"So, Pam what are your thoughts on the potential buy-out?"

Her thoughts? 

Who could form a coherent thought when all you heard was a different rumor everyday? One day your bacon had been saved because only the higher-ups had been fired, and the very next day maybe a different offer was on the table.  Maybe the new company (whoever it was) actually didn't care at all about the Scranton branch's success because it was just a part of a larger, more effed up system and things had to change.  Or better still, there were a couple of branches worth saving and the two of them just might just be merged or relocated. Or the final rumor which involved the buyer retaining only the highest selling salespeople and letting all unessential personnel go.

It'll suck if that happens Pam, but at least one of us will still have a job...That counts for something right? And you'll find a job really quickly...But don't even worry about it, because it's not going to happen. We're all keeping our jobs.

Jim's words from the other night came floating back through her brain and she took as deep of a breath as she could in her current state of pregnant.

"Um...there are a lot of rumors going around still, so it's hard to say," she said finally answering Dave's question.  She shifted in her conference room seat. "We haven't even heard who the buyer is yet...so that's a little stressful...but...I mean, it's all gonna be fine.  I'm sure that whatever happens, that everyone here - maybe not everyone...but the people who are essential to the company will...I mean we make money here and..."

There was a sudden hitch in her throat.  That's how it came on these days; tears so sudden and out of nowhere.

Pam covered her eyes with one hand and looked down.

Dave, lifted one hand in signal to the crew. "Let's take a second ok guys?"

Without looking up, Pam nodded a quick thanks towards Dave and beat a hasty path towards the exit.

Across the room, Jim looked up from his desk and watched her round the corner past reception and then out into the hall.  He froze for a moment, his ability to comprehend what was happening on the other end of his phone conversation halted as he watched her dab at her eyes.

"Hey...I'm sorry...Randall? I know I've been hounding you all morning and this isn't very professional or fair of me, but can I give you a call back? Yeah something just came up here.  Yeah, kind of an emergency...No, no...absolutely I'm still interested and I guarantee you I'm calling back in fifteen minutes.  Don't talk to anyone else!" Jim said, injecting some levity. "Ok? Ok...thank you so much. I'll call you back in 15."

He moved so quickly he barely heard Dwight mutter, "Hormonal much?"

Jim glared at Dwight and kept walking past reception and out into the hall.  Pam was pacing in front of the elevator bank.

"Hey," he said first.  She dabbed at her eyes with the end of her sleeve.  She never had tissues when she needed them.  He should have brought some out, but that would have given away the fact that he'd been watching her.  Not that his sudden appearance now, wasn't enough to give that away. "What happened in there?"

She shook her head hastily. "Nothing...Just..."

Jim watched her hand circle her belly, once...twice...three times before she spoke again.  The number of times she touched her belly these days seemed to share some kind of relation to how stressed she was.  Three circles was kind of a lot. 

"They were asking about the buy-out and I just...I know I need to not stress out about things I can't control -

"Right," Jim said quickly. Exactly.  "Everything's going to be fine...I'm serious," he added when she smiled disbelievingly.

There'd been a time when Pam Beesly had believed almost everything that came out of his mouth.  In fact, for all intents and purposes Pam Beesly was the easiest person on the planet to prank.  He'd done it himself for years, convincing her that he wasn't in love with her from the moment he met her.

Right now what he really needed was for her to buy the impression he was doing of a guy who had this all figured out. A guy who had every confidence that everything was going to be fine; his wife and his baby would be well taken care of - buy out or no buy out.

She looked down at her feet and he knew she wasn't convinced.

"I think you're up next," she said sniffling. "I saw your name on the call sheet after mine."

Jim glanced at his watch. He had seven minutes until he absolutely had to call Randall back...He couldn't be late. "I might have to reschedule it."

Pam lifted her eyebrows in surprise.  Yeah...it wasn't like him to want to postpone a Talking Head.  Not when they were the best way to get out of doing work for a little while. 

"I just...I have a call with corporate that can't wait," Jim said, hating himself a little bit for lying to her. He'd tell her later. He would.

"Oh," Pam said frowning. "Ok."

Randall was not from corporate. Randall was a guy who manufactured cardboard boxes for a living. The very same cardboard boxes that Dunder-Mifflin used to ship their paper in. And if all of this buy-out stuff didn't pan out, Jim could maybe see himself getting into the cardboard box business - throw himself in front of yet another train for awhile.

The persistent line of worry that seemed to show up between Pam's brows lately, settled there once more and he knew he couldn't tell her about this or any of the other interviews he was planning on lining up today.  Right now, he needed to be 100% confident that this Dunder-Mifflin was going to pull through this.

"Is your head ok?"

"...I'm fine..." She said shaking off his question. "Do you want me to tell them?"

"What?"

"Do you want me to let Dave know that you need to reschedule?"

"Oh, no I got it...Don't worry about it." Jim said, still watching her closely.

Pam sighed. "I wasn't worrying about it, I just..."

Jim closed the distance between them with a quick kiss on her forehead.  "Ok, I'm gonna get back to work then. You're ok right?"

She only nodded.

She wasn't worried about a damned Talking Head. She worried about things though. Like the fact that he absolutely did not have a phone call to make to corporate.  They'd talked earlier this week about how there seemed to be some kind of communication freeze with corporate.  If he'd had something lined up with them, he surely would have been more excited about it. 

She worried that maybe she and Jim wouldn't have a job in a matter of just a few days.  More than that though, she worried about other things that made no sense.  Things like whether she was becoming a nuisance to Jim and whether maybe she and the baby were tethering him to something he didn't want to be tethered to, and maybe all of this whole thing was going to swallow them up somehow.

Pam pinched the bridge of her nose where a dull ache settled and she turned to punch the down button for the elevator.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey..." Jim said shutting the conference room door behind him softly. "Dave...I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to reschedule...maybe this afternoon?"

"Sure thing, Jim," Dave said nodding.  "Hey, is Pam ok?  She was a little upset earlier."

Jim nodded. "Yeah...just...What did she say in here?"

Dave lifted an eyebrow. "Jim you know we can't tell you exactly what anyone says...even your wife."

"Are you serious? You guys are gonna get strict about confidentiality now? I'm pretty sure you've told me about a thousand things that Michael's said just to get my reaction on camera..."

Dave sighed. That was accurate and fair.

"She just...It just seemed like she was really stressed about this buy-out thing.  She mentioned rumors she'd heard and how no one really knows what's going on...Just...the uncertainty I think."

Jim licked his suddenly very dry lips.  It wasn't anything she hadn't told him herself. "Ok, thanks."

He turned and walked back to his office, noticing that her seat was still empty on his way back. Jim loosened his tie a bit and moved to his window, sure enough she was in the parking lot, pacing around with her cell phone pressed against her ear.  Most likely she was talking to her mother.

Jim sat down and stared at the picture of their baby that he had on his desk.

Pam's blood pressure was too high.  Not too high thankfully. Otherwise her doctor threatened to put her on bed rest.  But it was high enough for the doctor to threaten, and they couldn't afford bed rest. They also couldn't afford blood pressure that was too high.   Yet, there she was downstairs pacing around in the December cold on the phone with her mother.

He'd already told her that everything was going to be fine.  How many times did he have to say...

Like you have a whole lot of control over that Halpert? Get a clue.  She knows you're as helpless as she is.  Maybe even more so.  Maybe instead of getting rid of trainable salespeople, they'll just get rid of all the truly inept middle management.  You think that means Michael? No, that means you.

Jim pulled the file that he'd pushed to the side of his desk back out in front of him.  It was marked, simply: Prospects. When he opened it, Randall's phone number was the first he saw.  He picked up the phone and dialed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Honey, I know you're worried but getting yourself this worked up isn't going to help ...and the last thing you need is to get put on bed rest.  You're certainly not going to alleviate any stress by having to do that...Well - you know what I mean."

Pam hunched over as the wind blew past her free ear and she slowed her walking. "I just...I wish he would just tell me things...I feel like I'm going crazy."

"Oh you mean like you're telling him right now?"

"Mom whose side are you on!"

"Your's Honey...which means it's my job to try and tell you what I think will work best for your marriage, and what's best for your marriage is for you to be telling Jim all of these things."

"I know I just...I feel like all he does is tell me that everything's going to be fine."

"What a bastard."

"Mom!"

"I know, I'm sorry Honey...You know I don't mean to be flippant, but...Ok, you know what I think this is?"

"If you say hormones -

"Would I say that? For the love of Pete, you still know me better than that I hope."

"What is it?" Pam sighed.

"I think...that you and Jim still haven't quite learned how to have a proper fight."

"That's because this isn't a fight. I don't want to fight. I just want to know what's going on...and we fight plenty."

"No Honey, you don't...You've said so yourself to me a time or two and that's the exact issue...I think your experience tells you that when you're stressed out, the man that you're with...let's say for instance - Roy...doesn't really want to hear about it, and in fact he got pissed whenever you were stressed, right?  Roy's idea of problem solving was a six pack and ultimate fighting."

Pam nodded and then realized her mother couldn't see her.  She wiped at the tears that formed at the corners of her eyes. "Right," she said finally.

"And now with Jim, you know that he listens but you, and you know that he's got all the same stresses you do...plus one because he's the boss now..."

"Right."

"So Honey, I'm just saying cut him some slack....You're dealing with a different animal here and so is he. Jim suddenly cares about his job and he's just as stressed as you are, but he's also an optimist...and slightly old fashioned in that you know...he wants to provide for you - and I think that's nice."

"I think it's nice too Mom, but I need him to...I don't know...just...share."

"Honey. I think it's going to be fine."

Pam nodded. She was a little sick of hearing that word and not feeling it.  Things did not feel fine.  She felt like she couldn't breathe.  And it wasn't the cold air.  And it wasn't the baby pressing against her.

She was starting to feel things she hadn't felt in awhile.  Like insecure.  Like...off. A little like the Pam who used to sit behind the reception desk upstairs and wonder whether it would be weird if she put on gloss.

"There's...Mom, there's something else..."

Helene became quiet on the other end.

"This is...I need you to just be...my best friend for a minute, ok?"

"This is about sex?"

"Yes."

"Honey it's completely normal that in your 7th month of pregnancy things get a little awkward or -

"No! That's not..." Pam started to cry. "Mom we're not...like not at all."

Her mother sighed. "Oh baby...

Pam cried on her end of the phone. "I know you're going to say it's normal and I...I just can't remember the last time...I mean no, I can...and I keep telling myself it's stress related.  He's just tired -

"Pamela Morgan of course that's what it is. For both of you, I assure you."

"No, not for me...for me it's not..." For me it's like I'm missing a part of myself, she wanted to say but didn't.  I feel empty.

Pam sniffled quietly and sat down on the cold bench outside.  Her hands were freezing and her nose was running.

Helene sighed. "Oh Honey...H - how long has it been?" She finished awkwardly.

"Over three weeks."

Helene groaned "Sweetheart, are you kidding me?  You're this upset over three weeks? For God's sake the man must be a God."

"Mom!"

"Honey, by normal standards that is not -

"Well, I'm sorry, but it's a long time for us...God, even when I was at Pratt we..." she sniffled. "I'm sorry I'm telling you this...You think I don't know I sound crazy?"

"It's ok...I know you two have always been quite...active. I was at all those bridal fittings, remember? I get it."

Pam sighed. "But now...It's like he doesn't even see me when we get home...And I feel so fat, and ugly, and scared -

"Ok," Helene said cutting her daughter off. "Here's what you're going to do -  You're going to hang up with me, and you're going to tell Jim that the two of you are going home early and when you get home...you - you know..." Helene said sheepishly. "You two do whatever it is that floats your boats."

Pam giggled through her tears.  "I love you, Mom."

"Oh honey, I love you too...Next time you want to talk about sex though...maybe you should call your sister. My poor brain is doing somersaults right now giving my daughter advice about this."

Pam smiled again. "Ok, I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye Honey."

"Bye."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jim hung up with Randall and nodded.  Their conversation had gone well. The salary offer wasn't exactly stellar. Not as much as he was getting paid now, but decent...

You can't afford a pay cut.

Jim sighed and pulled the manila file folder back out.  He drew a skull and cross bones next to Randall's name and moved down the list.

The next few names belonged to more suppliers or sales contacts he'd made along the way. Some even from Stamford, actually several from Stamford.

God, the house...

But if there was a job in Stamford then...What was that company Karen had almost gone to work for when the two branches were about to merge?  Jim tried to think of the name of the place where he'd mistakenly talked Karen out of taking a job.  Was it an ink pen manufacturer?...No, maybe highlighters and correction fluid...Oh shit, who even used correction fluid anymore? They were probably going out of business too...

Stop it.  Now you're being defeatist, Jim thought. Taking a deep breath, he lifted the phone and dialed Karen's number.  The more contacts the better right?

He'd had to call her a few other times for business reasons and things were ok now. She was married with a kid of her own and things were fine.  Still a little of that Once Upon a Time I Dumped you awkwardness, but nothing more. There was no bite when she spoke to him anymore.

Rolando patched him through instantly.

"Hey Karen, it's Jim...Hey, yeah...No, I'm good...good. You?"

"Oh I'm just glad somebody's good because everyone here is shitting themselves, Halpert."

Jim laughed.  It was his first laugh of the day. "No...actually yeah. I'm doing that too.  Hey...um, speaking of shitting yourself, I was wondering about that company - the one you almost went to work for that time. Remember?...Back in Stamford?" Jim added awkwardly.

"Oh you mean the one I didn't go to work for because I was following a boy to some Podunk town in Pennsylvania?"

Jim was silent for a long moment.

"Halpert, I'm joking. Relax, ok?"

Jim sighed in relief. "Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about."

"You want their contact info? I was thinking of calling them myself actually...I mean who knows about this thing right? I hear Scranton is gonna be ok...but I heard that about us too originally."

"Oh," Jim said, rubbing the back of his neck.  He had a knot the size of Mexico on the right side.

"Oh, no don't worry about it...I'll still give you the number," Karen said, mistakenly taking the dismay in his voice as concern over them both going for the same position again.   She laughed, "Chances are they'll want me more than they want you after I set up an interview though...So you know - look alive Halpert."

Jim laughed nervously and removed a pen from the cup on his desk in order to take down all the information.

The knock on the door had him looking up.  When Pam glanced around the side through the window he smiled and beckoned her in.

She pulled the chair that was opposite him over to the side so she could sit next to him instead and waited for his call to end.  Her eyes wandered, settling upon the photo of their baby that was right next to his hand, to the stack of papers in his inbox, and finally to the open internet mail on his monitor that announced he had forty new messages. 

He was just busy.  Her mother was right.  It had nothing to do with how desirable she was or not.  He was just...busy.

They both just needed a break from all of this.  Her mother was so smart.

Jim sounded like he was finishing up his call. "Yeah...ok...No, thanks so much," he said and then laughed loudly at something whoever he was talking to said.

Pam smiled. It was the first time she'd heard him laugh in...She was more than likely exaggerating, but it felt like days.

She watched as he shut the file he'd been writing in.

"Ok...no I really appreciate it....Ok, good luck to you too. No, yeah...Absolutely we should.  Ok, yeah...I guess you guys could call us. Ok...bye."

With that, he hung up and looked at her.  Pam smiled at him and then asked something...stupid.

"How are things at corporate?"

He looked blank for a second.

That's why it was stupid. She'd already known he'd lied about it. What had she needed? Confirmation?  Pam bit her bottom lip.

"Oh...that...I didn't really get much out of them."

He'll tell you. He always tells you once he's ready to talk.  He's just not ready yet.  This is how Jim operates.  He's always been a little cagey at first when something's really bothering him and then he eventually lets you in...It's just another one of those things. Stay focused on why you came in here.

Leaning forward she clasped her hands together on her knee and smiled widely. "Hey...what do you say we get out of here early today, Boss?....We could go see a movie or just...go home instead...do some...stuff," she said the last with a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrows.

He smiled back at her. "Oh that sounds...really good. I just...I have all this work to get through," he said glancing at the stack of papers in his inbox.

She'd just seen the same stack.  There was a stack. He wasn't lying.  He did have work to do.

Why did she feel the world slipping out from underneath her feet just the same?

Why are you being so melodramatic? Because he's laughing at someone else's jokes on the phone.  That was genuine laughter and he hasn't been that easy with you in weeks. That's why.  This isn't your imagination and you're right. You're right to be worried about no sex for almost a month.  This is you and Jim...don't start second guessing what you know to be true behind closed doors.

It's not just the sex. He's not talking to you the way he used to.  Fuck being the boss, his first job is to be your husband.

Ok...deep breath...try harder.  Let him see that you miss him, but don't be too needy.

"That stuff can't wait?" Pam asked, her smile wavering.

"Pam..." Jim took a deep breath. "I just...I don't want to give whoever is buying us out any reason not to keep me. I want to be just...super on top of everything."

Make a joke.

"On top of everything huh?" Pam said suggestively again.

Jim leaned back in his chair and grinned at her.  Humoring her, or real?  "You're feisty today."

Pam shrugged and rubbed his knee. "It's just...you know..."  Say it's been a long time. Say, I miss you.  This is what you do now, remember? You say what you want. You say it out loud.

But she was saying it and he was blowing her off.  Right?  Should she really have to beg for her husband's attention?  Who turned down sex in the middle of the day?

"I know...believe me..." Jim said.

Pam watched his eyes dart to the folder beneath his hands again.  What the hell was that?

He sighed. "Tonight...I swear...ok?  Just let me get through some of the stuff in my inbox and then...how about I make you dinner tonight?"

"You don't have to make me dinner, Halpert.  You may have forgotten, but I'm pretty easy."

"Yeah...Just give me a few more hours ok?  I think I'm gonna have to stay till at least 5:30 today."

She felt herself nodding even as her heart dropped a little bit lower in her chest. She rubbed her belly.

He's hiding something.

"Ok," she said nodding.  She got up quickly then so he wouldn't see the sudden sheen of tears in her eyes.  Fuck, stop crying. God...

Jim leaned back in his chair for a moment when she walked out. He'd seen the look she wore on her face just one other time.  No, scratch that - he'd seen it about a dozen times - the expression had just always been the result of something Roy had done. 

It was called disappointment.  To Jim, it felt worse than anger. Worse than if she'd stood there in his office and called him every name in the book.

Fuck that.  You are not Roy. Every bone in Roy's fucking body was selfish...everything you're doing right now is for her.  Did she really believe you'd rather be sitting here at this stupid desk, in this stupid office, calling people for other stupid jobs!

Well you should have probably told her that you dumb ass.  She's not a mind reader.

Jim took a deep breath and cradled his head in his hands, digging his fingers into his hair.

His goal for today had been to get through this list. He couldn't make these stupid calls at home.  Her headaches...her headaches and the blood pressure thing...

Even after she'd told him not to look things up on the internet because they would just freak him out, he had anyway.  All kinds of bad things happened to late term pregnant women with high blood pressure...Preeclampsia...

Not that she had that. She was fine...she just needed to relax. 

The best way he knew to relieve her stress was to work hard and make this entire situation right for them.  Make it so she didn't have to worry about this anymore.

Jim took a deep breath and opened the folder. Dialed the next name on the list. There had to be better options out there...just in case.

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