______
His mouth slid hot and wet against hers. Her lips were soft and full. Swollen from his kisses. She gently sucked his bottom lip in between hers and nibbled it lightly. His moan was quiet but deep. She released his bottom lip and began kissing him again. This time with hot, open-mouthed kisses that seemed to last forever and short, tentative movements of her tongue that were there one minute and gone the next. It was slowly, steadily driving him out of his mind.
For someone who had steadied her every action for years, Jim wasn’t quite sure how he had ended up lying on Pam Beesly's couch with her lush body spread out beneath him. Her fingers were tangled in his hair and she had drawn his body as close to hers as she could. His left arm was anchored near her head and was supporting the majority of his weight while his fingers gently stroked her curls.
In the years that he had known her, there had been so many times that he had wanted to reach out and smooth a hand over her hair, bury his nose into her soft curls and breathe in her scent or...on the days that he was feeling particularly daring...reach up and undo the small silver barrette she always wore so that he could watch her hair softly cascade down around her face. He had always loved her hair and it had played a major role in his fantasies over the years. He had pictured her hair fanned out across his pillow as he held her in his arms, sinking slowly into her wet heat over and over again as he whispered words of love and forever in her ear; falling around his face in soft waves as she straddled his hips and rode him to a quick and intense orgasm while his hands explored every inch of her skin; tangled around his fingers while her head bobbed in his lap and her soft lips and small hands moved up and down against his length; long and loose and wet pressed between them as she stood with her back to him in the shower grinding her round ass against his hardness as he buried his fingers deep inside of her and her soft moans competed with the sound of the running water.
But he had never done any of those things. Of course he hadn’t. He had been her friend. A co-worker, a pranking partner, a lunch buddy. Every night she went home to another man. And he went home with nothing more than a memory of her laughter and a desire to feel her naked skin that made him feel dirty and more than a little ashamed.
But this...this...was not a dream. This was Pam. His Pam. And she was moving so deliciously underneath of him and he wanted her so badly he could barely breathe.
His other hand was resting on her hipbone and somehow his thumb had ended up underneath the edge of her sweater. Suddenly he realized that he was touching a part of her body that he had never touched before...hell, he was touching a part of her body that he had never even seen before.
For years, there had been so many unspoken rules in their relationship...so many boundaries...and in one night, with a series of heady kisses and frantic touches, they had quickly obliterated almost all of them. He felt dizzy with possibility.
Her tongue moved slowly against his and she breathed out a soft moan that vibrated on his lips.
Jim began moving his thumb in small circles across her hip. He traced the delicate arch of her hipbone and dipped his thumb into the gentle curve that led further down towards...Jesus, now he really felt dizzy.
Pam arched her back and pressed herself more firmly into his hand. Without realizing it, her legs parted further and she was now positioned directly beneath him.
He inhaled a sharp breath and jerked his hips away from hers. He was unbelievably hard right now and he worried how she would react if she felt him like that.
She rocked her body once...twice against him and he moved his hand slowly up her torso until his palm rested on her ribcage. He felt her labored breaths underneath his hand and the fact that she was just as breathless as he was gave him the courage to continue. He moved his hand further up and slipped his thumb underneath the bottom edge of her bra to stroke the curve of her breast. Her head fell back against the couch cushions, exposing the pale, taunt column of her neck.
“Oh my god, Jim...”
He quickly moved his mouth to her throat and lightly sucked the skin just below her ear. Her hips jerked lightly and bumped against his and it took every bit of strength he had to not grind himself into her.
“Oh god, Jim...that feels...Jesus, that feels so good...”
Christ, if she kept talking like that, he was going to lose what little control he had left.
Suddenly she was pushing against his shoulders and struggling to sit up.
Jim panicked.
“Wait, Pam...I’m sorry...I didn’t mean,” he could feel the blood pounding in his temples. Which was odd because he was pretty sure his heart had just come to a complete stop. And he was pretty sure if this ended right now and ended badly...the way things always seemed to end badly between them...that his heart would never start again. “I’m sorry... We’re moving too fast aren’t we? I wasn’t trying to...”
But then she was pulling her sweater over her head and he wasn’t able to say anything at all.
“What...What are you talking about?” she asked. She was breathing so hard that it was an effort to speak, her lips and cheeks were red and swollen from their passionate kisses and her hair was mussed from his fingers. He had never seen anyone look so goddamn sexy before and suddenly he could feel his blood pulsing somewhere else entirely.
“I thought...” he shook his head. In the last year, there had been so many rejections, so many misunderstandings, so many goddamn misinterpretations and he couldn’t bear the thought of ruining this...not now...not this time. “I mean...I don’t want to push you or...”
He glanced down at her breasts. They were rapidly rising and falling with the effort of her breathing and were straining against an extremely low cut bra. It was white satin and trimmed with black lace and tiny black bows. He had imagined her wearing...and not wearing...all types of lingerie before. Some of it cute, some of it sexy, some of it down right nasty. But that had been fantasy. This was real. This was Pam. And to know that she owned something this sexy...to know that there was a very real possibility that she had worn it just for him...
“Um...I’m sorry...I just...” he had to get a grip. He had to gain control of this situation before things got any further out of hand. This was too precious to risk on a few quick kisses and fumbled gropings. No matter how damn good they felt. And, God, did they feel good. He had waited years...years…for her already; he could wait just a little while longer. “We should probably slow down, right? I mean...this all happening really fast.”
“Jim? I...” Her eyes were tinged with confusion. Confusion and something darker. Darker and distinctly hungry. She shook her head softly and pulled his face back towards hers. “Just...kiss me.”
______
She stood in front of her closet frantically thumbing through every item of clothing and mentally discarding each one just as quickly. God, she had nothing...absolutely nothing to wear. She hated her drab, shapeless work shirts; her cheap, worn-out button down blouses; her flimsy cardigans...she could not wear a cardigan. Not tonight.
“Alright, then. It’s a date.” A soft, familiar tap on the door jam that she hadn’t seen in far too long. A hint of hope in his voice and a warm, relieved smile.
God, she had forgotten what hope sounded like.
She dropped the damp towel she was wearing on the floor and began rifling through her underwear drawer. At least she had the perfect undergarments for tonight. The day she had found out Jim would be returning to Scranton, she had left work and headed straight to the Steamtown Mall. She had purchased a set of ridiculously soft, cotton sheets from the fancy home store she had always found slightly pretentious and much too expensive and a matching bra and panty set from Victoria’s Secret. The bra was a low-cut balconette style with just enough padding to accentuate her ample breasts and show off her cleavage without making her look like a porn star. The boyshort style panties were made of matching white satin with black lace trim around the top and bottom; they dipped low in the front to highlight her small waistline and the feminine swell of her hips and were cut high enough in the back to display just the right amount of ass. They were utterly feminine and deliberately sexy but not so revealing that she would feel uncomfortable if she found herself wearing just these. These three items had cost her almost an entire week’s salary but it had felt so good to finally be able to indulge in her hopes of seeing Jim again. She had hoped for courage and honest words and a new beginning. She had hoped that he would finally be hers.
But on the night he came back, she watched another woman touch him and she realized there weren’t enough satin panty sets in all the world to give her the courage she needed. She was disgusted with herself when she her the word friends come out of her mouth once again and she hated herself for allowing him to walk away. Again. That night she cried herself to sleep on her 500-thread count sheets and wondered if she would ever find happiness.
______
A small memo sheet taped to her computer. “Stairwell. J.” She had written him a message on the same memo pad yesterday afternoon and slipped it into the folder containing his sales figures. She knew that Jim was a man who paid attention to details and she wondered what this meant.
She had rushed out into the hallway and down to the second story landing not caring if her cheeks were flushed pink with excitement or if her eyes were rimmed red with the tears she hadn’t been able to hold back in the conference room.
She came around the corner and stopped abruptly when she saw him. He was leaning casually against the wall but the dark blue suit he had worn for his interview and his professional new haircut made her feel nervous and confused. He wasn’t the same man that she had fallen in love with. He hadn’t been the same man for a long time and she knew she was responsible for the wariness in his eyes and the defeat he carried in the slump of his shoulders.
“Hi.”
“Hey.”
“Sorry for bursting in like that...I kinda forgot about the cameras.”
“No, it’s okay...So...we’re having dinner?”
“Yeah,” he rubbed his hand across the back of his neck and she realized he was just as nervous as she was. “I don’t really have anything planned I just um...I thought maybe we could...talk?”
“Oh...” Talk. Talk? Did that mean this wasn’t a date? Oh God, what if he had gotten the job? What if he was leaving? What if this was goodbye? Over the last week, she had tried so many times to prepare herself for this moment...had tried to find the strength to let him go...but now that she was actually faced with the possibility of saying goodbye she found herself unable to breathe. Unable to picture a life that he wasn’t a part of. Unable to picture herself without him. Her eyes suddenly welled with tears and her vision blurred.
“Pam! Oh my god... please don’t cry,” he quickly stepped forward and touched her shoulder. “Please. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I said but I really...I really didn’t mean to upset you.” His voice wavered with uncertainty.
“Jim...” His name came out as a sob and she took a deep breath to steady her voice. “Jim, there are so many things that I’ve wanted to say...so many things I’ve felt...that I still feel. And, I just...” The tears spilled over and she felt the large, hot teardrops streaming down her face.
“Pam,” He stepped carefully towards her and placed his arms around her in a light embrace. “Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry.”
“Is this it?”
“What?” He pulled back his face registering confusion.
“Is this goodbye?” Her voice was filled with tears but she couldn’t stop them. Wasn’t sure if they would ever stop. “I know I’ve hurt you, Jim, and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry about everything. I’ve made so many mistakes and if I could go back and do everything differently I would. I swear I would. I just...I love you, Jim. I love you so much and I have for so long and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop and I just...I’m so sorry...” Suddenly the words were falling out of her mouth and she couldn’t stop them. But she didn’t even bother to try. For years, she had kept quiet. Had held back the things she had wanted to say to him. The things he had wanted to hear her say. She had been too afraid to let herself speak the truth and now she was going to lose him. And if this was the last chance she ever had to tell him how she felt...to tell him how desperately and completely she loved him...then she would not let this chance pass her by. Even if it was already too late.
He starred at her dumbfounded. His eyes were wide with shock and his lips were parted but no words came out.
Pam buried her face in her hands and began to sob. The sound of her crying finally shook him from his stupor.
“Pam, no, that’s not...” he gently pulled her hands from her face and lifted her chin so that he could look into her eyes. “That’s not what this is about. At all. I promise. I turned down the job. New York, corporate...that’s not me. That’s not who I am...that’s not who I want to be.”
“You mean...you’re staying?” Her eyes were still wet with tears but now they held a small glimmer of hope as well.
“Yeah, I’m staying.” He used his thumb to softly wipe the remaining tears from her cheek.
“What about Karen?”
“It’s over.” His eyes never wavered from hers.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
She gently stepped back from his embrace and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her cardigan.
“Wow.” She took a deep breath and tried to collect herself.
“No kidding. This has been quite a day hasn’t it?”
“You can say that again,” she let out a small sarcastic laugh. She wiped her eyes once more. “So. Where are we going?” Her cheeks were flushed and tear-stained but her smile was genuine.
“Oh, um...” his eyes darted to the floor and she could tell he was desperately trying to come up with an answer. “I...have no idea actually. I didn’t really think past driving back from New York and asking you out to dinner. So...”
“Let’s just go somewhere casual.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’m sure we’re both pretty worn out. This day has been...” She shook her head sadly and looked away. “...and it’ll give us a chance to talk.” She shrugged her shoulders and gave him a small, shy smile. “Besides, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m not exactly fancy.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” he chuckled. “You seem to be full of surprises, lately.”
______
In the end, they decided they would each return home to change and Jim would pick her up at her apartment at 6:30pm. Which left her barely an hour to get ready. She had rushed home and immediately jumped in the shower. She washed and conditioned her hair and shaved her legs as quickly as she could. She knew she wouldn’t have enough time to dry her hair so she had towel-dried it as well as she could, doused it with anti-frizz spray, ran some mouse through the ends and said a desperate prayer that it would not dry into a huge frizzy mess. She applied her makeup carefully but wore the same amount that she did to work everyday. A little concealer under her eyes, a light dusting of powder, one coat of mascara and a hint of blush on her cheeks. She wanted to look nice tonight, but she also wanted to look like herself.
She did, however, pass on the economy-sized bottle of generic lotion that she normally used and instead pulled out the expensive, fragranced body cream that her sister had gifted her two Christmases ago. She had always used it very sparingly and only for very special occasions. Tonight she massaged a generous amount over her entire body and marveled at how silky it made her skin feel.
If only she could attend this date wearing just her white, satin panty set with her soft, perfumed skin she would be fine, she thought sarcastically as she searched the scant choices in her closet one last time. It was the rest of her outfit that was proving difficult. But then suddenly the idea of greeting Jim at the door wearing her best lingerie made her a little dizzy and she had to sit down on the edge of her bed until she caught her breath.
She finally settled on a pair of jeans that she’d had since her first year at Dunder Mifflin; they were soft and faded from years of washing but they fit her curves just right without being so tight that they would leave any tell-tale markings on her skin.
She wasn’t exactly planning on being naked at any point during this date but...well, if she had learned anything from this last year...oh, hell, this last day...it was that things didn’t always turn out the way she had planned.
She chose a soft, black sweater with three-quarter length sleeves and a square neckline that was cut slightly lower than she was used to. Normally she would have worn a camisole under a sweater like this but she decided that she liked the way her breasts swelled slightly over the neckline. And besides, tonight was about taking chances.
She wasn’t one to dress specifically for a man. She liked to indulge in cute underwear and the occasional spritz of perfume but she had never been one to flaunt herself in revealing clothing or put her body on display for a man’s gaze. But the idea of Jim looking at her body...moving his eyes across her breasts, down to her slim waistline that was still the same size it had been since high school, over her rounded hips and ass that had grown a little larger over the last few years but in a decidedly feminine way and finally down to her toned legs...the idea of Jim looking at her body...wanting to see and touch and taste her body made her stomach twist into pleasant knots of nervous anticipation.
Just as she was fastening her small, gold hoop earrings, she heard the doorbell. And felt her stomach plummet. God, she hoped these nerves wouldn’t last all night. She’d die of a heart attack before the date even began.
She took a deep breath and went to answer the door.
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Title is from Travis' "Sing." Which I also do not own.
Title is from Travis' "Sing." Which I also do not own.
Chapter End Notes:
This is the first time I've written anything in years and the first time I've ever written fanfiction. Any reviews, suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!
