby girl and Jim bonded the moment the baby girl came out of Pam’s vagina. Pam, however was not very good with kids so the baby stayed with Jim at all times and he eventually gave up his award winning, awesome career as a journalist to raise the fifty kids Pam and Jim would have. All the children, of course, were perfect. They all had skills in art and prank playing. They would all grow up to be perfect adults and have kids of their own. Everyone was happy.
Day Seven: The End
Eventually, the documentary crew decided Jim and Pam were boring people and moved on to the various couples in England, France, Germany, Japan, Chile, Russia, India and Canada that were just like them.
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I've always wanted to write a BadFic! and back in early April, as a joke, I wrote this parody. Please note that this was all done in fun and I really do love The Office and Jim and Pam. :) This story was written soley as a parody of my own work and the show. It is purely tongue and cheek and I hope readers find it that way.
For Fallon as a gift for all the times she's beta'd. Disclaimer: I don't anything. I'm not even sure I want to claim this piece.
For Fallon as a gift for all the times she's beta'd. Disclaimer: I don't anything. I'm not even sure I want to claim this piece.
Chapter End Notes:
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