It wasn’t love at first sight. There was no grand eye contact from across the room where time stood still and all else faded away except for the two of them.

When Pam first saw Roy, he was doing a keg stand in his sweat stained football jersey, with black smudges still under his eyes from that night's game. He was tall and muscular and when his friends lifted his legs above his head, she saw his lean torso as his jersey fell to his chin.

She saw him and just rolled her eyes, hugging herself tightly and wanting nothing more than to go home. Rather than wasting her time wandering around a stranger’s house and accidentally stumbling over panting bodies in the darkened corners, she longed to be in bed, finishing an art project for class.

But her best friend had just started dating the starting rear end, or whatever his position was called, and Pam had been dragged along despite her numerous objections.

Post football game parties at Mark Thompson’s house were infamous at their high school, but Pam had never had any qualms about being left out. Being a part of that world was like being in an alternate universe, or being stuck inside a cheesy teen horror flick. The jocks and the cheerleaders. The kegs and the joints. The closed doors and the swirling gossip that would follow at school on Monday about who hooked up with who or who puked on Mark’s parent’s bed or who got busted with an MIP this time.

As she sat alone on the couch and tried to ignore the distinct sounds of slurping and moaning coming from beside her, she cheered herself up by remembering that in the horror movies, the virgins always made it out alive. And Pam was well aware that she was probably the only virgin in the room – or if not, she’d be the only one to admit it. 

Somehow, a boy managed to squish himself beside her on the couch, smelling of beer and body odor. She fought the urge to wrinkle her nose in disgust, but he smiled broadly and introduced himself as Roy. His handshake was wet and warm, but his dimples were infectious.

They spent the night talking, crunched together on the small couch in the middle of the Thompson living room. He couldn’t hide his disbelief that she actually enjoyed school and her confusion over the rules of beer pong seemed to amuse him. Roy seemed genuinely interested in her, listening with rapt attention as she spoke about art and getting into college and her dreams of opening a gallery one day. One more than one instance, he breathed “You’re so smart” and it made her cheeks color with uncertainty of whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

As the night wore on, Pam found herself sitting up straighter and pushing back her unruly curls and applying lip gloss when he excused himself to the bathroom. When he actually came back and again fit himself next to her, she felt warm all over. The more she looked at him, the cuter he became. He was charming and friendly and easy to talk to. When she’d nervously declined his offer to go find a ‘quieter’ place, he shrugged sheepishly but never pushed.

When she’d left that night, she was sure she would never speak to him again. He’d probably avoid her eyes at school on Monday, if he remembered her at all.

But just in case, she wore her hair straight and actually put on make-up. She felt pretty and older, somehow.

She didn’t see him all morning, but at lunch, her friend waved her over to the ‘popular’ lunch table, fully expecting Pam to decline per usual, but not that day. That day, Pam set her books down and shyly took her seat. Across from Roy.

He walked her to class and managed to be waiting for her when the bell rang as well.

It took him two weeks to ask for her phone number and another two to hold her hand. By the time he finally kissed her, Pam was about to die from curiosity. When he explained that she was special and he didn’t want to ruin things by moving too quickly, it had made her melt and want to give it up to him right then and there.

But they waited. She cheered at his football games and rushed onto the field to kiss him when they won a playoff game. He watched her draw and tried to guess what she was bringing to life before she was finished. She would rub his sore back after his games and he would do things with his fingers that made her see spots before his eyes. He told her he loved her after she went down on him in the backseat of his dad’s car and she made her first C ever. She met his family and he came over for Thanksgiving dinner. He bought her a sketchbook for Christmas and she gave him her virginity.

They got into their first fight shortly after, when she overheard him telling his friends about their night together. The words ‘definitely a virgin’ made her burst into tears and go home sick. She didn’t speak to him for three days. Her mother screened her calls, oblivious to the situation, but unhappy that her daughter was so miserable. She ate lunch in the art room and took different paths to and from her classes so as to avoid him.

He finally showed up on her doorstep with flowers and tears in his eyes, begging for her to forgive him – for whatever it was that he did. She dropped the bouquet at his feet and slammed the door in his face.

They were officially broken up and the rumors started to swirl. Was she pregnant? Was she a lesbian?  She had been sucked into that world and she felt foolish.

It helped that Roy looked like hell. He had bags under his eyes and was growing a high school acceptable amount of facial hair on his face. It made her feel better, to know he was hurting like she was.

She was nearby when the fight broke out. The chants of ‘Fight! Fight!’ could be heard all through the hallways and Pam got caught up in the stampede. Blood thirsty teenagers were circled around the brawling boys and through a gap in the crowd, Pam saw Roy at the center of it. He was fighting his best friend with a look in his eye that she’d never seen before.

Pam heard him yell something about never saying ‘her’ name again and felt her defenses falter. They make up the next day when she skipped school and Roy explained that he just didn’t think sometimes. He was so used to being a certain guy and having a certain reputation. He promised to never take her for granted again and she believed him.

Their junior year ended and they spent most of the summer at his parent’s lake house, riding wave runners and kissing in the water and sneaking out to the woods to have sex. He always told her she was beautiful, even with twigs in her hair or mascara running down her cheeks. He always touched her or held her or rubbed her shoulders. She always felt loved and felt that she would always love him.

School started again in the fall and Pam registered for the advanced watercolor class, a course she’d been waiting to take since she was in 8th grade. Her art teacher recommended her for it and told her if she submits some of her work, she had a real chance at getting a scholarship to college. Roy walked her to class the first day and kissed her goodbye at the door. He even gave her his letterman jacket and she felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

After the second football game of the season, Roy skipped the after party and instead took Pam to the lookout to celebrate their one year anniversary. She’s so thrilled that he remembered that she didn’t even mind that he didn’t get her anything. Being in his arms and being loved by him was enough for her.

She hoped it always would be.